30 days of Thankful

   The other day I ranted about the lack of recognition to Thanksgiving in retail America. Christmas decorations have been out for months, and by that I mean I started seeing the ghost of "Christmas is near" on October 1st. Thanksgiving I feel is under-rated
   Rather than posting every day what I am thankful for I decided to write a blog about 30 things I am thankful for. So I can look back and remind myself when I have weak moments. We all have weak moments, moments where we forget to appreciate everything we have because having them means responsibility. Having possessions means needing to take care of them, having relationships means finding the time to put into them what you expect to get out of them. Because the thing about life is nothing is free. It all has a price, and while you can look at that as a down side, I chose to remember that the price I pay for everything I have is no where close to the reward I receive from it.
  
   1. I am thankful for a relationship with God. I have not always given that relationship the time and energy it deserves, but I am beyond grateful that He has been there for me to cry to, and answered my prayers so many times. He has blessed me and has on occasion not given me what I asked for because he knew there was something better for me.
   2. I am thankful for my husband. He has not always been the man he is today, but I was not always the woman I am now either. He has allowed me to grow with him and he cares for me in every way that a man should care for his wife. He treats me with respect and is honest. He is a fabulous father and a fantastic husband. Without him I would have nothing.
   3. I am thankful for my house. It may not be the home of my dreams, but it is a place where I can raise my children, where I can rest safely at night, where I can wake and live daily. And I shall continue to treat it like the house of my dreams until it is replaced with the real deal.
   4. I am beyond grateful for my children. Every day as I stare my children in the face I am reminded of a day where a doctor told me that I may not ever have any.  They are often a test of my patience and the hardest job I have ever been given, but they are worth every second of it, and the day is made worth while every single time they give me a hug for no reason. Every single time they look me in the face and smile from the center of their souls, letting me know that the love I have for them is returned and that being their mommy is enough.
   5. I am thankful for my friends DJ and Katie Marcussen. We met them at the playground and because of their generosity we have been pushed and encouraged in more ways than we could ever count. They have opened up a world to us that allows us to grow and become the people we wanted to be but didn't know how to become. They are true friends and we will never be able to repay what they have given to us.
   6. I am grateful for coffee. I know this sounds silly but I love it. My coffee time has been spent in deep concentration, in complete silence, in public while I watch others live their daily lives and with friends. Coffee has been a go to for me for years and has been present in a lot of my relationship building times.
   7. I am thankful for my animals. They are occasionally a lot to deal with, and often a source of stress, but more often they have been a companion in my down times, they have been friends to my children and they show love and affection when we all need it.
   8. I am thankful for my van. While I swore I would never drive one, it has been good to me this year. Without it driving around would be very uncomfortable, and the dogs would never be able to go. It has allowed me to haul things that I wouldn't be able to otherwise and has simplified my life.
   9. I am thankful for my dad. He has been a great parent and has given me my sense of humor and my love of laughing. He taught me to be a good person, he taught me to be honest. he taught me that sometimes doing things that you don't want to do for the ones that you love is more important than doing what you want to do and that they should be done with the same attitude. He taught me to be a good parent and to be a good friend.
   10. I am thankful for quality skin care. It is amazing how much spending a little more on your skin can really change how you feel about yourself, and self confidence is extremely important.
   11. I am thankful that my days are not always easy. Without rough days I would not be able to appreciate the good ones, or how far I have come.
   12. I am thankful for having been through the loss of a baby and depression. Those things are in my past and they have helped shape me. They have given me the knowledge and respect of those going through it, and have given me a way to help them. even if its lending an ear from someone who has been there and the hope that they can get through it.
   13. I am thankful for friends that love like family. I have been blessed with a group of friends who would (and have) be there in the blink of an eye when I need something. And in a world full of people who are fine to pretend they are your friends until you need their help, its nice to know that there are people you can depend on.
   14. I am thankful for my mom. She has been a great granny to my children and they love her immensely.
   15. I am thankful that I got to know my great grand parents. I got to grow up with them at family get togethers and ask the questions that I wanted to ask. I know many people who don't get to grow up with grandparents, let alone great grandparents, and I am proud that my children get to carry on part of their names.
   16. I am grateful for my husbands job. It keeps him out late some nights, and it wears him out. But it has provided a way for us to pay our bills and live comfortably.
   17. I am thankful for a creative eye. I enjoy creating things, I love crafts and I am blessed with the ability to see things before they come together.
   18. I am grateful for vision, because while I am beyond blessed with the things I have in my life, I  know that I am meant for more, and I know that I will find my way there.
   19. I am grateful for my siblings. Though we may not always see eye to eye, I am happy to have them, and only wish that my brother Christopher were with us.
   20. I am thankful to have a child that tests my patience. While my life WOULD be a lot easier and with a lot less yelling if Ellie had a different personality, she stretches me. She teaches me to deal with people who do not see things my way and has shown me that I can not always control my surroundings. She also has strengthened my relationship with God, because without daily prayer to help me deal with her I am not sure I would be doing so well!
   21. I am thankful that I was graced with compassion and empathy. I enjoy having a heart for others and believe that it has made me the person that I am.
   22. I am grateful that Ian and I have enough that we can give to others. We believe that we are called to share whatever we have, and we do our best to do that on a regular basis.
   23. I am grateful for my neighbor Andrea. She has become a very close friend, and I have formed many memories with her in the last 2 years. She has added a lot to my life, and I look forward to the years to come.
   24. I am thankful for Pinterest. It makes my life much simpler.
   25. I am thankful for rainy days. They provide me with a reason to snuggle my babies and take some time out of busy every day life to appreciate what I have, and reset.
   26. I am thankful for music. There is always some sort of music in my house, whether it is on the radio or tv, or us singing to each other.
   27. I am thankful for my phone. It helps keep me sane and makes my life a ton easier. It is my personal assistant and the only thing more I could ask from it is to bring my coffee to me in bed in the morning.
   28. I am thankful for children's tv shows. they have come a long way from Sesame Street when we were kids, and my children have learned a lot from them.
   29.I am grateful for the beauty of nature. I enjoy spending time watching animals play and eat, and I enjoy just watching the world around me.
   30. I am thankful that life is forgiving and provides second chances every day. When I am not happy with how the day went, I can start over in the morning. When I gain a pound instead of lose I can do something different tomorrow. When I am not the parent, the wife, the friend, the business owner I know I should be I can be, I can try again. And thanks to that property of life I have grown in each area of my life.


   I find it easy to get sucked into the mile long list of things to do, and am working on taking more time to appreciate all that I have, instead of all that I want, because you can't be blessed with more, if you don't see what you already have as a blessing. I think we could all use a little more time reflecting on what we have before we move on to the season of "give me, give me" And in order to extend that in my house we have agreed to not purchase anything for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. We have also agreed that we will be donating to children in a few local hospitals, in addition to the possibility of an Angel Tree child. We are looking forward to the giving season, and now that our children are getting older we are starting to teach them the same.


                  Happy Thanksgiving!

Seperate and unequal

Truth: It's impossible to treat your children equally, no matter how much you want to.

   My brothers and I were not treated equally, and growing up I though that it was unfair, and intentional. As a parent I realize that it wasn't. My dad probably has no idea that it was that way, and I am ok with it. And here is why...

   We are different people. We have different personalities and attitudes and we respond differently to things. I probably would have told you that that is bull as a teenager, mainly because I thought my parents were too strict.

   I couldn't ride in the car with my friends when they first got their licenses, they had to show them to my parents so my parents knew they had had their license for 6 months or more before I was allowed in the car with them. I also had to have my license for 6 months before I could drive anyone anywhere. They DID check up on this. Just as they checked that I was where I said I was going to be and that I did what I said I was going to do. I saw this as ridiculous. But they did the same to my brothers so I fought it a bit less.

