thoughts from my day

 I would not go to say that I am tired, or frustrated. It has been a fairly great day and I feel great. I have been going to the gym regularly and am happy with myself for remembering to take my thyroid medicine the last week straight. ( sadly I would not doubt it if that were my all time record of days in a row, and I have been taking it for going on 9 years)
   My day has been a bit odd though. For instance, I have been logging my food intake. I have a goal of 55% carbs, 15%+ protein and 30% fat. I have been struggling to find a balance in there and yesterday I had it nailed. Then, today I was out and about and STARVING. I stopped at Tropical Smoothie and got a salad and smoothie. The salad description said nothing about Asian noodles. Carbs BLOWN. So I call my husband in search of something I can eat that is low in carb and protein and high in fat. Right?? Who else is dieting and looking for pure fat? What do I do? My vote was chow down on a stick of butter.. Ian felt that might be a little overboard, and reminded me that since it is dairy based there are carbs. Boo.
   I finally found my snack solution. Peanuts. There are carbs, but they are super high in fat and lowered my balance. The bonus is I don't have to use the fat free dressing tonight in my salad. BooYa.
   The kids were driving me nuts ( ha ha get it? Get it? nuts.. admit it I am funny).. it seemed that every time today that I had something to do they needed to scream at that moment. I assigned them a peanut snack as well.. Have at it, break those shells, crush those peanuts, make a mess... Because you get to clean it up =D =D ( I type this while they are screaming Ellies name at the top of their lungs and hiding underneath the table where they should be cleaning up all of the peanut mess they made.)  I did hear the following statement while they were chowing down though... " Ellie , you have to smash it real hard or you wont get the nuts. " Not sure what to say there. My question for you though is this... what purpose does the skin around the peanut serve? I feel like its there solely to get stuck in my throat and make me gag. But I am sure God has another answer. He should inform me so I don't despise it so much. .
   I  took a step out of my normal my way or not at all attitude about the children's stuffed animals and agreed today to abandon my search for a stuffed elephant for Porter. While it breaks my heart,and delights Ian, I have not found one that is fitting of the title of Porters infant best friend. I decided that in light of his extreme love for Shark Week we will be on the hunt for a stuffed shark next week at the beach. I think he will like it. He even stared at the onesie I bought him today that had a shark on it.  My only stipulation is that I and I alone get to name it, and its going to be epic.
   Lord, please don't let this child be fascinated with real sharks.. this mama is not even sure her toes will make it in the water next weekend after sitting through a week of  shark television.
   Another thing that threw me off today was Porter sleeping through the night again. Night number 3 and while I would love to not jinx myself this is the same pattern JT had at 3 months that turned into sleeping through the night every night. I do think there is a growth spurt going on though and for the time being I will claim that so that I am not disappointed when it stops.
   In other news, We watched Cinderella yesterday and when the part comes on that the step sisters rip the pieces of her dress off after the mice made it for her, I am sure taking all her hopes and dream with them, JT looks at me and says " Why did they do that? They need a spankin. You should go spank them REAL HARD"

  That about wraps it up folks. I am sure more entertaining things will happen today, watch FB. We might play a guess who said this game later. But if you will excuse me, the kids got sent to bed for throwing peanuts at each other and hitting sleeping Porter in the eye.. Now I have to go run the vacuum before my house permanently smells of Peanuts and salt. The upside is it will be a lovely change from the wet Reha smell I battle.

Another Tale of Ellie

  Have you ever reached a point in your day where you find yourself pondering if coffee, a nap or a mild case of alcoholism would be the best route to take next? I am there. Ok so I am kidding (mostly) about the alcoholism, although a super large glass of wine sounds fabulous right now, and I never kid about naps. ever. 
   I have decided that the answer to my dilemma at the moment is simple, albeit expensive. Military school. They make that for 2 year olds right? No? well that's a darn shame, I bet you it would be a gigantic market. Seriously. At the moment I am willing to sell my toenails if that's what it would take to fund it.
   I have never met a more frustrating, infuriating, test of my patience, and I took a senior level German Poetry class my freshman year of college, and had to take Statistics twice. I would take it every semester until I died if my daughter would just learn to listen and behave in public.
   Monday, while in Wal Mart with my mom, I bent down to pick up my phone from the bottom of the stroller. By the time I stood back up and answered the phone Ellie was gone. She was not under the rack of clothes she kept running to, not hiding behind the display, and not answering my frantic screams of her name. We were in the clothing section and by the time I found her she was all the way at the other end by the shoes and book bags. I was in tears by the time I found her and yet all she could do was laugh. Traumatic flash backs to a few months ago when she ran in the road downtown followed and I was the idiot in Wal Mart fighting off tears. Luckily JT had to go to the bathroom where I had a minute to compose myself.
   Today, we went to the gym and then met my fabulous friend Courtney for lunch at Panera. I am a Panera fan folks, I love everything I have tried from there and I think I would eat there every day if my husband would not revoke my debit card. Ellie was great, she was polite, held the stroller across the road, walked with Courtney to the table, sat down to eat and half way through her sandwich she got mad because she dropped part of her cookie on the floor. It went down hill from there. By the end of lunch she had behaved so badly that we had to restrain her and Courtney had to take her outside. I spanked her in the middle of the restaurant, took her shoes away and apologized profusely to Courtney as my child had hit her, kicked her and I think managed to head butt her as well. Then there is Porter in his stroller who was just laid back smiling.
   There are certainly things that you know come with parenting, but having a child that refuses to nap and does not respond to spanking, time out or scolding is not something you are prepared for. You think you can handle it, and I have news for you.. Most of the time you can. You stand up tall, ignore the jerks who are staring at you like you have the worlds worst parenting skills and you smile. You bite your tongue and smile. But there are days, like today, where episodes like the ones above leaving you crying in your car in the middle of a parking lot like your dog just died. It makes you wonder if you are really cut out for parenting. If you made the right decisions, if you could have done something differently.
   If it ever gets easier.

   But friends, let me tell you something. These days are FAR from the everyday. They are moments of weakness and they are seriously outnumbered by moments that make you know deep down in your soul that there is nothing in the world that you would rather do. Except perhaps sleep in on a Saturday like normal people. Just kidding!!! 
   Another thing that you are not expecting though, is having people just laugh at you and tell you how they are happy its not them. Honestly, so am I, I would not wish a stubborn child on most anyone, but that does not mean that when my child is doing something dangerous that you should just stare at us. Either mind your own business, or lend a hand and ask if we are ok.
   I am happy that I have a daughter, I love her dearly, and if nothing else dealing with her has strengthened me in so many ways. It has taught me a million and one lessons, for instance Kid Leashes may look inhumane and dumb, but in most cases they are being used to keep children alive and with their parents. Another lesson I have learned is that you should have a large stock of Magic Erasers and Organic cleaners on hand. I recommend Organic, because they are non toxic... and sometimes you have a child that has yet to learn that there are certain things you should not eat. Like Window Cleaner. Or Laundy Detergent. Also, seriously learn to pick your battles. Sometimes it is just not worth the fight, and if they want to wear something stupid, let them, then take a picture so you can show it to their spouse one day.
   In the end, it has to get easier. Eventually they will have children of their own and you can revel in the idea that they themselves will have to deal with it one day. And you will be the person they call when they are snotting on themselves in their car in the mall parking lot. And after you hang up you can giggle and find relief. Until then friends... I promise not to laugh at you when you are a hot mess and need a friend. Even if it has nothing to do with children, because I have been there with no where to turn. And if there is nothing I can say to console you, I will buy you a bottle of wine and ding dong ditch you. Because that is a true friend.


 But seriously.. They're uber cute. Just look at these faces.

