TMI, you have been forewarned

  Today I am breaking one of my blogging rules. We are going to talk bathroom situations.

  For starters, I never understood why my mom used to ask us all the time "Can't I just sh*t in peace?" I never noticed that's what she was trying to do... but now I am a mom.  Seriously, I know its a running joke for moms, there is even a meme that I LOVE...

   it's the truth. They WILL. It seems that every time I go to the bathroom they have 9 million questions, and suddenly I am base for a game of tag that did not exist 30 seconds ago. Oh and a kid starts to scream or a dog runs out of the house. FOR REAL? is this just my house? It's like our bladders and bowels are linked. The moment I have to go to the bathroom so does every breathing creature in my house, and as you all know that number is ever growing, although we did lose our fish a few moths ago when the kids decided he needed deodorant.

   It's even worse when Aunt Flow is around. Obviously not something that the kids need to know at the ages of 2 and 4, but since they wont ever leave me be I have to lock them out. Its almost a race to the bathroom to lock them out, they sense its coming, they KNOW. And suddenly they need a drink and a snack, and He hit me and she took my toy and WAAAHHAAAA! And then there's Reha with her nasty hot breath in your face which is her way of saying she needs out.

   And by the time you get back from all of that they are waiting for you at the bathroom door... Dang.. fooled again.

 

   I dream of a bathroom that not only has an amazing tub in it, something like this in case you want to buy me something for my birthday...

(I will take care of getting the chandelier, but I will need the fireplace provided.. Thanks.) But also with soundproof walls. This way when I finally make it in there on my own, I will not be disrupted by children screaming bloody murder over who gets to hold Iron Man.

 

Now that we have brought up the bath however lets travel to that. A few of you know that I have a very weird trait of not liking to be touched with something wet on my dry skin. I know its weird but it really gives me the eebie jeebies. It just feels wrong, even if I wipe it off. It has to be my choice, it has to be planned, otherwise it makes me mad. I go to soak in the tub and the kids find a reason to come in. I cant take a bath after they go to bed because it shares a wall with Ellie and it will wake her up. Its like she has a fear of someone getting clean without her. She hears the water and she starts to take her clothes off, ok so sometimes she is already naked. Either way, they come in and want to get in, if I say no they say " I just want to talk to you" Which really means, let me play in your tub water even when you say no. Or my favorite " let me wash your back" which results in them dripping water down my back.. ** shudders**

I just don't understand why, when they see me all day everyday that they have to be with me at these exact moments. Even better in public places they like to scream out what you are doing.

Has any other mom experienced this as often as I do?

" AND YOUR WIPING YOUR GYNA?? RIGHT??" Seriously? the entire customer base of WalMart did not need to know that Ellie, but thanks for shredding the last bit of modesty I had. Might as well just drop my pants in the middle of the aisle and allow it to be recorded for the People of WalMart emails.

 

And this my childless friends is what you have to look forward to.