   In hind sight I am so happy that they had these "ridiculous" rules. But when it came to punishment I always felt that mine were more strict than my brothers. I felt that they got away with more and that my brothers got to do more. I found this so unfair because I got better grades than my brothers, and I was a good kid. Sure I did some things I shouldn't have done, and I got in some trouble as a teen, of course I was not perfect, but I was a good kid.

   Now that I have 3 kids though I understand that it has to be that way. My kids are as different as they can be on what works for punishment. JT responds well to a simple talking to and explaining that he can't behave that way and why. Ellie will just stare at you like you are from Jupiter if you try to talk to her the same way. And she will go right back to doing it. She responds best to being isolated (which can not always happen). She responds to being taken away from what she wants to be doing at that exact moment because she is like me, and when she is focused on something there are few less irritating things than being forced to walk away from that.

   Honestly she is more like me than I like to admit. She is stubborn (no IDEA where she got that from) She is emotional, she is a goof and she likes things to be done the way she wants them to be done and when she wants it done. Obviously there is nothing wrong with that thought process, until it counteracts with what I want her to do and when I want her to do it. Then we have an issue.

   JT is very much a rational thinker. While also emotional, to him things have to be logical and explained. He needs to know why. He does not forget easily and is hard to distract from certain tasks unless it is for something that makes sense. If we are leaving and he has to be interrupted from playing he needs to know where we are going and with whom. He is schedule oriented and thrives where he knows what is expected of him. He is also hesitant to try new things, so its a huge deal when he tries something without being asked. It is clear to me that there was a mental debate on what the possible outcomes could be and if it was worth it. He craves the praise that he gets when he does something nice or behaves well etc. Ellie just says "yeah"  Mainly because she already knows she is awesome and feeding her ego is unnecessary. She just wants to share that experience with others, the best praise you can give her is a laugh. That is what she lives to do.  I am interested to see what Porter needs. What his behaviors are, his reactions to discipline and praise.

   In addition to having different personalities and responses, I have formed different bonds with each child. They feel loved in different ways, they are as different as Ian and I are and we have to learn to show them love in their way so they know that we care, we appreciate them, we respect them. I spend quality time with them in different ways just as my dad did with me. He took me on car rides, he showed me how to fix things, he let me talk to him while he worked on things, even though as an adult I know that it frustrates him to be interrupted. (notice a pattern here?) He helped my little brother with Boy Scouts stuff and he talked cars with my older brother. He played video games with them, he played monopoly with me.

   While the time we spent with my dad was separate and different from each other, I learned that it does not mean that he loved any of us less, even though we joke that Charlie is the favorite. He kind of is, but its ok, he is the baby, and like it or not I will be bold and admit, as parents--- we all have a favorite. deny it if you want, its true. Not that you love any less, not that you dislike your children, not that you would save one over the other, or grieve one less, simply you bond more with one. They share your love language and that makes it easier to spend time together or fill their love tank. Your favorite sometimes changes too, stages are tough, back talking is annoying and children go through phases where they identify with one parent more than the other and for different reasons each time. I have yet to find a stage that I did not like, and while my oldest is still only 4 (a mere baby in life) there are times when I have felt closer to him and others, just as I have felt a bond and pull towards Ellie sometimes more than others. Having a favorite does not mean playing favorites, and there is a huge difference.

   Treating them equally would mean that one felt less loved at times and that is never my goal as a mom. So when I am told that I treat my children differently, I take it as a compliment. I am happy that they are treated differently, it means that I know what they want and need from me. That sometimes I have to be more strict with one, expect more from the other, take it easy on one for a while and spend a little extra cuddle time here and there.

   My children are far from starved for attention and love, and we teach them that life is not always fair. That sometimes someone will have something that you don't have, and that doesn't mean that you automatically get it because you want it. We teach them that you have to work for what you want and that you are responsible for your actions. We teach them the same morals and principles and attitudes, So I guess the best way for me to break this down is to tell you that my children are taught equally that they will never be treated equally, because I don't plan on raising them with the false pretense that the world will love them as much as I do and give them whatever they ask for without them deserving it. they will get what they deserve, they will get what they earn and they will be rewarded and disciplined accordingly. I wouldn't punish one for the others behavior so I should not reward one for the others accomplishment. In the same way I will not love one the way the others need to be loved. they will be loved as individuals not as a whole.

 

 

Huh? Right? Huh?

   Last week I met up with my good friend Krista for lunch after picking JT up from preschool. Luckily we had been having a similar day and both showed up late. Hers was full of a fit throwing freshly 3 year old and mine was full of the always fun game of 5,000 questions.

   From the moment the kids rolled out of bed they were at each others throats, and down mine with the "Bub Bub said.." " Ellie is not..." game. But the moment that JT got in the van from school the focus of the game turned from each other (which is bad enough) to me.

   The drive went something like this:

       "Are we there yet"

       -no-

       "I'm hungry"

        -good, we are going to eat lunch with Ms. Christmas-

       "We are going to Ms. Christmas' house?"

        - no, we are going to Firehouse for subs-

       "but I am hungry"

        -we are going.. to.. get.. food-

       "we are going to Dexter's house?"

SERIOUSLY????? I was not aware this conversation was that hard to grasp. Obviously I was wrong.

 After this fun conversation was over JT jumps in with " Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Look"  I cant look baby I am driving. " Mommy look at me , look at this , watch" Baby I cant watch you right now I am driving so please stop yelling at me. "well then just stop"

 

   Apparently they made a meme just for me. See?

I thought that the day was an isolated event. And then I found out today that I was mistaken. More of the same questions.. "Are you done yet?" " Now?" "Now I can have candy?" "where are we going?" "Who is coming over?"

 

 

I am not sure how it happened but my children have this notion that the only time they have to clean up the toy room is if someone is coming over. I talk to them daily about cleaning up after themselves, they see me do the dishes and clean up every single day. They hear me talk about cleaning and even help with the chores. They feed the dogs and they run the vacuum ( mind you its usually after I have already done it but they feel like they are helping ) They put all the shoes on the steps and they take their toys from the living room to the toy room. The even occasionally help with dishes or laundry. Heaven forbid I ask them to clean up their toys if there is not company coming. This is where they draw the line.

There are days when motherhood is fabulous. Where it's rewarding, where you watch adoringly at your children as they drift off to sleep and think to yourself, man, this job is actually pretty stinkin' awesome, why would anyone want to do anything else other than this?

Then there are days where you sneak off with the candy stash and lock yourself in the bathroom. Days where you are willing to beg steal or borrow for 5 minutes of silence, and as they {FINALLY} drift off 35 minutes past their bed times, you think-- kind of out loud; holy mother of pearls I would auction off the middle one for a foot rub and an adult conversation.

 

Disclaimer: I generally offer up the middle kid in trade for things. You can really pick whichever you like, just not the baby.. I am oddly fond of that one already.

 

Moral of this story, if you are preparing yourself for the preschool years I am willing to offer up my very best advice. Bottle up your patience, you are going to need it. And practice by having someone fire questions at you of no particular relation, without giving you time to answer. I would tell you that once you have mastered this that you are well and prepared, but then one of them will inevitably announce in an echoing room that the little old lady in front of you farted, and for that my friend, you will have no words. But I bet you can imagine how fast your face will turn beat red, especially when said kid (ahem... the middle one) repeats it even louder, and then giggles like the 2 year old she is and follows it up with a pretend gag, mimicked after your fun morning sickness from the last pregnancy.

Tact.

 

TMI, you have been forewarned

  Today I am breaking one of my blogging rules. We are going to talk bathroom situations.

