Don't get me wrong, every child is awesome. The pain in the butt ones- awesome, the quiet ones- awesome, the energetic ones-awesome. Every child, no matter what their quirks, gifted areas or downfalls is awesome in their own way. This is a list of the top 10 reasons Ellie is. . . Forgive me for being biased.. I grew her, that kind of tips the scales a little. These are in no particular order and are just my favorites, there are plenty more reasons, and more will come along... I will update. =)
1. She leaves me kisses. . . On my clean windows, dirty ones too but they are less noticeable. She recently learned to shove her face up to the window and blow, leaving chunky cheek marks and licking lines all over the windows.. Adds character to the house, because if you have kids you already know that there is no one area of your house that is allowed to be clean for too long.. Unspoken house of children rule.. If you don't have children... The rest of the world wishes you a fun time!
2. She likes to feed the dog. . . waffles, puffs, sandwiches, crackers, cat food, cheese.. and just in case the dog gets tired of water she gives her a little milk here and there... you know to rinse the evidence of all the "snacks" she has eaten through the day. I no longer worry about whether the dog is hungry.. I know without a doubt that Ellie has taken care of that problem for me, and dog food is simply to make sure she does not fill up on the junk food.
3. She is teaching me to be quick, attentive and sneaky. . . Otherwise she is up the stairs before I can blink, hand in the kitty litter before I find something to block the stairs with, pulling all the clean clothes down off the table that I just finished refolding from the last time she pulled them down, or in the kitchen dumping the cat food on the floor for the 10th time because her brother has some issue with keeping the baby gate closed.
4. There is nothing she won't eat. . . bills, scraps of paper left on the floor, whatever her brother dropped, anything and everything you put on her tray, Ian's new years resolutions. The upside is she saves my vacuum from having to work so hard.. all the big stuff has already been devoured..
5. She helps me keep the toys organized. . . by dumping them all out everyday. Every bin she can reach, every shelf she can see, every container of blocks must be dumped at least one time a day, allowing me lots of time to resort the toys in case anything made its way into a bin that it does not belong in..
6. She is teaching our house patience. . . by repeatedly doing things that annoy each one of us. Touching JT and taking his food. Never did I think that having to separate my children would happen at the ages on 1 and 2. Let me tell you though, we had another thing coming.. She is the largest antagonizer I have ever met, and it has shown me that my patience level is not where I thought it was.. we are learning though.. as a whole.. not to yell, that the little things are not that big of a deal, and that sometimes what we would like to be doing needs to wait.
7. She reminds me to clean up after myself. . . I have always had a weak point here. I have been bad about leaving folded clothes (or unfolded) where they are rather than putting them away. Leaving my dishes on the table. leaving food on the coffee table for when I decide to snack later, not putting the mail away. This is a habit that is changing little by little as her little chubby hand reaches new and more important piles, and bags of things.. For instance.. The other day she got hold of a store bag that I had brought in from the car containing some odds and ends that had been left in there over time, including a to-go mug of coffee that I thought was empty. I was wrong. I now have some coffee stained notebooks, and a scarf that smells awfully nice when it gets warm... Coffee scented perfume YUM!
8. She helped me get over the fear of cutting the cats nails on my own. . . I have a 14 lb cat, he is 6 years old and until a few months ago I had never cut his nails without the help of my dad or my husband. There is something I fear worse than the sharp claws that I have 4 yr old scars from clawing into me and not releasing until I am covered in blood, and that is my daughter catching the wrath of those babies.. Fortunately for her she is fearless, and determined... we shall see who wins this battle of wills... stay tuned for Mommy's protectiveness v.s. Ellie's stubbornness.. they are bound to have it out in more than one area.
9. She finds money for me. . . Under the couch, behind the shelves, in the bottom of boxes and hampers, behind the toilet.. The advantage of having a child that actually crawls (unlike JT who army crawled) is that when they get tired they plop down on the floor for a few seconds and rest their heads, allowing them to see all the things that you have missed in your quick vacuum job, and all the things you did not know had fallen out of your pocket, and sometimes you end up a dollar richer!
10. She talks . . . in her sleep, when she is awake, not that most of it is distinguishable, but the things that are sure do crack me up. She can say about 10-15 words or phrases now.. her newest are "go go go" and "bad bad baby" this should tell you how fun it is at my house..
When I was pregnant with this amazing bundle of laughs everyone would look at JT and tell me how terrible Ellie would behave. That I could not get so lucky 2 times in a row, that Ellie would be a terror and that JT was God's trick on me to have more babies. I told them they were wrong and they were wrong. She is fast, she is sneaky, she is into everything under the sun. exploratory and loud, messy and GLORIOUS. Since she turned mobile and started talking I have rarely stopped laughing. My house is a mess because she is on my heels tearing it down, but there is nothing that this little girl can not do when she sets her mind to it. She is a problem solver, can get around any obstacle that you set in front of her, will figure it out faster than you realize she has even started working on it and she is going to be a head strong, determined, stand up for what she believes female powerhouse. This past year has opened my eyes to so many new opportunities and pushed aside so much fear in me because I know if she can do it I can.. She is a 1 yr old.... If she can do that in me at 1, think of the changes she will make in this world as an adult..
My daughter is anything but a terror, she is amazing, and your negative words can not change that, now that I have moved past your terrible advice, let me give you a piece of good advice... Don't wish something on someone just because you can't handle it. No child is a terror, each and every one of them are AWESOME.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
On Days Like Today
I try not to use the vague statement "It's just been one of those days" Today, However, I am not sure that I can come up with anything better to say.
Today, The construction across the street was especially loud. It, as I have mentioned, keeps the kids up from napping, as do the neighbors when they so considerately decide that noon is an excellent time of day to play their music at the loudest capable setting of their receiver. . . after sending their obnoxiously loud and disrespectful kids out to play on the playground since they kept them home from school.
Today, Ellie is cutting 2 molars. She seems to be especially happy about them coming in. Since she can't talk yet (save a few words) she lets me know by teething on absolutely everything, and crying and refusing to eat well, or drink anything.
Today, JT woke up in the mood to ignore everything I asked of him, also refusing to eat, hiding in the corner when he was supposed to be going to sit on the potty, and instead peeing all over my house. He also thought that since Ellie had FINALLY cried herself to sleep (for the first time in her life I might add.. and I am NOT exaggerating here) that he would go looking for me in her room since he had peed in his diaper and wanted it changed. At bed time he threw a fit and woke his sister up. A fit so bad that it warranted a spanking and going to bed without his usual movie time beforehand.
Today, both of the children decided it might be fun to follow me around and dump every bin of toys I picked up, pull down every pile of clothes I folded, and even took all the hangers out of a pile of things that I had hung up and threw them all over the living room. Both of them being cranky also felt that I needed to hold them all day, not caring if I was already holding the other, and if I did not meet their every single need at the exact moment they chose- flung themselves in the floor screaming to the top of their lungs.
Today, my children fought like cats and dogs, and my cat and dog fought just like my children. The dog never stopped barking, she barked when I set down the cleaner bottle on the counter. She barked every time I flushed the toilet, whenever she saw someone walking, driving, parking or standing outside.. Luckily for me I live in townhouses, so that never stops. My dog, Cookie, also enjoyed running off on me every time I let her out to use the bathroom.. my cat, Peaches, enjoyed throwing up every time I fed him.
Today, my husband did not want to listen to me complain. . . . Honestly I don't blame him. I have been a hormonal lazy mess all week. I have cried for no reason, I have yelled at him, I have complained and I have not been productive. (before anyone asks I can say with 100% certainty that I am not pregnant)
Today, I spent over 2 hours on the phone with someone who barely speaks the same language as me and was fairly new at their job. this is normally not that big of a deal to me, but on top of the whining kids and the barking dog and the pounding in my head, I found myself getting irritated and impatient. I found myself wanting to throw my phone.. I found myself wanting a cigarette.
Today..... I missed someone who has been gone for a few years. Someone who would have known just what to say to make everything seem trivial. Someone who I loved very dearly even though she was not related to me by blood. A very special woman who was taken way too early and who I still find myself needing. Today was the first time I needed her and could not find her voice in my head.
So today for lack of a better term was "one of those days"
One of those days where the world does not make sense, where patience and togetherness are just beyond your reach. Where it's easier to curl up in bed, or on the couch and cry than to call someone, because you know that the only way to rid yourself of all the terrible feelings inside is to release them in tissues and memories and prayers.
Now it's time to go attempt to put my daughter back to sleep, have a good long talk with God and pray like crazy that tomorrow is a bright sunny day filled with laughs and not tears. Filled with love and not frustration. Filled with Thankfulness for all of the wonderful gifts I have been given, and not resentment for the ones that have been taken away .....because I miss them everyday, but especially on days like today.
Today, The construction across the street was especially loud. It, as I have mentioned, keeps the kids up from napping, as do the neighbors when they so considerately decide that noon is an excellent time of day to play their music at the loudest capable setting of their receiver. . . after sending their obnoxiously loud and disrespectful kids out to play on the playground since they kept them home from school.
Today, Ellie is cutting 2 molars. She seems to be especially happy about them coming in. Since she can't talk yet (save a few words) she lets me know by teething on absolutely everything, and crying and refusing to eat well, or drink anything.
Today, JT woke up in the mood to ignore everything I asked of him, also refusing to eat, hiding in the corner when he was supposed to be going to sit on the potty, and instead peeing all over my house. He also thought that since Ellie had FINALLY cried herself to sleep (for the first time in her life I might add.. and I am NOT exaggerating here) that he would go looking for me in her room since he had peed in his diaper and wanted it changed. At bed time he threw a fit and woke his sister up. A fit so bad that it warranted a spanking and going to bed without his usual movie time beforehand.
Today, both of the children decided it might be fun to follow me around and dump every bin of toys I picked up, pull down every pile of clothes I folded, and even took all the hangers out of a pile of things that I had hung up and threw them all over the living room. Both of them being cranky also felt that I needed to hold them all day, not caring if I was already holding the other, and if I did not meet their every single need at the exact moment they chose- flung themselves in the floor screaming to the top of their lungs.
Today, my children fought like cats and dogs, and my cat and dog fought just like my children. The dog never stopped barking, she barked when I set down the cleaner bottle on the counter. She barked every time I flushed the toilet, whenever she saw someone walking, driving, parking or standing outside.. Luckily for me I live in townhouses, so that never stops. My dog, Cookie, also enjoyed running off on me every time I let her out to use the bathroom.. my cat, Peaches, enjoyed throwing up every time I fed him.
Today, my husband did not want to listen to me complain. . . . Honestly I don't blame him. I have been a hormonal lazy mess all week. I have cried for no reason, I have yelled at him, I have complained and I have not been productive. (before anyone asks I can say with 100% certainty that I am not pregnant)
Today, I spent over 2 hours on the phone with someone who barely speaks the same language as me and was fairly new at their job. this is normally not that big of a deal to me, but on top of the whining kids and the barking dog and the pounding in my head, I found myself getting irritated and impatient. I found myself wanting to throw my phone.. I found myself wanting a cigarette.
Today..... I missed someone who has been gone for a few years. Someone who would have known just what to say to make everything seem trivial. Someone who I loved very dearly even though she was not related to me by blood. A very special woman who was taken way too early and who I still find myself needing. Today was the first time I needed her and could not find her voice in my head.
So today for lack of a better term was "one of those days"
One of those days where the world does not make sense, where patience and togetherness are just beyond your reach. Where it's easier to curl up in bed, or on the couch and cry than to call someone, because you know that the only way to rid yourself of all the terrible feelings inside is to release them in tissues and memories and prayers.
Now it's time to go attempt to put my daughter back to sleep, have a good long talk with God and pray like crazy that tomorrow is a bright sunny day filled with laughs and not tears. Filled with love and not frustration. Filled with Thankfulness for all of the wonderful gifts I have been given, and not resentment for the ones that have been taken away .....because I miss them everyday, but especially on days like today.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Home buying ( a.k.a my meltdown)
Ever have one of those days where everything is a HUGE deal. The dishwasher was not loaded properly. Meltdown. The pants you wanted to wear are not quite dry.. Scream to the top of your lungs in frustration. The kids are being whiny. You join them.
This is what is known around my house as "Stacey needs a nap"
Generally around this time, my loving wonderful husband (these adjectives are not the same ones I use on those days) tells me to go lay down because I am getting on his nerves and obviously need some time to myself. Yesterday was one of those days. Add to all the rest... for once in my life my body decided to be normal (has to be all the vitamins I have been taking) and my friend came to town. It's more of a frenemy situation this month... Hello bloating and irritability, thanks for joining my blurred vision leftover from my eye infection, and the tension headache I have from worrying about buying a house in time for us to be out before our lease runs up.
Which brings me to the whole point of this blog. We are searching for a house. (YAY!!!) there is hardly anything on the market that meets our search criteria (BOOO!!) Now I am fully aware that I am being slightly on the picky side .. which is totally ok for me to say, but not so much when it comes from Ian's mouth. I stand firm that the house has to be at least 2 levels. Our price range seems to attract lots of ramblers, which can look really nice, but it's not what I want. I am willing to settle with 3 rooms, but I would prefer 4. It has to have at least an area for the kids toys, I want an adult living room... one where I don't step on legos and baby dolls everytime I try to get off the couch.
Up until here Ian and I really have no qualms. I mean he does not particularly care how many levels the house is, but is ok with my preference. We disagree on yards. We are currently looking at a house that has a creek running through the back yard. ...
A creek. who has a creek in their yard?!
Ian loves it. Me? Not so much. I want a yard that the kids can play in, a place where the dog can run and I can enjoy company. He wants this creek "so the kids can jump in it and play in the summer."
