This past weekend was one filled with family time. We don't really have many weekends around here that are not jammed full of things to do, so we like to take advantage when we can. We decided to go downtown Saturday, to pay a visit to a friend who owns a jewelry store. Ian needed a watch fixed and my mom had a ring there that was being repaired. While we were waiting, the kids were playing a version of Ring Around the Rosie.
Ellie, being the patience tester that she is was not in the mood to listen. The moment that Ian walked into a store, leaving me outside with both children, Ellie decided to take off running towards a group of St. Patrick's Day celebrators. Picture me- 7.5 months pregnant running down the streets after a toddler who can clearly move faster than her short chubby legs should allow- with JT following after us leaving my purse sitting on the ground where we started.
A few minutes after Ian came back outside we were standing there talking with the kids walking around and around on a grate in the sidewalk, when Ellie decided to take off between 2 of the parallel parked cars and into the road. Of course there are 10-15 people staring with their mouths open as Ian runs full speed into the street to catch her. Ellie thought it was hilarious, and did exactly what she does every other time we chase her- runs faster. She made it about 3/4 of the way into the lane before Ian caught her. She received her first public spanking. We are blessed that there happen to be no cars coming at the time.
I held it together long enough to explain to her that she could really be hurt. That she was not to EVER do that again and that it was not funny, it was scary. I was proud of myself for not losing it. I gave her a hug, told her I loved her and showed her that the cars were driving by and that they could not see her because she was too little. Then JT gave her a hug and told her that what she did was "too dangerous." His utter concern for her safety has always touched me. He is a great big brother.
That is when I lost it. Standing in the middle of downtown, tears streaming down my face trying to hold back sobs and a million things are racing in my mind.
What would I do if I lost her? She may be a pain in my rear end, and there are days where I am convinced that she will be the sole reason for my loss of sanity, but she is irreplaceable. I admire my cousin for her strength to keep going after she last her little girl last year. I tear up every time I think about how hard that must be for her every single day, and how much strength it must take to look her little boy in the eyes after losing a child. She may not know it, but she is my hero.
How on EARTH could I bond with our son who is coming in a few short weeks if something were to happen to her? That is not nearly enough time to grieve, how could I show a new child love if I were to lose one?
My little sister just lost the use of her legs, what if that were to happen to Ellie? How would you explain something like that to a 2 year old? It has been hard enough for my sister and she is 10, a toddlers brain is not capable of processing that kind of information.
Good GOD we are BLESSED. I may have a thousand little complaints, about the house not being clean, or not seeing my husband enough. About wanting to do things that I am not capable of doing right now, aches and pains that I wish I did not have, but on the other hand... I have 2 beautiful and healthy children, another on the way. We have a house and animals, we love each other and we have all of our basic needs met. We have everything we need and most of the things we want. We are blessed to have mostly positive attitudes and be healthy and happy. I would do well to remember that more often.
Needless to say, Ellie gave this momma a good scare. We went for frozen yogurt at Sammy T's after that, and even though it was beautiful outside and noisy inside, we sat at one of the aluminum tables and enjoyed ourselves within the confines of the tiny store instead of allowing any roads to be too close for comfort. I will not be braving any more trips without a stroller or cart that will require waiting for any length of time, especially outside where people are driving around. And I am thankful that Porter is almost here so that I will have the double stroller at all times again and I can strap her in to that 5 point harness, and breathe a little easier.
My children are my world. without them I have no idea what kind of person I would be, where I would be in life and what I would be doing daily, but that little scare made me even more grateful for everything I do have, including the ability to stay home with them daily, and raise them the way I think they should be raised and discipline them the way I think they should be disciplined. It also made me realize that my husband is by far the most fabulous man I have met. (aside from my Daddy of course, because if you know him, you already know he is awesome, and if you don't know him you should. He is super cool and you are missing out) I could not ask for a better husband, and I appreciate his ability to watch me cry in the middle of downtown, give me a hug and tell me that I am still pretty when I am red and blotchy--- who can tell he has done this pregnancy thing a time or two??
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