  For starters, I never understood why my mom used to ask us all the time "Can't I just sh*t in peace?" I never noticed that's what she was trying to do... but now I am a mom.  Seriously, I know its a running joke for moms, there is even a meme that I LOVE...

   it's the truth. They WILL. It seems that every time I go to the bathroom they have 9 million questions, and suddenly I am base for a game of tag that did not exist 30 seconds ago. Oh and a kid starts to scream or a dog runs out of the house. FOR REAL? is this just my house? It's like our bladders and bowels are linked. The moment I have to go to the bathroom so does every breathing creature in my house, and as you all know that number is ever growing, although we did lose our fish a few moths ago when the kids decided he needed deodorant.

   It's even worse when Aunt Flow is around. Obviously not something that the kids need to know at the ages of 2 and 4, but since they wont ever leave me be I have to lock them out. Its almost a race to the bathroom to lock them out, they sense its coming, they KNOW. And suddenly they need a drink and a snack, and He hit me and she took my toy and WAAAHHAAAA! And then there's Reha with her nasty hot breath in your face which is her way of saying she needs out.

   And by the time you get back from all of that they are waiting for you at the bathroom door... Dang.. fooled again.

 

   I dream of a bathroom that not only has an amazing tub in it, something like this in case you want to buy me something for my birthday...

(I will take care of getting the chandelier, but I will need the fireplace provided.. Thanks.) But also with soundproof walls. This way when I finally make it in there on my own, I will not be disrupted by children screaming bloody murder over who gets to hold Iron Man.

 

Now that we have brought up the bath however lets travel to that. A few of you know that I have a very weird trait of not liking to be touched with something wet on my dry skin. I know its weird but it really gives me the eebie jeebies. It just feels wrong, even if I wipe it off. It has to be my choice, it has to be planned, otherwise it makes me mad. I go to soak in the tub and the kids find a reason to come in. I cant take a bath after they go to bed because it shares a wall with Ellie and it will wake her up. Its like she has a fear of someone getting clean without her. She hears the water and she starts to take her clothes off, ok so sometimes she is already naked. Either way, they come in and want to get in, if I say no they say " I just want to talk to you" Which really means, let me play in your tub water even when you say no. Or my favorite " let me wash your back" which results in them dripping water down my back.. ** shudders**

I just don't understand why, when they see me all day everyday that they have to be with me at these exact moments. Even better in public places they like to scream out what you are doing.

Has any other mom experienced this as often as I do?

" AND YOUR WIPING YOUR GYNA?? RIGHT??" Seriously? the entire customer base of WalMart did not need to know that Ellie, but thanks for shredding the last bit of modesty I had. Might as well just drop my pants in the middle of the aisle and allow it to be recorded for the People of WalMart emails.

 

And this my childless friends is what you have to look forward to.

sick day schmick day

   Woke up feeling not so fabulous. But the life of a mom means.. suck it up buttercup. And that is exactly what I did. I dosed myself up on some vitamin C, made my coffee a little warmer than usual and put it in my to go cup and out the door we went for pre-school. Granted we were not in tip top shape walking out the door, JT was still slightly pink faced as a result from the birthday party we went to last night where the birthday boy turned him into Spiderman with face paint. He did a great job, and it really stays on there.
   Note to self, next time we face paint it should be at the end of the week and not the beginning.
   Porter stayed in a sleeper and I threw on some comfy gym pants a t-shirt and didn't even bother with hair. My intentions were to stop for some Apple cider and head my hind back home to finish watching the movie I had begged Ian to watch with me last night and then passed out half an hour into.
   Walmart was fun, as it is every time I take Ellie in. Of course the moment we walk in the store she has to pee. and of COURSE they would be cleaning the front bathrooms so we had to walk to the back. But we ended up getting out of there in under $50 and only one "So help me Ellie" I think that's a record. no seriously.
   On the way out though is when it started, the lovely part of your sick day that you cant take a sick day for. Ellie looked at me and said " what's on your face?" pointing to the pimple I got that showed up yesterday like it does every time I get sick, that I didn't bother covering this morning. I told her
    what it was and she says... "EW, what's it doing on your face? " valid question. remember it in 10 years. . . BWAHAHAHA!
   Nevertheless I get home and make plans for a friend to bring JT home so I don't have to make my way back out for a bit, and settle down with some hot tea and some water. Fluids are your friend when you are sick, remember that. And, while they are great for combating colds and such, they are also great for making you get up to pee every ten minutes. But what can you do?
   Porter stared acting a bit crab apple-ish so I put him down for a nap. Ellie was only behind by about an hour, mainly because I was tired of arguing and losing to a 2 year old by default. After her nap I sent JT up to let her out of her room and when she didn't follow him down I peeled myself off the couch and went in search of her new masterpiece/disaster. I found it.
   As my daughter quickly throws something in the corner of my bathroom I find her covered in a quarter of a $22 bottle moisturizing mask. Really Ell? Really? She clearly has never heard the statement " Soft as a babies bottom" because she felt the need to moisturize that puppy too.
   Thankfully Ian stopped on the way home and brought me some soup. And even though he has to leave in a bit for a meeting, I feel well equipped to deal with the kids, even if that means an On Demand movie rental and some popcorn, while I lay on my too short couch covered in a down comforter with the windows open sipping on ice water and hot cider.
    It may not make sense to you, but its temperature regulating.. don't judge me. you probably do weird things when you don't feel good too, like eat tomato soup.

   In summary here is my sick selfie: (everyone loves a selfie, even if you don't admit to it by posting them)  And don't worry, I will be back to my witty fabulous self in no time... even if it requires overdosing on some vitamins.

Ignorance is bliss

   Today was a crap day. Not the whole day, my morning was fabulous, but the afternoon was a mix of screams, tears, messes and broken things. I am fine, I will deal. But I spend my evening just hanging out watching tv, flipping through the channels and binge emotional eating.
   I came across the following TV show title, and it really got me thinking.
                " Giant Squid; The Monster is Real"
  Here is what it got me thinking... Yeah... NOPE.
   As a kid I was not afraid of the ocean, a horrible swimmer but I could touch and I was never alone. I didn't think about the fact that there were sharks in that water, bugs and fish and germs and scary creepy looking things. The creek was a fun place to play, until I realized there were frogs and crawdads and mosquito eggs in it. Roller coasters were fun, I loved the feeling of the track shaking and being tossed around in the seat, but then I got old enough to actually hear what they were saying on the news.
   Planes fall from the sky, people get shot, cars crash, people get sick. Things happen, Life happens.
   But here is the thing. You can't be scared of everything.. except spiders, they are fair game. Honestly I take that back, anything with more limbs than you, I feel like that is justified.  But if you spend your life locked up in an experience bubble, you can't live. There is a difference between spending time and living in it.
   What is the point in spending time on this earth if you can't set your fears aside and love, live happily, live fearlessly. I am not saying be dumb. remember that there are people who love you, people who depend on you to make their lives whole. But mainly take a moment out of the crazy life that has become adulthood and remember to look at the world through the wonderful, mesmerized eyes of a child. Forget that there are creepy crawly bugs, and big scary crazy people in the world and turn your mountains back into mole hills. Have fun rolling in the grass, laugh a little too long, get lost in a book, stomp in the mud puddles, people watch.
   Mainly I speak to myself. For I have forgotten that the house doesn't have to be clean to have a good time, that building a fort is sometimes more important than having dinner on the table. That finger painting should take priority over scrubbing the bathroom.