Insert over tired, over hormonal, sore as crap from trutching through the forest with my dad and uncle (ok it really was not that bad, I totally plan on going again next week.. mainly because it made me realize how out of shape I am, and because they don't think I can do it.. but seriously could barely lift my legs afterwards...) and 3 hours of sleep- MELT....DOWN....
My poor husband comes out of the bathroom to me sobbing on the couch incoherently about how I want a house, how everything I like he hates and I don't want a creek in my yard. Something about the hoarders who currently own the house going on the show, no seriously they should. I just want one day to myself, where I can sleep and not have to worry about stupid house hunting and cleaning (kitchen and downstairs at this point were RIDICULOUS) and then I get mad at him for trying to calm me down. As he stares at me.. most likely wondering what on earth I am saying, how that much snot scmes from my face when I cry, and what on earth he did this time that I am so pissed off at... I break down even further and send myself to bed.
An hour and half later when he wakes me up so that he can leave, I look at him and tell him to call my dad and put a bid on the house..Having a creek really is not the end of the world, and after all, he likes it, It would be our house.. which means it does not come with the whole Lowes collection of lawn ornaments that is there now, and it has plenty of space for us and then some..
I can paint, I can upgrade, I can rip out the ugly tree in the front yard if I want to. Because whatever house we buy, whether it's this one or another, will be OUR house. not somebody else's. And that's what I really want.
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us, they cloud our judgement and make us say and do things we wish we hadn't. Sometimes we just need a nap to get back to reality. Sometimes we just need our kids to take one.. thats a whole different story though.
This is what is known around my house as "Stacey needs a nap"
Generally around this time, my loving wonderful husband (these adjectives are not the same ones I use on those days) tells me to go lay down because I am getting on his nerves and obviously need some time to myself. Yesterday was one of those days. Add to all the rest... for once in my life my body decided to be normal (has to be all the vitamins I have been taking) and my friend came to town. It's more of a frenemy situation this month... Hello bloating and irritability, thanks for joining my blurred vision leftover from my eye infection, and the tension headache I have from worrying about buying a house in time for us to be out before our lease runs up.
Which brings me to the whole point of this blog. We are searching for a house. (YAY!!!) there is hardly anything on the market that meets our search criteria (BOOO!!) Now I am fully aware that I am being slightly on the picky side .. which is totally ok for me to say, but not so much when it comes from Ian's mouth. I stand firm that the house has to be at least 2 levels. Our price range seems to attract lots of ramblers, which can look really nice, but it's not what I want. I am willing to settle with 3 rooms, but I would prefer 4. It has to have at least an area for the kids toys, I want an adult living room... one where I don't step on legos and baby dolls everytime I try to get off the couch.
Up until here Ian and I really have no qualms. I mean he does not particularly care how many levels the house is, but is ok with my preference. We disagree on yards. We are currently looking at a house that has a creek running through the back yard. ...
A creek. who has a creek in their yard?!
Ian loves it. Me? Not so much. I want a yard that the kids can play in, a place where the dog can run and I can enjoy company. He wants this creek "so the kids can jump in it and play in the summer."
Insert over tired, over hormonal, sore as crap from trutching through the forest with my dad and uncle (ok it really was not that bad, I totally plan on going again next week.. mainly because it made me realize how out of shape I am, and because they don't think I can do it.. but seriously could barely lift my legs afterwards...) and 3 hours of sleep- MELT....DOWN....
My poor husband comes out of the bathroom to me sobbing on the couch incoherently about how I want a house, how everything I like he hates and I don't want a creek in my yard. Something about the hoarders who currently own the house going on the show, no seriously they should. I just want one day to myself, where I can sleep and not have to worry about stupid house hunting and cleaning (kitchen and downstairs at this point were RIDICULOUS) and then I get mad at him for trying to calm me down. As he stares at me.. most likely wondering what on earth I am saying, how that much snot scmes from my face when I cry, and what on earth he did this time that I am so pissed off at... I break down even further and send myself to bed.
An hour and half later when he wakes me up so that he can leave, I look at him and tell him to call my dad and put a bid on the house..Having a creek really is not the end of the world, and after all, he likes it, It would be our house.. which means it does not come with the whole Lowes collection of lawn ornaments that is there now, and it has plenty of space for us and then some..
I can paint, I can upgrade, I can rip out the ugly tree in the front yard if I want to. Because whatever house we buy, whether it's this one or another, will be OUR house. not somebody else's. And that's what I really want.
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us, they cloud our judgement and make us say and do things we wish we hadn't. Sometimes we just need a nap to get back to reality. Sometimes we just need our kids to take one.. thats a whole different story though.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Adventures of Potty Training.
Let's be honest. Nobody really wants to potty train. We all swear life is going to be so much easier when our kids can go to the bathroom all by themselves, but really, is the week of pee and poop all over the place really worth it? Not to mention.. After all is said and done, you still have to remind them 90 times an hour to go on the potty so they don't forget.. and then there's still the wiping issue.
I have been potty training J.T. for about 4 days now. Really potty training, not just pretending I am by sitting him on the potty once a day (really it was once a week but I am trying to make myself look a little better here people.. help me out.) Needless to say it has been slightly on the interesting side.
By interesting I mean of course ,A PAIN IN THE BUTT.
Day one: Not bad. I was pretty impressed actually with both my ability to remember that we were actually doing this this time ( I have fooled myself a few times into thinking that we were serious and always fall through.) and his ability to realize when he was about to go, and let me know in time to rush him off to his froggy throne. We had one poop involving accident.. That one was totally my fault as I was in the middle of changing Ellie and he honestly tried to tell me and I did not get to him in time. We moved past that quickly. Over all a successful day.
Day two: FAILURE. I don't think he peed on the potty once. All over my carpet? YES. All over the kitchen floor? YES. The pile of clothes that I had just taken out of the dryer? YES. All over me? YES.
He did poop on the potty 3 times (WOO HOO!) and throw an absolute fit when I tried to put a diaper on him for nap time. None the less, I spent a good majority of the day trying to remind myself we were not accepting defeat this time.
Day three: We bought more underwear. Super cute ones too. I mean honestly.. You all know that the two things I love most about babies is their feet and their little butt cheeks.. there is nothing in this world cuter than baby butts... and now the cutest part of my son walks around sporting Mater, Buzz, Woody, Wall-E, and Nemo. I finally gave into my urge to take a picture when he was not looking.
Day four: We started out weak. He refused to sit on the potty, he screamed at me and tried to keep his undies on while sitting there.. he discovered the little pee-pee hole in the front of his underwear and kept playing with it..Half the time he went half the time he peed on my rug. When we left for the mall he tried to convince me to let him wear his underwear over his diaper.
We are getting there. It may come down to a battle of wills, but I will win. So far the couch is skating by without harm... although I personally hate this couch and would set fire to it if it were not inside my house so I guess we will just have to see how long it can slide by. I have spent more time this week wiping up pee spots from my son than I have pretty much anything else.. As parents I wonder how on earth we are so oblivious to how hard simple tasks can be. I mean I could hold my pee for hours when I was a kid just to prevent getting out of bed in the middle of the night. ( my brother had me terrified there was something hiding in my room that could only be seen when all the lights were off, and thus I had to wait til dawn to get out of bed.) My son on the other hand can't figure out how to hold his pee for 3 seconds to run to the bathroom.. Needless to say, I think the next few weeks are going to be fun.
And by fun, of course, I mean.. totally not.
I have been potty training J.T. for about 4 days now. Really potty training, not just pretending I am by sitting him on the potty once a day (really it was once a week but I am trying to make myself look a little better here people.. help me out.) Needless to say it has been slightly on the interesting side.
By interesting I mean of course ,A PAIN IN THE BUTT.
Day one: Not bad. I was pretty impressed actually with both my ability to remember that we were actually doing this this time ( I have fooled myself a few times into thinking that we were serious and always fall through.) and his ability to realize when he was about to go, and let me know in time to rush him off to his froggy throne. We had one poop involving accident.. That one was totally my fault as I was in the middle of changing Ellie and he honestly tried to tell me and I did not get to him in time. We moved past that quickly. Over all a successful day.
Day two: FAILURE. I don't think he peed on the potty once. All over my carpet? YES. All over the kitchen floor? YES. The pile of clothes that I had just taken out of the dryer? YES. All over me? YES.
He did poop on the potty 3 times (WOO HOO!) and throw an absolute fit when I tried to put a diaper on him for nap time. None the less, I spent a good majority of the day trying to remind myself we were not accepting defeat this time.
Day three: We bought more underwear. Super cute ones too. I mean honestly.. You all know that the two things I love most about babies is their feet and their little butt cheeks.. there is nothing in this world cuter than baby butts... and now the cutest part of my son walks around sporting Mater, Buzz, Woody, Wall-E, and Nemo. I finally gave into my urge to take a picture when he was not looking.
Day four: We started out weak. He refused to sit on the potty, he screamed at me and tried to keep his undies on while sitting there.. he discovered the little pee-pee hole in the front of his underwear and kept playing with it..Half the time he went half the time he peed on my rug. When we left for the mall he tried to convince me to let him wear his underwear over his diaper.
We are getting there. It may come down to a battle of wills, but I will win. So far the couch is skating by without harm... although I personally hate this couch and would set fire to it if it were not inside my house so I guess we will just have to see how long it can slide by. I have spent more time this week wiping up pee spots from my son than I have pretty much anything else.. As parents I wonder how on earth we are so oblivious to how hard simple tasks can be. I mean I could hold my pee for hours when I was a kid just to prevent getting out of bed in the middle of the night. ( my brother had me terrified there was something hiding in my room that could only be seen when all the lights were off, and thus I had to wait til dawn to get out of bed.) My son on the other hand can't figure out how to hold his pee for 3 seconds to run to the bathroom.. Needless to say, I think the next few weeks are going to be fun.
And by fun, of course, I mean.. totally not.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Mommy misconceptions.
Talking to some friends over the last week I have been collecting a list of things as moms (or dads) we should really try to convey to our children.. Or those who give gifts to them.
Firstly... And this is a big one. . Even though we get used to it, we do not actually ENJOY your snot. WHAT?!?! I know I know.. big shocker to all those who have yet to have kids, and to the kids themselves.. but I don't particularly care that I pushed you through my hoo-hoo... your snot is still gross. As much as I love getting your kisses I would rather you wipe your nose first, because when your snot hits my lip I want to gag. (and usually do). It is still gross to find "boogies" on things, no matter if you know whose they are or not, and my hand is not a piece of toilet paper.. We buy that stuff for a reason.. Kleenex.. yeah HUGE BRAND NAME.. I buy it so the crappy ones don't make your nose sore.. I spend good money on that stuff.. you know where I keep it... in case you forgot let me show you.
Secondly... I get bored of hearing the same songs over and over and over.. We are currently in a Little Einsteins phase in my house. I swear the songs haunt my sleep. I find myself humming Jake and the Never Land Pirates like its Taylor Swift or Adele.. Its awful! What kind of parents do these characters have anyways?!?!? I mean don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the time that my son watches a show uninterrupted and allows me to get some things done.. I am even grateful that they are teaching him things.. Like how to count higher than what we are working on, and music and dancing. He loves to sing now, and is getting REALLY good at colors and numbers.. But seriously... "Purple plane purple plane to the rescue, your a brave little plane yes it's true... " and "OOOPEN UP, we want to come in, open open open open up" I actually had to turn the tv on last night to drown these songs from my brain...
Third... Even though you don't think you should have to take a nap every day, you really have to. Not only are you whiny if you don't but there is only so much time in a day that I can handle someone hanging on my limbs and asking me questions.. Its exhausting sometimes. I love you more than anything in this world, Take a nap so mommy can enjoy peace and quiet for a little while, then we can spend some more time cuddling, rolling around on the floor and playing. Mommy needs to watch her DVR and make some phone calls before her patience level drops off the charts.
Fourth... There are certain toys mommy only lets you have when she needs you distracted. Mainly because some Jerk-face decided to make toys without an off button. Which is not only annoying as crap but batteries are expensive. WHO DOES THAT? Elmo's voice is super annoying no matter what he says, if I have to hear him sing Old McDonald one more time we are going to see how far mommy can throw. This is getting ridiculous. Also, you really need to keep your toys in the toy area.. It's creepy to walk through the house in the middle of the night and have toys go off because they are motion censored. I almost peed myself one day when the stupid zhu zhu pet ran across my foot in the kitchen under the cabinets... and playdoh has not gotten any tastier over the years for anyone who may have wondered.. Definitely caught a mouth full one day when what I thought was a dried cranberry (which there were some of in the recipe I had just finished) turned out to be a small chuck of playdoh.. Whole new meaning to "I am watching what I am eating" let me tell you..
Lastly..The animals are not here for your torturing pleasure.. The doggie will bite is not something mommy likes to say over and over and over.. She says it for your safety.. and the dogs well being. When you learn math you will discover this problem...
2yr old
-------------- = EMERGENCY ROOM and $$$$$$$$
10 lb dog
and this one
Kitties claws + smacking him with whatever is in your hand and laughing = blood.
Until then I will do what every mommy just LOOOVVES to do and remind you every 5 minutes while secretly hoping for the day that your children get to drive you equally crazy so you can understand why mommy eats more chocolate than an oompa loompa, occasionally day dreams of wine, and loves you more than life itself.
Firstly... And this is a big one. . Even though we get used to it, we do not actually ENJOY your snot. WHAT?!?! I know I know.. big shocker to all those who have yet to have kids, and to the kids themselves.. but I don't particularly care that I pushed you through my hoo-hoo... your snot is still gross. As much as I love getting your kisses I would rather you wipe your nose first, because when your snot hits my lip I want to gag. (and usually do). It is still gross to find "boogies" on things, no matter if you know whose they are or not, and my hand is not a piece of toilet paper.. We buy that stuff for a reason.. Kleenex.. yeah HUGE BRAND NAME.. I buy it so the crappy ones don't make your nose sore.. I spend good money on that stuff.. you know where I keep it... in case you forgot let me show you.
