Let me paint a picture for you. .

    It's 3 am. Everyone in my house is asleep, thankfully even the animals. I am half a bottle of wine in- Long story short, its been a tough week, Ian and I had a fight, so I did not feel like going to bed. - I have spent the week reading the 50 Shades trilogy and now that it is over I am feeling like I just went through a breakup. Seriously. I just spent 5 days on my couch turning pages like the last page was coated in chocolate and Moscato and I couldn't have it until I was finished.
    It dawned on me this week under some various degrees of unwelcome pressure... that I am an adult. Stop Laughing. I am aware that this happened a while ago. Aware that age, as well as the kids and animals and house and husband and bills and responsibilities made that happen a few years back, but somehow I think that I felt the walls closing in on me just this week. Perhaps it was the effort to keep my house clean for an entire week, while absorbed in a book and meal planning and couponing and the upcoming construction on the house. . . (We are getting a new roof and siding this week). . But all of a sudden I got hit with an unwelcome air of nostalgia. The longing for carefree nights of legal drinking and my then fiance picking me up at 2 am in a bar in the middle of the week simply because the only thing I had to take care of in the morning when I rolled out of bed was a dog. . one that I might add, was just as happy laying under the covers with me as she would have been anywhere else. A reminder that I once had a large handful of friends that I could call at anytime and just go- to the beach, shopping, to the bar, for a ride, to the movies, wherever- without the requirement of babysitter searching notice, or nights that end with "I really have to go, the baby will be up in a few hours"
   Now, for those of you who are yet to be parents.. stop judging. I have heard enough of the " it was your decision" or the " what kind of mom does that make you" and for those who are already parents. . I know- It was a moment of weakness. . I have never, nor will I ever regret my decisions to have babies at the age that I did. I love them more than the entire Earth and nothing will ever change that. Somedays though, a mommy vacation would be nice. A night to forget that I have to get up in a few hours and do the dishes, the laundry, change the diapers, potty train and feed real human beings that depend on me. One night out that does not consist of potty talk and parenting advice. A night for me.

   ---now that we have gotten all that out and I have pulled myself together off the floor from my mommy tantrum I have to say. . I spent a few hours FaceBook Stalking a lot of people.- Don't Judge.-. and I realized that its not just me. . we all did it. We all grew up, we had babies of our own and we found love. Some of us still talk, some don't. Some of us moved away while others dug their roots even deeper, but the fact of the matter is. . We are adults now. And with Ian's High School Reunion just around the corner it made me realize something exciting. . I have 2 years left to cram as much life and adventure in as I can. 2 years left to prove to those who I know are raising their eyebrows at me that I made the best decision I could have, because I could name a few that have actually described an accurate scenario of what I would have done had they told me in high school that I would be a stay at home mom; and 2 more years to prepare for a rush of memories and mixed emotions, and people that I don't neccesarily have the urge to meet. And at that time, I will stand with my head held high, knowing that I am not just 'Mommy" I am a loving wife, and I am still a great friend, and I have plenty of time to rediscover who I am and have fun. . .

On a side note..  they should really warn people about a possible quarter life crisis. Because I just spent a few hours of my life freaking out because I am turning 26 and watching movies that nobody in their right frame of mind picks out. It was totally unwarranted and will make me second guess sleeping on the couch again anytime soon. It has also led me to planning a night out. With a reliable sitter that I know can handle anything that comes up, and grown up clothes!