Crafty Time and going a little overboard

   I am naturally a crafty person, it is something I have always enjoyed. I remember when I was in elementary school sneaking into the shed when my dad was not home to get his plaster and use it in whatever make shift mold I could find, then I would paint it and hide it somewhere in my room.
   Whenever I am feeling blue I get the urge to make something. And every once in a while I go a little overboard and bite off more than I can chew. For instance this week. I am currently sanding and staining a dresser. The goal is an aged look and it is about halfway done. So far I am pleased with all but one drawer and depending on how the rest goes I may sand it down and try again.   I also took on repainting my downstairs bathroom and plan on adding shelves to the back wall. I have 3 walls done and the back wall is waiting for me to decide the exact shade I am going for so I can purchase the wood for the shelves and get going there. I am also redoing JT's room. For his birthday we are giving him a fun superhero themed room. His room has been undecorated save one picture and a wall decal since we moved in. I think its about time that he gets something fun in there, and since he loves to play by himself sometimes I think he deserves to have some space to himself.
   In addition to all of this I am knitting a blanket for my friend Krista's baby. I have not told her yet, but since she is reading this.... It may not be done in time for your delivery.. I still have to plan JT's party this weekend =) I also decided today that the blog needs a bit of a makeover.
   I am not sure what possessed me to take all of this on when you all know that my floors are currently lacking in a few areas, but I think that I just got tired of sitting around staring at half completed rooms. I will not however turn down any offers for help, lol , as I have not completely lost my mind.. yet.
   In the meantime I have been going to the gym on a regular basis and am getting back in the game when it comes to my and Ian's side business. I mean the money for all this fabulousness has to come from somewhere . besides I have nothing else going on right?
   Now.. who wants to come occupy my children? No? What about a salvation Army drop off? Craigslist posting for me.. ok fine. I will re evaluate my to do list to incorporate the grocery shopping and bills.. and hopefully a shower. Because today I spent the time when all of my children were sleeping on cleaning diapers.. Ok maybe I have lost it.

Single White Baby

  While talking to Porter tonight to make him smile I was thinking to myself.. ok and a little bit out loud too... how funny it would be if babies had personal ads. The things they could say would get most adults in trouble.. or at least be frowned upon.
  For instance:
  

               My name is Porter, I am 2 months old, but large for my age. I enjoy long walks in my stroller, drinking from boobies and being cuddled. A few of my faults are falling asleep with food in my mouth, and spitting up breastmilk on people other than my mommy. Nothing makes me feel better than a nice long bath followed by a good poop, in a fresh diapy. I like to smile and coo, but I am not a big talker. I prefer my surroundings to be on the cooler side. Not too hot, and not too cold or I will cry.
               I am looking to meet a cute baby girl who is not too needy, and enjoys the same things as I do. We can hang, but I am not looking to be too serious. It will be another 16 years before I get my license, and until then I think we should just keep things casual. If you would like to buy me gifts though I am down with that, as long as you don't expect anything in return. I will share my toys, but I take my food seriously. Please send pictures to be considered. Include DOB, weight, height and full name and I will have my people call your people.

   Admittedly I have a strange thought process some days. I am going to claim no fault here and simply point the finger to my dad... Who if by chance he reads this.... Love ya dad, thanks for the strange sense of humor and hairy toes. You're the best.

Things That Go Bump

   With Ian being a Service Technician there are often times where he is "on call". Even when he is not, since he is a remote tech for a shop based in Baltimore MD, sometimes the on call tech will call him to run something that he can get to much faster than they can. While that stinks for me, I do feel for the other techs wives, since sometimes they are the ones whose husbands have to leave in the middle of the night so that mine doesn't.
   Tonight was one of those nights. After looking forward to the Season Premiere of Suits for almost 6 months, I sat watching alone tonight. DVR is a magical thing, but just because Ian was feeling nice tonight did not mean that I was going to miss it. As I sit sipping my Moscato all I hear besides the glorious world of television are the sounds of Porter's swing going click click click. Since I finally got him to sleep somewhere other than my arms, I did not have it in me to cross the room and turn it off, despite his batteries not being strong enough to move him more than an inch side to side, for fear of it disrupting him and having to rock him for another half an hour.
   Once Suits concluded I turned the TV off in order to not allow myself to get sucked in to something I had no original intent to watch, and decided that I would spend my time waiting for my dear husband to get home with my WaWa sub by taking a bath and picking up around the house. . .  But you know what?? Silence has revealed a few strange things to me tonight.
   Firstly, all of my children mumble in their sleep. Ellie screamed out " NO Bub Bub, That's mine" in her sleep tonight while I was in the tub. {Bub Bub is Ellie's name for JT for those who don't know} Porter grunts and sighs loudly, and JT talks incoherently. I would love to say that these things are strictly a trait passed on from Ian, since I have already shared his weird sleeping habits with all of Internet-landia but I must confess that mostly it's me. Aside from the really strange and active dreams Ian has every couple months its actually rare for him to talk in his sleep. Maybe a mumble here and there, but generally he sleeps like a rock. A pillow stealing, blanket hog of a rock.
   I on the other hand, have frequently woken myself up mid perfectly enunciated sentence and been unable to stop myself from speaking the rest of it. It's kind of like that scene from the end of BeetleJuice, the part where Winona Ryder brings home good grades (or something of the like) and the ghosts agree to use her body to sing.. yeah it's just like that, except without the cool floating up in front of the stairs or dancing part, just the I can't control what's coming out of my mouth and it sounds stupid part. I have been known to sing as well. And since that is not a pleasant sound in the daylight waking hours, just imagine what happens when there are no restraints of society or preservation of cool points.
   The second thing I realized is that my fridge makes a noise every so often that remarkably resembles Chewbacca. Which is then followed by a more quiet glug glug glug. Since I was alone I attempted to communicate with it. It didn't work, but it did make me think again, for the millionth time how grateful I am that there is no nanny cam in my house. And reminded me to check that the webcam is always off.. things could get awkward.
   Sadly I think my talking to the stupid leaking fridge would be one of the least embarrassing things I could be caught doing while alone, for instance reenacting the sliding through the hallway scene from Saved By the Bell, or dancing ,like a buffoon to Miley Cyrus in an attempt to cheer up my children, and walking into walls.. it happens almost weekly and even alone I try to play it off like it didn't happen.. because at that moment I always remember the conversation I had with friends after watching Deja vu... and then I have a mind rant about what if the government and scientist really do go back in time and the moment that I had sitting in front of Starbucks today waiting on a lady to sell me a bird cage really had already happened....
   And with that I am off to have strange dreams... night ya'll


 Or good morning cause most of you should be in bed already.

