Talking to some friends over the last week I have been collecting a list of things as moms (or dads) we should really try to convey to our children.. Or those who give gifts to them.
Firstly... And this is a big one. . Even though we get used to it, we do not actually ENJOY your snot. WHAT?!?! I know I know.. big shocker to all those who have yet to have kids, and to the kids themselves.. but I don't particularly care that I pushed you through my hoo-hoo... your snot is still gross. As much as I love getting your kisses I would rather you wipe your nose first, because when your snot hits my lip I want to gag. (and usually do). It is still gross to find "boogies" on things, no matter if you know whose they are or not, and my hand is not a piece of toilet paper.. We buy that stuff for a reason.. Kleenex.. yeah HUGE BRAND NAME.. I buy it so the crappy ones don't make your nose sore.. I spend good money on that stuff.. you know where I keep it... in case you forgot let me show you.
Secondly... I get bored of hearing the same songs over and over and over.. We are currently in a Little Einsteins phase in my house. I swear the songs haunt my sleep. I find myself humming Jake and the Never Land Pirates like its Taylor Swift or Adele.. Its awful! What kind of parents do these characters have anyways?!?!? I mean don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the time that my son watches a show uninterrupted and allows me to get some things done.. I am even grateful that they are teaching him things.. Like how to count higher than what we are working on, and music and dancing. He loves to sing now, and is getting REALLY good at colors and numbers.. But seriously... "Purple plane purple plane to the rescue, your a brave little plane yes it's true... " and "OOOPEN UP, we want to come in, open open open open up" I actually had to turn the tv on last night to drown these songs from my brain...
Third... Even though you don't think you should have to take a nap every day, you really have to. Not only are you whiny if you don't but there is only so much time in a day that I can handle someone hanging on my limbs and asking me questions.. Its exhausting sometimes. I love you more than anything in this world, Take a nap so mommy can enjoy peace and quiet for a little while, then we can spend some more time cuddling, rolling around on the floor and playing. Mommy needs to watch her DVR and make some phone calls before her patience level drops off the charts.
Fourth... There are certain toys mommy only lets you have when she needs you distracted. Mainly because some Jerk-face decided to make toys without an off button. Which is not only annoying as crap but batteries are expensive. WHO DOES THAT? Elmo's voice is super annoying no matter what he says, if I have to hear him sing Old McDonald one more time we are going to see how far mommy can throw. This is getting ridiculous. Also, you really need to keep your toys in the toy area.. It's creepy to walk through the house in the middle of the night and have toys go off because they are motion censored. I almost peed myself one day when the stupid zhu zhu pet ran across my foot in the kitchen under the cabinets... and playdoh has not gotten any tastier over the years for anyone who may have wondered.. Definitely caught a mouth full one day when what I thought was a dried cranberry (which there were some of in the recipe I had just finished) turned out to be a small chuck of playdoh.. Whole new meaning to "I am watching what I am eating" let me tell you..
Lastly..The animals are not here for your torturing pleasure.. The doggie will bite is not something mommy likes to say over and over and over.. She says it for your safety.. and the dogs well being. When you learn math you will discover this problem...
2yr old
-------------- = EMERGENCY ROOM and $$$$$$$$
10 lb dog
and this one
Kitties claws + smacking him with whatever is in your hand and laughing = blood.
Until then I will do what every mommy just LOOOVVES to do and remind you every 5 minutes while secretly hoping for the day that your children get to drive you equally crazy so you can understand why mommy eats more chocolate than an oompa loompa, occasionally day dreams of wine, and loves you more than life itself.
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