Ponytail holder, hair tie, hair band... I don't care what you call it, I call it an everyday essential. Seriously, how many times have I thrown my hair up in a ponytail, messy or neat, and walked out of the door since becoming a mom? I think it would be easier to count the times my overpriced blowdryer and hair straightener have been used since the day I found out I was pregnant with JT.
I swore as a teen looking at young moms that I was not going to do that. That I would never go out in sweats and a baggy stained t-shirt without make-up on. I was going to be one of those pretty glowing pregnant women in magazines. I was going to eat right, wear cute maternity clothes, continue wearing my heels, show off that belly. PFFT. That went out the window when morning sickness rolled around for the first time. Nobody told me that the only thing I could keep down would be lollipops and dry toast. Or that the only time I would sleep would be with the help of some benedryl or tylenol PM. I'm sorry but when you have been awake for weeks on end with small naps between toilet huggings and feet propping, a stained t-shirt is the equivelent of a little black dress. Besides, at that point, no amount of makeup and shiny material will draw away from the heavy bags under your eyes from crying over everything you come across anyways,(seriously I cried everytime I watched The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. WHO DOES THAT?) so why waste the time? I was also going to be one of those moms whose children never went out in anything but the best clothing and always matched (a task I might add is much easier to do when you can keep your eyes open long enough to pay attention to the color shirt you just put on your child.. and of course it's backwards... effing GREAT) with brushed hair and clean faces.
Since those days I have learned that occassionally you grab the only thing that has not been spit up on, used as a snot rag, spilled on etc. for a quick run to the store. (Hell it's Walmart anyways, maybe I will make it into one of those trashy e-mails that get sent around the world compiled of the ridiculous things people get caught wearing.) Now these are not neccesarily a requirement for the clothing you are putting on yourself, because when on earth was the last time that mountain growing in the bedroom made it into the washer anyways? If you leave your hair down it will get pulled on, used as a toy... occassionally a chew toy (gotta love teething babies) mysteriously wet, or so far my favorite... you will find some unidentifiable food like substance in the middle of a knot worthy of just saying to hell with it and growing dreads. Makeup would be nice yes, but why bother spending the time when you are going to have to wash your face 10 minutes later because your wonderfully cute wobbling toddler decided to wipe some sort of stickyness on it after tricking you into getting that close by pretending to want a kiss. The kiss probably would have ruined it anyways now that you look closer because there are somehow dried boogers and snot globs stuck in his hair. Not that it matters because the baby just added a new accessory to your only clean shirt... Is that pee or did she spit up? (eh.. it'll dry before I get there.)
So I apologize on behalf of all moms to those of you without children for our appearance sometimes... the way I see it is this... My little ones sees me as their hero no matter what I am wearing, how my hair is styled or what I smell like. (Now if only my husband went by these standards.) So if you happen to see me out at the store frantically searching for something in the wrong aisle while yelling at a toddler to get back here and carrying a carseat that is the size of a small yacht, do me a favor. Grit your teeth, breathe through your mouth, tell me I look great, and pretend it never happened, because believe me I have looked and smelled worse, and one day this might be you. And if for whatever reason you feel compelled to tell me the truth, follow it up with how cute my kids are and I will not even remember you said anything by the time you walk away.
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