Nom Nom Nommy

   Ian and I have been married for going on 5 years, the first year and a half of which we lived with my parents.  Basically for the last 3 years we have been eating the same things over and over and over and over and over, with very little variety thrown in there except for when we eat out ( a rare occasion). Mostly our dinner diet consisted of salmon, pork chops, chicken and lasagna.
   I am not a large red meat eater so steaks are generally reserved for a special occasion or nights when I was not home. We may have cooked them a little differently, or served with different sides, but it pretty much boiled down to lots of pasta and ready made sides even though I like to cook and bake. I just didn't really bother looking at recipe books despite having a whole shelf of them.
   Since Porter was born though my taste buds really kicked up the boredom signals. I just didn't want to eat Alfredo noodles with grilled chicken, or breaded pork chops every night. So, I did what any crafty lady would do, I turned to Pinterest. I figure I spend so much time on there planning my life I might as well plan the food that would fuel it.
   I am amazed at how many recipes I have found that have really been amazing, easy to make and cheap. That my friends is the recipe trifecta. Since I am allergic to raw tomato ( the acid from the juices really breaks my skin out when I touch it and I get hives from eating it ) I have always steered clear of anything involving tomato. What a mistake! I have found a few new favorites that include diced tomatoes ( and since they sell that already cooked and canned we are in the clear )
   I have them pinned to Pinterest and you are free to check out my "Food I dream of making" board. Tonight's meal is the Buffalo Chicken Potato Skins. But so far I have tried the untitled noodle sausage mess..  Sarah and Andrea were here to try that one, they approved. I have tried the broccoli cheddar quiche with the brown rice crust, the tortellini crockpot meal ... talk about easy; throw the ingredients in a crock pot for 4 hours and serve. I have also tried the banana and oatmeal cookies, more of a breakfast thing than a desert but good nonetheless. Another favorite -especially for Ian- is the sour cream enchiladas. The turkey roll ups with laughing cow cheese and cucumbers have been devoured in my house as well as the grilled cheese with bacon and avocado.
   Most of the ideas have been a new way of preparing something we already enjoy, but it has made a huge difference around here. I am actually excited about making dinner, and grocery shopping is a lot easier because I actually have to plan out what I am making and what I need for it. In addition to my average necessities ( TP, Milk, Cheese, Bread etc. ) I bought enough food for 6 new meals and still only spent $130 at the store. In this list was also a good amount of things I don't need to buy very often, ex. buffalo sauce, Nutella, noodles.  I am mostly looking forward to the Salmon with Feta cheese and roasted red peppers, served with roasted potatoes courtesy of my lovely neighbor Andrea who made them for a " Congrats you just pushed a baby out of your hoo-ha " meal. Those are the best!

    I will keep you posted if I try anything on that board that is not so fabulous... but tell me that making your own Chinese food doesn't sound appealing.. I mean minus the fact that its not served with completely irrelevant fortunes inside lemony hard as rock cookies. Also, Ladies and Gents.. please share anything that you have tried new that is yummy to your tummies... because I am looking to try new things. Avocado was kind to me when I finally gave it a chance... who knows? There may be a whole world out there my tastebuds have never given a chance...

Just Beachy

    After having a somewhat rough few weeks my friends Andrea, Sarah and I decided to take a day to check out of life and spend at the beach. We spent Saturday night in front of my fire pit roasting marshmallows and sipping on some fabulous wine, where Sarah got a little inpatient and bit into her burnt marshmallow, resulting in a red swollen lip and many, many cell phone selfies.
   We crawled out of bed around 6 and get ready for the day, made a much needed coffee stop on the way out of town and hit the road. Getting set up on the beach was a little interesting, as it was 10 am and the sand was like little miscroscopic bits of lava, and half an hour in we broke the umbrella. $25 later we rented one of those beach cabanas ( which I later saw in the store across the street for sale at the same price .. of course!) which did a great job of keeping Porter sand free-ish and cool. Combined with a wet towel and a chair made out of sand I think he was living it up. I mean look at this....

  The water was fabulous, perfectly clear and there were even little schools of silvery fish. I would have taken a picture of that, but with my luck I would have dropped my cell in the ocean and Ian would have declared me done with technology. {I have lost phones in some unique liquids, like film developer, pumpkin pie filling, and coffee} I have to say that we thoroughly enjoyed the waves, but the beautiful water had a downfall. Andrea caught the worst of the rays, with me coming in a far behind second.
   The burn started setting in right around the time that we were getting ready to leave. By the time Porter demanded that we stop for him to eat ( we grabbed some Subway, cause this lady has a hard time resisting some chicken teriyaki ) there was a whole lot of rubbing down going on. I am fairly certain that's the most action that Food Lion parking lot has seen since it was first paved. But for Andrea, it did not stop there...
  


Traffic was AWFUL on the way back- not that you can tell from this picture but trust me-, but it allowed for some age inappropriate music at extreme volumes, and a who has the best white girl dance competition. Sarah really needs to catch up on some lyrics though.. I mean if we are going to make fools of ourselves driving through Richmond, the least she could do is know more than the chorus right? But check this out... Lots of aloe, wonderful, wonderful aloe.

   A Sunday beach trip was just what I needed to reset. Too bad the resulting burn lasted a few days and now I have a peeling forehead.. BUT.. I did not end up looking like a lobster. I do however have some super sharp little Porter fingernails digging into sensitive skin every few hours in an effort to gain head control.. And I had the luxury of sitting at home avoiding a bra, unlike my favorite neighbor who got a good public shaming for her lack of skin care despite her efforts to apply sunscreen frequently. I feel as if I have no room to really complain though, as I only applied sunscreen about 2 hours before leaving. Here's a ride home selfie for you. . see that? only slightly pink.. the tall one in the back, yeah apparently she bought the good stuff. . with skin that pale who can blame her right?? We love you Sarah, apparently the sun feels otherwise. Perhaps next time I take a me day it will be without a demanding, fresh skinned, breast attachment. . but who am I kidding? The rugrats make life fun. Without tag-alongs my days just aren't complete.. AND Ellie has a way of making things fun. Mainly because she has a terribly smart mouth on her, but what is relaxation without a few frustrated laughs?

   Oh, and in case you were worried I might get too relaxed, Reha took care of that remember? Here's to hoping that the $60 cage we just bought off a yard sale site lasts long enough to replace the floor, get her fixed and purchase a nice hefty steel doggie jail.

   Happy Vitamin D to you all!

All the reasons I should have gone to bed earlier

   I should have taken Ellie resetting Pet Rescue Saga when I was at level 43 as a sign to go back to bed. . . at least then I may have had more energy to deal with screaming kids, a sore throat, pounding headache, the dogs destruction and a clingy baby.
   The morning started well enough if you don't count having to restart my game. I can let that slide really.. it's just a game that I play while nursing or when I cant sleep. I met 2 ladies from yard sale sites at Buy Buy Baby to purchase some diapers and a carseat stroller. Porter seems to be outgrowing things faster than I expected, like my arm muscles. Couldn't beat a $20 stroller to save me from having a dislocated shoulder from carrying around a carseat with an already 16 lb baby in it.
   After that we went to Chick-fil-a to waste some time before my gym appointment. the gym was fabulous. I needed a good workout, although if anyone has any fun workout songs they would like to share my playlist could use some vamping. Picking the kids up from the KidZone was where things started going down hill. I walk in to hear Porter screaming, apparently I missed them paging me, and there was an accident report for JT, as another kid hit him in the eye.
   He is fine, but apparently this little girl straight decked him for no reason. . not going to lie I wanted to laugh. While feeding Porter in the parking lot Ellie decided to take my slightly messy van and add her own style... she dumped everything she could find and fought with JT. The plan was to come home and let her nap so I could put together my shopping list and sit down for something hot to drink to ease my scratchy throat. . . except Reha happened.
   As I pulled in the drive I noticed the foretelling sign of Reha doom. . . my front door was open just a bit. Not fully, just enough that it takes you a second to notice. Immediately I back out of the driveway and visit the house 2 doors down that she frequently visits on her escapes. Unfortunately she wasn't there. . but she did come running to me after I called her. Must have been just after her break to freedom. As if I was not angry enough that she had left the house again ( through a dead bolted door I might add) I came home to a pleasant surprise.
   The carpet from the front door half way down the hallway had been torn back. She broke part of my fridge handle ( which had I not used masking tape to keep her out of may not have happened) and she ripped one side of my tree limb curtain rod straight out of the wall, leaving behind a nice hole in the wall that I will have to patch and paint... Oh. before I left (a mere 4 hours before) I had given her 3 benedryl. . Oh how I long for her drug tolerance, 'cause I would be in a coma.
   The neighbor was nice enough to come save my day (as a fire fighter I am sure he would have rathered not have to rescue my sanity on his day off) and help me rip up the carpet and tack strips so that my children did not step on them with bare feet.. or in Ellie's case bare anything. Underneath we discovered something unfortunate, linoleum, which means in order to tile it we are going to have to replace the sub-floor. boooo. A super big sarcastic thanks to the previous home owners who loved to half-ass projects.
   Hours later, and a hefty mop job we have an intermediate entry way that matches nothing in our house. But here I am, pounding headache, 2 hours of dog crate research, no grocery list or meal plan and a clingy baby in my lap leaving me with one hand to use for typing. Its after 8 and the husband just walked in to save me from the kids who have not stopped screaming and fighting since around 3.
   My hope is to go soak in the tub that is only half caulked and to avoid looking in any other room that might remind me of the state of disarray my house is in right now. After that soak I plan to rest and pray to wake up healthy and without the hatred I feel for my dog right now.
   my advice for you for the day may not be wise, and I will take it back after my bath.. but it's Stay kid and pet free... just trust me.

