I have decided that the answer to my dilemma at the moment is simple, albeit expensive. Military school. They make that for 2 year olds right? No? well that's a darn shame, I bet you it would be a gigantic market. Seriously. At the moment I am willing to sell my toenails if that's what it would take to fund it.
I have never met a more frustrating, infuriating, test of my patience, and I took a senior level German Poetry class my freshman year of college, and had to take Statistics twice. I would take it every semester until I died if my daughter would just learn to listen and behave in public.
Monday, while in Wal Mart with my mom, I bent down to pick up my phone from the bottom of the stroller. By the time I stood back up and answered the phone Ellie was gone. She was not under the rack of clothes she kept running to, not hiding behind the display, and not answering my frantic screams of her name. We were in the clothing section and by the time I found her she was all the way at the other end by the shoes and book bags. I was in tears by the time I found her and yet all she could do was laugh. Traumatic flash backs to a few months ago when she ran in the road downtown followed and I was the idiot in Wal Mart fighting off tears. Luckily JT had to go to the bathroom where I had a minute to compose myself.
Today, we went to the gym and then met my fabulous friend Courtney for lunch at Panera. I am a Panera fan folks, I love everything I have tried from there and I think I would eat there every day if my husband would not revoke my debit card. Ellie was great, she was polite, held the stroller across the road, walked with Courtney to the table, sat down to eat and half way through her sandwich she got mad because she dropped part of her cookie on the floor. It went down hill from there. By the end of lunch she had behaved so badly that we had to restrain her and Courtney had to take her outside. I spanked her in the middle of the restaurant, took her shoes away and apologized profusely to Courtney as my child had hit her, kicked her and I think managed to head butt her as well. Then there is Porter in his stroller who was just laid back smiling.
There are certainly things that you know come with parenting, but having a child that refuses to nap and does not respond to spanking, time out or scolding is not something you are prepared for. You think you can handle it, and I have news for you.. Most of the time you can. You stand up tall, ignore the jerks who are staring at you like you have the worlds worst parenting skills and you smile. You bite your tongue and smile. But there are days, like today, where episodes like the ones above leaving you crying in your car in the middle of a parking lot like your dog just died. It makes you wonder if you are really cut out for parenting. If you made the right decisions, if you could have done something differently.
If it ever gets easier.
But friends, let me tell you something. These days are FAR from the everyday. They are moments of weakness and they are seriously outnumbered by moments that make you know deep down in your soul that there is nothing in the world that you would rather do. Except perhaps sleep in on a Saturday like normal people. Just kidding!!!
Another thing that you are not expecting though, is having people just laugh at you and tell you how they are happy its not them. Honestly, so am I, I would not wish a stubborn child on most anyone, but that does not mean that when my child is doing something dangerous that you should just stare at us. Either mind your own business, or lend a hand and ask if we are ok.
I am happy that I have a daughter, I love her dearly, and if nothing else dealing with her has strengthened me in so many ways. It has taught me a million and one lessons, for instance Kid Leashes may look inhumane and dumb, but in most cases they are being used to keep children alive and with their parents. Another lesson I have learned is that you should have a large stock of Magic Erasers and Organic cleaners on hand. I recommend Organic, because they are non toxic... and sometimes you have a child that has yet to learn that there are certain things you should not eat. Like Window Cleaner. Or Laundy Detergent. Also, seriously learn to pick your battles. Sometimes it is just not worth the fight, and if they want to wear something stupid, let them, then take a picture so you can show it to their spouse one day.
In the end, it has to get easier. Eventually they will have children of their own and you can revel in the idea that they themselves will have to deal with it one day. And you will be the person they call when they are snotting on themselves in their car in the mall parking lot. And after you hang up you can giggle and find relief. Until then friends... I promise not to laugh at you when you are a hot mess and need a friend. Even if it has nothing to do with children, because I have been there with no where to turn. And if there is nothing I can say to console you, I will buy you a bottle of wine and ding dong ditch you. Because that is a true friend.
But seriously.. They're uber cute. Just look at these faces.
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