Ready... Set... Don't Go.

James,
   As I sit here tonight, less than a month after you turned 5, a birthday you looked forward to for 364 days, I am reminded that tomorrow is my last day with you before you are officially a school ager.
  And I would be lying if I said I was not the typical mom bawling her eyes out. For the last 6 years I have thought of you every day. I watched as month after month only one line showed up, and then when there were finally two I waited for your first kick, I counted the times you moved inside my belly. My heart skipped a beat listening to yours at the doctors, and I obsessed over every detail of your arrival.
  As a little girl I always knew I would be a Mommy. I knew that I would have babies, and I knew that I would nurse them from my body and nurture them from my soul. But I never could have imagined how amazing it would be. I had heard the sound of a baby's giggles but nobody told me that I would hear them with my heart when they came from my own child. No one could have ever prepared me for the ache I would feel the first time you were hurt, and again the first time your feelings were hurt by another.
  Since you, I have birthed 2 more beautiful children, each with their own set of troubles, achievements and experiences. Each of them have touched my heart in a way that I never could have thought possible, but as the first I get to go through a lot of things with you. Your first steps were also my own, and your first day of Pre-School last year was the first time that I had ever entrusted someone else to teach my child on a regular basis. To love my child, to care for them daily. But somehow it was ok. I shed no tears, and I was confident that you would go and have a great time. I knew that I would not be sad, so this year kind of snuck up on me.
   On Tuesday, as I am surrounded by our family and watch you climb on the bus for the very first time I am sure now that I will cry; that your Daddy will have to stop me from changing my mind, from driving you to school just to keep you mine a little longer. But not because I don't think you are ready. Because I am not ready to share your beauty with the rest of the world.
   You may be small, James, but you have one of the biggest hearts for people that I have ever seen. It touches me every single time I hear you pray for your friends. It inspires me every time I watch you forgive and forget the way that I should, but sometimes can't. It moves me each and every time I watch you hold the door for a stranger, or share something with someone who doesn't have the same as you. It warms my heart every time I hear you talk to your sister when she is scared and remind her that Jesus lives in her heart and there is no reason to be afraid. It chisels through my anger every time I look into your eyes and see the smile that comes from the center of your being and reminds me that no matter how rough of a day I have had, or doubts that I have let creep in, that I have all of the things that I wanted so deeply out of life.
   I have love, beauty, the gift of being a mother, the blessing of being loved by others, I have little eyes that admire me and little hands to hold and keep safe. I have a home, filled with laughter and tears and screams and meows and barks that are all part of a beautiful life that I have been Blessed by God with, when I didn't deserve it. I have Forgiveness and Grace and Dreams.
   Thank you for being everything I ever dreamed of, and nothing I ever expected. Thank you for calling me Mommy, and loving me when I don't do everything right. Thank you for teaching me that its ok to not be perfect, because without your innocence and unconditional love I am not sure I would have been able to accept that lesson.
   I promise I will be ok by the time you get home from school. I will be there waiting for you with a smile on my face and eager ears to hear all about your day. So go forth, touch the world with all of the amazing gifts that you have to offer and never ever lose sight of what makes you such an amazing person. Never learn the fear of praying publicly, never accept the lies that others can feed you and always, always, always remember that you are special, you are unique and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with being who God made you to be, He made you with a purpose, and I have no doubt that you are going to fulfill that. Thankfully it is up to Him, because if it weren't I would keep you safe in my arms forever.
   Happy First Day of Kindergarten Little Man. I can't believe the time has come to pass so soon, but since it has I will open my arms and embrace this new season of our lives... Just don't question the van behind the school bus, or the brown hair peeking out from behind the light pole.


                      I love you.
                        Your Mama.

Bye Bye stuff.

   Have you ever just walked around your house and realized that you are just surrounded by things?
That is where I am at right now. I know that we have had a lot of one-sided conversations about my overflow of items. There is always a mountain of clothes of varying sizes throughout my house, and a bazillion dirty dishes that I am still amazed actually all have a place. But the problem is that lately I have found way too many things in my house that actually don't have a place because all the places are full.
   JT wants to learn to swim, and while we have been taking him to the pool every few days to work on it (he gets so busy playing he will only dedicate about 5-10 minutes a pool session to actually learning to swim, which is honestly fine with me because I have 2 other kids to keep my eyes on) I occasionally get the urge to tell him to go dive in the toy room and practice. It's kind of the best of both worlds- I don't have to watch him, he cant drown.. suffocate via stuffed animal avalanche perhaps, but no drowning, and he still gets the concept of pushing things out of his way in order to get to the other side.
  There have been more crying sessions than I would like to admit over the sheer amount of accumulated CRAP, as well as  few fights that go something like this:
   -UGHH THERE IS TOO MUCH CRAP IN HERE!
   - So throw some of it away.
   - Like WHAT? I USE all of this stuff, we just need a bigger house.
   - No you need to learn to not keep everything.
   - What are you trying to say? You think I am a hoarder? Oh NO! Those Hoarder Marathons are starting to rub off on me! I can hear their voices in my head. I agree with them.. My stuff is fine, if we just get rid of all of yours it would be great! I'm Doomed. I am just going to live in a mountain of items for the rest of my life.

  This is generally where Ian tells me I am ridiculous and walks away. But the scary part is some days I actually think that.. If Ian just didn't have so many clothes I would have this whole closet to myself.
   So it stops here. I wish I had thought of this sooner, but since I didn't I will start with where I am at.
I am attaching a slew of pictures of my house. The Great Thomas House Purging of 2014 has already begun, so pardon some of the mess and overflow of furniture, but welcome to my overstuffed home. Please keep me accountable to getting rid of things... and pardon the mess.. This is a Construction Zone, and my life is in a state of redevelopment. Out with the old, and in with the basic necessities.

Please meet my kitchen, home of 40 mugs for one coffee drinker, and too many things on the counter.

 Next up we have my laundry room, complete with last years Christmas decorations, and my downstairs closet, home of all the random things we don't know where to put. Oh and the dog food.

This happens to be the one area of my living room I really have a problem in. I try to keep it clutter free, but it just gathers all the things we need to put out of the kids reach and the things we don't want to lose.

Here we have JT, I think he will go in the keep pile. Although about 50% of the things you see behind him will not be joining him. Sorry toys, I would like to take back my life.

Here we have the upstairs. Porter's room contains so many clothes that I can't close the space saver bags. There's the too small bag that I have to go through, the too small bag of things I am keeping, the too big bag, the fits but is totally wrong season bag, and the laundry bag (and pile) of things that have never made it into the dresser for me to know if they fit or not.

 

And lastly we have the Master Bedroom. The most work has been done in this room recently. The real "Before" Picture was a lot scarier than this. I have already removed 2 bags of give away, a paper box of random knick knacks and a full bag of trash from this room, Oh and a desk. If you had been looking at this room 3 days ago you wouldn't know we had carpet because of the sheer amount of clothes.