   In an effort to end on a happy note:  here's a picture of my clingy chunk.

Ellie (no)Pants

   How many of you have met Ellie?  For all that just silently answered "I" ( I mean if you answered out loud that's cool too.. but no need to over achieve) you are aware that she is a nut. I say this with all the love in the world. For a mama who hoped and prayed for 3 boys, I would never even think of trading her in. Except perhaps for brief moments in the day when her stubborn attitude and overflowing charisma overwhelm me. She has thrown me for so many loops that I was just never prepared for.
   If you have children or even know someone close to you who does you are aware that pregnant women get an over abundance of information when they are expecting. Everything from peoples opinions on how often to feed and where your child should sleep. I was even warned about who would be harder to potty train and how they would get along. For whatever reason a pregnant belly seems to bring out the opinionated public. Here however is something nobody says out loud to you..

   Your kid is going to take their clothes off everywhere.

   I just did all of you childless readers a favor ( except my neighbors... they have learned so many things since we moved here last year ) You may not know it yet, but its true. Ellie... she is probably the worst offender. The amount of times a week I have to say "you can not go outside without underwear on"  is probably a world record. I should honestly call Guinness. A few weeks back she strolled outside in absolutely nothing but a pair of pink Crocs. Priorities people.. we have a gravel driveway, she knows that is no fun on bare feet.
   I guess we let her get away with it at first because she was potty training and it was just easier, but then again she never really liked clothing before and just ran around in a diaper. She refuses to wear clothes to bed.. its a Pull-up and that's it. But the hardest part is trying to keep the clothes together. It seems that as soon as we walk in she leaves a trail of clothes through the house. I can NEVER find her underwear, I mean unless I am moving the furniture around in which case I find 3 pair shoved behind the couch.
   Not sure if she does this on purpose or they just end up there, but its super annoying. I am sure its amusing for my visitors.. I can't tell you how many times Ellie has pushed open the door while I was talking to the delivery guy and her dimply butt is just hanging out. Yesterday we were at a friends house when Ellie walks up to tell me something and I realize she is wearing nothing but a t-shirt.
   How on earth do you keep a stubborn 2 year olds clothes on when she has made up her mind that she is not going to wear them? The best part is that she is so goofy about it. She is free, and happy. and can easily convince anyone to help her remove her clothing by making up some reason why it must be done and then running.
   Ever seen that commercial with the dad dipping his kids feet in a pan of white something or other when the wife walks in and they explain that they were tired of their socks stretching out? She then pulls out some new socks and walks away. I wonder if they would be willing to tell me what substance he used.. My daughter could use some permanent underwear, because if I have to tell her to find some underwear and stop shaking her butt at me one more time, I might explode. But at least she doesn't drop her pants and pee in the middle of the front yard like JT. Count your blessings??

my addiction, and a bit of delusion

   I have never really thought of myself as having an addictive personality, although several members of my family I would probably say otherwise. I was able to quit smoking with little fuss, although the cravings are occasionally still there. Apparently that is pretty normal of previous smokers.  I have never had a drinking problem, even though for a while there I was going out frequently with friends, I was able to control how much I drank each time and sadly watched a few of my friends struggle with that composure. Both of these are things that a lot of people struggle with greatly.
  But along came Pinterest and Netflix and I am slowly reevaluating my views of myself. I mean who does not find Pinterest amazing? There is always something new, and always something that you can use (even if its the posts of how to use things you will hardly ever need to use in different ways, also for things that will hardly ever happen.. BUT in case one of those rare situations comes up, I will have the answer and that's all that really matters, even if it involves me sifting through a board on Pinterest for 30 minutes to find it.) I have used it for decorating my home, learning how to make awesome wreaths, organizing ideas - who else would have told me to stuff a bean bag cover with all those stuffed animals I can't justify getting rid of for the kids? They wanted a bean bag chair anyways, and now if it pops I wont have stupid beans everywhere, and I freed up a whole bin of toys without having to get rid of them. BAM! ( remember that hoarding post? Yeah.. Its still an issue.. don't  judge me.
   I get really irritated with people who post all of their Pinterest pins to Facebook. If you are one of those people.. I still love you but dangit.. STOP. I can't find out what my friends are doing when I have to sift through your 5 million recipes. You only need it in one place... How am I supposed to Facebook stalk my high school friends when I am distracted by your cookies??
   Speaking of Cookies though.. I have a new recipe that I want to try. And I have recently been visiting the food boards, as anyone who follows me on Pinterest would know. Tried some really awesome sandwich wraps in case you care.
   I have also been struggling with pulling myself away from a series on Netflix. I am seriously behind on the bandwagon, but since a lot of my shows just ended ( I know I am too old to care but seriously? I have watched 5 seasons of The Secret Life for them to NOT end up together... That's just plain dumb. You are ruining peoples belief in love and commitment. He changed for you Amy, and what do you do? You leave. I take back 5 years of liking you!!) I finally broke down and started watching The Vampire Diaries. I started 2 weeks ago today and I am half way through season 3. Having children kind of hinders my ability to just sit and watch the way I would like and I try to tell myself that showering and running errands actually need to happen. Sometimes Elena and Stephan win though.. I mean... you can't stop watching when they leave you hanging like that!! OK, so it's cutting into my sleep some.
   A few months ago it was Private Practice. So much drama!! So many tears. Ian laughed at my personal investment in fictional characters lives. It's somewhat of an issue, it's also why I enjoy reading series. I hate getting absorbed in a book just for it to be over. I just can't stand not knowing what happens once it's over. I loved the ending to Charmed. The last episode was a review of the rest of their lives.. it gave me closure. And then I watched the whole series 3 more times, and still cried.
   Ian says I just have bad taste in television, but I get bored watching his silly educational TV. I don't want to learn, I want to bond with these people, we are sharing life stories, they know me. This is our quality time.
   Sometimes I think having internet access is bad for my health, good thing for me the business requires it, and Ian is more obsessed than me and couldn't survive without it. So I justify it by finding useful stuff, like tonight's dinner, which promises to be amazing, and all is right in my world. Now, please excuse me... I told myself I would finish laundry before I could go back to watching.. and the dryer just beeped.. WHOOP WHOOP!

oh Reha.