   Have a fabulous rest of the night readers. You are much appreciated!

unsolicited relationship advice

   Ian and I have not always had a terrific marriage. I have talked a little about that in the past, but as you know we are doing great. Our 5 year anniversary is literally just around the corner and we are happier together than we have ever been. With that said, I wish I had known getting married that the things that attracted me to my husband most would change. Not that he has changed them, but I have.
   Dating, I loved that he was funny, that he smelled nice, that he enjoyed kissing. Now... I like when he does the dishes. strange? perhaps, but.. honestly... it is the best thing ever.
   So, that's not the only thing I like about him, if it was we would not have the wonderful marriage we do, because that's a rare occasion. What gave us a great marriage was following some great advice and reading the book The 5 Love Languages .  I highly recommend it to anyone having issues in a relationship of any sort. It helps pull your head out of your own butt and see things the way they are.
   In that book I learned that Ian's language is what is called "Acts of Service" meaning that he feels most loved when I do things for him. Mine is "Quality Time". That aside, nothing makes me willing to give this man a back rub like when he finally cuts the grass and I don't have to nag him anymore.
   Who would have ever thought to tell a 21 year old girl on her wedding day that in 5 years his crows feet were going to be adorable and the fastest way to bring back the rose colored glasses was watching him be a great dad, followed by waking up in the morning to a clean living room.
    The fact is that love changes. Not because you want it to but because you take your better half for granted. You stop getting up early to make them breakfast, you stop remembering to put your shoes on the steps instead of the middle of the living room, because you are no longer trying to impress them, you are comfortable. In a relationship though, the things that never bothered you before will suddenly drive you nuts.
  To him its the way I load the dishwasher, to me its his beard hair in the sink. The more things drive you crazy, the harder you have to work to see past them. My goal is to never resent Ian for the fact that he hates to put away the laundry, and is blind to the clutter on tables that drive me insane. And instead to fall in love with him all over again every morning when he tells me I am beautiful, and he laughs at my stupid jokes. To admire him for going to work every day to come home and deal with me, sometimes at my worst, and to still kiss me goodnight. I push through the frustrations and remind myself that he too is human, he gets mad and tired and is not here to do as I ask, but instead to be my partner.
   The longer we are married the harder we have to work. You lose sight of the little things, like the way he smiles at me for no reason, and the fact that he sits quietly through my terrible choices in television shows, and begin to focus on the times that he forgot to take something out of the freezer, or didn't get around to something he told me he would do.
   Here is what matters though, that we still show each other love in the way that they need to be shown, that we teach our children how to stay married and happy. That we show them that you don't have to let yourself be comfortable and forget that the other person still has needs and desires, that when one changes, the other adapts.
   I don't ever want to show them the bad sides of our marriage. They should not see the selfishness that we once had. Or the times when we said hurtful things, because those things can never be unsaid, once they are out in the air they have permanently poisoned your relationship. It took months to fix the damage that hasty words caused, and therefore we teach them not to say hurtful things out of anger, but instead to always apologize, always forgive and turn to someone you love for help when you need it.
   I needed to remind myself that my love tank can only be full when I make an effort to fill his. It's not always easy, but it really boils down to you can only get out what you put in. I can't expect my husband to be perfect because I am not, and I can't expect him to never lose his temper because I do. But if I can do something to make those times less frequent, that is my job as his wife, and as many times as he has diffused my melt downs through pregnancy and hormones, he deserves to have a tank full of love and to feel special. He has his flaws, but he is pretty amazing, even after 7 years.

thoughts from my day

 I would not go to say that I am tired, or frustrated. It has been a fairly great day and I feel great. I have been going to the gym regularly and am happy with myself for remembering to take my thyroid medicine the last week straight. ( sadly I would not doubt it if that were my all time record of days in a row, and I have been taking it for going on 9 years)
   My day has been a bit odd though. For instance, I have been logging my food intake. I have a goal of 55% carbs, 15%+ protein and 30% fat. I have been struggling to find a balance in there and yesterday I had it nailed. Then, today I was out and about and STARVING. I stopped at Tropical Smoothie and got a salad and smoothie. The salad description said nothing about Asian noodles. Carbs BLOWN. So I call my husband in search of something I can eat that is low in carb and protein and high in fat. Right?? Who else is dieting and looking for pure fat? What do I do? My vote was chow down on a stick of butter.. Ian felt that might be a little overboard, and reminded me that since it is dairy based there are carbs. Boo.
   I finally found my snack solution. Peanuts. There are carbs, but they are super high in fat and lowered my balance. The bonus is I don't have to use the fat free dressing tonight in my salad. BooYa.
   The kids were driving me nuts ( ha ha get it? Get it? nuts.. admit it I am funny).. it seemed that every time today that I had something to do they needed to scream at that moment. I assigned them a peanut snack as well.. Have at it, break those shells, crush those peanuts, make a mess... Because you get to clean it up =D =D ( I type this while they are screaming Ellies name at the top of their lungs and hiding underneath the table where they should be cleaning up all of the peanut mess they made.)  I did hear the following statement while they were chowing down though... " Ellie , you have to smash it real hard or you wont get the nuts. " Not sure what to say there. My question for you though is this... what purpose does the skin around the peanut serve? I feel like its there solely to get stuck in my throat and make me gag. But I am sure God has another answer. He should inform me so I don't despise it so much. .
   I  took a step out of my normal my way or not at all attitude about the children's stuffed animals and agreed today to abandon my search for a stuffed elephant for Porter. While it breaks my heart,and delights Ian, I have not found one that is fitting of the title of Porters infant best friend. I decided that in light of his extreme love for Shark Week we will be on the hunt for a stuffed shark next week at the beach. I think he will like it. He even stared at the onesie I bought him today that had a shark on it.  My only stipulation is that I and I alone get to name it, and its going to be epic.
   Lord, please don't let this child be fascinated with real sharks.. this mama is not even sure her toes will make it in the water next weekend after sitting through a week of  shark television.
   Another thing that threw me off today was Porter sleeping through the night again. Night number 3 and while I would love to not jinx myself this is the same pattern JT had at 3 months that turned into sleeping through the night every night. I do think there is a growth spurt going on though and for the time being I will claim that so that I am not disappointed when it stops.
   In other news, We watched Cinderella yesterday and when the part comes on that the step sisters rip the pieces of her dress off after the mice made it for her, I am sure taking all her hopes and dream with them, JT looks at me and says " Why did they do that? They need a spankin. You should go spank them REAL HARD"

  That about wraps it up folks. I am sure more entertaining things will happen today, watch FB. We might play a guess who said this game later. But if you will excuse me, the kids got sent to bed for throwing peanuts at each other and hitting sleeping Porter in the eye.. Now I have to go run the vacuum before my house permanently smells of Peanuts and salt. The upside is it will be a lovely change from the wet Reha smell I battle.