Secondly... I get bored of hearing the same songs over and over and over.. We are currently in a Little Einsteins phase in my house. I swear the songs haunt my sleep. I find myself humming Jake and the Never Land Pirates like its Taylor Swift or Adele.. Its awful! What kind of parents do these characters have anyways?!?!? I mean don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the time that my son watches a show uninterrupted and allows me to get some things done.. I am even grateful that they are teaching him things.. Like how to count higher than what we are working on, and music and dancing. He loves to sing now, and is getting REALLY good at colors and numbers.. But seriously... "Purple plane purple plane to the rescue, your a brave little plane yes it's true... " and "OOOPEN UP, we want to come in, open open open open up" I actually had to turn the tv on last night to drown these songs from my brain...
Third... Even though you don't think you should have to take a nap every day, you really have to. Not only are you whiny if you don't but there is only so much time in a day that I can handle someone hanging on my limbs and asking me questions.. Its exhausting sometimes. I love you more than anything in this world, Take a nap so mommy can enjoy peace and quiet for a little while, then we can spend some more time cuddling, rolling around on the floor and playing. Mommy needs to watch her DVR and make some phone calls before her patience level drops off the charts.
Fourth... There are certain toys mommy only lets you have when she needs you distracted. Mainly because some Jerk-face decided to make toys without an off button. Which is not only annoying as crap but batteries are expensive. WHO DOES THAT? Elmo's voice is super annoying no matter what he says, if I have to hear him sing Old McDonald one more time we are going to see how far mommy can throw. This is getting ridiculous. Also, you really need to keep your toys in the toy area.. It's creepy to walk through the house in the middle of the night and have toys go off because they are motion censored. I almost peed myself one day when the stupid zhu zhu pet ran across my foot in the kitchen under the cabinets... and playdoh has not gotten any tastier over the years for anyone who may have wondered.. Definitely caught a mouth full one day when what I thought was a dried cranberry (which there were some of in the recipe I had just finished) turned out to be a small chuck of playdoh.. Whole new meaning to "I am watching what I am eating" let me tell you..
Lastly..The animals are not here for your torturing pleasure.. The doggie will bite is not something mommy likes to say over and over and over.. She says it for your safety.. and the dogs well being. When you learn math you will discover this problem...
2yr old
-------------- = EMERGENCY ROOM and $$$$$$$$
10 lb dog
and this one
Kitties claws + smacking him with whatever is in your hand and laughing = blood.
Until then I will do what every mommy just LOOOVVES to do and remind you every 5 minutes while secretly hoping for the day that your children get to drive you equally crazy so you can understand why mommy eats more chocolate than an oompa loompa, occasionally day dreams of wine, and loves you more than life itself.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
My Rant
I am going to step out of my normal range of blogs and talk about something that I am extremely passionate about... Honestly I tend to watch what I say for fear of offending, but today I am going to set aside that fear.
The day that you had children- whether you are a biological mother, a biological father, a step parent, adoptive parent, a legal gaurdian etc.- you accept responsibility for them, you become their parent, their guide. let me break this down for you..
RESPONSIBILITY- You are from this point on in charge of making sure they are a decent human being, of caring for them both physically and emotionally.. This goes beyond clothing and feeding them. Children are not puppies people. They grow up to remember the things that you say to them. they grow up to remember the situations that you put them in. You set examples for them, are the person that they look up to. They listen to every single word that comes out of your mouth. They are then molded and shaped into adults by those words, those tones, those actions.
For the love of GOD, do your job of raising them. Quit focusing on what YOU want, on what makes YOU happy and take a deep look into your childs eyes and make a commitment to be a decent human being yourself. Your job of being a parent does not end when they are 18. You can't change your mind, you dont get a break. Being a mom requires my attention 24 hours a day 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I dont get vacation, or sick days. My job of being a good parent does not stop when my children are out of my sight, as it will not stop when they move out of my house. It may change as we age, but it will never stop.
There is always talk about how those who don't vote should not be able to complain about the way our government is run, well I feel that way about parenting.. If you dislike the children that you see in the stores, day care, outside playing etc., than take the time to raise yours properly! I can not change the way the kids behind my house behave, no matter how I try because I am not in their home. I do not control what they come in contact with, how they are disciplined, who they hang out with. . . What I can do is make sure my children never think that behavior is acceptable.
How can I sit here on my high horse saying that you ask? Because I have parents!!! They may have not done everything perfectly, I still dont agree with every decision they made. I dont have to. They care about me, and they took the time to make sure that I was not out doing what so many others did... I will not judge you for making bad decisions. It is not my place. But it is my right to express my opinion, and I am quite frankly tired of hearing people complain about all of the stupidity in the world while they sit on their rear ends not doing anything to change it. If you want your children to respect you, to obey you.. do something to be respected for... Quit trying to be their friend. . No matter how hard you try they are not going to like you every day of thier lives. Your world will not end because they tell you they don't like you. Make your children use manners, you know--- please, thank you, excuse me, bless you... Yes Ma'am, No Sir... Eye contact. With all the ugliness and discrimination, and evil in the world do your part to offset it..
We have ONE planet, ONE life. Yours is not any more important than anyone elses. Teach that, live it! Do you have any idea how much of a role we have today in preserving this world. Get your head out of your rear end and realize there are other people in this world who matter. Whose opinions matter, whose dreams matter. Who are we to say that our way is the right way? Damn people, be respectful of human kind.
End Rant
The day that you had children- whether you are a biological mother, a biological father, a step parent, adoptive parent, a legal gaurdian etc.- you accept responsibility for them, you become their parent, their guide. let me break this down for you..
RESPONSIBILITY- You are from this point on in charge of making sure they are a decent human being, of caring for them both physically and emotionally.. This goes beyond clothing and feeding them. Children are not puppies people. They grow up to remember the things that you say to them. they grow up to remember the situations that you put them in. You set examples for them, are the person that they look up to. They listen to every single word that comes out of your mouth. They are then molded and shaped into adults by those words, those tones, those actions.
For the love of GOD, do your job of raising them. Quit focusing on what YOU want, on what makes YOU happy and take a deep look into your childs eyes and make a commitment to be a decent human being yourself. Your job of being a parent does not end when they are 18. You can't change your mind, you dont get a break. Being a mom requires my attention 24 hours a day 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I dont get vacation, or sick days. My job of being a good parent does not stop when my children are out of my sight, as it will not stop when they move out of my house. It may change as we age, but it will never stop.
There is always talk about how those who don't vote should not be able to complain about the way our government is run, well I feel that way about parenting.. If you dislike the children that you see in the stores, day care, outside playing etc., than take the time to raise yours properly! I can not change the way the kids behind my house behave, no matter how I try because I am not in their home. I do not control what they come in contact with, how they are disciplined, who they hang out with. . . What I can do is make sure my children never think that behavior is acceptable.
How can I sit here on my high horse saying that you ask? Because I have parents!!! They may have not done everything perfectly, I still dont agree with every decision they made. I dont have to. They care about me, and they took the time to make sure that I was not out doing what so many others did... I will not judge you for making bad decisions. It is not my place. But it is my right to express my opinion, and I am quite frankly tired of hearing people complain about all of the stupidity in the world while they sit on their rear ends not doing anything to change it. If you want your children to respect you, to obey you.. do something to be respected for... Quit trying to be their friend. . No matter how hard you try they are not going to like you every day of thier lives. Your world will not end because they tell you they don't like you. Make your children use manners, you know--- please, thank you, excuse me, bless you... Yes Ma'am, No Sir... Eye contact. With all the ugliness and discrimination, and evil in the world do your part to offset it..
We have ONE planet, ONE life. Yours is not any more important than anyone elses. Teach that, live it! Do you have any idea how much of a role we have today in preserving this world. Get your head out of your rear end and realize there are other people in this world who matter. Whose opinions matter, whose dreams matter. Who are we to say that our way is the right way? Damn people, be respectful of human kind.
End Rant
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Whose child ARE you??
Today was interesting.
I won't say it was a bad day, because it really wasn't. I laughed a lot, shook my head in amusement and found myself puzzled often.. thinking "WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON TODAY"
The construction across the street is STILL going on, meaning our nap times and daily routine are STILL interrupted. We have pretty much given up on the idea of actually napping and settled for quite time, during which JT has to go play or watch a movie in his room while Ellie naps, so mommy can get an hour or so to herself. Believe it or not, although not as helpful as naps were, it is still somewhat working, and we had what I think may have been a real nap today..
That honestly did not stop the weird atmosphere that existed today.. you know the day where you swear your child has been replaced with someone else's... similar to Freaky Friday except it's Wednesday and I am still me..
If you are reading this right now, you probably already saw my post on Face Book about the bacon bits (in case you didn't JT thought they were a good enough substitute for the puffs he could not reach for Ellie) and the marshmallow picture (he gave those to her later.. Thank the Lord she takes small bites). This is only the tip of the iceberg for his behavior today.
He decided for the first time ever to draw on my walls.. with pink chalk..... (he cleaned it up btw.)
He jumped off just about every piece of furniture in my house, including the kitchen table.. Bravo for getting over your fear of heights little man... now GET OFF MY TABLE
He fed the dog an entire GoGurt... better than squirting it on her back like last time but she does not handle dairy very well... had to use an extra candle and some air freshner to fix that...
He decided to wear my tree skirt as a cape.
He dumped an entire bin of Christmas Decorations, plugged in 3 strands of lights, dumped 2 bins of toys that I just resorted last night, and lined my wall with christmas tree balls, in addition to dumping a change jar and throwing coins all over the place.
He dumped his cup of milk on the floor (how he got it open is beyond me) and got down with the dog to lick it up.. yumm.. carpet lint.
He sprayed my entire kitchen down with surface cleaner ( thank God its organic, gentle and smells nice)
Insisted on a peanut butter sandwich that he refused to eat after I made it and instead poked about 15 holes in and licked the peanut butter off his fingers.
Chased the dog and cat around all day, occasionally getting in front of them and waving his butt in their faces.
Tried to run his sister over with a power wheel 2 times.. (which she seemed to think was hilarious)
Dipped 2 socks in the dog water and rung them out on top of the dog and Ellie.
Attempted to wipe his boogers on me.
and Finally during "quiet time" managed to very quietly pull most of the clothes out of his drawers, empty a basket of clothes and both bins of toys that are in his room...
What happened to my kid? During all of this Ellie has decided to finally get fussy about cutting a tooth and insists on pulling herself up on everything. This would not be so bad if she did not try to let go right away when she has no idea how to balance herself.. and if she could get herself to whatever she wanted to pull up on. Since she does not crawl she just latches on to you as you walk by.. lol
Needless to say I am wiped. I put both kids to bed and am sitting her enjoying quite possibly the best glass of wine that I have ever had. Ian picked it out even though not only does he not drink wine, but he does not drink at all anymore so I get it all to myself.. Not too sure if it is so amazing because of my crazy day.. or if its really just that good.... at this point.. I don't even care.
I sure hope somebody's day was less wacky than mine!
I won't say it was a bad day, because it really wasn't. I laughed a lot, shook my head in amusement and found myself puzzled often.. thinking "WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON TODAY"
The construction across the street is STILL going on, meaning our nap times and daily routine are STILL interrupted. We have pretty much given up on the idea of actually napping and settled for quite time, during which JT has to go play or watch a movie in his room while Ellie naps, so mommy can get an hour or so to herself. Believe it or not, although not as helpful as naps were, it is still somewhat working, and we had what I think may have been a real nap today..
That honestly did not stop the weird atmosphere that existed today.. you know the day where you swear your child has been replaced with someone else's... similar to Freaky Friday except it's Wednesday and I am still me..
If you are reading this right now, you probably already saw my post on Face Book about the bacon bits (in case you didn't JT thought they were a good enough substitute for the puffs he could not reach for Ellie) and the marshmallow picture (he gave those to her later.. Thank the Lord she takes small bites). This is only the tip of the iceberg for his behavior today.
He decided for the first time ever to draw on my walls.. with pink chalk..... (he cleaned it up btw.)
He jumped off just about every piece of furniture in my house, including the kitchen table.. Bravo for getting over your fear of heights little man... now GET OFF MY TABLE
He fed the dog an entire GoGurt... better than squirting it on her back like last time but she does not handle dairy very well... had to use an extra candle and some air freshner to fix that...
He decided to wear my tree skirt as a cape.
He dumped an entire bin of Christmas Decorations, plugged in 3 strands of lights, dumped 2 bins of toys that I just resorted last night, and lined my wall with christmas tree balls, in addition to dumping a change jar and throwing coins all over the place.
He dumped his cup of milk on the floor (how he got it open is beyond me) and got down with the dog to lick it up.. yumm.. carpet lint.
He sprayed my entire kitchen down with surface cleaner ( thank God its organic, gentle and smells nice)
Insisted on a peanut butter sandwich that he refused to eat after I made it and instead poked about 15 holes in and licked the peanut butter off his fingers.
Chased the dog and cat around all day, occasionally getting in front of them and waving his butt in their faces.
Tried to run his sister over with a power wheel 2 times.. (which she seemed to think was hilarious)
Dipped 2 socks in the dog water and rung them out on top of the dog and Ellie.
Attempted to wipe his boogers on me.
and Finally during "quiet time" managed to very quietly pull most of the clothes out of his drawers, empty a basket of clothes and both bins of toys that are in his room...