   Not sure if I told ya'll or not, but while I was in the hospital Houdini Reha made her grand return.
   Oh, you know, nothing like poppin' out a kid and then finding out less than 24 hours later that your dog is wandering the neighborhood with your other dog in tow (you know the one who had literally just gotten home from having her junk removed).  Since then we learned that she destroyed her cage. We are talking broke the door beyond useability ( don't judge me- its a word). First she bent it outwards, Ian hammered it back .. Hammered.. did you catch that? he had to HAMMER it back. We rigged the cage so she could no longer push the door out and she outsmarted us by pulling it in. Finally she just broke the plastic off the cage that the pegs of the door fit into, rendering the door completely unattachable. JERK
   Without the option of a cage to put her in when leaving we were forced to leave her to roam the house when we are gone. I do a pretty good job of making sure the house stays clean, and that everything she might be interested in is put away before we leave.. and then she unlocked the deadbolt and crushed the door handle with her teeth. Again roaming the neighborhood...
   We are talking a round brass door knob that is no longer round in shape but more oblong.. not quite oval, with teeth marks all over it. she also opened the door to the closet and helped herself to a bag of dog food, and opened the bathroom door and helped herself to some trash. Cookie decided to join in on this party and took a dump in my hallway.
   I blocked all the doors and went out the side to meet a friend for brunch last week. . We had about a week of no destruction ... the mistake was trusting her.. She made up for lost time by shredding the cushion to my chair. it had a small hole to begin with, but when I came home and witnessed the death of my chair I was honestly too pissed to even do anything about it except walk back out the door and leave again. She had literally shredded the entire cushion cover and had little bits of fabric all over the house. The batting was demolished and the foam was missing chunks. Pretty sure I saw actual teeth marks in there.
   Needless to say we had to get some new furniture.. Not sure if I am diggin' it or not ( who knows that may be the trick to keep her from destroying it.. one can hope) as I can't figure out how to set up the living room in order to maximize space in a weirdly shaped room. Mostly though I am just determined to deliver payback... REHA IS GETTING FIXED!!!!!!!!!!.. you destroy my comfy chair, I have your junk removed.. tit for tat... take that jerkface... and I shall shame you by posting pictures of you with a stupid cone on your head.

there's a CAY-DUH on your leg!!!

   Let's talk Cicadas. So I am not sure how the cicadas are where you live, but as Ian and I bought a house that backs up to the battlefield drive park, they are super loud. I had seen a few before Porter was born, and there was the lovely schluffed off shells all over the place as well as evidence of them coming out of the ground, After Porter was born however it was like arriving to a whole new planet.
   I stepped out of the car with Porter for the first time to discover this amazing noise that was humming all through the neighborhood. I find the noise beautiful, Ian- not so much. He was not actually aware of what the noise was until I was laying in bed and asked him if he could hear it. Even though I find it soothing to listen to I don't particularly care for the little critters themselves. I find them somewhat creepy looking. They have these big eyes and creepy wings. Thanks to my dislike for bugs in general, having millions of cicadas outside mid orgy has kept me and the kids in the house for the most part. Unfortunately it looks like we missed all the pretty spring weather thanks to my nesting and now the bugs, but luckily it was not all without reason, as there is a new fresh baby in the house that requires a bit of attention.
   On the way to meet my mom at the store last week I had climbed in the van to buckle up JT and Ellie. I had no intention of getting out of the van, so I was still wearing my PJ pants. Mid buckling of JT he and Ellie start to scream simultaneously. Startled and confused I scream "what the heck is wrong with you??" and they both point to my leg and start repeating
   " There's a Cay-duh on your leg, there's a cay-duh on your leg"

   Holy cow kids. Not only did you wake the baby, but you about gave me a darn heart attack over a bug that won't even hurt me. Now if we were talking the huge spider I saw the night before I would feel that it was justified. This sucker was not like the huge hunting spiders I have grown accustomed to seeing at my door. Not that I am ok with them by any means, but at least I somewhat expect to see them. This guy on the other hand was big black and furry. He was hiding in the corner by my front door, waiting, I am sure, to strike out at me as I walk by and swallow me whole, never to be seen again.
   Ian does not think this is possible, however my response is, why do you think there are so many unsolved missing persons cases without any lead what-so-ever?? They were eaten by big furry spiders, mark my word.
   I made Ian kill it, and now I meticulously check the door again before I go in or out. The cicadas don't actually scare me, they just give me the eebie-jeebies. The kids are fine with them as long as there is a pane of glass between them and the cicada. When we are outside they don't even watch where they are going or what they are doing, they watch the ground and scream "another cay-duh, it's another bug, EW"
  They have not even really bothered to request going outside, which I feel awful about. They need to get out some energy, but at the same time I am thankful because I am equally as paranoid about bugs touching me and I don't want to have to sit outside scanning my surroundings for these huge flying insects. I can't remember how long they stick around, but I am sure hoping that it's not too much longer. I will miss the hum of their song first thing in the morning, but I am also looking forward to getting the kids a kiddie pool and getting some old fashioned Vitamin D. .. and not having to bribe my husband to let the dogs out at night because I can't see them. But then there are always the man eating spiders.

Life with Porter

   Guess what?!?!?  I am not pregnant anymore WOO HOO!
   Obviously all of you know that my pregnancy was not that bad this go-round. I actually enjoyed it. There were only a small handful of days that I can remember being truly miserable, I mean aside from all the vomiting in the beginning part. I will happily spare you all the labor and delivery details, and leave you with this on that topic..
   Epidural- didn't work
   Porter- Got stuck, weighed 8lbs 12 oz and 19.5 inches long.
   Labor- not really fun, and I had taken 2 Ambien. . suuupper sleepy.

   So here we are, almost a week later. It's been over 2 years since I had to change those teeny tiny newborn diapers, you truly forget how much they squirm, and hate having to be wiped with those cold wet wipes. It's been almost 4 years since I had to change a newborn with a circumcision, poor little winkie. 
   As I was holding Porter last night after both of the hellions were in bed  (I am allowed to call them hellions this week, believe me. It has been fun, more on that in a minute) I started to think about the differences in bringing home babies 1, 2 & 3. It was amusing.
   Baby number 1 you are always so careful. Everything has to be washed first, sanitized, super clean. You are quiet when they are sleeping and would NEVER dream of waking them up to feed. I mean who cares that you are engorged and exhausted and emotional, that little human is sleeping, the vacuum can wait and the dogs need to be as far away as possible so they don't disturb the baby. You have time for naps, and take advantage of that whole sleep when the baby is sleeping thing. You can be organized, the diaper bag always has what it needs and you have this under control. . . after you get over the whole "Holy CRAP, I am a parent and I have to be responsible for this miniature person" thing.
   Baby number 2 comes home and you realize that sometimes they are going to stick things in their mouth that have not been sterilized first. You are a little less weary about waking them for two reasons. One- you are a little busy chasing a toddler around, and Two- if you don't nurse now you are going to spring a leak in the grocery store. Weighing the options between screaming baby and huge wet spots on the front of your shirt.. always take screaming baby. People feel bad for you when you have a screaming infant and a toddler staring at you, asking you for fruit snacks for the 5 millionth time. They just STARE at you when you have a soaking wet t-shirt and 2 innocent looking children making no noise. At this point you try to maintain schedule, time it just right so that both kids nap at the same time, or at least are manageable and still give you some resemblance of a life outside of spit up, poop and pureed foods, which lets be honest are basically all the same thing.
   Then there is baby number 3. Remaining quiet while anyone is asleep in your house is pretty much a joke. The kids are all on different schedules and you figure to hell with it if one of them misses a nap, cause you have to go grocery shopping. You find yourself saying things like "Don't stick that in the baby's face." and " For the love of all that is holy, I asked you to throw the diaper in the trash, not at your brother." Things are far from perfect, and the idea of a nap is like daydreaming of Narnia. It's perfect in theory but honestly, never gonna happen. But surprisingly you are less bothered by all of it, and with any sense of humor you remind yourself the first 2 are still alive you can't be that bad of a parent, and when that doesn't work there's always wine.