Another Tale of Ellie

  Have you ever reached a point in your day where you find yourself pondering if coffee, a nap or a mild case of alcoholism would be the best route to take next? I am there. Ok so I am kidding (mostly) about the alcoholism, although a super large glass of wine sounds fabulous right now, and I never kid about naps. ever. 
   I have decided that the answer to my dilemma at the moment is simple, albeit expensive. Military school. They make that for 2 year olds right? No? well that's a darn shame, I bet you it would be a gigantic market. Seriously. At the moment I am willing to sell my toenails if that's what it would take to fund it.
   I have never met a more frustrating, infuriating, test of my patience, and I took a senior level German Poetry class my freshman year of college, and had to take Statistics twice. I would take it every semester until I died if my daughter would just learn to listen and behave in public.
   Monday, while in Wal Mart with my mom, I bent down to pick up my phone from the bottom of the stroller. By the time I stood back up and answered the phone Ellie was gone. She was not under the rack of clothes she kept running to, not hiding behind the display, and not answering my frantic screams of her name. We were in the clothing section and by the time I found her she was all the way at the other end by the shoes and book bags. I was in tears by the time I found her and yet all she could do was laugh. Traumatic flash backs to a few months ago when she ran in the road downtown followed and I was the idiot in Wal Mart fighting off tears. Luckily JT had to go to the bathroom where I had a minute to compose myself.
   Today, we went to the gym and then met my fabulous friend Courtney for lunch at Panera. I am a Panera fan folks, I love everything I have tried from there and I think I would eat there every day if my husband would not revoke my debit card. Ellie was great, she was polite, held the stroller across the road, walked with Courtney to the table, sat down to eat and half way through her sandwich she got mad because she dropped part of her cookie on the floor. It went down hill from there. By the end of lunch she had behaved so badly that we had to restrain her and Courtney had to take her outside. I spanked her in the middle of the restaurant, took her shoes away and apologized profusely to Courtney as my child had hit her, kicked her and I think managed to head butt her as well. Then there is Porter in his stroller who was just laid back smiling.
   There are certainly things that you know come with parenting, but having a child that refuses to nap and does not respond to spanking, time out or scolding is not something you are prepared for. You think you can handle it, and I have news for you.. Most of the time you can. You stand up tall, ignore the jerks who are staring at you like you have the worlds worst parenting skills and you smile. You bite your tongue and smile. But there are days, like today, where episodes like the ones above leaving you crying in your car in the middle of a parking lot like your dog just died. It makes you wonder if you are really cut out for parenting. If you made the right decisions, if you could have done something differently.
   If it ever gets easier.

   But friends, let me tell you something. These days are FAR from the everyday. They are moments of weakness and they are seriously outnumbered by moments that make you know deep down in your soul that there is nothing in the world that you would rather do. Except perhaps sleep in on a Saturday like normal people. Just kidding!!! 
   Another thing that you are not expecting though, is having people just laugh at you and tell you how they are happy its not them. Honestly, so am I, I would not wish a stubborn child on most anyone, but that does not mean that when my child is doing something dangerous that you should just stare at us. Either mind your own business, or lend a hand and ask if we are ok.
   I am happy that I have a daughter, I love her dearly, and if nothing else dealing with her has strengthened me in so many ways. It has taught me a million and one lessons, for instance Kid Leashes may look inhumane and dumb, but in most cases they are being used to keep children alive and with their parents. Another lesson I have learned is that you should have a large stock of Magic Erasers and Organic cleaners on hand. I recommend Organic, because they are non toxic... and sometimes you have a child that has yet to learn that there are certain things you should not eat. Like Window Cleaner. Or Laundy Detergent. Also, seriously learn to pick your battles. Sometimes it is just not worth the fight, and if they want to wear something stupid, let them, then take a picture so you can show it to their spouse one day.
   In the end, it has to get easier. Eventually they will have children of their own and you can revel in the idea that they themselves will have to deal with it one day. And you will be the person they call when they are snotting on themselves in their car in the mall parking lot. And after you hang up you can giggle and find relief. Until then friends... I promise not to laugh at you when you are a hot mess and need a friend. Even if it has nothing to do with children, because I have been there with no where to turn. And if there is nothing I can say to console you, I will buy you a bottle of wine and ding dong ditch you. Because that is a true friend.


 But seriously.. They're uber cute. Just look at these faces.

Crafty Time and going a little overboard

   I am naturally a crafty person, it is something I have always enjoyed. I remember when I was in elementary school sneaking into the shed when my dad was not home to get his plaster and use it in whatever make shift mold I could find, then I would paint it and hide it somewhere in my room.
   Whenever I am feeling blue I get the urge to make something. And every once in a while I go a little overboard and bite off more than I can chew. For instance this week. I am currently sanding and staining a dresser. The goal is an aged look and it is about halfway done. So far I am pleased with all but one drawer and depending on how the rest goes I may sand it down and try again.   I also took on repainting my downstairs bathroom and plan on adding shelves to the back wall. I have 3 walls done and the back wall is waiting for me to decide the exact shade I am going for so I can purchase the wood for the shelves and get going there. I am also redoing JT's room. For his birthday we are giving him a fun superhero themed room. His room has been undecorated save one picture and a wall decal since we moved in. I think its about time that he gets something fun in there, and since he loves to play by himself sometimes I think he deserves to have some space to himself.
   In addition to all of this I am knitting a blanket for my friend Krista's baby. I have not told her yet, but since she is reading this.... It may not be done in time for your delivery.. I still have to plan JT's party this weekend =) I also decided today that the blog needs a bit of a makeover.
   I am not sure what possessed me to take all of this on when you all know that my floors are currently lacking in a few areas, but I think that I just got tired of sitting around staring at half completed rooms. I will not however turn down any offers for help, lol , as I have not completely lost my mind.. yet.
   In the meantime I have been going to the gym on a regular basis and am getting back in the game when it comes to my and Ian's side business. I mean the money for all this fabulousness has to come from somewhere . besides I have nothing else going on right?
   Now.. who wants to come occupy my children? No? What about a salvation Army drop off? Craigslist posting for me.. ok fine. I will re evaluate my to do list to incorporate the grocery shopping and bills.. and hopefully a shower. Because today I spent the time when all of my children were sleeping on cleaning diapers.. Ok maybe I have lost it.

Single White Baby

  While talking to Porter tonight to make him smile I was thinking to myself.. ok and a little bit out loud too... how funny it would be if babies had personal ads. The things they could say would get most adults in trouble.. or at least be frowned upon.
  For instance:
  

               My name is Porter, I am 2 months old, but large for my age. I enjoy long walks in my stroller, drinking from boobies and being cuddled. A few of my faults are falling asleep with food in my mouth, and spitting up breastmilk on people other than my mommy. Nothing makes me feel better than a nice long bath followed by a good poop, in a fresh diapy. I like to smile and coo, but I am not a big talker. I prefer my surroundings to be on the cooler side. Not too hot, and not too cold or I will cry.
               I am looking to meet a cute baby girl who is not too needy, and enjoys the same things as I do. We can hang, but I am not looking to be too serious. It will be another 16 years before I get my license, and until then I think we should just keep things casual. If you would like to buy me gifts though I am down with that, as long as you don't expect anything in return. I will share my toys, but I take my food seriously. Please send pictures to be considered. Include DOB, weight, height and full name and I will have my people call your people.

   Admittedly I have a strange thought process some days. I am going to claim no fault here and simply point the finger to my dad... Who if by chance he reads this.... Love ya dad, thanks for the strange sense of humor and hairy toes. You're the best.