What happened to my kid? During all of this Ellie has decided to finally get fussy about cutting a tooth and insists on pulling herself up on everything. This would not be so bad if she did not try to let go right away when she has no idea how to balance herself.. and if she could get herself to whatever she wanted to pull up on. Since she does not crawl she just latches on to you as you walk by.. lol
Needless to say I am wiped. I put both kids to bed and am sitting her enjoying quite possibly the best glass of wine that I have ever had. Ian picked it out even though not only does he not drink wine, but he does not drink at all anymore so I get it all to myself.. Not too sure if it is so amazing because of my crazy day.. or if its really just that good.... at this point.. I don't even care.
I sure hope somebody's day was less wacky than mine!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
rainy day.. blog day
Where to even start today??? There have been a few things going on that have disrupted normal life in the Thomas Household...
We finally got to the bottom of the "sort-of pregnant" issue... There is not going to be a baby after all, slightly sad about that, however happy that we will have a bit more time to prepare, and especially happy to finally get an answer. There was however an issue with my thyroid which was stopping my body from releasing whatever pregnancy hormone had been created, and thus more blood work... WHAT FUN! My medicine has been adjusted and we are on track, hopefully now that I am back on the weight loss plan I had started we will actually start to see some results soon.
Ian is working again, and with it being a new company there is of course an adjustment period to new hours.. since he took a slight pay cut we are happy for the increase in hours (at least for now while we play the fun game of catch up).
We are back in full-on house search mode.. (YAY!!!) and we are good to go and looking actively for our very first house!!! I have to say that for me this is the most exciting thing going on. Between wanting to buy for so long and having a continuous interruption of plans, and the new incentive of recent break ins and violence in my area, I am BEYOND ready to move the heck out of here and start fresh.
I think with everything that has been going on I have been having a hard time getting in any sort of holiday mood. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving ( and not just because it is around my birthday, because my birthday is actually not enjoyable for me ) and I never even really got into that (despite making 3 turkeys). Halloween did not even feel like anything more than just another day, I stayed home for Black Friday, I get irritated every time I hear Christmas music playing on the radio (don't yell at me) and now that I have a live Christmas Tree sitting in my living room I am having a hard time coming up with the festive mood required to decorate the darn thing.. Which really is a shame considering I threw a fit when my husband asked if we really needed to get a tree this year.
I am thinking that I need a good old fashioned night out, maybe a pedicure, some alone time SOMETHING.. something to reset my funky attitude and then I can start to enjoy some Christmas Spirit and look forward to my favorite part of Christmas... giving. I know that everyone says that, but honestly I have a hard time even thinking of anything that I want for Christmas.. I spend hours obsessing over the perfect gift for everyone else, and thoroughly enjoy wrapping and making under the tree look pretty. I even like to color coordinate my wrapping and bows...
I hate to let every holiday at the end of this year go to waste.. so I have a plan for a night out and some creative time to shake me out of my funk.. If this does not work I will have to resort to the one thing that never fails me when I am completely down.... A carton of Ice cream, jammies, my 2 besties and the best movie ever..... Big Daddy
We finally got to the bottom of the "sort-of pregnant" issue... There is not going to be a baby after all, slightly sad about that, however happy that we will have a bit more time to prepare, and especially happy to finally get an answer. There was however an issue with my thyroid which was stopping my body from releasing whatever pregnancy hormone had been created, and thus more blood work... WHAT FUN! My medicine has been adjusted and we are on track, hopefully now that I am back on the weight loss plan I had started we will actually start to see some results soon.
Ian is working again, and with it being a new company there is of course an adjustment period to new hours.. since he took a slight pay cut we are happy for the increase in hours (at least for now while we play the fun game of catch up).
We are back in full-on house search mode.. (YAY!!!) and we are good to go and looking actively for our very first house!!! I have to say that for me this is the most exciting thing going on. Between wanting to buy for so long and having a continuous interruption of plans, and the new incentive of recent break ins and violence in my area, I am BEYOND ready to move the heck out of here and start fresh.
I think with everything that has been going on I have been having a hard time getting in any sort of holiday mood. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving ( and not just because it is around my birthday, because my birthday is actually not enjoyable for me ) and I never even really got into that (despite making 3 turkeys). Halloween did not even feel like anything more than just another day, I stayed home for Black Friday, I get irritated every time I hear Christmas music playing on the radio (don't yell at me) and now that I have a live Christmas Tree sitting in my living room I am having a hard time coming up with the festive mood required to decorate the darn thing.. Which really is a shame considering I threw a fit when my husband asked if we really needed to get a tree this year.
I am thinking that I need a good old fashioned night out, maybe a pedicure, some alone time SOMETHING.. something to reset my funky attitude and then I can start to enjoy some Christmas Spirit and look forward to my favorite part of Christmas... giving. I know that everyone says that, but honestly I have a hard time even thinking of anything that I want for Christmas.. I spend hours obsessing over the perfect gift for everyone else, and thoroughly enjoy wrapping and making under the tree look pretty. I even like to color coordinate my wrapping and bows...
I hate to let every holiday at the end of this year go to waste.. so I have a plan for a night out and some creative time to shake me out of my funk.. If this does not work I will have to resort to the one thing that never fails me when I am completely down.... A carton of Ice cream, jammies, my 2 besties and the best movie ever..... Big Daddy
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
the beginning of a nudist
I must disclaim that he probably gets this from me. Or his father, actually.. I think it kind of runs in the family, but JT has recently discovered the joys of being naked.
It is probably my fault. He has seen me and Ian nude enough that the images are most likely burned horrifically in his retinas, add to that the many months of witnessing me nurse and he has seen enough parental nudity to cause some long lasting effect. When he was about 10 months old he began the stage of not wanting to let me get him dressed after changing his diapers in the morning. Being in the very fun stages of morning sickness I usually let him go without fighting it, but would constantly tell him that "mommy does not support your nudist habits until you are old enough to explain why you want them."
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR....
Yesterday marked the 4th day in a row that I walked into JT's room after he had been asleep to find his room completely destroyed and him 100% naked. No diaper, no socks.. nothing but happy. After telling him for the first few days that he needs to at least keep his diaper on, and ignoring it the next I finally asked him about it.. The conversation went something like this...
Me: JT, buddy, why did you take your clothes off again?
Him: Cause
Me: Mommy told you that 'cause' is not a good enough answer. Were you hot? did you pee pee through your diaper?
Him: Nope. didn't want it
Me: You didn't want your clothes on?
Him: yup, no clothes, don't want it
Me: and your diaper?
Him: no Diaper
Me: Pee pee on the potty like a big boy and we don't have to wear diapies anymore
Him: No, no potty
Me: Then you have to wear a diapie so you don't pee pee on mommy's floor.
Him: No mommy, no diapie no pants. Don't want it.
Well then. I guess we have a naked toddler running around for awhile. So please call before you show up from now on, unless you are ok with naked children talking to you.
It is probably my fault. He has seen me and Ian nude enough that the images are most likely burned horrifically in his retinas, add to that the many months of witnessing me nurse and he has seen enough parental nudity to cause some long lasting effect. When he was about 10 months old he began the stage of not wanting to let me get him dressed after changing his diapers in the morning. Being in the very fun stages of morning sickness I usually let him go without fighting it, but would constantly tell him that "mommy does not support your nudist habits until you are old enough to explain why you want them."
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR....
Yesterday marked the 4th day in a row that I walked into JT's room after he had been asleep to find his room completely destroyed and him 100% naked. No diaper, no socks.. nothing but happy. After telling him for the first few days that he needs to at least keep his diaper on, and ignoring it the next I finally asked him about it.. The conversation went something like this...
Me: JT, buddy, why did you take your clothes off again?
Him: Cause
Me: Mommy told you that 'cause' is not a good enough answer. Were you hot? did you pee pee through your diaper?
Him: Nope. didn't want it
Me: You didn't want your clothes on?
Him: yup, no clothes, don't want it
Me: and your diaper?
Him: no Diaper
Me: Pee pee on the potty like a big boy and we don't have to wear diapies anymore
Him: No, no potty
Me: Then you have to wear a diapie so you don't pee pee on mommy's floor.
Him: No mommy, no diapie no pants. Don't want it.
Well then. I guess we have a naked toddler running around for awhile. So please call before you show up from now on, unless you are ok with naked children talking to you.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
"sort-of" Pregnant
A few weeks ago I got a feeling that I had had once (actually twice) before. I knew I was pregnant. It did not make any sense because I (if anyone else recalls) had an IUD placed at my 6 week check-up after Ellie was born. Yet... call it female intuition, a 6th sense, a really good memory.. whatever... I was laying in bed at 1 in the morning and knew. I made Ian go to the store and get a test. He came home with 2. The first of which was invalid, the second of which was positive immediately and then the second line went away. I was surely not satisfied with that answer so I threw on some sweats and went for another round of tests.
So there I am in the store at almost 2 am buying pregnancy tests.. which quite frankly made me feel like an idiot! None the less I bring them home and take both at the same time.. One negative and one faintly positive. CRAP
I hardly sleep (completely freaking out) and wait ever so impatiently to call the doctor for an appointment, however they do not open until 9.. who opens that late??? They are thankfully able to get me in that afternoon.
Feeling nervous and scared I go in for an ultrasound that showed a small fetal sac (approximately 4 weeks) but that is all. My IUD is removed and I am on my way to the lab to get some blood drawn.
The next day I make a call to the doctor to ask a question and the nurse tells me that my lab results are in. Of course being anxious to know I ask what they are and she says something that I did NOT expect...
"Your results were negative"
Umm.. Excuse me? I saw the sac, The doctor would not have removed my BIRTH CONTROL (that I am still paying on btw) If I was not indeed pregnant. This has to be a mistake. They ask me to come back for another blood test which I find out the next day is also negative.
Now wait... I just don't understand. The results are negative, but I have a positive pregnancy test still sitting on my counter... and.. and..
The doctor says that one of 2 things could have happened but there is no way to tell.. Either.. I "miscarried" when my IUD was removed, or I have what is called a "blighted ovum" which is where a sac is formed but a baby is not actually there, resulting in an empty womb. Either way, there is no baby, I am not pregnant and expect to "miscarry" within a few days.
There are just some problems with this answer.. I still FEEL pregnant. I still don't understand. And most of all.. I am sad, confused.... ANGRY. It has been 2 weeks. In that time I have cried like crazy, prayed even harder, and fought the strong urge to climb in my bed and not get out for a few days... or months. But without having that option I get up and go about my day. Still a little confused and angry, and sad.
In that time 2 of my friends have announced their pregnancy (congrats by the way, from the very deepenst part of my heart), we got excited and told family and some close friends, and I have still not passed the "baby". I feel like I did when we were trying to conceive, when I watched 7 friends get pregnant and countless women glow in the stores and on the streets. It seemed everywhere I went there was someone who was pregnant. Now however, I am pregnant and I have 2 babies at home to love on when I get sad and to think of and be thankful for when I get angry, but I want to be positive, I want to be ok with all of this, and I want to know where to go from here.
Do we try to conceive and go through that heart ache again? Do we chose to let God decide for us again like we did with Ellie? Do we go back to the original 2 year plan? And how do I deal with this loss when I have not lost anything yet, and there was nothing really there to lose?
I have a slight numbness inside that I know I can not allow to stay there, but that numbness was the only thing that pulled me out of my 2 day crying, sobbing, sniffling, depressed and angry state. So I sit here, opening up to the world.. while "sort of" pregnant, and knowing that one day I will find my answer.
Please know that even though I am sharing this with you all, I do not want to be pitied, I do not want your apologies, because you did nothing wrong. I do not want you to dance around my feelings, because I am strong and I will figure this out. And I ask that you not try to give me words of encouragement because frankly I am not sure how to process them at this time.. I simply wanted to share with you what is going on in my life right now. I needed to get it off my chest, lay it on the table and start sorting through. So for the words that you were planning on giving me, I thank you for your kindness and your well thoughts. I thank you for wanting to be my friends, because I need them in this time of confusion for me, and one day I will be willing to talk to you about it if I have not already opened up to you personally.. Until then... I hope that you never have to go through it for yourself.
So there I am in the store at almost 2 am buying pregnancy tests.. which quite frankly made me feel like an idiot! None the less I bring them home and take both at the same time.. One negative and one faintly positive. CRAP
I hardly sleep (completely freaking out) and wait ever so impatiently to call the doctor for an appointment, however they do not open until 9.. who opens that late??? They are thankfully able to get me in that afternoon.
Feeling nervous and scared I go in for an ultrasound that showed a small fetal sac (approximately 4 weeks) but that is all. My IUD is removed and I am on my way to the lab to get some blood drawn.
The next day I make a call to the doctor to ask a question and the nurse tells me that my lab results are in. Of course being anxious to know I ask what they are and she says something that I did NOT expect...
"Your results were negative"
Umm.. Excuse me? I saw the sac, The doctor would not have removed my BIRTH CONTROL (that I am still paying on btw) If I was not indeed pregnant. This has to be a mistake. They ask me to come back for another blood test which I find out the next day is also negative.
Now wait... I just don't understand. The results are negative, but I have a positive pregnancy test still sitting on my counter... and.. and..
The doctor says that one of 2 things could have happened but there is no way to tell.. Either.. I "miscarried" when my IUD was removed, or I have what is called a "blighted ovum" which is where a sac is formed but a baby is not actually there, resulting in an empty womb. Either way, there is no baby, I am not pregnant and expect to "miscarry" within a few days.
There are just some problems with this answer.. I still FEEL pregnant. I still don't understand. And most of all.. I am sad, confused.... ANGRY. It has been 2 weeks. In that time I have cried like crazy, prayed even harder, and fought the strong urge to climb in my bed and not get out for a few days... or months. But without having that option I get up and go about my day. Still a little confused and angry, and sad.