   I told Ian last night that despite our childrens attitude issues the last few days, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's been a little too easy. I have barely cried, and I have not gotten stressed out. It feels natural to have Porter here. I have, however, had it up to my stretch marks with repeating myself to JT and Ellie about being nice to each other. I know that it is not Porter related because we go through this every couple of months, but geez did they pick some terrible timing or what. It's really hard to yell at them when yelling makes your hoo-ha feel like you just ran it over a cheese grater. What on earth is so hard about letting your sister have the stupid dirty sock. If that's what she wants to play with than let her be, I will give her extra vitamins this week and brush her teeth real good. And why can't she just stop running away with whatever it is that he wants to have at that moment. If I have to remind them not to run in the house and scream like they are being chased by lions one more time today than I might explode.
   On the upside I have not had to remind them to be easy with the baby. They understand that he is no longer in my belly and instead is out here and we have to be careful around him. They love to hold him and they love to be wherever he is. They have asked to help with just about every aspect of his care, and JT seems to really feel in touch with Porter's hunger needs. He lets me know whenever Porter is hungry, and reminded me yesterday that I have to be easy with Porter's pee-pee. Think I got this little man.
   I am completely in love with my family. I love watching them interact and watching Ian hold them. I love all the kisses they sneak and the funny things they say. We went to grab some burgers last night from 5 Guys.... mmm... and while we were waiting at the table for our food so we could take it home I asked JT and Ellie if they wanted to draw me a picture while we waited for food. As I walk towards the back of the restaurant to grab markers and index cards, JT says " BOOB?! Wait for BOOB?" LOL I tried really hard not to laugh and said "no silly FOOD. While we wait for our burgers and fries. "He responded with " Oh! Good, I don't want to eat your boob. That's for Porter" Well then.. I am glad that this place is almost empty.
   I do have some pictures of the kids, that I plan on posting to Facebook today. Just have to get around to putting them on the computer.

    I have more blogs planned.. for instance, I think I jinxed myself when I said Reha had been really good. ---- she broke her cage. . Yeah, destroyed it. And then there are the cicadas.. or as my children like to call them "Cay Duhs" and then there are just plain cute pictures of Porter. I promise to get around to these soon. Happy Monday

Tears, attitudes, allergies and over-tired babies

   Believe it or not, all in one day. How fabulous you say? yep.. welcome to my life today.
   My day started out with a sink full of dirty dishes and a dishwasher full of clean ones. My least favorite chore in the world is unloading the dishwasher. I would rather clean your toilet. But last night I decided to take the better late than never attitude and get started on some freezer meals for post Porter.
   My meal of choice was lasagna, because lets face it, lasagna is amazing and when made from scratch it is nothing short of perfection... as long as you don't burn it. After an hour of sauce making I decided I was done for the night and we were going to have some spaghetti. Of course Porter decided that food was not really high up on his priority list (neither apparently is getting out of me, I think we will need to discuss rearranging some things in his life) and I was able to eat approximately 5 bites before I was done.
   I was a bit grumpy, overly sensitive and for the first time this pregnancy had swollen feet, so after putting the kids to bed I went to sleep too. Ian did however put the food away which was awesome of him, mainly because I would have been pissed had all that sauce gone to waste. Back on track..  Dishes..
   I did not have a restful nights sleep, and therefore had little energy to start things this morning. I did finally get around to cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, while I kicked the kids out on the deck to blow bubbles and play water guns. For those of you who don't speak toddler I will translate for you..
   "Let's shoot the cat with water guns and dump bubbles on the deck. See how many times you can ask mom to fill something up and let the dog out on accident."
   After cleaning I got the call from the vet in regards to yesterdays visit for Cookie, my rat terrier who turns 7 next month. her white blood count was high and since she had gotten worse they recommended an emergency surgery to remove her infected uterus. They however could not fit her in until Tuesday and recommended anti-biotics to hopefully keep her alive until then. There were no guarantees and they suggested that if we could find somewhere that could do the surgery sooner than to take it.
   We did. It cost us twice as much, but after rushing her over for an exam she seemed a bit lethargic. She had gotten to the point of not even lifting her head in response to being called. Overnight she had become distended and developed a high fever. The second vet did an x-ray to confirm and discovered that her uterus was very close to rupture and her liver was showing signs of stress as well. Lots of money later, along with 2 children literally bouncing off the walls, knocking over things and climbing over furniture, and me, an unshowered pregnant lady bawling in the exam room later, I was walking out without my dog. I cried the whole ride home.
   Cookie was my first animal. She has been around as long as my husband ( who by the way has been very sweet through this whole thing, and told me that he couldn't let my dog die days before I have a baby) and she has been through a lot with me. She was my first baby, especially when we were unsure if we would ever have human babies of our own. The thought of losing her when she was completely healthy was not a bearable thought, so facing that in reality made for a pretty rough day.
   I came home and attempted to distract myself by compiling the lasagna. It does look yummy, but it is in the freezer for another night. Besides I don't think my body would allow me to enjoy it right now. In addition to the tiresome day, I am making all the necessary arrangements for my induction on Tuesday. I am worried about leaving Cookie mid recovery to deliver a baby, and hoping to deliver before the induction all at the same time. I feel very conflicted about it all and totally unprepared. There are still things I want to do, and through contractions and pressure I am only able to do so much at once.
   Add to all of my fun that the kids have some terrible allergies going on and the medication we usually use is temporarily unavailable. With itchy eyes and discharge and runny noses they have been a mess to deal with. Both of them insisted on getting in the shower with me, and while that is the one place they behaved today it was short lived. I made noodles for dinner and they are unaware that bed time is just moments away. This mama has surpassed her daily limit of crap to deal with, and if I have to listen to them fight or scream one more time I think I might explode.
   I think the only way that this day could be salvaged would be with Cheesecake. Yummy yummy cheesecake and a small glass of wine, (which has been approved by my doctor before I get any lectures). I am still waiting for my husband to return home, and hoping he will stop to oblige me.
  

     As a side note I was reminded never to ask the following question out loud. Even when your son is poking his sister in the eye and your daughter is dumping shredded cheese on the dog. " Can this day get any worse?"
    Why you ask? Because the answer is.. "sure can. Here is some water leaking from the fridge that was not there 5 minutes ago that you can slip on.  That mini heart attack is a warning not to ask again"


Goodnight blog readers. I sincerely hope every single one of your days was better than mine. Love you guys!

6:30 am observations

   I have been in full "Evict Porter" mode for a few days now. I have done just about everything I can think of or read up on to no avail.. After laying in bed for over an hour this morning I decided that while it was a.) not raining and b.) there were no children awake except the inhabitant, I would use my time wisely and go for a walk.
   My walks are normally accompanied by either my neighbor or my husband and always at least 1 child. This means that there is a lot of stopping and slow movement, as my toddlers like to stop and observe EVERYTHING on their walks. Not that this is really a bad thing, but when you are more focused on making sure you don't lose one, rarely do you take the time to stop and look around. This morning on the other hand I had the time to observe, and the luxury of walking at my speed.
   I made mental note of a few things that I am not sure I would have noticed otherwise. For example... an unfortunate amount of frogs get run over in my neighborhood. Which really is sad for me because in addition to my mammal loving tendencies, I also used to own a few frogs. They were actually African Fire bellied Toads. Super cool little things that make a barking noise rather than the suspected "ribbit" or "croak." I am even that crazy lady that will intentionally avoid hitting one if I can help it without putting myself or any other vehicles in danger.
   Another random tidbit that may interest you all.. The cicadas are really coming. It's started already, and they are just as creepy as I remember them being when I was a kid. I can remember my dad taking me outside to show me what they looked like and me getting all close and personal with one that was chilling on the tree in the back yard. I am curious to see the reactions of my children to these weird looking super bugs, as neither kid really cares too much for the insect varieties. Last night while waiting for Ian to get home I spotted a spider in the floor. We get some super yucky ones here, like the hunting spiders that are the size of your face and jump.. Ok, the size part may be a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.. and they really do jump. This one, however, was only about an inch long, and even though I am TERRIFIED  of spiders I was not in the mood for JT to see it first and then have to listen to the screaming and crying that accompany such sightings. After I started beating it with a flip flop and squirming like a baby getting a diaper changed, he caught on. He backed off very slowly and when it was dead he said.. " Mommy. That was yucky. I really really hate spiders."