Things That Go Bump

   With Ian being a Service Technician there are often times where he is "on call". Even when he is not, since he is a remote tech for a shop based in Baltimore MD, sometimes the on call tech will call him to run something that he can get to much faster than they can. While that stinks for me, I do feel for the other techs wives, since sometimes they are the ones whose husbands have to leave in the middle of the night so that mine doesn't.
   Tonight was one of those nights. After looking forward to the Season Premiere of Suits for almost 6 months, I sat watching alone tonight. DVR is a magical thing, but just because Ian was feeling nice tonight did not mean that I was going to miss it. As I sit sipping my Moscato all I hear besides the glorious world of television are the sounds of Porter's swing going click click click. Since I finally got him to sleep somewhere other than my arms, I did not have it in me to cross the room and turn it off, despite his batteries not being strong enough to move him more than an inch side to side, for fear of it disrupting him and having to rock him for another half an hour.
   Once Suits concluded I turned the TV off in order to not allow myself to get sucked in to something I had no original intent to watch, and decided that I would spend my time waiting for my dear husband to get home with my WaWa sub by taking a bath and picking up around the house. . .  But you know what?? Silence has revealed a few strange things to me tonight.
   Firstly, all of my children mumble in their sleep. Ellie screamed out " NO Bub Bub, That's mine" in her sleep tonight while I was in the tub. {Bub Bub is Ellie's name for JT for those who don't know} Porter grunts and sighs loudly, and JT talks incoherently. I would love to say that these things are strictly a trait passed on from Ian, since I have already shared his weird sleeping habits with all of Internet-landia but I must confess that mostly it's me. Aside from the really strange and active dreams Ian has every couple months its actually rare for him to talk in his sleep. Maybe a mumble here and there, but generally he sleeps like a rock. A pillow stealing, blanket hog of a rock.
   I on the other hand, have frequently woken myself up mid perfectly enunciated sentence and been unable to stop myself from speaking the rest of it. It's kind of like that scene from the end of BeetleJuice, the part where Winona Ryder brings home good grades (or something of the like) and the ghosts agree to use her body to sing.. yeah it's just like that, except without the cool floating up in front of the stairs or dancing part, just the I can't control what's coming out of my mouth and it sounds stupid part. I have been known to sing as well. And since that is not a pleasant sound in the daylight waking hours, just imagine what happens when there are no restraints of society or preservation of cool points.
   The second thing I realized is that my fridge makes a noise every so often that remarkably resembles Chewbacca. Which is then followed by a more quiet glug glug glug. Since I was alone I attempted to communicate with it. It didn't work, but it did make me think again, for the millionth time how grateful I am that there is no nanny cam in my house. And reminded me to check that the webcam is always off.. things could get awkward.
   Sadly I think my talking to the stupid leaking fridge would be one of the least embarrassing things I could be caught doing while alone, for instance reenacting the sliding through the hallway scene from Saved By the Bell, or dancing ,like a buffoon to Miley Cyrus in an attempt to cheer up my children, and walking into walls.. it happens almost weekly and even alone I try to play it off like it didn't happen.. because at that moment I always remember the conversation I had with friends after watching Deja vu... and then I have a mind rant about what if the government and scientist really do go back in time and the moment that I had sitting in front of Starbucks today waiting on a lady to sell me a bird cage really had already happened....
   And with that I am off to have strange dreams... night ya'll


 Or good morning cause most of you should be in bed already.

Nom Nom Nommy

   Ian and I have been married for going on 5 years, the first year and a half of which we lived with my parents.  Basically for the last 3 years we have been eating the same things over and over and over and over and over, with very little variety thrown in there except for when we eat out ( a rare occasion). Mostly our dinner diet consisted of salmon, pork chops, chicken and lasagna.
   I am not a large red meat eater so steaks are generally reserved for a special occasion or nights when I was not home. We may have cooked them a little differently, or served with different sides, but it pretty much boiled down to lots of pasta and ready made sides even though I like to cook and bake. I just didn't really bother looking at recipe books despite having a whole shelf of them.
   Since Porter was born though my taste buds really kicked up the boredom signals. I just didn't want to eat Alfredo noodles with grilled chicken, or breaded pork chops every night. So, I did what any crafty lady would do, I turned to Pinterest. I figure I spend so much time on there planning my life I might as well plan the food that would fuel it.
   I am amazed at how many recipes I have found that have really been amazing, easy to make and cheap. That my friends is the recipe trifecta. Since I am allergic to raw tomato ( the acid from the juices really breaks my skin out when I touch it and I get hives from eating it ) I have always steered clear of anything involving tomato. What a mistake! I have found a few new favorites that include diced tomatoes ( and since they sell that already cooked and canned we are in the clear )
   I have them pinned to Pinterest and you are free to check out my "Food I dream of making" board. Tonight's meal is the Buffalo Chicken Potato Skins. But so far I have tried the untitled noodle sausage mess..  Sarah and Andrea were here to try that one, they approved. I have tried the broccoli cheddar quiche with the brown rice crust, the tortellini crockpot meal ... talk about easy; throw the ingredients in a crock pot for 4 hours and serve. I have also tried the banana and oatmeal cookies, more of a breakfast thing than a desert but good nonetheless. Another favorite -especially for Ian- is the sour cream enchiladas. The turkey roll ups with laughing cow cheese and cucumbers have been devoured in my house as well as the grilled cheese with bacon and avocado.
   Most of the ideas have been a new way of preparing something we already enjoy, but it has made a huge difference around here. I am actually excited about making dinner, and grocery shopping is a lot easier because I actually have to plan out what I am making and what I need for it. In addition to my average necessities ( TP, Milk, Cheese, Bread etc. ) I bought enough food for 6 new meals and still only spent $130 at the store. In this list was also a good amount of things I don't need to buy very often, ex. buffalo sauce, Nutella, noodles.  I am mostly looking forward to the Salmon with Feta cheese and roasted red peppers, served with roasted potatoes courtesy of my lovely neighbor Andrea who made them for a " Congrats you just pushed a baby out of your hoo-ha " meal. Those are the best!

    I will keep you posted if I try anything on that board that is not so fabulous... but tell me that making your own Chinese food doesn't sound appealing.. I mean minus the fact that its not served with completely irrelevant fortunes inside lemony hard as rock cookies. Also, Ladies and Gents.. please share anything that you have tried new that is yummy to your tummies... because I am looking to try new things. Avocado was kind to me when I finally gave it a chance... who knows? There may be a whole world out there my tastebuds have never given a chance...

Just Beachy

    After having a somewhat rough few weeks my friends Andrea, Sarah and I decided to take a day to check out of life and spend at the beach. We spent Saturday night in front of my fire pit roasting marshmallows and sipping on some fabulous wine, where Sarah got a little inpatient and bit into her burnt marshmallow, resulting in a red swollen lip and many, many cell phone selfies.
   We crawled out of bed around 6 and get ready for the day, made a much needed coffee stop on the way out of town and hit the road. Getting set up on the beach was a little interesting, as it was 10 am and the sand was like little miscroscopic bits of lava, and half an hour in we broke the umbrella. $25 later we rented one of those beach cabanas ( which I later saw in the store across the street for sale at the same price .. of course!) which did a great job of keeping Porter sand free-ish and cool. Combined with a wet towel and a chair made out of sand I think he was living it up. I mean look at this....

  The water was fabulous, perfectly clear and there were even little schools of silvery fish. I would have taken a picture of that, but with my luck I would have dropped my cell in the ocean and Ian would have declared me done with technology. {I have lost phones in some unique liquids, like film developer, pumpkin pie filling, and coffee} I have to say that we thoroughly enjoyed the waves, but the beautiful water had a downfall. Andrea caught the worst of the rays, with me coming in a far behind second.
   The burn started setting in right around the time that we were getting ready to leave. By the time Porter demanded that we stop for him to eat ( we grabbed some Subway, cause this lady has a hard time resisting some chicken teriyaki ) there was a whole lot of rubbing down going on. I am fairly certain that's the most action that Food Lion parking lot has seen since it was first paved. But for Andrea, it did not stop there...
  


Traffic was AWFUL on the way back- not that you can tell from this picture but trust me-, but it allowed for some age inappropriate music at extreme volumes, and a who has the best white girl dance competition. Sarah really needs to catch up on some lyrics though.. I mean if we are going to make fools of ourselves driving through Richmond, the least she could do is know more than the chorus right? But check this out... Lots of aloe, wonderful, wonderful aloe.

   A Sunday beach trip was just what I needed to reset. Too bad the resulting burn lasted a few days and now I have a peeling forehead.. BUT.. I did not end up looking like a lobster. I do however have some super sharp little Porter fingernails digging into sensitive skin every few hours in an effort to gain head control.. And I had the luxury of sitting at home avoiding a bra, unlike my favorite neighbor who got a good public shaming for her lack of skin care despite her efforts to apply sunscreen frequently. I feel as if I have no room to really complain though, as I only applied sunscreen about 2 hours before leaving. Here's a ride home selfie for you. . see that? only slightly pink.. the tall one in the back, yeah apparently she bought the good stuff. . with skin that pale who can blame her right?? We love you Sarah, apparently the sun feels otherwise. Perhaps next time I take a me day it will be without a demanding, fresh skinned, breast attachment. . but who am I kidding? The rugrats make life fun. Without tag-alongs my days just aren't complete.. AND Ellie has a way of making things fun. Mainly because she has a terribly smart mouth on her, but what is relaxation without a few frustrated laughs?

