So, without diving into specifics, I found myself between a rock and a hard place today.
A friend of mine needed some good advice, advice that I wanted very much to give, but found that I couldn't without causing some major issues not only in my marriage but in a friendship of my husbands. What then was I supposed to do. I was raised to be honest with my friends, to always be a good friend, even when the other person can not do the same.
But, how could I be a good friend to someone when it meant risking being a good friend to my best friend, my husband? I found myself doing something that I very much did not want to do, for the sake of my relationship with my husband.
I told him everything. I told him what happened (he already knew) and I told him what I said, so that if it came up he would know everything and could either chose to defend me, or stand by his friend.
Now how do I remain a good, trustworthy friend if I had to betray her trust and discuss it with the one person she asked me not to talk to? I did the best that I could think to do, and told her what I had done, and why. Thankfully she is a good friend as well, and she understood my predicament. She was ok with it, and now it can be out in the open, and we can all try to work through the situation together, as unfortunately, we are all now involved.
I wish that friendships could always be as easy as it was in elementary school. That you could be loyal to everyone without having to hurt anyones feelings. However, things become a bit more complicated through the years, and a best friend, a friend and a spouse all have to compete..
I send my regards to everyone involved, praying that we can work this out as adults with as little sacraficed as possible...But I leave with this note,
Always be the kind of friend that you want someone to be to you. Whether that be to a new friend, an old friend, a best friend, a bad friend, or the person you choose to spend your life with. If you can lay your head down at night knowing that you were the best friend you could be, friends who do the same will fall into your life. After all.... what goes around comes around.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Bedroom Talk
CAUTION: ADULT CONVERSATION AHEAD!
MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR FAMILY
When I first got married I learned something about my husband, he believed that sex was something special between 2 people that love each other. Sex should not be expected or discussed, it should be sporadic and an expression of your love.
No offense to my husband, or anyone else who believes that, but what I heard was BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Seriously? Why had this not come up before? I have always thoroughly enjoyed sex. I even got teased by my guy friends for it. They always told me that I had a male brain... So how in HELL did I end up with the one guy who did not see things the same way as me?
There were fights about it, long conversations about it and an agreement to disagree. We would get so irritated with each other that we would sometimes go a month or more without being intimate, his way or mine. And then I got pregnant. All of a sudden my husband had just as much interest as I did. Then I had our son and I did not really have the energy, Honestly how can you find the energy for any decent roll in the hay when you are covered in breastmilk, haven't had a shower that has lasted more than 5 minutes in weeks, and are so scatter-brained that not even a pot of coffee puts any clarity on your day?
Add to all this the immense feeling of being unattractive because you have stretch marks in places you didn't know even grew while you were pregnant and every time the baby cries or your husband touches you, you spring a leak.
Our sex life finally got to a normal pace after about 5 months.. I say normal as in like once every 2 weeks if I was lucky... sad huh? A few months after that 2 lines showed up on a dollar store test and things went for a new ride.. I quickly realized (although if you ask anyone who talked to me those first 20 weeks they will tell you I was in denial--- totally true) that I was having a girl, because for the first time in my life I could not be happier to have a man who did not need to have sex every day... Or at least I thought.
How was I supposed to know that the extreme amounts of estrogen I was secreting in the form of vomit and tears would somehow turn my husband on? After lots and lots of turning him down I had Ellie. After 6 weeks and the implantation of a wonderful device called an IUD, our sex life took on a life of it's own. Now sex is a several times a week thing. Our sex life is exciting, it's great. (Sorry for the TMI) And we are finally on the same page.
I hope it stays that way. I aspire to be one of those married couples whose children say "EW, you are too OLD to do that" because it may scar them slightly and embarass them lots, but you know... He is my husband, I committed to him for the rest of my life, to enjoy sex with him and him only for the rest of my life, so I fully intend on doing just that. Enjoying sex with my husband, for the rest of my life.
I guess the whole point here is this... Several newly married friends have asked me what my sex life is like, and if it changed after we got married. The answer is yes, several times.. so don't give up on a crappy one, it might get better, and don't take that great sex life you have going on for granted.
Happy rolling in the sack to all of you.
MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR FAMILY
When I first got married I learned something about my husband, he believed that sex was something special between 2 people that love each other. Sex should not be expected or discussed, it should be sporadic and an expression of your love.
No offense to my husband, or anyone else who believes that, but what I heard was BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Seriously? Why had this not come up before? I have always thoroughly enjoyed sex. I even got teased by my guy friends for it. They always told me that I had a male brain... So how in HELL did I end up with the one guy who did not see things the same way as me?
There were fights about it, long conversations about it and an agreement to disagree. We would get so irritated with each other that we would sometimes go a month or more without being intimate, his way or mine. And then I got pregnant. All of a sudden my husband had just as much interest as I did. Then I had our son and I did not really have the energy, Honestly how can you find the energy for any decent roll in the hay when you are covered in breastmilk, haven't had a shower that has lasted more than 5 minutes in weeks, and are so scatter-brained that not even a pot of coffee puts any clarity on your day?
Add to all this the immense feeling of being unattractive because you have stretch marks in places you didn't know even grew while you were pregnant and every time the baby cries or your husband touches you, you spring a leak.
Our sex life finally got to a normal pace after about 5 months.. I say normal as in like once every 2 weeks if I was lucky... sad huh? A few months after that 2 lines showed up on a dollar store test and things went for a new ride.. I quickly realized (although if you ask anyone who talked to me those first 20 weeks they will tell you I was in denial--- totally true) that I was having a girl, because for the first time in my life I could not be happier to have a man who did not need to have sex every day... Or at least I thought.