In that time 2 of my friends have announced their pregnancy (congrats by the way, from the very deepenst part of my heart), we got excited and told family and some close friends, and I have still not passed the "baby". I feel like I did when we were trying to conceive, when I watched 7 friends get pregnant and countless women glow in the stores and on the streets. It seemed everywhere I went there was someone who was pregnant. Now however, I am pregnant and I have 2 babies at home to love on when I get sad and to think of and be thankful for when I get angry, but I want to be positive, I want to be ok with all of this, and I want to know where to go from here.
Do we try to conceive and go through that heart ache again? Do we chose to let God decide for us again like we did with Ellie? Do we go back to the original 2 year plan? And how do I deal with this loss when I have not lost anything yet, and there was nothing really there to lose?
I have a slight numbness inside that I know I can not allow to stay there, but that numbness was the only thing that pulled me out of my 2 day crying, sobbing, sniffling, depressed and angry state. So I sit here, opening up to the world.. while "sort of" pregnant, and knowing that one day I will find my answer.
Please know that even though I am sharing this with you all, I do not want to be pitied, I do not want your apologies, because you did nothing wrong. I do not want you to dance around my feelings, because I am strong and I will figure this out. And I ask that you not try to give me words of encouragement because frankly I am not sure how to process them at this time.. I simply wanted to share with you what is going on in my life right now. I needed to get it off my chest, lay it on the table and start sorting through. So for the words that you were planning on giving me, I thank you for your kindness and your well thoughts. I thank you for wanting to be my friends, because I need them in this time of confusion for me, and one day I will be willing to talk to you about it if I have not already opened up to you personally.. Until then... I hope that you never have to go through it for yourself.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
over-parenting
Everyone has a friend (at least one friend) who thinks that the only way to parent is their own right??? {Please tell me I am not the only one who knows these crazy people!} You know the ones who only move their child up in clothing and diaper sizes according to age, even if the clothes don't fit. The ones who wait for the doctor's ok to do EVERYTHING, and like to put their child on a schedule from day 1 that is more packed than a highschooler who is on every team known to man.
I am not trying to say that I am the worlds best mom, I know darn well that I will not be recieving a call on my childrens 18th birthdays for never having made a mistake while parenting... Because I know that we are not in competition with one another. I will do my best to raise my children to be respectful, well rounded, self confident and individual. But for the love of all that is holy people.. remember that they are children. They grow fast enough as it is, they are exposed to way too much way too fast.
I quite frankly am not going to remember (or care!) that my son was potty trained 2 months before his friends. It sure will not get him into a great college, or earn him billions of dollars so why push it?! I enjoy spending free time with my kids, throwing a kink in the routine and letting them play, hearing them laugh, doing fun things, letting strangers laugh at me for jumping out and scaring the bejeezuz out of my 2 year old at the store because he wants to "hiiide, hiiide"
Don't get me wrong, he is required to use his manners, we have a time out bench that has a nice worn spot from his butt when spankings are not the right fit for the crime.. but he is a toddler. He does not need to know 3 different languages and count to 100. He knows the basics, his name (and how to spell it) some of his letters, how to count to 5, how to play, how to love, how to be compassionate, and that mommy and daddy are not always right- that sometimes mommies and daddies need to say sorry too.
Next time I see a "my kid is better than yours" attitude across someones face I plan on asking this question.
What on Earth does it matter? Are they happy? Because mine are.
I am not trying to say that I am the worlds best mom, I know darn well that I will not be recieving a call on my childrens 18th birthdays for never having made a mistake while parenting... Because I know that we are not in competition with one another. I will do my best to raise my children to be respectful, well rounded, self confident and individual. But for the love of all that is holy people.. remember that they are children. They grow fast enough as it is, they are exposed to way too much way too fast.
I quite frankly am not going to remember (or care!) that my son was potty trained 2 months before his friends. It sure will not get him into a great college, or earn him billions of dollars so why push it?! I enjoy spending free time with my kids, throwing a kink in the routine and letting them play, hearing them laugh, doing fun things, letting strangers laugh at me for jumping out and scaring the bejeezuz out of my 2 year old at the store because he wants to "hiiide, hiiide"
Don't get me wrong, he is required to use his manners, we have a time out bench that has a nice worn spot from his butt when spankings are not the right fit for the crime.. but he is a toddler. He does not need to know 3 different languages and count to 100. He knows the basics, his name (and how to spell it) some of his letters, how to count to 5, how to play, how to love, how to be compassionate, and that mommy and daddy are not always right- that sometimes mommies and daddies need to say sorry too.
Next time I see a "my kid is better than yours" attitude across someones face I plan on asking this question.
What on Earth does it matter? Are they happy? Because mine are.
Clarity
I will start off saying this...
I am aware that not everyone believes in a higher being. I know that even among those who do, that there is way too much that varies between believers to cover in any blog.. Again though, this is a blog about me... so, keep in mind that I am not trying to pursuade anyone to believe as I do. I respect everyones beliefs, and only ask that you do the same for me.
I have spent a good portion of my life not really sure what I believe. I mean.. It takes a large leap of faith for anyone to believe in something that you can not see. But then again we believe in air and we can not see that. I guess that is besides the point.
Do I believe that there is a God? That everyone goes to either Heaven or Hell? That we go nowhere? That we are supposed to follow the Bible word for word, or use it as a general guide? There are alot of questions that I have always had, but I guess I have always believed that there is SOME higher being. If that is Allah, or Zues or God or are they all really the same just in different forms?
I like to believe that there is a God, and that he is watching over us and that in one way or another there is somewhere we go after this life. I guess it provides me with comfort to believe that way. Otherwise my life is filled with negativity and doubt. What point is there to life if there is no place to go after this?
I have recently had a lot of my faith questions answered. I am doing my best to sort out the mess that I have made of religion in my head and to live the way that I think I am supposed to. I will not sit here and tell everyone exactly what I believe, why I believe that way, and how to live your lives, how to think etc. I will simply end with this...
Tolerance. Nobody is ever going to see things EXACTLY the way that you do. People will always, always have a difference in opinions on something. sometimes it may be slightly different, sometimes vastly different. Does that mean that we should wage war on each others beliefs and inner workings? I don't think we should. then again that is my OPINION....and if there is one thing that I will not allow anyone to say to me it's that my opinion is wrong. because just like feelings... they can not be wrong.
Next time you voice your opinion though.. remember.. EVERYONE has one, not just you, and I was taught in Kindergarten to treat others as I wish to be treated.. I know I sure don't want someone else telling me what to think, what to say.. That's why I live in America.
I am aware that not everyone believes in a higher being. I know that even among those who do, that there is way too much that varies between believers to cover in any blog.. Again though, this is a blog about me... so, keep in mind that I am not trying to pursuade anyone to believe as I do. I respect everyones beliefs, and only ask that you do the same for me.
I have spent a good portion of my life not really sure what I believe. I mean.. It takes a large leap of faith for anyone to believe in something that you can not see. But then again we believe in air and we can not see that. I guess that is besides the point.
Do I believe that there is a God? That everyone goes to either Heaven or Hell? That we go nowhere? That we are supposed to follow the Bible word for word, or use it as a general guide? There are alot of questions that I have always had, but I guess I have always believed that there is SOME higher being. If that is Allah, or Zues or God or are they all really the same just in different forms?
I like to believe that there is a God, and that he is watching over us and that in one way or another there is somewhere we go after this life. I guess it provides me with comfort to believe that way. Otherwise my life is filled with negativity and doubt. What point is there to life if there is no place to go after this?
I have recently had a lot of my faith questions answered. I am doing my best to sort out the mess that I have made of religion in my head and to live the way that I think I am supposed to. I will not sit here and tell everyone exactly what I believe, why I believe that way, and how to live your lives, how to think etc. I will simply end with this...
Tolerance. Nobody is ever going to see things EXACTLY the way that you do. People will always, always have a difference in opinions on something. sometimes it may be slightly different, sometimes vastly different. Does that mean that we should wage war on each others beliefs and inner workings? I don't think we should. then again that is my OPINION....and if there is one thing that I will not allow anyone to say to me it's that my opinion is wrong. because just like feelings... they can not be wrong.
Next time you voice your opinion though.. remember.. EVERYONE has one, not just you, and I was taught in Kindergarten to treat others as I wish to be treated.. I know I sure don't want someone else telling me what to think, what to say.. That's why I live in America.
My key to Happiness
A friend asked me a few months ago if I have "issues" with my husband. The question made me laugh. Nothing against the friend of course but it really got me thinking of how lucky I am to have such an amazing husband. Granted this is not something that I have just discovered.. I am a pretty smart girl and I figured that somewhere under all of his glorious early 20's stupidity (sorry hunny) there was an absolutely wonderful man waiting for me to find.
I know this is every woman's dream.. whether they like to admit it or not... to find the misunderstood, bad boy and turn him into this great guy. I did not turn him into anything however, so please don't think something that never happened... I merely expected more of him, and he happened to surpass my expectations.
My marriage has not always been wonderful. Actually for a while ( I say while but keep in mind I am only 3 years into this life long journey) it was terrible, not that I would ever leave him, or ever doubted that we would figure it out , I actually PRAYED LIKE HELL we would figure it out. well Really I guess I should start at the beginning...
( If my blog were a movie or a play this is where we would pause to say.. you might want to get comfy, this might take a while)
I met my husband when I was 18. We worked together at TGI Fridays... fancy and romantic huh? I was just out of a long term relationship with a really great guy, who I honestly ( out comes my teen naive self) thought I might marry someday. The break-up was my doing, but that did not make it any easier, and I actually kept the whole thing to myself for months. It was not until right before Christmas that my co-workers found out, during a conversation about what to buy our significant others, a conversation I remember clearly being a bit painful and something I wanted to avoid, but of course... the question turned to me. I did not go into details, just stated that we were no longer together, so there would be no gift buying and walked away.
Before leaving that night Ian asked for my number. We had worked together for months but I really knew nothing about him, and don't remember much talking between the two of us before then, but after some smart-ass remarks.. (good part is he remembers none of this) I gave it to him. It took some convincing from a friend but I accepted a date. We went on a few, I was an emotional wreck (he does not remember any of this either) and found that we actually enjoyed each others company.
Maybe I was just trying to piss off my ex, or my parents who thought it was too soon to be getting serious with someone else, or I actually just liked him, but he was nothing.. and I mean nothing.. like the man I had imagined all my life that I would marry... But still.. there was something.
We started off pretty rocky to be honest, we were inseparable, but he refused to admit he had feelings for me, I hated pretty much everything he did outside of wanting to spend time with me... again... charming huh?
We broke up (whew.. my apologies to those of you who had to deal with me during that time) and I ended up with a cat and a dog... He still tries to convince me that since I went off and got animals without him he gets 100% say so in the next one... have I mentioned how funny he is??
Both before and after our breakup I let him know that he would marry me one day. I drove him crazy (perhaps the reason we broke up in the first place?? hmmm... hind sight is lovely isn't it?) by telling him several times a week. I also let him know I was perfect for him... Funny.. he remembers this part.
It was a few months later, and unfortunately a few moves later as well, that he proposed to me. Here is the cute part...
We were skydiving that day in Orange County. It was his second jump, first AFF (accelerated free fall) but my seventh. ( total blast for anyone who has not done it before.. well worth the money!) We were all called to the back side of the building to discuss our changed landing patterns, when I walked around the side there was a video camera the largest bouquet of flowers I have ever received and Ian, along with his family and my best friend standing there waiting for me... Oh and about 100 other people.
He got down on his knee and told me how much he loved me, that he was about to take a very scary, very big jump out of a plane, but before he did that he wanted to take a larger jump in our relationship and marry me. The poor guy was so nervous that he put the ring on the wrong hand.
We had a wonderful wedding... the planning of which was fun, but horrible for our relationship, much like a lot of other married couples. Before we could get married we had to attend a pre
The first month or so was great, we thought that the fighting was just because of the wedding plans yadda yadda yadda. Really we were just too happy to have it over with to keep fighting for the time being. It did not last that long, and then we found out we were pregnant.
The first year of our marriage was a lot of crying and fighting, a lot of resentment. When JT came along we had another short break from fighting. Ian was working 70-80 hours a week to help us get out of my parents place. We had decided that I would be a stay at home mom, and I took that job very very seriously. I was nursing and honestly think I may have showered 2 times a week. It was scary, I felt like I was doing it alone and I wanted to do the best that I could, so I just kept my fears and anger to myself.
Any married person will tell you that this is a mistake. Pent up fears and anxiety do not stay pent up for long. They come out in ways that are very hard to deal with.. for instance yelling at a baby who did nothing wrong (been there). Breaking down in tears in public for no "apparent" reason (been there). Placing blame on things that can not possibly be the real problem (been there).. Honestly I will stop there because this list just goes on and on.
About 8 months after JT was born we were able to move into a townhouse. Renting- not our original pre-pregnancy plan- but we had our things back, space, breathing room.. curtains... We had another brief period of bliss.. and family visits, unpacking etc to focus on.
A month later WHAM I was pregnant again. This time was definitely not planned. We strapped our game faces on and pushed through, again a terrible idea if you want a marriage to work. (does anyone else see where this is going?) We started to pick at the pieces a little at a time but were both too afraid to say what was on our minds. I would love to say that there is just one reason for that fear but that is not true. One reason is the lack of self esteem we both possessed, another is the fragile state of our marriage, the fear that once things were said they can never be put back in the bottle.
I can not say how Ian was feeling, but I know that I was lost, confused and miserable. I did not want to be stuck in a marriage that I did not know how to be happy in, but I believe in one marriage, one and only one soul mate, whatever it is that you want to call it, and I picked mine.. really it picked me... so what was I to do?
Let me give you the answer here...... FIX IT
There is no multiple choice here. There is only one answer, and boy was it a lot scarier and bigger than anything I had ever faced. Because what I was facing was not how do I fix him. Not how do we fix our marriage. Not how do I change him, how do I change our arguing... it was How do I fix me? Where do I start? What can I change? What can I do differently? And it was then that our marriage started to budge. When the harsh reality that I married this man, I love this man- just the way he is- and the thing I don't like is me hit me in the face I could do one of two things.