   Oh, and in case you were worried I might get too relaxed, Reha took care of that remember? Here's to hoping that the $60 cage we just bought off a yard sale site lasts long enough to replace the floor, get her fixed and purchase a nice hefty steel doggie jail.

   Happy Vitamin D to you all!

All the reasons I should have gone to bed earlier

   I should have taken Ellie resetting Pet Rescue Saga when I was at level 43 as a sign to go back to bed. . . at least then I may have had more energy to deal with screaming kids, a sore throat, pounding headache, the dogs destruction and a clingy baby.
   The morning started well enough if you don't count having to restart my game. I can let that slide really.. it's just a game that I play while nursing or when I cant sleep. I met 2 ladies from yard sale sites at Buy Buy Baby to purchase some diapers and a carseat stroller. Porter seems to be outgrowing things faster than I expected, like my arm muscles. Couldn't beat a $20 stroller to save me from having a dislocated shoulder from carrying around a carseat with an already 16 lb baby in it.
   After that we went to Chick-fil-a to waste some time before my gym appointment. the gym was fabulous. I needed a good workout, although if anyone has any fun workout songs they would like to share my playlist could use some vamping. Picking the kids up from the KidZone was where things started going down hill. I walk in to hear Porter screaming, apparently I missed them paging me, and there was an accident report for JT, as another kid hit him in the eye.
   He is fine, but apparently this little girl straight decked him for no reason. . not going to lie I wanted to laugh. While feeding Porter in the parking lot Ellie decided to take my slightly messy van and add her own style... she dumped everything she could find and fought with JT. The plan was to come home and let her nap so I could put together my shopping list and sit down for something hot to drink to ease my scratchy throat. . . except Reha happened.
   As I pulled in the drive I noticed the foretelling sign of Reha doom. . . my front door was open just a bit. Not fully, just enough that it takes you a second to notice. Immediately I back out of the driveway and visit the house 2 doors down that she frequently visits on her escapes. Unfortunately she wasn't there. . but she did come running to me after I called her. Must have been just after her break to freedom. As if I was not angry enough that she had left the house again ( through a dead bolted door I might add) I came home to a pleasant surprise.
   The carpet from the front door half way down the hallway had been torn back. She broke part of my fridge handle ( which had I not used masking tape to keep her out of may not have happened) and she ripped one side of my tree limb curtain rod straight out of the wall, leaving behind a nice hole in the wall that I will have to patch and paint... Oh. before I left (a mere 4 hours before) I had given her 3 benedryl. . Oh how I long for her drug tolerance, 'cause I would be in a coma.
   The neighbor was nice enough to come save my day (as a fire fighter I am sure he would have rathered not have to rescue my sanity on his day off) and help me rip up the carpet and tack strips so that my children did not step on them with bare feet.. or in Ellie's case bare anything. Underneath we discovered something unfortunate, linoleum, which means in order to tile it we are going to have to replace the sub-floor. boooo. A super big sarcastic thanks to the previous home owners who loved to half-ass projects.
   Hours later, and a hefty mop job we have an intermediate entry way that matches nothing in our house. But here I am, pounding headache, 2 hours of dog crate research, no grocery list or meal plan and a clingy baby in my lap leaving me with one hand to use for typing. Its after 8 and the husband just walked in to save me from the kids who have not stopped screaming and fighting since around 3.
   My hope is to go soak in the tub that is only half caulked and to avoid looking in any other room that might remind me of the state of disarray my house is in right now. After that soak I plan to rest and pray to wake up healthy and without the hatred I feel for my dog right now.
   my advice for you for the day may not be wise, and I will take it back after my bath.. but it's Stay kid and pet free... just trust me.

   In an effort to end on a happy note:  here's a picture of my clingy chunk.

Ellie (no)Pants

   How many of you have met Ellie?  For all that just silently answered "I" ( I mean if you answered out loud that's cool too.. but no need to over achieve) you are aware that she is a nut. I say this with all the love in the world. For a mama who hoped and prayed for 3 boys, I would never even think of trading her in. Except perhaps for brief moments in the day when her stubborn attitude and overflowing charisma overwhelm me. She has thrown me for so many loops that I was just never prepared for.
   If you have children or even know someone close to you who does you are aware that pregnant women get an over abundance of information when they are expecting. Everything from peoples opinions on how often to feed and where your child should sleep. I was even warned about who would be harder to potty train and how they would get along. For whatever reason a pregnant belly seems to bring out the opinionated public. Here however is something nobody says out loud to you..

   Your kid is going to take their clothes off everywhere.

   I just did all of you childless readers a favor ( except my neighbors... they have learned so many things since we moved here last year ) You may not know it yet, but its true. Ellie... she is probably the worst offender. The amount of times a week I have to say "you can not go outside without underwear on"  is probably a world record. I should honestly call Guinness. A few weeks back she strolled outside in absolutely nothing but a pair of pink Crocs. Priorities people.. we have a gravel driveway, she knows that is no fun on bare feet.
   I guess we let her get away with it at first because she was potty training and it was just easier, but then again she never really liked clothing before and just ran around in a diaper. She refuses to wear clothes to bed.. its a Pull-up and that's it. But the hardest part is trying to keep the clothes together. It seems that as soon as we walk in she leaves a trail of clothes through the house. I can NEVER find her underwear, I mean unless I am moving the furniture around in which case I find 3 pair shoved behind the couch.
   Not sure if she does this on purpose or they just end up there, but its super annoying. I am sure its amusing for my visitors.. I can't tell you how many times Ellie has pushed open the door while I was talking to the delivery guy and her dimply butt is just hanging out. Yesterday we were at a friends house when Ellie walks up to tell me something and I realize she is wearing nothing but a t-shirt.
   How on earth do you keep a stubborn 2 year olds clothes on when she has made up her mind that she is not going to wear them? The best part is that she is so goofy about it. She is free, and happy. and can easily convince anyone to help her remove her clothing by making up some reason why it must be done and then running.
   Ever seen that commercial with the dad dipping his kids feet in a pan of white something or other when the wife walks in and they explain that they were tired of their socks stretching out? She then pulls out some new socks and walks away. I wonder if they would be willing to tell me what substance he used.. My daughter could use some permanent underwear, because if I have to tell her to find some underwear and stop shaking her butt at me one more time, I might explode. But at least she doesn't drop her pants and pee in the middle of the front yard like JT. Count your blessings??