How was I supposed to know that the extreme amounts of estrogen I was secreting in the form of vomit and tears would somehow turn my husband on? After lots and lots of turning him down I had Ellie. After 6 weeks and the implantation of a wonderful device called an IUD, our sex life took on a life of it's own. Now sex is a several times a week thing. Our sex life is exciting, it's great. (Sorry for the TMI) And we are finally on the same page.
I hope it stays that way. I aspire to be one of those married couples whose children say "EW, you are too OLD to do that" because it may scar them slightly and embarass them lots, but you know... He is my husband, I committed to him for the rest of my life, to enjoy sex with him and him only for the rest of my life, so I fully intend on doing just that. Enjoying sex with my husband, for the rest of my life.
I guess the whole point here is this... Several newly married friends have asked me what my sex life is like, and if it changed after we got married. The answer is yes, several times.. so don't give up on a crappy one, it might get better, and don't take that great sex life you have going on for granted.
Happy rolling in the sack to all of you.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
That happens?
Forget "Terrible 2's" Forget guns and violence. Heck, forget potty training...I have decided after talking to a few other moms that there is something that needs to be said about little boys to anyone who either...
A.) Does not have children or
B.) Is pregnant with a boy
Short and sweet here goes.
Sometime you have to change diapers where your cute cuddly little boy has a hard on. We are not talking getting ready to pee so change with haste, we are talking.. he has been playing with his junk and like a full grown man.. he has an erection.
Now I know that this is a natural thing. I understand that my little boy will one day grow up to be a man, but in all honestly I like to pretend that every guy in my family is like a Ken doll... When they remove their pants there is nothing there... (I take this mentality as a protection mechanism, seriously who wants to think about their dad or brothers or uncles having a penis? EW.) I fully intend on forgetting my son has a penis when he is old enough to bathe himself. I will tell myself that his children were created by miracle, or some other ridiculous idea until I believe it whole heartedly in order to get out of having to think about it. I have even told Ian that supplying the first condoms are his job, and I am not to be consulted.
I have been told about potty training and aiming for cherrios, but seriously, I do not have a penis, so why am I the one teaching him how to aim.. (although, it might be a good idea, have you seen the mens restroom recently??) I was told that if lint gets in the pee hole he might shoot at the walls. I am even prepared for explaining what it is, what it is called and how it works, and where babies come from.
BUT...Nobody bothered to tell me that my little boy would fight with me when putting his diaper on so that I would leave it off and he could grab his "peepis" Nobody bothered telling me that erections existed before potty training. Nobody told me that he would think grabbing his stuff was funny and walk around with his hand down his pants giggling like a school girl. I mean honestly it never even occured to me. Why would it?
I have always believed in being honest with my children.. taken a "if they have the balls to ask I have the balls to answer" approach. But really?? what do you tell a 20 month old about self pleasure?? He doesn't understand why he has to go to bed at night when he doesn't want to, I am pretty sure he is not going to understand that touching himself is supposed to be private.
I have never even thought about how I would respond in this situation, more or less ASKED anyone what to do.
So for anyone reading this who might one day have a boy, do yourself a favor... ask someone what there is to know. It might be more worth your while than you realize, not to mention sharing sometimes results in an extremely good laugh.
A.) Does not have children or
B.) Is pregnant with a boy
Short and sweet here goes.
Sometime you have to change diapers where your cute cuddly little boy has a hard on. We are not talking getting ready to pee so change with haste, we are talking.. he has been playing with his junk and like a full grown man.. he has an erection.
Now I know that this is a natural thing. I understand that my little boy will one day grow up to be a man, but in all honestly I like to pretend that every guy in my family is like a Ken doll... When they remove their pants there is nothing there... (I take this mentality as a protection mechanism, seriously who wants to think about their dad or brothers or uncles having a penis? EW.) I fully intend on forgetting my son has a penis when he is old enough to bathe himself. I will tell myself that his children were created by miracle, or some other ridiculous idea until I believe it whole heartedly in order to get out of having to think about it. I have even told Ian that supplying the first condoms are his job, and I am not to be consulted.
I have been told about potty training and aiming for cherrios, but seriously, I do not have a penis, so why am I the one teaching him how to aim.. (although, it might be a good idea, have you seen the mens restroom recently??) I was told that if lint gets in the pee hole he might shoot at the walls. I am even prepared for explaining what it is, what it is called and how it works, and where babies come from.
BUT...Nobody bothered to tell me that my little boy would fight with me when putting his diaper on so that I would leave it off and he could grab his "peepis" Nobody bothered telling me that erections existed before potty training. Nobody told me that he would think grabbing his stuff was funny and walk around with his hand down his pants giggling like a school girl. I mean honestly it never even occured to me. Why would it?
I have always believed in being honest with my children.. taken a "if they have the balls to ask I have the balls to answer" approach. But really?? what do you tell a 20 month old about self pleasure?? He doesn't understand why he has to go to bed at night when he doesn't want to, I am pretty sure he is not going to understand that touching himself is supposed to be private.
I have never even thought about how I would respond in this situation, more or less ASKED anyone what to do.
So for anyone reading this who might one day have a boy, do yourself a favor... ask someone what there is to know. It might be more worth your while than you realize, not to mention sharing sometimes results in an extremely good laugh.
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