 

So now that I have laid all of my dirty laundry all over this blog (literally if you look at the laundry room pictures) I am going to let you know my motive.

 I always say that I am getting rid of things, but I always chicken out. Here I know that I have readers who will ask me about it. And since any of you that happen to come by only see the downstairs, not you will know what my upstairs looks like, and why we don't venture up there. Keep me accountable ladies and gentlemen. I need the organization so that I can function. Otherwise this house turns into my black hole. I am meant for bigger and better and nicer things than what is in these pictures and I am tired of letting the  accumulation of material possessions hold back my plans in life, and suck away the precious minutes.

 

If I have not given you any updates in a week hound me. Seriously. text me. blog me. call me out on Facebook. Whatever you think I need.

 

Until then... I am off to put that Kuerig to use. Send Coffee. 

Trials of Baby 3

  There are certain things you expect about becoming a mom. The up all night, the snot, the diapers. By the time you are pregnant for your second go-round you think to your self- OK I have this. the hardest part is that now there are 2 of them.
   But that's so wrong. Its more that you are now a mom to 2 beautiful kids that are completely different. The way they sleep is different, when they eat is different. What they think is funny is different. So by the time number 3 rolls around you are pretty prepared to be a first time parent again. Learning the ins and outs of a new baby, of a new toddler, of a whole new human.
   Don't get me wrong, you are aware that the mechanics are still the same. You change a diaper the same (unless you are going boy to girl of course- Front to back people, front to back) You are going to start feeding solids around the same time, you are going to have to keep buying clothes etc. The advantage is you can kind of use the same equipment over and over again. That stuff is expensive.
   For me, they were all fairly easy babies. Ok that might be an understatement. Ellie was the only one that really gave me any sort of trouble right away. That kid (not as if you can tell from the looks of her now) refused to eat for 5 days. We were force feeding her by syringe every time she opened her mouth to cry. Then she just preferred Ian. As a stay at home mom full of hormones please try not taking that personally. . .( cue the "My baby hates me" fits and tears.) By day 5 we were back in the hospital for her overnight stay. It was terrible, but once we got on the right track she was good to go.
   My babies sleep through the night fast. By 2 months they are on a schedule of what time they wake up at night and by 6 months at the longest ( ELLIE!) they are sleeping through the night for about 11-12 hours. Not much for crying, unless something is wrong. But man-o-man, once the walking starts we are talking majorly different children.
   JT was my clingy baby. Just wanted to cuddle, wanted to climb the DVD shelf and tear them all down. Wanted to pull all the toys out and take a nap on them. Ellie was my into everything baby. Bathroom sinks, she cleared out the cabinets, played in the dog water, dipped my kitchen towels in the dog water, she loved to pull out all my cleaning supplies and hose down my house. Porter is my thrower. He likes to climb the stairs too, and occasionally dog water swim, but, throwing is his specialty.
   For instance, he likes to throw the remote off the couch so that he can get the batteries out. He likes to throw toys to hear them clank together. He likes to throw food off his tray for the dogs to eat, He likes to throw things at us because our startled reactions amuse him, but my FAVORITE thing he likes to do, is throw things in the toilet.
   Nothing brightens my day like having to stick my hand down in a toilet bowl full of poop because Ellie never flushes and Porter thinks that's where all things electronic should go. If it has batteries and the bathroom door is open you are in trouble.
   Today I lucked out and it was JT who had left the bathroom door open, but the fun ball toy that you hold a button down while it shakes your whole body; yeah that doesn't work any more. SO far the toilet has claimed a few similar toys and nothing important. Once there was an action figure hugging a turd. That was an especially unfortunate day, but some gloves, a few gags and smuggling the poop hugging toy in the trash and we were good to go. Porter just laughed.
  At this point I have let go of getting mad about it and chalked it up to a sort of Natural Selection, or Survival of the Fittest: Toy Edition. I mean I am always complaining that we have too much junk, why not let the kids decide what they don't need anymore, without any rationalization from me.

   Maybe next I will introduce him to his fathers clothes, and we can finally get some color introduced.

on days like today.

   Some days I feel on top of the world. Like I really have this whole mother and wife thing down. Like this is obviously what I was meant to be doing, and you know what? it's really not that bad. Today is not one of them.
   Today I feel like I am just barely keeping my head above water and that I probably raised my voice a lot more than I should. That maybe the best way to deal with getting smacked in the face for the 50th time today by the screaming, teething, snotty, refuses to keep his diaper on baby that got woken up by his older siblings who refuse to keep their voices down or stop running up and down the stairs and hallway outside of his room during nap time, was not to scream and smack him on the hand.
   Perhaps the best reaction to getting irritated that my husband has to work until after bed time for the 3rd night in a row despite telling his boss that he needed to be home, because I had somewhere to be, was not to go on a rampage and start throwing things in the trash and in the closet because I tripped and am sick of looking at them.
   Maybe I could have found a better way to deal with my poor attitude and plain exhaustion from having to clean up after a house full of people and pets. Maybe I wouldn't even be in the mess if I had just gone to the store yesterday like I should have and gotten the groceries I needed and the creamer for my coffee. But.. that didn't happen because I procrastinated and didn't prepare the way I should have, and since the rude ladies in the grocery store I have kind of been avoiding that trip, as if running out of food in my house will prevent people from being down right mean.
   Maybe I just need a long hot bath and some mommy time. Maybe I just need a maid.
   Today, I don't feel like I am in control of my house, I don't want to play mommy, I want to play Stacey.. the girl who used to procrastinate until the last minute, but still manage to get things done. the girl who had time for friends and family and enjoyed her job. The girl who loved school and found time to scrap book and finish projects that she started.  I want to play the dream person that I thought I would be, the one who actually put clothes away and knew which pile was clean and which was dirty. The lady who would do crafts with her kids and had fun summers planned and didn't make her children cry. Not the lady who walks through the house on bad days and can almost see the steam coming out of her own ears at the lack of respect for expensive things, and the inability for anyone to put things away where I ask them to go.
   Today I don't want to answer the same questions over and over and over... And I second guess telling the pregnant lady I met last week that 3 is easier than 2.. because today I feel like I lied to her. You know what's easier than 2? A cat.
   And the worst part is that when I sneak to my bedroom on days like today I tell myself that there is no reason to be like this. There is no reason to feel this way, because I am so blessed. I am so in love with my children and my husband and I appreciate his job because it allows me to do everything I had always wanted when we first married. There is no reason to let the little things bother me, because at the very worst tomorrow is a new day and I don't have to live in the past, I just have to strive to be better than the day before.
   On the outside though... being a mom is hard any day, but its really hard on the days when you are having a hard time keeping yourself together, because then you have to wonder how you are affecting your children. And you always want so much more for them. I don't want them to see the really awful days.
   I want them to remember that I love them. So while I am here sulking in my miserable day, still without a van, and a car that now only has air in defrost mode on a nearly 100 degree day, I am hoping that your day was not like mine. And I plan on sitting down in my gross, carpets need cleaned, walls need wiped, what is that smell house as soon as my children are finally asleep and reminding myself that today is over, and I can't achieve the greatness I was meant for by letting the devil win today. I am better than that. Even on the crappiest of days I know that, and since today is one of those... the least I can do is move myself forward a millimeter, because even a victory by a thread is a victory, and I am a winner, even if my eyes are puffy in the morning. Because at the very least my children can remember that.

