Holy mother of monkeys this week has been fun. . . and by fun I mean at one point I considered hanging my daughter by her toes from the shower door, ducktaping my son to his bed and cuddling with the baby in a closet where the rest of the world could not find me.
It's on call week. HOORAY! oh, they haven't created a sarcastic font yet? well darn. I don't know why but when I opened my calendar Monday morning and was reminded that Ian is on call this week i prepared myself to not see him. Which is weird because the last few times he has been on call during the week he has barely had a single call, but I was right this time. He has not been home all week. I have seen him for breakfast each day and then in passing as he wakes me around 11:30 to drag my feet up the steps and into bed.
Since the days all blur together I will break it down for you by kid. Lets start with the obvious.
Ellie: Peed on the floor because she "didn't feel like" going to the bathroom when she had to pee. Used a crayon to decorate the inside of my van window, locked me in her bedroom, kicked me in the face, choked Porter with my bathrobe belt, sprayed half a bottle of concentrated cleaner in the upstairs bathroom and rubbed herself down with it. We found her this morning in the toy room shoveling handfuls of Nutella in her mouth ( probably more jealous than mad about this one since its a big Paleo/whole 30 diet no-no) unraveled 2 whole rolls of toilet paper, dumped every bin of toys in the toy room after i cleaned it, dumped a whole bowl of fruity pebbles on the floor, took every thing she could manage from her brother and ran, stuck a bunch of toys down her underwear, rubbed toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror, got hold of a bottle of window cleaner and sprayed enough on the back door to drown a rat, and lastly flat out refused to listen to a single word... Oh and she bought a $25 movie on the tv.
But I love her.
JT: decided to take a turn this week and not listen. He started back talking... fun... He screamed and whined about Ev..ery..thing.. He pushed Ellie down and gave her a bloody nose, closed her finger in the door, refused to eat anything but chicken nuggets, told me he doesn't like me for the first time ever, swung a toy around and knocked Porter over, tried to cut the dogs ear off with a play knife from his kitchen, refused to put his shoes or clothes on every morning for school and fought with me about not being able to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. . . oh and between him and Ellie they pushed a cart into a little old lady in target and slammed the toy room door enough that I took the handle away and put one of those baby proof door stoppers on so it wont close.
Porter: wanted to be held, and bit me in the boob a few times.
But on top of all this Ian and I are on a diet... whomp whomp whomp. Its not so bad.. but I miss my coffee creamer and I almost caved over a McDonald's cheeseburger... But I stayed strong!! I just have never had to think this hard about food, its tough. and the hormones changes are not friendly. And as always housework falls behind when Ian is gone, there is no break and the kids act out because they miss him and I am hosting a party at my house this weekend, except I wont be here Saturday... So I have today to complete what I have been putting off all week...and thus... a blog!!!
But now that I have procrastinated enough... Its off to donate some things to the AmVet truck before they come.... because I forgot to do it last month and i just saw the neighbors bag outside... Happy Friday!!!!