1. run
2. Take a long look in the mirror and just start somewhere, face the music and finally be happy.
Now I would love to say that things are all rainbows and butterflies and sunshine.. but they aren't. Its work, but its rewarding and its amazing. I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary with Ian, it was the best year we have had together, and even though there is a lot of work to be done... He is working on himself as well... Maybe next year we will meet in the middle, who knows. but its by far the best journey I will ever take.
I know this is every woman's dream.. whether they like to admit it or not... to find the misunderstood, bad boy and turn him into this great guy. I did not turn him into anything however, so please don't think something that never happened... I merely expected more of him, and he happened to surpass my expectations.
My marriage has not always been wonderful. Actually for a while ( I say while but keep in mind I am only 3 years into this life long journey) it was terrible, not that I would ever leave him, or ever doubted that we would figure it out , I actually PRAYED LIKE HELL we would figure it out. well Really I guess I should start at the beginning...
( If my blog were a movie or a play this is where we would pause to say.. you might want to get comfy, this might take a while)
I met my husband when I was 18. We worked together at TGI Fridays... fancy and romantic huh? I was just out of a long term relationship with a really great guy, who I honestly ( out comes my teen naive self) thought I might marry someday. The break-up was my doing, but that did not make it any easier, and I actually kept the whole thing to myself for months. It was not until right before Christmas that my co-workers found out, during a conversation about what to buy our significant others, a conversation I remember clearly being a bit painful and something I wanted to avoid, but of course... the question turned to me. I did not go into details, just stated that we were no longer together, so there would be no gift buying and walked away.
Before leaving that night Ian asked for my number. We had worked together for months but I really knew nothing about him, and don't remember much talking between the two of us before then, but after some smart-ass remarks.. (good part is he remembers none of this) I gave it to him. It took some convincing from a friend but I accepted a date. We went on a few, I was an emotional wreck (he does not remember any of this either) and found that we actually enjoyed each others company.
Maybe I was just trying to piss off my ex, or my parents who thought it was too soon to be getting serious with someone else, or I actually just liked him, but he was nothing.. and I mean nothing.. like the man I had imagined all my life that I would marry... But still.. there was something.
We started off pretty rocky to be honest, we were inseparable, but he refused to admit he had feelings for me, I hated pretty much everything he did outside of wanting to spend time with me... again... charming huh?
We broke up (whew.. my apologies to those of you who had to deal with me during that time) and I ended up with a cat and a dog... He still tries to convince me that since I went off and got animals without him he gets 100% say so in the next one... have I mentioned how funny he is??
Both before and after our breakup I let him know that he would marry me one day. I drove him crazy (perhaps the reason we broke up in the first place?? hmmm... hind sight is lovely isn't it?) by telling him several times a week. I also let him know I was perfect for him... Funny.. he remembers this part.
It was a few months later, and unfortunately a few moves later as well, that he proposed to me. Here is the cute part...
We were skydiving that day in Orange County. It was his second jump, first AFF (accelerated free fall) but my seventh. ( total blast for anyone who has not done it before.. well worth the money!) We were all called to the back side of the building to discuss our changed landing patterns, when I walked around the side there was a video camera the largest bouquet of flowers I have ever received and Ian, along with his family and my best friend standing there waiting for me... Oh and about 100 other people.
He got down on his knee and told me how much he loved me, that he was about to take a very scary, very big jump out of a plane, but before he did that he wanted to take a larger jump in our relationship and marry me. The poor guy was so nervous that he put the ring on the wrong hand.
We had a wonderful wedding... the planning of which was fun, but horrible for our relationship, much like a lot of other married couples. Before we could get married we had to attend a pre
The first month or so was great, we thought that the fighting was just because of the wedding plans yadda yadda yadda. Really we were just too happy to have it over with to keep fighting for the time being. It did not last that long, and then we found out we were pregnant.
The first year of our marriage was a lot of crying and fighting, a lot of resentment. When JT came along we had another short break from fighting. Ian was working 70-80 hours a week to help us get out of my parents place. We had decided that I would be a stay at home mom, and I took that job very very seriously. I was nursing and honestly think I may have showered 2 times a week. It was scary, I felt like I was doing it alone and I wanted to do the best that I could, so I just kept my fears and anger to myself.
Any married person will tell you that this is a mistake. Pent up fears and anxiety do not stay pent up for long. They come out in ways that are very hard to deal with.. for instance yelling at a baby who did nothing wrong (been there). Breaking down in tears in public for no "apparent" reason (been there). Placing blame on things that can not possibly be the real problem (been there).. Honestly I will stop there because this list just goes on and on.
About 8 months after JT was born we were able to move into a townhouse. Renting- not our original pre-pregnancy plan- but we had our things back, space, breathing room.. curtains... We had another brief period of bliss.. and family visits, unpacking etc to focus on.
A month later WHAM I was pregnant again. This time was definitely not planned. We strapped our game faces on and pushed through, again a terrible idea if you want a marriage to work. (does anyone else see where this is going?) We started to pick at the pieces a little at a time but were both too afraid to say what was on our minds. I would love to say that there is just one reason for that fear but that is not true. One reason is the lack of self esteem we both possessed, another is the fragile state of our marriage, the fear that once things were said they can never be put back in the bottle.
I can not say how Ian was feeling, but I know that I was lost, confused and miserable. I did not want to be stuck in a marriage that I did not know how to be happy in, but I believe in one marriage, one and only one soul mate, whatever it is that you want to call it, and I picked mine.. really it picked me... so what was I to do?
Let me give you the answer here...... FIX IT
There is no multiple choice here. There is only one answer, and boy was it a lot scarier and bigger than anything I had ever faced. Because what I was facing was not how do I fix him. Not how do we fix our marriage. Not how do I change him, how do I change our arguing... it was How do I fix me? Where do I start? What can I change? What can I do differently? And it was then that our marriage started to budge. When the harsh reality that I married this man, I love this man- just the way he is- and the thing I don't like is me hit me in the face I could do one of two things.
1. run
2. Take a long look in the mirror and just start somewhere, face the music and finally be happy.
Now I would love to say that things are all rainbows and butterflies and sunshine.. but they aren't. Its work, but its rewarding and its amazing. I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary with Ian, it was the best year we have had together, and even though there is a lot of work to be done... He is working on himself as well... Maybe next year we will meet in the middle, who knows. but its by far the best journey I will ever take.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friend; defined
Sunday night I went to the movies to see The Help with a really good friend. The kind of friend that even though we had not actually seen each other but maybe 2 times all summer was right there when I needed a night out. The kind of friend that is willing to let me ramble on about things that she does not care about, and do not directly affect her, and listen as if it were the most important thing in the world right then. The kind of friend that tells me her weaknesses, shares her insecurities and makes me laugh to the point of peeing myself because she knows that I understand completely whatever dumb thing she did.
We get to the movies and in the theatre to discover that we are the only ones watching that movie. So we pull out our snacks ( bought from wal-mart not the theatre because there is no way I am spending that much money on so little chocolate or candy if it is not from another country and going to make my problems disappear upon consumption). We pile our cracker-jacks (BTW on sale at said evil empire) and Hershey's drops and the largest box of Junior Mints I could find, next to the 2 large sodas and extra large popcorn that we did buy there..
yeah yeah.. you may bring up that we are both trying to lose weight, that that much sugar, caffeine and salt is a recipe for some serious skin problems and a few pounds that we will be complaining about next week.. To that I say this.. we both have gym memberships, more problems then a pound or two and I sell skin care products that will take away 15 years of aging.. I am not concerned with a pimple or 8.
We talk through half of the movie, and then on the way to our cars we strike up another conversation that lands us standing in the parking lot for an additional almost 2 hours. Pretty sure we both cried, {seriously we are women, moms and wives at that, and we talked for 2 hours you really expected there to be no tears? what planet do you live on???} we laughed a lot, and I came home in one of the best moods I have been in for weeks.
All this got me thinking... the label "friend" is placed on so many people in our lives. Yet we have different kinds of friends. The "friend" down the street that we say hello to but have never stepped in each others homes, the "friend" who we knew 5 years ago, but really don't talk to anymore unless we need something, the "friend" that we really don't even like but for some reason we still talk to and then.. we have the "friend" that we actually genuinely care about and love.
The definition of a friend according to Webster's dictionary is this: 1. a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance 2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
I thought about this all day. . . Why should I consider someone who is just an acquaintance a friend. Because I am a loving person, someone who puts myself out there and gives everything I have and things that I don't always have in order to help another, and I deserve to be surrounded by people who are the same way. I deserve to be surrounded by people who WANT to spend time with me, and have no interest in only doing so in order to not feel guilty about asking favors from me.
So I would like to take the time on this blog to say something to that friend. You know who you are, and I know you are reading this.
You are a kind, smart, loving and hilarious person. You have had your problems in the past, and they have done nothing except make you an even better friend and mother in my eyes. I am inspired by your love for your children and your love for life. I appreciate your encouragement, your honesty and your ear that you have so often lended to me. Please know that I am here.. no matter how late it is, how long it has been, or how long you need to talk. I love you and I thank you for being there to catch me when I think I am about to fall apart. You is kind, You is smart and you is important.
We get to the movies and in the theatre to discover that we are the only ones watching that movie. So we pull out our snacks ( bought from wal-mart not the theatre because there is no way I am spending that much money on so little chocolate or candy if it is not from another country and going to make my problems disappear upon consumption). We pile our cracker-jacks (BTW on sale at said evil empire) and Hershey's drops and the largest box of Junior Mints I could find, next to the 2 large sodas and extra large popcorn that we did buy there..
yeah yeah.. you may bring up that we are both trying to lose weight, that that much sugar, caffeine and salt is a recipe for some serious skin problems and a few pounds that we will be complaining about next week.. To that I say this.. we both have gym memberships, more problems then a pound or two and I sell skin care products that will take away 15 years of aging.. I am not concerned with a pimple or 8.
We talk through half of the movie, and then on the way to our cars we strike up another conversation that lands us standing in the parking lot for an additional almost 2 hours. Pretty sure we both cried, {seriously we are women, moms and wives at that, and we talked for 2 hours you really expected there to be no tears? what planet do you live on???} we laughed a lot, and I came home in one of the best moods I have been in for weeks.
All this got me thinking... the label "friend" is placed on so many people in our lives. Yet we have different kinds of friends. The "friend" down the street that we say hello to but have never stepped in each others homes, the "friend" who we knew 5 years ago, but really don't talk to anymore unless we need something, the "friend" that we really don't even like but for some reason we still talk to and then.. we have the "friend" that we actually genuinely care about and love.
The definition of a friend according to Webster's dictionary is this: 1. a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance 2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
I thought about this all day. . . Why should I consider someone who is just an acquaintance a friend. Because I am a loving person, someone who puts myself out there and gives everything I have and things that I don't always have in order to help another, and I deserve to be surrounded by people who are the same way. I deserve to be surrounded by people who WANT to spend time with me, and have no interest in only doing so in order to not feel guilty about asking favors from me.
So I would like to take the time on this blog to say something to that friend. You know who you are, and I know you are reading this.
You are a kind, smart, loving and hilarious person. You have had your problems in the past, and they have done nothing except make you an even better friend and mother in my eyes. I am inspired by your love for your children and your love for life. I appreciate your encouragement, your honesty and your ear that you have so often lended to me. Please know that I am here.. no matter how late it is, how long it has been, or how long you need to talk. I love you and I thank you for being there to catch me when I think I am about to fall apart. You is kind, You is smart and you is important.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Breakdown on aisle 3
I made the mistake about a month ago of taking a tired almost 2 year old into Toys R' Us. To be honest with you the trip started off well.. That is how they get you, ya know. They behave until they have you where they want you.. the back of the store surrounded by other people so you can't loose it.
He tried to convince me to leave his sister in the middle of an aisle, grabbed a few things (including the extra large extra bouncyball in the middle of the aisles and decided to throw it) and then we encountered the entire aisle of power wheels. If you have ever witnessed a toddler in front of a power wheel you know what I am about to say. If you have not yet experienced this let me paint a picture..
Try to picture a yound adult on their 21st birthday in a bar, but tell them they are not allowed to actually drink anything. or... a group of teenage girls in front of their favorite pop star.. close enough to touch, but with the HUGE body guards standing in their way.
Not imagine that those obstacles are removed (obstacle in my scenario being the stroller, as he knows how to get out of it straps and all) and TA-DA. Now imagine trying to pull him away from the power wheels.... DISASTER!
So there I was, trying to push a double stroller and convince a child who is just past his nap time to get out of the power wheels, and back into the stroller so we could go get him a toy. Yeah.. problem there for those of you who did not spot it... I was negotiating with a toddler.
This is like talking to a screaming brickwall, or talking to a deaf personwith your back turned. They might know that you are talking to them, but they have no IDEA what you are saying. and in this case, nor did he care!
That is where I found myself fed up. I grabbed him, kicking a screaming... and for those of you have not met my son.. he may be small, as in still wears the clothes he got for his 1st birthday, and I have seen children half his age at twice his size, but that boy has some muscle. He is also really great at contorting his body and making it impossible to hold on to. So as I attempt to push the double stroller 1 handed and hold him as close to me as possible
1. so that he does not fall
2. so that he does not kick anyone or anything.
and 3. so that I can get out of the store as quickly and efficiently as possible.
My phone starts ringing. And yes I am one of those people who has really obnoxious songs for ringtones.. my main one at this time is Selena Gomez's Who Says.. the na- na- na- na- na- part starts it. LOUDLY. But for the love of life, it rings not only once, but 3 times on my way out of the store. I have a bunch of people staring at me, obviously none offering to help, and as I pass each one of them they say the same thing.