Fathers Day

   In honor of Father's Day I wanted to end out a huge Thank You.

   Thank you to the men in my life who have been a great role model. Who have taught me what a great relationship looks like, who have helped me when I wasn't strong enough, who have shown me what Faith is, who have believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.
   Thank you to the men who are in my children's lives that show them guidance when Ian and I are not there, who raise your children to be strong, courageous and filled with Faith and Love for God.
   Thank you for being father figures, for teaching Ian and I how to have a healthy marriage and relationship with God.

   I have a fantastic Daddy. He has always been a role model for me, I have never wanted him to be disappointed in me, or angry. I have spent my life trying my hardest to make him proud to call me his daughter. He did the absolute best that he could with the hand he was given, and I have to say that I don't think there is anything more he could have done. We never went without, we never wanted for anything and we sure had a lot of fun. I pray that I can be as fabulous of a parent as he was.
  Today is a day to celebrate Dads, and even though not all of the men in my life are fathers, they have all had an influence on my life in one way or another. So when you are sending out your Father's Day greetings, remember to thank the ones that cared for you even when they didn't have to.


   Happy Father's Day to all the men reading and all the men in the lives of you ladies. Sometimes they can be a little bit of a pain, but they are still pretty fabulous. Now.. go eat some bacon... who doesn't love bacon?

Unsolicited Rudeness

   Ok, who that is friends with me on Facebook didn't see this coming?

   Today, well, lets say it was not my most fabulous of days. Not a terrible day, just a "not the way I want it" day. What I wanted to do was stay in bed. But.. guess what?!? Some time ago I had some kids and they kind of require that I not do that. You know.. for safety and such... and so they don't eat me out of house and home... and Meal Bars.
   After a morning of a sleeping baby and 2 fighting kids I bought a shirt to match a diaper that I have been wanting. That my friends is called retail therapy.. you should try it.. just with your own bank account.. mine sees a little too much action in that area.
   Afternoon rolled around and we ventured to the grocery store. Brave me and all 3 kids. To no avail we had the traditional come to Jesus talk. You know the one you got when you were a kid.. " Don't ask for anything, because you are not getting anything. You have not been well behaved today and you are not getting rewarded for being bad. You will sit in this cart, you will have a good attitude and if I have to speak to you in this store you will go home and play no games, have no T.V. and you will not have any snacks tonight. Is that understood?"
   Then Porter started standing in the cart and things went down hill real fast. By the time we reached the cat food aisle (the main reason we were at the store.. poor cat.) JT was standing on the end of the cart and Ellie was trying to convince me to buy all of the dog toys. I felt like I was herding turtles... they are slow and don't listen worth crap.. they just wander aimlessly and do what they want.
   By the time I realized that I had forgotten paper towels I was getting irritated, so what a refreshing sight to see a little old lady strolling through the store with her daughter. The daughter perhaps was 65ish, and the old lady looked to be late 80's. I really like watching old people. That might sound a little strange, but I am a people watcher and little old people are my favorites. They are always so cute in their I don't care what you think weird colored linen pants that start just below their boobs and are 4 inches too short. Lets call her Mama. We can call the daughter Sue.

    So Mama sees me coming around the corner with Porter and stops. She looks at him and starts to smile and asks where his shoes are. We chat about how he is in the stage of I don't want to wear shoes and I want to walk, not ride in the cart. Then she peaks around the corner and sees JT and Ellie in the cart. Here is where the fun begins.
   Sue looks at my kids and says to me  "Why would you bring all of your kids to the store?"

   Well you see ma'am, where I am from that's called being a mom. You know you pop these things out, society kind of expects you to take care of them.. feed them, bathe them, sometimes even drag them along to run errands.  Really?

   I gave her my best polite laugh and told her that I usually go when the oldest is in Preschool but since school is out, I got to bring them all today.
   "School isn't out yet. My grand kids go for another week. Are you sure school is out already?"
   "Yes Ma'am. He goes to a private preschool and they have been out for a week now."
    Here comes the good part.. as if I was not already a little tested by the children, She gets a horrified look on her face and blatantly stares at my stomach and reaches out to touch my arm.
    "Are you pregnant again? or have you just not lost any of the baby weight?"

   Are you KIDDING ME? I actually weigh 30 lbs less than when I got pregnant with the baby. Not that it is any of your business.

   "No Ma'am I am not pregnant. But I plan on having more in a few years."
   "well you look about 6 months pregnant. You should work on losing that baby weight before it sticks around forever."

  This is where Mama chimes in and asks how old the kids are. I answer to the best of my ability without showing my complete disgust at how rude some people can be, and follow it up with an excuse to dip out and walk away saying "Come on guys, lets go get some more cat food"

 True to bitter ole Sue's apparent attitude as I walked away I heard her say ....

   " That's all she needs is a cat"

 Well Sue, guess what? I didn't ask you. And I have two dogs, too. What do you have to say about that! Rude old bat. Just because you are in a bad mood doesn't give you the right to ruin everyone else's day. Don't you have a husband or something for that? You know like the rest of us, who you can apologize to later.


 Here's the good news for the day.. That shirt I got earlier.. yeah.. it ended up only costing me $12. AND I got to chat with some pretty awesome ladies on the phone today.. And I got a pretty good laugh at a few of things JT said to me today.. Including but not limited to calling me " Mrs. Snooky Mooky." The best part about having a rough day as a mom is that any second something hilarious can come out of their mouths and your biggest worry is bladder control.


  Happy Friday Ya'll.

Post 100. can you believe it!?

   To celebrate a HUGE post for me, I decided to be a little vulnerable and share 100 things about myself that you may or may not know.... Some will be funny, some will be hard to hear and others might be an overshare.. Who is ready?!?!?