Me too, little man, me too.

   Also, I was impressed to see that most of my neighbors are not procrastinators like we are and had their trash out on the curbs already. While this week we do have ours out, we usually just barely make the trash pick up. Sadly, not as many of them recycle as I would like to see, and the environmentalist in me considered taping a flyer to their trash cans about how easy it is. You already pay for the service people.. just throw your crap in there and put it out with the trash. Its the same day, and they even make it easy for you... no sorting and they don't even ask that you rinse it. The recycle can tells you you don't have to. Come ON!!
   On a happier note, I have found a new yard in my neighborhood to obsess over. There is one that I really like that the landscaping is just beautiful. Half of our neighborhood got a facelift last year when we had the hail storm. Including our house, many of them got either new roofs, new siding or both. Its amazing how much updated siding can do for the appeal of the neighborhood. The lovely landscaped house also took that time to start working on their yard. The gentleman that lives there has been doing it himself, I see him out in his yard most every weekend and sometimes during the week too. They lined their huge ditch with big garden stones and have the pretty flowers that creep over them strategically placed. They have beautiful, full, colorful flower beds lining their property, and a pretty bridge to get over the ditch. It really is gorgeous and they have not even finished yet. This new house's yard is not as elaborate, but seriously people not a single weed in their grass. Its gorgeous, and had it not been soaked from a day and half of rain I may have been tempted to lay in it. It just looks so comfy and plush. They do have a flower bed, and well mulched beds bordering the house, but the grass... beautiful. Compared to my house at the moment though I think the majority of the houses in my neighborhood are ahead. In all fairness though, you guys saw the Kubota pictures with JT. . We did just have 2 stumps removed from the front yard, one of which belonged to what Ian and I had affectionately named the Octo-Tree. This baby spread its seed like nobodies business. And the root system on those things were awful. By the time you realized it was there it was too late. Nothing sort of Round-Up took care of them by the time they reached a foot tall, and you even had to cut the top off to make sure the round up got in their good enough. I should post a picture of what the stump looked like out of the ground, It reminds me of Ursula..
   Yes, I think it is just as evil as her too.
   Other than that I have nothing new and exciting to say today. However.. If any of you would like to send happy labor thoughts my way I would not turn them down. Happy Wednesday?!

Daddy has a PeePee, Mommy has a Gyna

   Please tell me that the title of this blog threw you for a loop.

   My children have recently decided that anatomy is a favorite topic of conversation. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. But it gets a little strange around here.
   I have always believed that my children would know the correct terms for body parts and not treat them as if they are taboo. JT and Ellie are only toddlers but they understand that babies drink from Mommy's breasts, and its called nursing. They don't stare or ask questions, it does not confuse them, and I don't ask that anyone hide what they are doing. To me its beautiful and natural and they should respect it. They also know that boys have a penis and testicles and girls have vagina's.
   For some reason this has become a justification for things.. Let me give you an example.

 JT: I am going to see MY Daddy.
Ellie: No, MY Daddy
 JT: NO ELLIE. MY Daddy. Daddy has a Pee Pee, you have a gyna.

this actually worked by the way. . she agreed that it made sense and let him go alone without further argument. I was shocked and confused because what on EARTH does this have to do with the price of eggs in China?  I mean seriously. . He fathered both of you with the same body part.. I am not sure why he can only be one of yours..
   Then there was yesterday. We are standing outside watching Ian chop up some of those roots from the tree stumps I just told you about and JT  (who for some reason has an obsession with peeing outside) decides to walk between the van and Ian's work truck and start peeing. Ellie walks over to see what he is doing, partially because she is nosey and partially because she loves to irritate him, and he informs her of the following:
   " I have a pee pee, so I can pee outside, you have a gyna so you have to sit on the potty."
   To which her response was "OH, you have a pee pee" and begins to giggle. Oh dear.
  
   They have also recently decided that it's cool to compliment people. Without really understanding how to do this, they just walk around telling people that they like random objects. As I step out of the shower a few weeks ago JT looks me in the face and says "Mommy, I like your boobs" ummm.. Thanks? He also likes my belly, my toes, my hair, phone, pants and teeth. As far as I am concerned I think the kid has crush on me.  Or there is absolutely nothing he does not like.. except vegetables, and meat, and his sister taking his stuff.
   Ellie just likes to copy him, or randomly rub my skin and stare at me with a creepy grin on her face. Once I had a nightmare about it.. In said nightmare she was like a Chucky doll.. Not cool when I woke up to her staring me in the face in real life. Sometimes I think Ian's dreams are better. He doesn't remember any of them, but they seem pretty cool... he gets to sing opera and laugh.. I get my children turning into killer dolls. There seems to be some injustice here. Not to mention he never gets the eebie jeebies in a dark room with the kids.
   There are also some key phrases that get some extra attention and usage out of the mouths of JT and Ellie.. Here are a few..

    " You kiddin' me Bub-bub?" (that is what Ellie calls JT during normal conversation. If she is mad at him his name is James Irbin Thom-as
   " I am" - doesn't matter what you ask them to do, this is the response.. well either this or no.. pretty predictable around here
   " Not nice" Ellie was throwing a fit the other day and threw herself back onto Reha's pig toy. She stood up gave the pig a dirty look, picked up and pointed her finger in its face and said "not nice! Do it again and you get a sfankin" and then threw the pig across the room. She seems to like to threaten to spank people or objects.. She even threatened to spank my friends little boy that is her age. He was a little grumpy and pushed her away while sitting in his moms lap..
   "Giddie up Horsie"- another mutual favorite. Sometimes they try to ride the dogs, other times its their toys or each other or Ian.. I once caught Ellie trying to sit on a 3 inch tall plastic horse.. I really wish I had gotten a picture of that. It was awesome.
   " I need boom"- in an attempt to procrastinate anything (including time outs and bed time) my children will request fist bumps.. followed by high fives and "pinky" which is just a made up tapping of pinkies in the sequence of hand gestures. Ellie uses her pointer finger, but either way they call it pinky.


    I love my crazy children.. I personally think they are the coolest kids ever. We do a lot of laughing.. and mostly I feel like its at Ellie, because she is a nut. I just feel the need to warn you that if you are around my children they are going to ask you some personal questions.. or in the case of my neighbor, call you by the wrong name and shove their hand down your shirt.. Sorry about that "engine"
  

overdue unexciting news

   Wow. Ladies and Gentlemen I am sorry that it has taken me several weeks to get around to posting.. I guess a general update is in order.
  
   Well... I am still pregnant. Should be obvious since there have been no Facebook status updates to inform you otherwise, however... you would be surprised by how many times I get asked that question in a day. I promise you it is not for lack of trying, as I have done just about everything suggested to speed this process up... except that whole black cohosh/ castor oil idea.. My body is sore and tired enough I really don't have any interest in puking my guts out at this point... or expelling them in another manner either.
   Aside from the general anxiety I get every single time I think abut giving birth, and the jittery feeling I get when I realize I could be meeting my little guy any day pregnancy is honestly not that bad.