my addiction, and a bit of delusion

   I have never really thought of myself as having an addictive personality, although several members of my family I would probably say otherwise. I was able to quit smoking with little fuss, although the cravings are occasionally still there. Apparently that is pretty normal of previous smokers.  I have never had a drinking problem, even though for a while there I was going out frequently with friends, I was able to control how much I drank each time and sadly watched a few of my friends struggle with that composure. Both of these are things that a lot of people struggle with greatly.
  But along came Pinterest and Netflix and I am slowly reevaluating my views of myself. I mean who does not find Pinterest amazing? There is always something new, and always something that you can use (even if its the posts of how to use things you will hardly ever need to use in different ways, also for things that will hardly ever happen.. BUT in case one of those rare situations comes up, I will have the answer and that's all that really matters, even if it involves me sifting through a board on Pinterest for 30 minutes to find it.) I have used it for decorating my home, learning how to make awesome wreaths, organizing ideas - who else would have told me to stuff a bean bag cover with all those stuffed animals I can't justify getting rid of for the kids? They wanted a bean bag chair anyways, and now if it pops I wont have stupid beans everywhere, and I freed up a whole bin of toys without having to get rid of them. BAM! ( remember that hoarding post? Yeah.. Its still an issue.. don't  judge me.
   I get really irritated with people who post all of their Pinterest pins to Facebook. If you are one of those people.. I still love you but dangit.. STOP. I can't find out what my friends are doing when I have to sift through your 5 million recipes. You only need it in one place... How am I supposed to Facebook stalk my high school friends when I am distracted by your cookies??
   Speaking of Cookies though.. I have a new recipe that I want to try. And I have recently been visiting the food boards, as anyone who follows me on Pinterest would know. Tried some really awesome sandwich wraps in case you care.
   I have also been struggling with pulling myself away from a series on Netflix. I am seriously behind on the bandwagon, but since a lot of my shows just ended ( I know I am too old to care but seriously? I have watched 5 seasons of The Secret Life for them to NOT end up together... That's just plain dumb. You are ruining peoples belief in love and commitment. He changed for you Amy, and what do you do? You leave. I take back 5 years of liking you!!) I finally broke down and started watching The Vampire Diaries. I started 2 weeks ago today and I am half way through season 3. Having children kind of hinders my ability to just sit and watch the way I would like and I try to tell myself that showering and running errands actually need to happen. Sometimes Elena and Stephan win though.. I mean... you can't stop watching when they leave you hanging like that!! OK, so it's cutting into my sleep some.
   A few months ago it was Private Practice. So much drama!! So many tears. Ian laughed at my personal investment in fictional characters lives. It's somewhat of an issue, it's also why I enjoy reading series. I hate getting absorbed in a book just for it to be over. I just can't stand not knowing what happens once it's over. I loved the ending to Charmed. The last episode was a review of the rest of their lives.. it gave me closure. And then I watched the whole series 3 more times, and still cried.
   Ian says I just have bad taste in television, but I get bored watching his silly educational TV. I don't want to learn, I want to bond with these people, we are sharing life stories, they know me. This is our quality time.
   Sometimes I think having internet access is bad for my health, good thing for me the business requires it, and Ian is more obsessed than me and couldn't survive without it. So I justify it by finding useful stuff, like tonight's dinner, which promises to be amazing, and all is right in my world. Now, please excuse me... I told myself I would finish laundry before I could go back to watching.. and the dryer just beeped.. WHOOP WHOOP!

oh Reha.

   Not sure if I told ya'll or not, but while I was in the hospital Houdini Reha made her grand return.
   Oh, you know, nothing like poppin' out a kid and then finding out less than 24 hours later that your dog is wandering the neighborhood with your other dog in tow (you know the one who had literally just gotten home from having her junk removed).  Since then we learned that she destroyed her cage. We are talking broke the door beyond useability ( don't judge me- its a word). First she bent it outwards, Ian hammered it back .. Hammered.. did you catch that? he had to HAMMER it back. We rigged the cage so she could no longer push the door out and she outsmarted us by pulling it in. Finally she just broke the plastic off the cage that the pegs of the door fit into, rendering the door completely unattachable. JERK
   Without the option of a cage to put her in when leaving we were forced to leave her to roam the house when we are gone. I do a pretty good job of making sure the house stays clean, and that everything she might be interested in is put away before we leave.. and then she unlocked the deadbolt and crushed the door handle with her teeth. Again roaming the neighborhood...
   We are talking a round brass door knob that is no longer round in shape but more oblong.. not quite oval, with teeth marks all over it. she also opened the door to the closet and helped herself to a bag of dog food, and opened the bathroom door and helped herself to some trash. Cookie decided to join in on this party and took a dump in my hallway.
   I blocked all the doors and went out the side to meet a friend for brunch last week. . We had about a week of no destruction ... the mistake was trusting her.. She made up for lost time by shredding the cushion to my chair. it had a small hole to begin with, but when I came home and witnessed the death of my chair I was honestly too pissed to even do anything about it except walk back out the door and leave again. She had literally shredded the entire cushion cover and had little bits of fabric all over the house. The batting was demolished and the foam was missing chunks. Pretty sure I saw actual teeth marks in there.
   Needless to say we had to get some new furniture.. Not sure if I am diggin' it or not ( who knows that may be the trick to keep her from destroying it.. one can hope) as I can't figure out how to set up the living room in order to maximize space in a weirdly shaped room. Mostly though I am just determined to deliver payback... REHA IS GETTING FIXED!!!!!!!!!!.. you destroy my comfy chair, I have your junk removed.. tit for tat... take that jerkface... and I shall shame you by posting pictures of you with a stupid cone on your head.

there's a CAY-DUH on your leg!!!

   Let's talk Cicadas. So I am not sure how the cicadas are where you live, but as Ian and I bought a house that backs up to the battlefield drive park, they are super loud. I had seen a few before Porter was born, and there was the lovely schluffed off shells all over the place as well as evidence of them coming out of the ground, After Porter was born however it was like arriving to a whole new planet.
   I stepped out of the car with Porter for the first time to discover this amazing noise that was humming all through the neighborhood. I find the noise beautiful, Ian- not so much. He was not actually aware of what the noise was until I was laying in bed and asked him if he could hear it. Even though I find it soothing to listen to I don't particularly care for the little critters themselves. I find them somewhat creepy looking. They have these big eyes and creepy wings. Thanks to my dislike for bugs in general, having millions of cicadas outside mid orgy has kept me and the kids in the house for the most part. Unfortunately it looks like we missed all the pretty spring weather thanks to my nesting and now the bugs, but luckily it was not all without reason, as there is a new fresh baby in the house that requires a bit of attention.
   On the way to meet my mom at the store last week I had climbed in the van to buckle up JT and Ellie. I had no intention of getting out of the van, so I was still wearing my PJ pants. Mid buckling of JT he and Ellie start to scream simultaneously. Startled and confused I scream "what the heck is wrong with you??" and they both point to my leg and start repeating
   " There's a Cay-duh on your leg, there's a cay-duh on your leg"

   Holy cow kids. Not only did you wake the baby, but you about gave me a darn heart attack over a bug that won't even hurt me. Now if we were talking the huge spider I saw the night before I would feel that it was justified. This sucker was not like the huge hunting spiders I have grown accustomed to seeing at my door. Not that I am ok with them by any means, but at least I somewhat expect to see them. This guy on the other hand was big black and furry. He was hiding in the corner by my front door, waiting, I am sure, to strike out at me as I walk by and swallow me whole, never to be seen again.
   Ian does not think this is possible, however my response is, why do you think there are so many unsolved missing persons cases without any lead what-so-ever?? They were eaten by big furry spiders, mark my word.
   I made Ian kill it, and now I meticulously check the door again before I go in or out. The cicadas don't actually scare me, they just give me the eebie-jeebies. The kids are fine with them as long as there is a pane of glass between them and the cicada. When we are outside they don't even watch where they are going or what they are doing, they watch the ground and scream "another cay-duh, it's another bug, EW"
  They have not even really bothered to request going outside, which I feel awful about. They need to get out some energy, but at the same time I am thankful because I am equally as paranoid about bugs touching me and I don't want to have to sit outside scanning my surroundings for these huge flying insects. I can't remember how long they stick around, but I am sure hoping that it's not too much longer. I will miss the hum of their song first thing in the morning, but I am also looking forward to getting the kids a kiddie pool and getting some old fashioned Vitamin D. .. and not having to bribe my husband to let the dogs out at night because I can't see them. But then there are always the man eating spiders.