1. Sometimes I open my mouth and my father comes out.. usually in song..
2. this.. ^ ... is apparently an inherited trait that my children also share..
3. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is also the right one.
4. The worst part of parenting is not actually being a human tissue.
5. Boogie suckers are still disgusting.
6. No matter how much you love your husband, cleaning up his little beard trimmings and dirty underwear is never enjoyable.
7. When I was a teen my father made me put in writing that my daughter could have a phone in her room whenever she wanted.. I used to think the joke was on him because I wasn't going to have daughters. Now I know its because nobody uses a land line anymore.
8. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. A synonym for that is cleaning my house. I promise.. Look it up.
9. The more children I have the less I like bugs and being outside.
10. When all your friends are screaming at you to do the same thing.. you should generally head warning.. Run, as fast as you can.
11. True Love knows no age. Good for you means good for you, and Bad for you is bad, no matter how many years are between you.
12. Sometimes the memories of a friend are more valuable than that friend is anymore, and that means it's time to walk away.
13. It will be a long time before any movie can touch as many people as Frozen did. I think Olaf is a world wide house hold name now.
14. When I am feeling bad about myself I sometimes let myself get sucked into terrible online celebrity articles.. You know.. the 25 Celebs whose looks have gone downhill kind of things..
15. Forever is a really long time, and it seems like even longer when you are fighting
16. Other peoples opinions don't really matter as much as you think they do.
17. Nobody's house looks like it stepped out of Martha Stewart's catalogs.. seriously. . Stop scrubbing your floors with a toothbrush when you have company coming..
18. I never thought I would have to have so many conversations about vaginas with a 3 year old as I do...
19. I may drive like a grandma but I still have never gotten a ticket... Booyah!
20. No moment more perfectly fits the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" so closely as when you finally get all of your children to bed after a long day and your husband is actually home and the house is clean.. In these moments I am almost too scared to move.
21. I might actually be late for my own funeral. I think science can prove at this point that I am incapable of being on time for anything.. ever..
22. In the last year my coffee intake has gone from 1 cup/day to 3-4.
23. I know all of the theme songs for toddler shows on Disney and Nickelodeon.
24. I don't let my children watch Peter Rabbit because he lies and cheats his way out of things and I think that's a terrible lesson for children to be exposed to all of the time..
25. I parent my children almost exactly the opposite of how I thought I would.
26. I guilt trip my husband into doing things. I don't mean to, but I do it.
27. I live an hour away from DC and I have never been to any museum except the Holocaust Museum.
28. Watching Shark Week last year made me briefly second guess showering.. or getting in a pool ever again.
29. I only drink bottled water.
30. I am obsessed with Elephants.
31. I name all of my children's stuffed animals.
32. I can not sing worth a hoot, but if there is not another adult in the car I will belt it out like Whitney Houston...
33. I am guilty of hiding in the laundry room and raiding my children's candy stash.
34. I organize my groceries on the conveyor belt according to how I want to put them away, and it makes me cringe when the cashier bags them differently, but I am too nice to say anything.
35. I have panic attacks, and almost every single one of them is over something ridiculous.
36. If I start sweating while getting dressed I will get completely naked and yell. And then I will throw things. Ian usually takes this moment to leave the room.
37. Hearing of people I went to school with passing away makes me downright angry. Especially when it was senseless. I should feel sorrow etc, but instead I get mad because that is not the way God meant for us to live. God never meant for children to grow up without parents.
38. I never wanted to drive a mini van, and now that its broken down I miss it.
39. One of my 5 year goals is to have 1000 followers on this blog, and the thought of that terrifies me.
40. There are days I regret buying a house.
41. I yell at my daughter for never wearing underwear, but I still secretly hate them.
42. I cant stand the way microfiber feels. It gives me the eeby jeebies.
43. I am still sort of scared of lightening and thunder.
44. I love Oldies. If I could pick a generation to live in.. it would be the 50's
45. I don't think its anyone else's business how long I breastfeed, and I bite my tongue when people bring it up because I don't like being rude, but in case you were wondering.. I don't have a plan on when I am stopping, I will stop when I am darn ready and it is no longer mutually beneficial to me and my child. There is a simple solution if you disagree with me.. Don't breastfeed your child that long.
46. While we are on the topic, I don't recall asking how many children you thought I should have.. Keep giving me crap about it and my answer of 5 will turn into 9. Try me.
47. I call my husband 30 minutes after he leaves the house every day. It drives him crazy but I do it anyways.
48. I am not afraid of turning 30.
49. I understand why my dad used to yell at me for whining.. its annoying.
50. I think its important to teach your children that you are not perfect either, so that they know its ok to fail, its just not ok to give up.
51. I dislike when people bad mouth their ex's. Perhaps me still holding on to the if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all thing.
52. I am an avid recycler. I even keep empty bottles etc. in my car until I get home so that I don't have to throw them away.
53. I can tell you every teacher I have ever had.
54. I DO NOT like spiders.. I am fairly convinced that they can unhinge their jaws and eat me in my sleep.
55. About once a month I try to force my daughter to watch Beauty and the Beast or the Little Mermaid. So far I have not succeeded.
56. If I could move to a place where it was Fall year round I would go in a heart beat.
57. I want to see the ball drop in NY for New Years Eve.
58. I would be the crazy animal lady if my husband would allow it.
59. I sometimes dream about renting a really nice hotel for my birthday just so I can take a nap without screaming children downstairs.
60. I have way too many coffee mugs. Ian has made me agree to a "1 in 1 out" policy. I try to get around it as much as possible.
61.  I have a bad habit of buying things for Ian when I am supposed to be spending money on myself.
62. I obsess about buying the perfect gift.
63. I feel bad that Ellie's birthday is in January because she only gets to unwrap presents for a 2 week period.
64. I plan on donating my eggs. I might do it repeatedly.
65. I am terrified of needles, but had no issues getting my tattoos
66. I really want my nose pierced but I am too scared of my dad being disappointed to actually go through with it.
67. I have become addicted to buying cute cloth diapers
68. I really want to have a progressive dinner party.
69. My favorite date nights with Ian are the nights where we sit at home in our sweat pants and laugh at the Pinterest Humor section.
70. I can fall asleep in any position, in an instant if I am tired enough. I fall asleep mid sentence all the time.
71. I could spend hours just watching the kids interact.
72. I like the smell of gasoline, but I hate to pump my own gas.
73. I procrastinate way too much.
74. I try not to get into new shows because I get sucked in and let it become an episode marathon.
75. I once read 100 pages of a book by cell phone light so that I wouldn't wake up Ian.
76. I love to bake and cook. It would be so much better if I didn't have to clean it up afterwards though.
77. I really wish I could just pay someone to come clean my house really well a few times a year, get it organized, dust and wipe down everything and then I could just keep it up..
78. We go through up to 4 lbs of bacon in a week in my house when I am eating the way I should.
79. I have a thyroid condition and I am really bad about taking my medicine.,, speaking of which..
80. I still wish upon a star.
81. Sometimes I have a hard time really grasping that I have 3 kids.
82. I still pray for people from my past. I hope that they are happy, that they are healthy and that they feel fulfilled in their lives, even though we no longer speak.
83. Mispronunciation of the words water, ask and then and than bother me.. like nails on a chalk board.
84. I don't own a full length mirror because I don't want to nit pick myself.
85. My family does not know it, but I dealt with an eating disorder for a while.
86. Classic Rock makes me think of my dad and long car rides.
87. My favorite color is Yellow
88. I wasn't sure I could come up with 100 things about myself.
89. I don't like red meat. I force myself to eat burgers every once in a while but I eat steak maybe once a year.
90. I still eat ketchup on my turkey.
91. I don't like anything wet to touch my skin. It makes me really angry.
92. My daddy taught me to make grilled cheese when I was 4. It is still my favorite go to food even though I really shouldn't eat bread or cheese.
93. I bite my cuticles. sometimes my nails.
94. I refuse to shave my legs when its cold outside unless I absolutely have to. Ian can deal with it.
95. I used to wonder if we were all just someone else's dream and they were going to wake up.
96. The sound of the dog licking repeatedly grosses me out.
97. The thought of my little dog Cookie dying makes me really sad, and I have actually cried over it.
98. When I was pregnant with JT I used to cry because Ian didn't get to hang out with his friends more.
99. I think you should have to pass a random behind the wheel test every 10 years in order to keep your license. People drive like idiots.
100. I think that most important thing in the world to do during your life time is to add value to someone elses life.

