What on EARTH??

   I know it has been a long time since my last blog.. Please forgive me, as things have been beyond crazy for me and there were so many times that I wanted to blog.. NEEDED to blog, but for one reason or another couldn't. I promise promise promise to catch everyone up on the house, the life, the kids, my views. SOON!
   For now though I need to vent. .




   WHAT ON EARTH happened to my kids this last week? I mean every child has the occasional day where their parents look at them and think "What's the rule on drinking before noon again?" But when that thought occurs to you and you have not even gotten out of bed, there may be an issue.


  Let's start with Friday. Friday I had court for a stupid judgement that I don't owe down in Richmond. I am fighting it and of course have to drive BACK to Richmond in August for that. I drive down, having to be there in the courtroom by 10. . . One way streets are not my friend. . they make no sense- neither is street parking. So of course I get lost. Whose genius idea was it to put a courthouse in the middle of a city where there is no room for a parking lot? DUMB. So I finally discover a parking garage that of course I have to pay to park in, whatever its only a few blocks. Since I had no idea where I was going I of course did the logical thing and googled it so I could walk... until I get there and I can't bring in my cell.. . (why did I think heels were a good choice again??) Back to the car. Luckily Ian called me just as I was putting the phone in the car to ask me where his keys are. . the ones that were in the center console.. yup those ones.
   Court went well enough, easy, not too long. I get out. I drive home, Ian finally leaves for work half way through the day, however the house is a wreck and the kids were with my brothers girlfriend. I decided that since court went well and I had a few hours to myself that morning (you take them as you can.. don't judge) that I would do some cleaning. Finally get some things done that I have been saying I was going to do. . maybe steam clean the floors and couch (blue something that looks like yogurt? on the couch and dog puke on the floor and a few pee spots that could honestly be attributed to any of the members of my house save Ian and myself) maybe I would work on the office so I can finally finish JT's first year album before his 3rd birthday or my wedding album before my 4th anniversary, or just START Ellies. . do some laundry. something. The kids thought this was a great plan.


   Hold on.. nope.. that's not true. . . . . . .  at all


   Instead of playing upstairs the way they were supposed to be both kids snuck out the back door more quietly than I could have if I had tried and decided to play in the ashes from the fire pit- the ones from a fire before it rained. YAY! So when I realize that its a bit too quiet I go looking. . they are not jumping on any of the beds, not in the fort closet, not playing in the sinks or toilets (slightly relieved there) and they are not anywhere to be found... nor are any of the animals. When I find them, Ellie is covered in black marks, JT is naked and peeing on the deck and Rhea is pooping on the deck.
   I bring them in, wipe them down, dress them and tell them to sit down for a movie while I clean. another foiled plan. .shouldn't have been too suprised here. but for some reason I was. Finally I hear the sound of something coming from the kitchen, followed by "uh oh.. I get it"  Guess we are having eggs for dinner. I was able to save half of the dozen and a half eggs that I had just bought the day before, however the dog was helping me clean them up. . which leads to our next mess.
   Are you aware that half a dozen raw eggs, some dog food and a lot of water (seriously Reha drinks more water than I have ever seen one dog drink) makes a dog feel the same way I do when I try to read while Ian is driving? me neither... until I heard... SPPLAATT followed by the sounds of JT running and then BOOOM.. well, now its bath time.
   If any of you know my son you know that he shares my extreme dislike for wet things to touch his dry skin. . especially when those wet things smell like egg and are now in your hair.. however as a mom (and one without her husband home) I had no choice but to touch it. leading me to begin a long drawn out gagging session that both my children think is hilarious and have learned to perfectly mimic. After the bath I bring both kids down and before I can get a diaper on Ellie she does 2 things...
   #1 poops in the floor next to the steps
   #2 sits in the dog puke that I have not cleaned up yet since I was too worried about my sons head he just bashed on the floor and my daughter who was still partially covered in black stuff and partially soaked by the dog water she was attempting to drink.


   SWEET.




   Bedtime. seriously, don't care what time it is, go to sleep, both of you. I have s'mores to make.


   The weekend went well enough. A small fight with Ian that was resolved after I took a nap. =) and a comedy show with him and my dad for Father's Day.
   Then Monday came. I prayed for a great day before I got out of bed this morning. Well really I prayed for some patience (which as it has been brought to my attention today does not come without practice. . God's humor is above my head some days. ) Ian started my coffee, I was in a good mood.. and then I realized there was something wrong with the cat. Of course the over-reactor I am when it comes to the animals (not really the kids, I can be calm with them but animals I freak!) I started crying and frantically searching for a sitter. . .  and cleaning, since it appears in my sleep every night that someone lets a tornado loose in my house.. how does that happen? am I really that tired at night that I don't see how bad it is? I clean up all day.. how does it ever get to this?? Anyways!! It turns out that my poor kitty has some nerve damage to his right eye. Hopefully it will fix itself but only time will tell and in the meantime try harder to keep him in and he is loosing too much weight. . fatten him back up.
   I come home, relieved that I am not going to lose him, or his eye, and start cleaning again. emptying the fridge, wiping counters etc. Ellie is sleeping, JT and I watch some tv and I plan his party a bit. . . and then we do our normal go outside and garden for a few. . In the 5 minutes I was outside without the dog she decided to knock over the trashcan and drag the contents of bad meat and fruit all over my house.


YES!!!!! Just what I want to be cleaning up right now. How DID you know?!


   In the process of cleaning up this lovely disaster I hear a familiar SPPLAAT. . Are you FREAKIN' kidding me?!?!? Oh, and all over my suede boots. Lovely, juusst LOVELY. Good thing I did not get to the carpets. .


   Popsicles. That will keep them busy. Foolish Foolish lady. What it really did was allow a yogurt Popsicle time to start melting. . . and had I considered what a melting Popsicle means to a near 3 year old I would have forseen the mess that he was going to drip and shake all over the dog. . and seriously?! What was I thinking when I added blueberries to those? I mean I do like polka dots, just not on my carpet. . but thanks!!! Thank Heaven for LOC. . the best cleaning supplies EVER!
   At least by this point I have not fooled myself into thinking there is a break between messes, so I immediately go looking for the next disaster, and I did no have to go but to the next room to discover the entire tin full of crayons thrown from one side of my house to another, and the sound of the bins of toys being dumped in the toyroom above me.
   Then I hear Ellie crying. . what happened now you ask? Oh her overtired brother got mad at her for taking his cup and hit her with a toy bat. . Hellooooo Black eye! Needless to say it is once again an early bedtime in the Thomas household and I am wondering why Virginia ABC decided to open on sundays instead of deliver. .


  I read something today that made me laugh. Not because I thought it was really that funny but found myself pondering the awesomeness of it for a brief second. .
   "I can't afford a vacation so instead I am going to sit here and drink until I don't know where I am"
----ahhh to be 21 and dumb again.


until our next disaster. . perhaps next blog can contain some happy thoughts and pics of the house?