          I will allow that to sink in. I feel it's fair to give a moment after making a statement like that.
 
   I mean don't get me wrong... I am finished. I am ready to meet him, to be able to roll over on my own and take unsupervised baths. I DO NOT want to be induced and therefore am attempting to evict my stomachs inhabitant at any moment. Other than that I am still content. There are aches and pains, but I feel like those are part of the territory and never really went away after getting knocked up the first time. I still enjoy the movement inside of me. I still like knowing he is safe and sound in there, and can move around with a great deal of ease ( as long as I am in an upright position). True, it feels like somebody walked up and kneed me square in the pubic bone, but I can eat, I can breathe I am not swollen or in any sort of immense discomfort, and honestly once he comes out I have to adjust to managing to keep alive 3 children instead of 2.
   You would think that anxiety would be null and void since I have already done this 2 times, but seriously have any of you met Ellie??? She is like hell on wheels rolled into cute chubby legs and cheeks and a deceiving smile. Don't believe me? Spend the day with her. She can only fool you for a few hours, after that its all true colors and attitude. But she is adorable.. and FUNNY, and a nudist.
   My grandma informed me its a family trait... and her stubborn attitude and nudity are stemmed from me giving her the middle name Lorraine. I was surprised.. I thought it was more of a Linkenhoker thing. If not I will be relieved as long as it is not also attached to the Everett name.
   Other than pregnancy, there has been little going on in my house. Lots of me freaking out that the house is not spotless, gotta love nesting, and yard work. I am truly excited that my yard is finally getting around to being usable and presentable. At the moment there are 2 huge dirt piles in the front yard with roots sticking out of them, but that is what happens when you have stumps removed. The garden is starting to come together, the kids have room to play with their toys without stepping in dog poop or tripping on sticks. There is no longer a pile of leaves the size of China in my back yard, and for the most part the random piles of yard debris have been cleared out as well. I trimmed the azalea bushes so they are all nice and pretty, and I rid the front of a dead ugly bush by the mailbox. I even planted some day lillie's and plan to transplant some iris' to the area to spruce up the curb appeal.
   My roses are about to start blooming and my daddy gave me some ornamental grass that I am super excited about. Ian even keeps the yard cut.... WHAT?!? It's pretty awesome! Now when I stare at the front of my house from across the street.. Ok look I spend a good amount of time discussing gardening and lawns with my neighbor. I can't believe I am old enough to say that. Anyways.. back on topic.. Now when I stare at my house from her bay window I focus on replacing the blinds from the cheap $3 walmart ones to the faux wood blinds with the 2 inch slats. I would love to have the real wood ones, but lets me honest, I have an 80 lb dog who likes to look out the window and bark at random passers by.. I don't want to spend $60 every time she decided to act like a jackass.
   There is still some work to do in the yard, and that will come with time. If anyone is in need of taking out some anger though I have a whole area you can come chop down and dig out. . . No... Seriously. I have plans. =D
   The kids are doing great. Ellie officially weighs more than JT, still a few inches to go to beat him there though. They are both very excited about Porter and have some very unusual topics of conversation that I will be addressing in the next blog. The animals are good, Reha has actually started listening a lot better and I can leave her out when company is here. If we are out in the yard she will still escape to come see us but there have only been 2 or 3 instances of her taking off down the street in the last 6 months or so. All of which involved a cat. I can't decide if she likes them or hates them.. she barks viciously and non stop at them, but she wags her tail the whole time. I don't think she would ever hurt one, but I am not sure what she thinks they should do in response to her... What can I say? It's Reha.
   Ian had a very uneventful birthday. He turned 29, and came home after working all day to the kids screaming, me crying and a cake without candles. The kids took turns singing to him and opted for cake rather than dinner.. Ian's birthday... Ian's executive decision. We had chinese. He did take JT to see the new Iron Man movie. They both seemed to enjoy it.

   Other than that folks I can not think of much to say. OH Except I bought a new mop.. It is just like a swiffer but with a re-usable cleaning pad and the cleaner container is refillable with whatever cleaner you like to use.. I was stoked. Don't judge me.

Highlights of my day.

   Clearly God has a sense of humor. I have known this for years, as often I have tried to do something, only for it to turn out totally wrong.. For instance. . . My best friend was raised by her grandmother. Memaw was the type of woman who did not even check the mail without her hair and makeup done. Story has it that when her daughter was in labor with my friend, Memaw took the time to curl her hair before driving her to the hospital.
   I drove home from college in a middle of the night rush the day before she passed away. In that rush I conveniently forgot to pack any pants. I stuck around for the funeral, and therefore needed to buy something nice to wear. I bought this really cute black skirt that she would have loved, I matched it with a plain top and a pair of sequined slip ons. After the funeral we went to the cemetery, where my dad started to giggle and handed me his suit jacket. Confused, I took it as he whispered in my ear that the skirt of choice for that day was completely see through, and the entire packed funeral home had seen my rear end. Memaw did request that something funny happen at her funeral, lucky for me I was her target.
   Today I prayed for patience. Not sure why but mine was slipping pretty close to the line of downright pissed off and needing to scream. In an effort to not turn into the worlds worst mother ( obviously I can't be that bad, my kids are still alive but hormones have a way of making you think some pretty awful things about yourself ) I have sent my children in the other room and googled Fat Amy video clips.  I have heard however that when asking God for Patience what you are really asking for is practice, so you can learn to handle it on your own. That is just what I got today.
   My children have screamed and cried and thrown fits. They have pretended not to know things they clearly know, and not to hear things they clearly heard and just ignored. Thankfully there were no potty accidents today, but there were a few slipped bad words ( on their part, not even mine! ) they have had a few knock down fights over a balloon, lots of running in the house and not doing what they are supposed to. Here are a few highlight of my day.
   -Ellie decided that rather than eat her yogurt that she literally knocked her brother to the ground over, she would instead take it and fingerpaint the walls and my table.
   - JT decided he would conveniently forget how to count. After knowing how to count to at least 10 and most of the time 20 for over a year, today he no longer knows what the number 3 is, or that 6 and 7 come before 8 not after 10.
   - Since I was apparently not quick enough at getting my children a drink, I walked into the kitchen to find them taking turns drinking out of a 2 litre of orange soda.
   - After being told repeatedly to go in the toy room and clean up the toys, Ellie strolls out of the toy room in nothing but a superhero cape. I have yet to find out where her underwear went, although I located her shirt and pants. She refuses to put any of it back on and therefore is running around completely naked at this point.
   - Both of my children, who know fully well that they are not allowed to take the cushions off the couch and jump on them, have been caught numerous times doing just that as soon as I leave the room, including as I type this. I give in.
   - I couldnt figure out where Ellie kept getting paper towels since she cant reach the roll, until I found her digging them out of the trash and dipping them in the dog water.
   - Both of the kids have found that Porter's carseat is a great place to hide from each other, and since with the base attached it is quite heavy for me to carry up the stairs it sits off to the side of the living room.
   - I learned today that Reha is in fact ok with the children attempting to ride her. I have heard the term "Giddie Up Horsie" at least 50 times today. Doberman, Horse.. apparently all the same to toddlers.

   I have surrendered. I shall make dinner, dip into the candy stash that I hid from my entire house, and watch something with Adam Sandler in it tonight. Tomorrow is a new day, and if my children happen to be in the same mood I may end up screaming... or locking them in their rooms and watching terrible television. Nothing makes you feel better about your life like an episode of Maury.