  Hopefully you know me a little better now. Thank you all for making this post a reality! Can you believe that we have 100 posts under our belt together? Please keep sharing, keep commenting, liking and letting me know what you want to hear more of. I have a feeling there might be another Reha post coming soon.  I think I owe you guys a good funny update on my days and perhaps to do something fun we might invite a friend to blog for us? Let me know what you think!

Faith Restored

   I am a total sucker for all those heart warming stories you see on the internet.   TOTAL.... SUCKER... I generally cry. I get sucked in and I get attached.. kind of like I do when there are characters on a show I connect with, but its worse, because these are real people.. Living human beings with honest true emotion and they have touched the lives of others, as well as had their own lives affected so strongly.
   Today's story was about the last finisher in the Marine Corp. Half, hosted here in Fredericksburg. Did anyone else see this is The Free Lance Star? Just in case you missed it, or are far away and have no idea what The Free Lance Star even is, here is the link.
http://news.fredericksburg.com/newsdesk/2014/05/23/historic-half-final-finisher-of-race-is-transforming-himself/
   I honestly started sobbing, which could partially be due to some hormones since I am experiencing a tad bit of PMS which for some reason ends with me crying over something ridiculous, but... the truth is I probably would have cried anyways. I FREAKIN' LOVE IT! How awesome is it that this guy just plain didn't care what others thought of him? Good for him! He made a decision to get in shape for his family and he did it. He didn't give up, he did something to prove to himself he could do it and the very best part is that others noticed that and they cared enough about their fellow human beings to cheer him on for 5 miles!!! I can't even get the consideration of a teenager to hold the door when I have 3 children and its pouring down raining and this guy had some people he had never met before rallying for him.
   I love watching people come together, I love watching people join forces to give one person the compassion and support they need to do something HUGE in their lives, and most of all I love being reminded that in today's world, a world of ugly, horrible disgusting things and acts that there is... hope. That there are people out there who have not forgotten what life is about, They have not forgotten that what keeps the world spinning is the love we have for one another and how important it is to look beyond yourself and touch the life of another person.
   Here are a few more, in case, like me.. every once in a while you need a reminder that the world is not filled with gunmen rampages, and missing children, but good hearted people, who love other people and think that their time is best spent touching the lives of others. I can't wait to have more opportunities to  touch the lives of complete strangers.
   http://www.pinterest.com/pin/96334879503560673/
   http://www.pinterest.com/pin/416371928021421727/
   http://www.pinterest.com/pin/416371928020955708/

   And I leave you with this quote, my mantra for life..
     "You have not truly lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."

One confession of an almost 30 year old.

   I have a confession. . . I'm 27 years old and I don't know how to dress to go out.
  
   There I said it.
  
   Ok, I can pull together a few things, but mainly.. I dress like a mom, because I think like one. Buying clothes has a specific checklist. Whatever item I buy has to have one or more of the following going for it..

     It does not show dirt well.. i.e. spit up, breastmilk, snot, eye boogers, finger prints.
     It is easily breast accessible. I plan on having more babies and what is the point in buying something that I might potentially love but can never where since wherever I go there is a child on my hip who wants to nurse, and if I leave them home I will need to be able to nurse just before walking out the door and upon walking back in.
     It needs to hide belly fat. Certain fabrics are just plain out when you have the dreaded "Mom pouch." So are certain styles. My dad warned me.. he told me to take care of my body before children.. of course I didn't listen.. I was a teenage girl with plans to rule the world what would my dad know about post baby bodies.. Apparently a lot. Way to go teenage Stacey, Yet again.. listen to dad.
    It needs to be a flattering color. I am of solid German heritage, with just enough Indian to merk up the waters. Which means for whatever reason I don't tan brown, I tan golden. It's very pretty.. or at least it was before I cared about wrinkles and sun damage and went sunless tanner and high spf  on it, but it also means that in certain lighting and colors I look yellow. It's enough that all of my children were born slightly yellow and doctors were confused when their jaundice checks were not higher. I can't wear off white.. I look sick.
   It must have a machine wash and tumble dry tag. Do you have any idea what my children would do to me if I tried to drag them in a dry cleaner once a week? " What's that smell?" "what does this button do?" I cringe just thinking about it.


   Once we narrow down all the items that I like that don't fit in the above list, I am stumped. I mean what's appropriate for a mom of three that's getting dangerously close to the 3 0 number without being frumpy? I feel like I am too old for the junior section, but too young for the "Ladies" section. Isn't there a store for people who are in their 20's still and don't want to look like a whore? If there is, I will move to your city and take up residence in there.. seriously.
   I don't need the entirety of my breasts hanging out. I would love it if I could just find shorts that actually covered my vagina. Is that really too much to ask? Seriously I saw a lady my age the other day wearing a pair of shorts that had holes all in them and the pockets were hanging out of the bottom. on both sides. And my bet is that they cost more than my entire outfit... for 1/3 of the fabric.
  

   Let me take a break to admit publicly that I have become "that" person.. The one I swore to my dad I would never become and stomped off in typical teenage overdramatic girl fashion screaming "THIS ISN'T FAIR" about. Daddy I hope you read this at some point because I will never again admit to this. The words will never leave my mouth.. only my fingertips.. You were right, I was wrong. I am a conservative dresser and I can't stand watching teen girls flaunt their junk.

   I just want to dress appropriately for my age, which is not old and not young. It's not single and look at me because I can finally go out to a bar, It's hey I am married and have 3 kids and I just want a night where there are no little people looking up my skirt and playing with my stretch marks, and I can enjoy an entire drink without forgetting where I put it and eat my fries all by myself with as much salt and ketchup as I want without reserving some for the baby,  all while not looking like the obvious mom that I feel like, because as much as I beg and plead for my husband to not make plans so that I can go out for the night, all I want to do at the end of the night is snuggle my baby and kiss my kids goodnight.