Each one of them looked at their child and said " I remember those days. You used to pull that all the time" So WHY on earth are you just STARING AT ME????
I have learned that the best way to deal with this is to stand there and smile. Because every parent who is reading this knows their "perfect" child has done this at least once. . . and that is just for the ones in denial.
I did return at a later point and pick up a power wheel for him.... but he stayed home... and we will NOT I repeat NOT be making that trip together again anytime soon.
He tried to convince me to leave his sister in the middle of an aisle, grabbed a few things (including the extra large extra bouncyball in the middle of the aisles and decided to throw it) and then we encountered the entire aisle of power wheels. If you have ever witnessed a toddler in front of a power wheel you know what I am about to say. If you have not yet experienced this let me paint a picture..
Try to picture a yound adult on their 21st birthday in a bar, but tell them they are not allowed to actually drink anything. or... a group of teenage girls in front of their favorite pop star.. close enough to touch, but with the HUGE body guards standing in their way.
Not imagine that those obstacles are removed (obstacle in my scenario being the stroller, as he knows how to get out of it straps and all) and TA-DA. Now imagine trying to pull him away from the power wheels.... DISASTER!
So there I was, trying to push a double stroller and convince a child who is just past his nap time to get out of the power wheels, and back into the stroller so we could go get him a toy. Yeah.. problem there for those of you who did not spot it... I was negotiating with a toddler.
This is like talking to a screaming brickwall, or talking to a deaf personwith your back turned. They might know that you are talking to them, but they have no IDEA what you are saying. and in this case, nor did he care!
That is where I found myself fed up. I grabbed him, kicking a screaming... and for those of you have not met my son.. he may be small, as in still wears the clothes he got for his 1st birthday, and I have seen children half his age at twice his size, but that boy has some muscle. He is also really great at contorting his body and making it impossible to hold on to. So as I attempt to push the double stroller 1 handed and hold him as close to me as possible
1. so that he does not fall
2. so that he does not kick anyone or anything.
and 3. so that I can get out of the store as quickly and efficiently as possible.
My phone starts ringing. And yes I am one of those people who has really obnoxious songs for ringtones.. my main one at this time is Selena Gomez's Who Says.. the na- na- na- na- na- part starts it. LOUDLY. But for the love of life, it rings not only once, but 3 times on my way out of the store. I have a bunch of people staring at me, obviously none offering to help, and as I pass each one of them they say the same thing.
Each one of them looked at their child and said " I remember those days. You used to pull that all the time" So WHY on earth are you just STARING AT ME????
I have learned that the best way to deal with this is to stand there and smile. Because every parent who is reading this knows their "perfect" child has done this at least once. . . and that is just for the ones in denial.
I did return at a later point and pick up a power wheel for him.... but he stayed home... and we will NOT I repeat NOT be making that trip together again anytime soon.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Ellie's first mess
I was sitting on the couch yesterday.. bored out of my mind since the cable was out.. talking on the phone to my mom, avoiding all of my daily household responsibilities. Granted this is no different from about half of my time at home.. I am attempting to work on that but as I stated to Ian earlier... Cleaning is BORING!
The kids are playing in the living room. Ellie jumping in her new super cute Jumperoo.. ( which I searched for for months because it had to match the high chair, bouncy seat, stroller, swing etc. that I already had in the same pattern.) and JT running around pretending to shoot her. This like I said is a normal average day in my house.. picture a pile of clothes on the couch, unfolded of course, dishes in the sink.. not that I dislike doing dishes.. my problem there is the putting away of the dishes. If I could get rid of any one chore that is what it would be... but that is a whole other blog. Toys spread from front door to back and the vacuum sitting in the middle of the floor... again.. I think I just have an issue putting things away. I dont mind the dusting vacuuming wiping down part nearly as much, and me... still in my workout clothes from hours before.
I look over at Ellie (background noise obviously not the tv but instead JT screaming BOOM BOOM BOOM) and she has the biggest grin on her face. I start talking to her and she keeps smiling.
Fast forward about 3 minutes .I look back over at Ellie and she is still smiling.
::Moving at thoughts speed now:: Wow she is one heck of a happy baby today. Guess her belly is not hurting anymore. Hopefully she stays happy because I am not in the mood to deal with a crank ass today. ::
It is then that I realize WHY Ellie is so stinkin' happy.. and I do mean stinkin'.
She had pooped. But we are not talking normal baby poop, we are talking the kind that runs. As in all the way down her leg, and in a huge nasty pile on my carpet, that she is now jumping in, still happy as can be.
I jump off the phone with my mom, and honestly just stare for a few seconds.. Of course the next logical thing to do would have been to start cleaning it up, remove her... something.. but that is when I lost it....With JT staring at me like I am a moron.
I could not stop laughing. Nor could I figure out exactly how to remove her from the jumperoo without making the situation worse. I finally was able to pull it together, figure I had to wash the seat anyways, pull her out lay her on a towel and remove the clothes.. not that easy of a task since she was trying to pull on them and take them from me.
I then hosed her off with some anti-bacterial soap in the bathroom sink, and went to scrubbing the floors. The stain is still there today, at least it does not smell... and the cable guy did not ask about it.
Guess it's time to steam clean again.. YIPEEE!
The kids are playing in the living room. Ellie jumping in her new super cute Jumperoo.. ( which I searched for for months because it had to match the high chair, bouncy seat, stroller, swing etc. that I already had in the same pattern.) and JT running around pretending to shoot her. This like I said is a normal average day in my house.. picture a pile of clothes on the couch, unfolded of course, dishes in the sink.. not that I dislike doing dishes.. my problem there is the putting away of the dishes. If I could get rid of any one chore that is what it would be... but that is a whole other blog. Toys spread from front door to back and the vacuum sitting in the middle of the floor... again.. I think I just have an issue putting things away. I dont mind the dusting vacuuming wiping down part nearly as much, and me... still in my workout clothes from hours before.
I look over at Ellie (background noise obviously not the tv but instead JT screaming BOOM BOOM BOOM) and she has the biggest grin on her face. I start talking to her and she keeps smiling.
Fast forward about 3 minutes .I look back over at Ellie and she is still smiling.
::Moving at thoughts speed now:: Wow she is one heck of a happy baby today. Guess her belly is not hurting anymore. Hopefully she stays happy because I am not in the mood to deal with a crank ass today. ::
It is then that I realize WHY Ellie is so stinkin' happy.. and I do mean stinkin'.
She had pooped. But we are not talking normal baby poop, we are talking the kind that runs. As in all the way down her leg, and in a huge nasty pile on my carpet, that she is now jumping in, still happy as can be.
I jump off the phone with my mom, and honestly just stare for a few seconds.. Of course the next logical thing to do would have been to start cleaning it up, remove her... something.. but that is when I lost it....With JT staring at me like I am a moron.
I could not stop laughing. Nor could I figure out exactly how to remove her from the jumperoo without making the situation worse. I finally was able to pull it together, figure I had to wash the seat anyways, pull her out lay her on a towel and remove the clothes.. not that easy of a task since she was trying to pull on them and take them from me.
I then hosed her off with some anti-bacterial soap in the bathroom sink, and went to scrubbing the floors. The stain is still there today, at least it does not smell... and the cable guy did not ask about it.
Guess it's time to steam clean again.. YIPEEE!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Days like this.
Now don't get me wrong.. there are days when as a parent you look up at the sky and think... WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING?! They say God will never give you anything that you can not handle... Some days it is hard to believe that. I don't care how wonderful of a parent you are, or that you have the patience of a goddess, you know darn well there have been a few days where you look at your child and think (or say under your breath) What planet are you from?!?! How am I THIS bad at parenting? or.. my personal favorite... What the heck is wrong with you?!?! why are you still crying? It is not the end of the world!
And then you have a day.. a vacation.. a breathe of fresh air. Your children are behaving. (where have my screaming kids gone?) Nap time was easy. Manners were used. the kids played well together. And at the end of the day you kick your feet up and think... HUH... maybe I am not so bad at this.
That is how they rope you in ya know?? They are all nice and sweet, give kisses and hugs and their precious little smiles. They sing and dance. They share their toys with you and are nice to other people.. they even behave in the store... Now to you non-parent readers... think for one second when the last time you went to a store and noticed the child that was NOT screaming. That just sat there and behaved. It's rare to remember those.. But I am sure everyone reading can remember the last time they went and heard the mother one aisle over who was yelling at her kids.
You know the one who is saying something like this " I swear if you do not get in the cart and stop touching everything I am calling your father" or "that's it. You are not getting a toy" "you wait until we get in the car mister."
But every once in a while and more often for some parents.. myself included because I may complain about the tough days but I am fully aware that I have wonderful children and am spoiled by them, there will be a day that reminds you why you were so excited about your little non moving, non squirming, non back talking baby to grow up and run around.
There is nothing like the smile on a child's face to make your heart skip a beat.
So for all of the moms (and dad's) reading this on a day where you are pretty sure you have created a bald spot by pulling your hair so much (or having it pulled so much) remember that just before you think you can not handle it anymore, there will be a glorious smile that crosses your child's face, a hand that stretches out with a toy to a friend or a sibling, a hug for no reason, or an I love you mommy that will make it all worth while.
Raise your wine glass, your ice cream bowl, your fat free weight watchers crap snack, or whatever else you indulge in after the kids have FINALLY gone to bed tonight up to the sky, think of the best thing that happened with your children that day and say out loud... Here is to days like this.
And if your spouse thinks your nuts, look them dead in the face and say... hey I talked to a 2 yr old all day, I can talk to the ceiling if I want to.
And then you have a day.. a vacation.. a breathe of fresh air. Your children are behaving. (where have my screaming kids gone?) Nap time was easy. Manners were used. the kids played well together. And at the end of the day you kick your feet up and think... HUH... maybe I am not so bad at this.
That is how they rope you in ya know?? They are all nice and sweet, give kisses and hugs and their precious little smiles. They sing and dance. They share their toys with you and are nice to other people.. they even behave in the store... Now to you non-parent readers... think for one second when the last time you went to a store and noticed the child that was NOT screaming. That just sat there and behaved. It's rare to remember those.. But I am sure everyone reading can remember the last time they went and heard the mother one aisle over who was yelling at her kids.
You know the one who is saying something like this " I swear if you do not get in the cart and stop touching everything I am calling your father" or "that's it. You are not getting a toy" "you wait until we get in the car mister."
But every once in a while and more often for some parents.. myself included because I may complain about the tough days but I am fully aware that I have wonderful children and am spoiled by them, there will be a day that reminds you why you were so excited about your little non moving, non squirming, non back talking baby to grow up and run around.
There is nothing like the smile on a child's face to make your heart skip a beat.
So for all of the moms (and dad's) reading this on a day where you are pretty sure you have created a bald spot by pulling your hair so much (or having it pulled so much) remember that just before you think you can not handle it anymore, there will be a glorious smile that crosses your child's face, a hand that stretches out with a toy to a friend or a sibling, a hug for no reason, or an I love you mommy that will make it all worth while.
Raise your wine glass, your ice cream bowl, your fat free weight watchers crap snack, or whatever else you indulge in after the kids have FINALLY gone to bed tonight up to the sky, think of the best thing that happened with your children that day and say out loud... Here is to days like this.
And if your spouse thinks your nuts, look them dead in the face and say... hey I talked to a 2 yr old all day, I can talk to the ceiling if I want to.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Time for a change
Think back... Just for a moment... When you were a little kid there were times when you really wanted something. Like REALLLY wanted something, and you probably even expected to receive it. This can be something simple from a piece of candy when you were behaving at the store, a certain toy for your birthday, or even from Santa. And as we got older it switched to more important things like highlights (was I the only one on this one) or that certain someone to like you back...or the pair of shoes that EVERYONE else had.
Now remember the feeling that you got in the pit of your stomach when you didn't get it?
Unfortunately that feeling still happens when you are an adult. Sucks huh? There will still be people who let you down, things you want that you just can't have, people you want and just can't have. There are going to be things you expect from others, whether they were promised to you...
I was next in line for that promotion, it should have gone to me because I have been here years longer... or...
I just assumed that you were going to give that back when you were done.
Whatever the case may be, that feeling that creeps into us is the same feeling we had when we were a kid. The difference is that we feel now that we are older that the feeling of disappointment is irrational. We shouldn't get down about things like that.. it's just silly...
The fact of the matter is that even though we are older we still have FEELINGS. We are HUMAN. We are vulnerable and proud. And a lot of us still live by the Golden Rule.
Yes the same one from Kindergarten... everyone say it with me...Treat others the way you wish to be treated... or Do unto others as you wish to be done unto you. However you want to say it the principle is still the same. We treat our friends how we want our friends to treat us, we love our significant other the way we want to be loved, and sometimes they let us down.
Does that make them terrible people? NO. Does that make us better than them??? NO. Does that mean that the relationship is not a mutual one? ... ? ... ?
Sometimes.
This is where Kindergarten failed us. ( I apologize to those of you reading this who are teachers or have been in the past.. You are doing a great job, keep it up, thanks for all you do because you have more patience than I do )........... Remember the song
" Make new friends
But keep the old
One is Silver
And the other Gold."
Not to say this is wrong, sometimes when you make new friends the old ones are still great friends. Other times though it makes you realize what a friend is supposed to be. And sometimes that old friend is no longer someone you want to keep around. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends who have done nothing wrong, we have just grown apart. I also have a good few who I realized are not people I want to be around anymore, not because my new friends are "better" but because my new friends give me something that I can not get from the old ones. And all of these have made me further appreciate the great friends I do have.