   They should make a store for that.


 Now I am off to pick up my friend and go shopping for something that closely resembles that... and maybe some shoes to match.
 
 

From My Heart To Yours

   We are going to get a little bold here, so if you are not ready to hear my truthful opinion of you and what God has planned for your life, I will let you know when a good place to stop reading is.



                           ---------- >            Here         < -------------
                                                       
                                                          

   Ladies, ( and Gentlemen too, but right now there are too many ladies in my life who really need to hear this ) God did not create you for you to be miserable. He did not place you on this planet to settle. He created someone for you, he created a MAN.. Not a boy, not a teenager, not an adult, a MAN to be by your side, to support you, to love you, to respect you, to make all of your dreams come true. Let me clarify..
   There is a difference in the above references to ages of a male, and if you are confused let me help you. A man shows strength and dignity, he respects his elders and he respects women, he is courageous and brave, he stands strong in what he believes in and he fights for what is right. Age does not define a man, his virtues do. This is not my definition, it came from the Bible.
   
 Ephesians 5:33 ESV          
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

   Ladies would you date a man who spoke lowly of himself? Who did not care for his personal hygiene and went without simply because of laziness? Would you enter a relationship with someone who was disrespectful to others? Who never went out? Who never had anything nice to say? Who had no dreams or aspirations in life? I most certainly hope not, yet you allow these "men" to treat you that way? What does that say about your opinion of yourself? What does it say of your opinion of the one you are with? A man treats a woman with the same regard as he treats himself, because once in a relationship you are an extension of him. You are one, and if you are not, then he is not committed to that relationship, you are his toy, not his wife, girlfriend, lover etc. You are asking for a great relationship, you are asking for love and affection, you are asking for a fairy tale, and you are taking a nightmare, you are taking fights and disrespect. You are taking an unequal partnership.
   But here is the thing... God wants you to have all the riches and glory, He wants you to be happy, healthy, prosper, He calls you to stand on faith alone that He will provide and all you have to do is ASK. But he can't give that to you if you don't RECEIVE when he tries to remove the garbage from your life and give you gold. You can't hang on to the junk and expect God to hand you the dreams.
   Don't get me wrong, I am still working on it in areas of my life myself, We are human, we struggle with letting things go even when they need to be gone..


      And I am so sorry to interrupt but all I can hear in my head right now is "LET IT GO, LET IT GO, CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANY MORE!!!!"


 We are not perfect and we can't ever achieve perfection, so I can't say that there is a perfect man out there, everyone you are in a relationship of any kind at all with will at some point annoy you, or do something to hurt your feelings, but you can strive to be respected, appreciated, listened to, loved, adored, and to feel interesting, to feel beautiful, to feel worthy.
   Why would you settle for less than that? Why would you want to wake up every day knowing that at some point the person in bed next to you is going to be mean, cheat, lie, steal, disrespect, disappear etc.? Are you aware that you are validating their behavior by standing around allowing yourself to be treated that way? You are saying " It's ok, I deserve to be treated this way" When the truth is you don't. You deserve someone who will love and treasure you, who wants to be with you, not someone who is just afraid of being alone or gets a kick out of having you around when they are bored. You are not second best. You are THE BEST for someone out there and why stand around letting the life you are destined to live pass on by because of what someone else thinks of themselves? You wouldn't continue going to a job where your boss thought you were worth nothing and talked to you like trash, but you go home to it? How does that even make sense?
  And that does not just go for romantic relationships, that goes for friends too. Why surround yourself with people that treat you poorly and only call you when they need something. You bring value to your relationships, you bring a sparkle that nobody else in the world has, and you are wasting it on people who don't appreciate you, or letting the ones who do walk out of your life in favor of something that MIGHT be good ONE DAY.
   Live your DREAMS, Live a full life, a wonderful life and magical life. Not because its some unattainable fantasy, but because it is the life you were meant to lead, the life you were born for. Nobody in the world is born for no reason, nobody is given life for no purpose, quit deciding every day to give up on yours and instead take charge.
   Your friends are there to encourage you, to help you see your worth, and anyone who does the opposite perhaps should be reevaluated in their position in your life. But also realize that sometimes people step out of your life not because they are not meant to be there, but because they can no longer endure watching you take a path you know you are not meant to be on.
   I want each of you to know that if you are reading this, I care about you as a person, I care that you are happy, even if I don't agree with your life decisions, even if I don't believe the same as you, because that is one of my God Given Gifts, a true and honest care for people. A passion for others smiles and a burning desire to help others see their own true worth, and for me that means fighting some pretty hefty, hairy, big ole nasty demons. I  believe that I am here to touch the lives of others, I believe that I am meant to help others in this world realize they are loved and appreciated and worthy, because at times I have been told I am not, and I stand here today, on a day of frustration and disappointment in the little ridiculous things in my life that shouldn't even matter, a day where I was starting to feel that the devil was a little bigger and stronger than me and the moment that a friend needed me I was reminded that I am here with a greater calling and God couldn't care less if my laundry was done and my bedroom was clean. He cared that I spent my time looking outside of myself and helping a dear friend ( or 3 ) realize that they are beautiful, worthy, loving kind and valued. My life may be hectic, and for some of you you understand exactly how hectic it can be, but I will ALWAYS have time to sit down and talk, to remind you that there is a greater calling in your life too and to show you that there is at least one person in the world who sees you shining even on the crappiest of days.

     Love you all!

Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite

.

  It's no secret that I live in a wild and crazy house. Between the screaming kids, teething baby, escape artist dog, cat that sounds like an infant crying and a husband that works a ton to grace our house with everything it needs, all piled on top of preschool drop offs and a side business and crafts and cleaning and diapers and gardening and daydreaming.....by the end of the day I am wiped. Half of the time I have no idea how I am still awake when its time for the kids to go down, but then I remember it's my favorite part of the day.
   And no, its not because the kids are going to sleep, ok... well not entirely because they are going to sleep, which affords my day a sliver of sanity, cleanliness and a brief moment off my feet, but because every night when we tell our kids its bed time in a few minutes they get ready and then ask Ian to take them.
   And every night he wisps them off to bed on his back, followed by a long secret hand shake (Five, Boom- fist bump-Pinky tap, Thumb tap and kiss) and he lays in my daughters bed and reads to JT and Ellie. Sometimes I secretly turn down the background noise and listen as he weaves a magical world of talking kitties and Dr. Suess, or reads them stories from their Bible books and talks to them about Jesus, and then when its all over, just before they drift off, he tucks them in and prays with them.
   Nothing makes me love my husband more than watching him be the Man and Daddy that I know he can be. Nothing makes me thank God that we worked past our issues and fought for a great marriage like knowing that I get to listen to the man I love pour into the children we created together every night. I can't wait for Porter to get a little bigger and climb on in for night time stories. I can't wait to see the most important parts of me all piled in one bed sharing the last moments of their day together.
   Nothing makes me realize that even the toughest of days are worth it like walking upstairs to grab something and peeking in on this

Fluff Mail

   I am willing to bet that most of my readers have no idea what the title of this blog refers to. Let me enlighten you;
   Fluff Mail is a term used in the cloth diaper community referring to mailed goods. For instance, sending and receiving diapers, clothing that matches your diapers, diaper inserts and accessories etc. And its FANTASTIC.
    I have done my fair share of online shopping. . I own an online retail business I should be used to packages showing up at my house.. but few of them get me as excited as the Fluff Mail I received today (except perhaps when I am out of a product and I have to wait a few days for it to come in.. I am not a happy person when I run out of my cleaning products, and the kids get real mad when we are out of twist tubes and meal bars.) that was my brand new, just released Great White Shark GDiaper and matching CleanWater Tee. I have been tracking this package like it was one of my children, knowing exactly where it was at all times, and knew that the mail had come simply because I got the email notification that my package had arrived.
   This baby is pretty, and my favorite part is that the proceeds go to helping clean the beaches, which in turn is good for the sea animals and us, and I like the environment. I find that I am more likely to buy products that help animals and nature and can justify spending a little more there for that purpose. . Which is exactly the excuse I gave to Ian when I gave in and told him I ordered the shirt too.
   I vaguely remember a discussion about me having a diaper addiction, and a look of "how much?" To which I quickly responded by throwing some of my online friends, as well as my dear friend Krista under the bus, and sharing their stash photos with a hint of some of the amounts of money they have spent on rare and hard to find diapers..
   Did you even know such a thing existed?? But all of this was to share with you MY NEW PRETTIES!!!

 

My shark loving soon to be ONE year old is going to rock this outfit.

Talking to the Wall

   I remember hearing parents ask their children this while I was growing up. . . "Are you listening or am I just talking to the wall?" I know darn well I am not the only one who heard this, but I also remember thinking why do they say that? Of course we can hear you, what a dumb question.
   That was until I caught myself saying it today.
   I am pretty sure the wall would have been a better conversationalist today. If it could talk it would probably tell me that I have a horrible scream face, and that I should cool my jets before I scream loud enough to pee myself again. ... Don't judge... welcome to post baby bladders... It also would have told me that my hair looks fabulous today and I should really wear bangle bracelets more often.
   We are off to a pretty good friendship; in return I would have told it how nice of a color it was, and it would have reminded me that I picked it.
   Seriously, I think my children woke up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe the house in disarray is as bad for them as it is me, or perhaps they just decided its been a while since I was reminded that some days having 3 is enough.
   I had a nice chat today with a lady who had a nostalgic look on her face when she saw all the little kids running around being too loud. I apologized that they almost ran into her and she said she would take it any day over dealing with teenagers this week. Hers are now 14 and 17, and both girls. Hormones are running rampant in her house.. I laughed and told her that I was pretty sure my 3 year old could give them a run for their money this week. Between the attitude and the blatant not listening she decided that dancing in the middle of the mall was not only completely acceptable, but downright necessary. She started singing very loudly in the car and her off tune squeals were fabulous music to my ears. Its hard for me some days to reconcile the sweet little girl who would rather give her food to one of her brothers than see them be sad about dropping theirs with the little girl who looked me square in the face this morning and told me " I'm not going to get my shoes, that's your job"
   To throw a wrench in my day JT took to a poor attitude and a mouth worthy of soap today. Suddenly my sweet little boy, the one who is always polite and generally exceptionally behaved was back talking and yelling at me like he was raised with a bunch of ding dongs.  IT seemed today that every time I picked up the phone today he all of a sudden had an emergency that could not wait.. like he needed the toy he left outside 3 days ago. . . or to wear the shoes that we bought even though I told him no. . . or to tell me that there was poop in his butt.. SERIOUSLY?!
   The icing on my cake of a day was that Porter started digging his nails into me every time I nurse him and my chest and face is all scratched up. But he also crawled up into my lap and waved bye while rubbing his eyes. . That I take it is the new sign for its nap time.. I will let you know for sure when Ian gets home and I try it though.
   I am greatly looking forward to the ride to North Carolina tomorrow while the kids are home with a sitter since I will actually have a face to face conversation with him for the first time this week and the first conversation at all this week that was not interrupted by my yelling at one of the kids for being naked outside or jumping off furniture or slamming doors or swinging a curtain rod around the house like a sword from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Oh Hallelujah.

   Back to the walls though.. It just told me it needs a good wiping down. . And on a good note for my week today I watched AmVets pick up 6 bags of my things and carry them off to the new homes.

My week

   Holy mother of monkeys this week has been fun. . . and by fun I mean at one point I considered hanging my daughter by her toes from the shower door, ducktaping my son to his bed and cuddling with the baby in a closet where the rest of the world could not find me.
   It's on call week. HOORAY! oh, they haven't created a sarcastic font yet? well darn. I don't know why but when I opened my calendar Monday morning and was reminded that Ian is on call this week i prepared myself to not see him. Which is weird because the last few times he has been on call during the week he has barely had a single call, but I was right this time. He has not been home all week. I have seen him for breakfast each day and then in passing as he wakes me around 11:30 to drag my feet up the steps and into bed.
   Since the days all blur together I will break it down for you by kid. Lets start with the obvious.
   Ellie: Peed on the floor because she "didn't feel like" going to the bathroom when she had to pee. Used a crayon to decorate the inside of my van window, locked me in her bedroom, kicked me in the face, choked Porter with my bathrobe belt, sprayed half a bottle of concentrated cleaner in the upstairs bathroom and rubbed herself down with it. We found her this morning in the toy room shoveling handfuls of Nutella in her mouth ( probably more jealous than mad about this one since its a big Paleo/whole 30 diet no-no) unraveled 2 whole rolls of toilet paper, dumped every bin of toys in the toy room after i cleaned it, dumped a whole bowl of fruity pebbles on the floor, took every thing she could manage from her brother and ran, stuck a bunch of toys down her underwear, rubbed toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror, got hold of a bottle of window cleaner and sprayed enough on the back door to drown a rat, and lastly flat out refused to listen to a single word... Oh and she bought a $25 movie on the tv.
    But I love her.

   JT: decided to take a turn this week and not listen. He started back talking... fun... He screamed and whined about Ev..ery..thing.. He pushed Ellie down and gave her a bloody nose, closed her finger in the door, refused to eat anything but chicken nuggets, told me he doesn't like me for the first time ever, swung a toy around and knocked Porter over, tried to cut the dogs ear off with a play knife from his kitchen, refused to put his shoes or clothes on every morning for school and fought with me about not being able to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. . . oh and between him and Ellie they pushed a cart into a little old lady in target and slammed the toy room door enough that I took the handle away and put one of those baby proof door stoppers on so it wont close.