One of my "new friends" said something to me about marriage that I believe to be true about friendship as well... She said something along the lines of "You're role as a wife is not about the things you do for your husband. Those things can be done by someone else. Someone else can clean the house, he can raise the kids... You're role is about what you do for him that if something were to happen to you, NOBODY else in the entire WORLD could give him. The behind the scenes love and support that only you were made to do."
If a marriage is in essence the best friendship you have, then wouldn't the same be true for all of your friendships? My friendships are not about who I can get to do things for me, or who I can call when I need to vent. They are not about the favors that I do for them, nor about the favors they do for me. My relationship is different with each friend I have. I know who I can count on for what. I have a friend that if I ever needed money for an emergency that I could turn to. Not that I would want to ask, or even that she would have it to give, but she would do it anyways. I have another friend that I can talk to about things I can not talk to anyone else about, and honestly know that they will stay between us. I have a few friends that I can turn to when I need a good trip down memory lane. Another I can turn to when I need some help getting my head on straight, and another I can turn to when I need an excellent laugh. To all of these people I provide a different, but mutual service I guess you could say.
In discovering this way of thinking I also had to admit that some of my friendships (and previous relationships) fell apart because I was not offering something they could not find elsewhere... OUCH.
The thing about maturity and growing up is that you have to sometimes take the road less traveled by in order to be a better person. You just have to learn ( I say learn because as most of you know it is not easy, and it takes time to perfect, it sometimes comes with hurt feelings all around ) to say "this is not what's best for me, and I think we should go our separate ways" even when its not what we want to do.
Why?
Because as someone once told me... Growth can not be achieved without stepping out of your comfort zone. We must do things we don't want to do, and give up things we want to do in order to become the person we were meant to be. If you want more than what you have something has to change.
well...
I WANT MORE.
Now remember the feeling that you got in the pit of your stomach when you didn't get it?
Unfortunately that feeling still happens when you are an adult. Sucks huh? There will still be people who let you down, things you want that you just can't have, people you want and just can't have. There are going to be things you expect from others, whether they were promised to you...
(She swore she wouldn't do that again.. or... He promised next check we could go away for the weekend. or even...I really wanted to buy that car and then they sold it.)
or expectedI was next in line for that promotion, it should have gone to me because I have been here years longer... or...
I just assumed that you were going to give that back when you were done.
Whatever the case may be, that feeling that creeps into us is the same feeling we had when we were a kid. The difference is that we feel now that we are older that the feeling of disappointment is irrational. We shouldn't get down about things like that.. it's just silly...
The fact of the matter is that even though we are older we still have FEELINGS. We are HUMAN. We are vulnerable and proud. And a lot of us still live by the Golden Rule.
Yes the same one from Kindergarten... everyone say it with me...Treat others the way you wish to be treated... or Do unto others as you wish to be done unto you. However you want to say it the principle is still the same. We treat our friends how we want our friends to treat us, we love our significant other the way we want to be loved, and sometimes they let us down.
Does that make them terrible people? NO. Does that make us better than them??? NO. Does that mean that the relationship is not a mutual one? ... ? ... ?
Sometimes.
This is where Kindergarten failed us. ( I apologize to those of you reading this who are teachers or have been in the past.. You are doing a great job, keep it up, thanks for all you do because you have more patience than I do )........... Remember the song
" Make new friends
But keep the old
One is Silver
And the other Gold."
Not to say this is wrong, sometimes when you make new friends the old ones are still great friends. Other times though it makes you realize what a friend is supposed to be. And sometimes that old friend is no longer someone you want to keep around. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends who have done nothing wrong, we have just grown apart. I also have a good few who I realized are not people I want to be around anymore, not because my new friends are "better" but because my new friends give me something that I can not get from the old ones. And all of these have made me further appreciate the great friends I do have.
One of my "new friends" said something to me about marriage that I believe to be true about friendship as well... She said something along the lines of "You're role as a wife is not about the things you do for your husband. Those things can be done by someone else. Someone else can clean the house, he can raise the kids... You're role is about what you do for him that if something were to happen to you, NOBODY else in the entire WORLD could give him. The behind the scenes love and support that only you were made to do."
If a marriage is in essence the best friendship you have, then wouldn't the same be true for all of your friendships? My friendships are not about who I can get to do things for me, or who I can call when I need to vent. They are not about the favors that I do for them, nor about the favors they do for me. My relationship is different with each friend I have. I know who I can count on for what. I have a friend that if I ever needed money for an emergency that I could turn to. Not that I would want to ask, or even that she would have it to give, but she would do it anyways. I have another friend that I can talk to about things I can not talk to anyone else about, and honestly know that they will stay between us. I have a few friends that I can turn to when I need a good trip down memory lane. Another I can turn to when I need some help getting my head on straight, and another I can turn to when I need an excellent laugh. To all of these people I provide a different, but mutual service I guess you could say.
In discovering this way of thinking I also had to admit that some of my friendships (and previous relationships) fell apart because I was not offering something they could not find elsewhere... OUCH.
The thing about maturity and growing up is that you have to sometimes take the road less traveled by in order to be a better person. You just have to learn ( I say learn because as most of you know it is not easy, and it takes time to perfect, it sometimes comes with hurt feelings all around ) to say "this is not what's best for me, and I think we should go our separate ways" even when its not what we want to do.
Why?
Because as someone once told me... Growth can not be achieved without stepping out of your comfort zone. We must do things we don't want to do, and give up things we want to do in order to become the person we were meant to be. If you want more than what you have something has to change.
well...
I WANT MORE.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
6th sense
Saturday morning I woke up with this awful feeling in my stomach.. I know most people don't believe intuition or whatever you want to call it, but there is a reason that you often here the following statement.
"Momma KNOWS"
It starts as an irrational fear. For instance I kept checking to make sure Ellie was breathing, moving the blankets away from her face etc. When I got out of the bed (she had just finished nursing) to get JT I brought him back in the room with me rather than taking him downstairs and going back up to get her. I kept reminding Ian she was in the bed.
Of course everything was fine. Ian left for a call (one of the thousand he ran that week) and I got the kids ready to run some errands.. For some reason I put Ellie's sunglasses on.. thinking the sun might give her a headache or keep her up and she needed to sleep.. not something I normally do. We ran around town picking up a few things and when we got home I left her in her seat. when she started fussing I assumed she was hungry and took her out to feed her.
Her whole body was burning up. I laid her on the floor, got a diaper and the thermometer. Some of you may think I am mean, but I take her temperature rectally.. I still take JT's that way too. Her reading was 103.1 so I gave her some Tylenol, called Ian and nursed her. I waited about half an hour and checked again.. pretty much no change. I think it had gone down to 102.7
I pretty much started freaking. which of course solves nothing and just makes Ian mad. I called the pediatrician, hopped on the computer (what would we do without Google???) and arranged for my Brother-in-law to come watch JT.
We ended up in the ER (my insurance does not cover any urgent cares in the area). After they held her down to take some blood they decided to test her urine. There is nothing worse than standing there watching someone try to cath your 6 month old baby. I am pretty sure it has been a long time since I wanted to punch someone that badly... well except for the dumb B***h that almost t-boned me with Ellie and JT in the car one day by running a stop sign at 45 mph and then gave me the finger like I had done something wrong.
After all was said and done they sent me home with no answers and just told me to watch her, keep her cool and if it gets "worse" to come back in. They also left me with this tid bit... "its good that she has not started seizing. normally babies her age with a fever this long start to have seizures" Grrreat. Go see the pediatrician on Monday. Helpful.
Her fever stayed between 101 and 102 for the remainder of the weekend. On Monday we made it to the doctor first thing in the morning and I finally got some answers. She had a viral infection that had been going around. Not sure where she got it from, but happy that it did not spread to the rest of the family, not happy that now I need to sterilize everything in my house .... AGAIN!
The best part is that this wonderful bug that decided to grace us with its presence also leaves with a nasty rash. So Ellie is no longer running a fever (after 5 days) but she has a wonderful hive looking rash covering every cm of her skin. It looks as if someone snuck in and speckled my baby pink. Not sure how long this will last.. but I really hope it goes away soon.
"Momma KNOWS"
It starts as an irrational fear. For instance I kept checking to make sure Ellie was breathing, moving the blankets away from her face etc. When I got out of the bed (she had just finished nursing) to get JT I brought him back in the room with me rather than taking him downstairs and going back up to get her. I kept reminding Ian she was in the bed.
Of course everything was fine. Ian left for a call (one of the thousand he ran that week) and I got the kids ready to run some errands.. For some reason I put Ellie's sunglasses on.. thinking the sun might give her a headache or keep her up and she needed to sleep.. not something I normally do. We ran around town picking up a few things and when we got home I left her in her seat. when she started fussing I assumed she was hungry and took her out to feed her.
Her whole body was burning up. I laid her on the floor, got a diaper and the thermometer. Some of you may think I am mean, but I take her temperature rectally.. I still take JT's that way too. Her reading was 103.1 so I gave her some Tylenol, called Ian and nursed her. I waited about half an hour and checked again.. pretty much no change. I think it had gone down to 102.7
I pretty much started freaking. which of course solves nothing and just makes Ian mad. I called the pediatrician, hopped on the computer (what would we do without Google???) and arranged for my Brother-in-law to come watch JT.
We ended up in the ER (my insurance does not cover any urgent cares in the area). After they held her down to take some blood they decided to test her urine. There is nothing worse than standing there watching someone try to cath your 6 month old baby. I am pretty sure it has been a long time since I wanted to punch someone that badly... well except for the dumb B***h that almost t-boned me with Ellie and JT in the car one day by running a stop sign at 45 mph and then gave me the finger like I had done something wrong.
After all was said and done they sent me home with no answers and just told me to watch her, keep her cool and if it gets "worse" to come back in. They also left me with this tid bit... "its good that she has not started seizing. normally babies her age with a fever this long start to have seizures" Grrreat. Go see the pediatrician on Monday. Helpful.
Her fever stayed between 101 and 102 for the remainder of the weekend. On Monday we made it to the doctor first thing in the morning and I finally got some answers. She had a viral infection that had been going around. Not sure where she got it from, but happy that it did not spread to the rest of the family, not happy that now I need to sterilize everything in my house .... AGAIN!
The best part is that this wonderful bug that decided to grace us with its presence also leaves with a nasty rash. So Ellie is no longer running a fever (after 5 days) but she has a wonderful hive looking rash covering every cm of her skin. It looks as if someone snuck in and speckled my baby pink. Not sure how long this will last.. but I really hope it goes away soon.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Parenting for the broke.
Growing up my father always provided everything we needed, and most of what we wanted. He tried very hard to keep us happy, and now more than ever I appreciate it. As a parent I now know how hard it is to watch other children have things that you want for your children. It is even harder to watch your child want for something that you simply do not have the money to buy.
Thankfully Ian and I are working on being able to move past that problem, but in the meantime there are things we go without. My children wear hand-me-downs. I did it, and many of my favorites were actually hand-me-downs, not to mention the kids grow too darn fast to constantly change out their wardrobes.. My children get things from Craigslist ( seriously craigslist is amazing!) and from Goodwill. I have had some amazing finds there! And my personal favorite.. The Weecycled Wardrobe... Vicky and Penny are amazing for putting forth the effort to organize that!! someone should write them a thankyou card larger than my townhouse.. just sayin'
I have been reading this book..The 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness ..not every day unfortunately the way it is supposed to be read, but I get to it and do the excercises and it is definitely on my recommended reads list.. The last daily excercise was to make a list of everything you are grateful for that you have. It made me realize that even though I would love to have a million things for the children that often JT plays with some of the most random things..
This is a list of some of them off the top of my head...
I am able to provide my child with a million things that other children do not have. The more creative I am, the larger his imagination is and will be. And just as in everything else.. the material possessions can not replace the laughs and memories that we make together by rolling my son up in a blanket and rolling him across the floor, playing "Horsie", or making puppets out of his socks and shoes.
Thanks Daddy for taking the time to show me that quality time can not be replaced by material possessions.. and for showing me the clearance racks.
Thankfully Ian and I are working on being able to move past that problem, but in the meantime there are things we go without. My children wear hand-me-downs. I did it, and many of my favorites were actually hand-me-downs, not to mention the kids grow too darn fast to constantly change out their wardrobes.. My children get things from Craigslist ( seriously craigslist is amazing!) and from Goodwill. I have had some amazing finds there! And my personal favorite.. The Weecycled Wardrobe... Vicky and Penny are amazing for putting forth the effort to organize that!! someone should write them a thankyou card larger than my townhouse.. just sayin'
I have been reading this book..The 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness ..not every day unfortunately the way it is supposed to be read, but I get to it and do the excercises and it is definitely on my recommended reads list.. The last daily excercise was to make a list of everything you are grateful for that you have. It made me realize that even though I would love to have a million things for the children that often JT plays with some of the most random things..
This is a list of some of them off the top of my head...
- Diaper boxes-pushes them, hides things in them.. climbs in them
- Toilet paper roll holders (he presses them up against the wall and likes to watch them fly when he lets go)
- my keys, shoes and broken cell phones (normal for todays toddlers I know)
- empty soda bottles
- magnets.. This child convinced his grandma to buy him a $3 magnet from the made in VA store so that he can stick it on the fridge and take it off a million times a day
- his own carseat
- his sisters car seat
- drink pitchers
- cheese grater.. have to hide it
- store bags (he pretends he is leaving)
- the broom
- the dvd cases ( he is known to use them instead of blocks and I find piles of them all over the house)
I am able to provide my child with a million things that other children do not have. The more creative I am, the larger his imagination is and will be. And just as in everything else.. the material possessions can not replace the laughs and memories that we make together by rolling my son up in a blanket and rolling him across the floor, playing "Horsie", or making puppets out of his socks and shoes.
Thanks Daddy for taking the time to show me that quality time can not be replaced by material possessions.. and for showing me the clearance racks.
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