   Porter: wanted to be held, and bit me in the boob a few times.

But on top of all this Ian and I are on a diet... whomp whomp whomp. Its not so bad.. but I miss my coffee creamer and I almost caved over a McDonald's cheeseburger... But I stayed strong!! I just have never had to think this hard about food, its tough. and the hormones changes are not friendly. And as always housework falls behind when Ian is gone, there is no break and the kids act out because they miss him and I am hosting a party at my house this weekend, except I wont be here Saturday... So I have today to complete what I have been putting off all week...and thus... a blog!!!
   But now that I have procrastinated enough... Its off to donate some things to the AmVet truck before they come.... because I forgot to do it last month and i just saw the neighbors bag outside... Happy Friday!!!!

You're (not) going to miss this

  As a mother when you announce that you are pregnant for the first time the flood gates of advice -both welcome and unwelcome- swing wide open. Everything from "sleep when the baby sleeps" to the overshares like "sex is going to be totally different." And since some people don't know when to stop, the advice continues through the pregnancy, and delivery, and infant stage, and toddler stage... and preschool stage.. I will let you know when it stops. But my favorite piece of advice so far is the famous "You're going to miss this"
   I love this piece so much because I already do. My son is 4.5 ( if you ask him he is almost 5) and I already miss being able to watch him sleep, being able to hold him in my arms and rock him, the much simpler days of parenting when there was just one baby and being a stay at home mom really did mean daily naps. Now that we have 3 in the house the days kind of blur together and at 8 months old I already miss Porter's newborn days.
  I miss watching him sleep all day, I miss that new baby smell, I miss the first laughs and smiles and knowing that he knew I was his mama just by my smell and sound. That overused sentiment really is true, which I suppose is why everyone says it to you.. but then there is the flip-side.
    There are things you are most certainly not going to miss.. for instance...
   The high pitched squeal that randomly comes from JT. For no reason, associated with no particular event or emotion. Or the 45 minutes it takes to get out the door with Ellie. I can say with a fair amount of certainty on her wedding day I am NOT going to look her in the face teary eyed and say "I wish we could go back to the days where every time I asked you to get your shoes on you took your pants off instead"
   I can't imagine missing finding poopy fingerprints on the bathroom wall, or having a child scream "MOMMY, WILL YOU WIPE MY BUTT?!" the moment I set down. And while we are talking about the bathroom, I am greatly looking forward to the day I can do that without being asked 90 questions or having a 3 year old give me instructions on how to wipe. I will never mourn the days of going out on a date with my husband for the first time in 3 months only to find snot on my shirt, or being so tired that I did an entire days worth of errands with an inside out shirt.
   I will miss the funny moments that happen. the silly outfits that the kids come up with and the snuggle bug moments. I will miss reading them stories and the proud looks they get when they do something for the first time. I will miss the personality that develops and the laughs. The excitement, the silliness, the dancing around the living room and watching the same movie over and over... and over.... and.... o v e r.
   Personally I am finding it easiest to deal with the screaming teething baby by looking at pictures of him when he is happy, and thinking to myself that one day I will be able to repay my daughter when I am senile and it will be her chasing me around the house while I am butt naked in front of the pizza man. Until that day.... Here are some pics of my lovies in all their fabulousness.

Nothing worth having :

   Marriage: While to some it is a concept, an idea, an event; to me it is a living breathing organism. 
   It's amazing, its terrifying, its freaking hard. Marriage is rewarding and exhausting and infuriating and fabulous all at once, and if you feed it, it will be one of the best things you have ever done, but if you neglect it, it will die.
   Now, lets pause for a minute, what do I know? I have only been married for 5 years. I have also been on both ends of everything I just said in that time, and I have talked to a LOT of people on the subject. Why? because its important to me. I value it, to me it was not a decision I made on October 11, 2008. It is a decision I make every single day.  I have to wake up every day and decide to be married to the man that both feeds all of the wonderful parts of me, lifts me up and stands beside me no matter what decisions I make and pushes me to grow, to be better. I also have to decide to be married to the man who never replaces the toilet paper roll, or does laundry, or closes the cabinets in the kitchen. The man who will argue with me even when we agree, and leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor every single day no matter how many time I complain about it.
   I wake up and have to commit to doing the things I agreed to on that day, to love him, and only him. To follow him, to trust him, to forgive him and to try my very best to make him happy. In our time together we have done a lot, we have moved more times than I want to admit, we have had 3 beautiful children, we gave one to heaven, we bought a house and 2 cars, we acquired 3 animals and lost a few fish along the way. We have opened our home to my mother and my sister, we started a business, we discovered our faith and we nearly fell apart in the process. Because with all of this going on, we forgot that we had to keep feeding our marriage. It won't wait for you, we had to be reminded of that a few times. 
   Marriage has to be a priority. You have to learn what your spouse needs, whether it be words of kindness and respect, or simply quality time together. The book The 5 Love Languages helped us discover that for ourselves. It also taught us how to be better parents, but once we learned what we were doing wrong we learned how to fix it, with a lot of guidance along the way, and a lot of tears on my behalf. But here is the thing...
     My husband is the most amazing man in the world in my eyes. Even on our worst days I would not wake up and chose to be married to anyone else. I could not imagine living my life without the silly text messages and the smiles he gives me. I could not imagine living without hearing his voice when I feel like I am falling apart, and while I am fully aware that I can't fully predict what the future has in store for us, I can tell you this. I intend to feed my marriage until it is fat and happy, even when I don't feel like I have anything left to give. I am prepared to regroup every once in a while, I am prepared to get down on my knees and pray for what I want, for what I need. I am sure that we will fight and disagree, but I am also sure that we will make it through, because we are both on the same page.  And that page is And They Lived Happily Ever After.
   While I believe that everyone makes their own decisions, for their own reasons, and I do not believe that I am better than anyone else, I do disagree with jumping into a marriage. I disagree with the notion of "we can just get a divorce if it doesn't work" and "well he stopped trying so I did too"
I believe in fighting for what you want, fighting and standing for what you believe in, and not giving up when the going gets tough. I also believe that its never too late.
   I want my children to grow up seeing us in love, and I don't think that loving someone is enough to keep a marriage going, I think that being IN love takes effort to keep, but that effort is worth it. I want my children to find an everlasting love, a true, honest love based on the principles of forever, and that may take some effort and resistance on their part since the world has given up on the notion of taking your time, completing the things you start and doing things right the first time. But I believe that if I can show them how a marriage should be, by seeking out marriages that I want to model after and always looking for a way to improve, then one day they will know what they are looking for and not give up before they find it.
   My marriage is worth having, and therefore worth trying for and seeking out and working towards, and theirs will be too.