Terrible pre- 2's

     Hello Attitude.

   As many of you know I have always wanted 3 boys. My justification being that I wished to not deal with periods ( mine was a pain in the butt enough to deal with I don't need another one to worry about) or Barbie shoes, or hormones, or long hair, because Ian likes mine long and I do nothing with it except throw it in a ponytail and go, but I just don't think I can do the same for my daughters.  All logical reasons for preferring boys who destroy stuff and get dirty.
   God had another plan for me. I am not sure if Ellie is supposed to be a lesson in patience, or a lesson that you can't always get what you want. Either way, both are working.
   Ellie Lorraine Thomas, she is the most adorable, quirky, lovable little girl I have ever met, full of little bits of personality strong enough to be a full grown lady, all packed into chunky thighs and wacky hair. Granted I am biased. She to date is 1 year 9 months and 13 days old. She has the largest attitude I have ever seen on a toddler. JT was so easy. The worst of his attitude consists of a fake cry on his way to time out, picking on his sister and a "mean face".

                      Oh brother is Ell Raine DIFFERENT!

  She rolls her eyes, and even worse cuts them at me. For instance if she is told to "knock it off" when Daddy is not around she will cut her eyes at me and let out an exacerbated sigh. REALLY?  She was unhappy with me the other day for telling her she was not allowed to do something, and she gave me a full blown eye roll. These have been going on for about 3-4 months now. She loves loves loves to pick on JT. She thinks it's hilarious to take whatever cup her brother has- the moment he is not looking- and with the largest grin she can conjure, take a nice long drink, always exactly long enough for him to notice, and then tuck said cup under her arm and run. The goal is making it to the laundry room where she will laugh and return it without an issue. If she does not make it that far, her capture is always announced abruptly with a blood curdling scream. Her squeal is just enough to induce migraines.
   Nothing brings Ellie joy like hearing JT scream her name across the house in anger. Personally, I have to admit, it is amusing. He gets a little pink in the cheeks and balls up his fists. His whole little body tenses and he screams her name in his scruffy mad voice, followed by running in whatever direction she left with his stuff. Nose scrunched, lips curled back and angry as hell. It is at this moment that she starts to giggle uncontrollably, sometimes to the point of tripping herself and running into things.
   Now that JT is getting older he feels the need to lecture her. This lead to one of the funniest sights of my parenting thus far, as I imagined myself and my older brother when we were teenagers. JT stood in the living room with his finger pointing at Ellie, tearing her a new one about how she should not touch his things. It was his cup and his toy and she is not allowed to do that. "wanna go to time-out? Need a fankin'?" (spanking) Ellie responded by putting her hand on her hip, rolling her eyes at him, turning on her heel and sighing. She marched half way across the room before turning back around to cut her eyes at him once more, and sealed the attitude sandwich with a " Go way"
   Where does she even get this material? Holy crap is it hereditary? Oh no, she's not even 2 and I don't know how I am going to make it to teenagers. The best part is that she follows her attitude up with a big cheesy grin, a hug and when she gets in trouble she always responds with "yes ma'am." even to her Daddy.  


   Oh who are we kidding. Ian never yells at her. . She is Daddy's Little Princess. . .  Oh God, It IS hereditary.

Welcome to adulthood. pt 1

   There are a few things that I wish were at least mentioned before I became an adult. For instance how expensive milk is. I mean granted there would have been no way to warn me exactly how much milk 2 toddlers could consume, but its just one of those random things that throw you off guard in the store. . the American average for September 2012 is $3.47 a gallon, just FYI.
   I decided that milk prices are just one of those insignificant subjects that would have been nice to be prepared for, and I decided that there needed to be a list (feel free to add) of others.
     1. You will eventually get past the excitement of driving and rationalize not running errands so you don't have to drive 3 miles down the road.
     2. Laundry is never ending, and once you get married, you get to do twice as much.
     3. You will end up with more things in your house that you have no idea where they came from than you own as a teenager.
     4. Not only do you pay for the water to come to your house, but you pay for it to leave too. . hmm, seems a little fishy to me
     5. All the good cartoons stopped playing by the time you were 10. . All of today's have some sort of agenda. ( you can however find Dinosaurs on Netflix. just sayin' )
     6. Power Rangers will still be around, and it will get worse. (there are currently 18 seasons if anyone cares to know)
     7. Dust is made up of mostly dead skin cells. . . yeah. .
     8. Your house will not be decorated anywhere near what you think it will.
     9. After children you will at least once leave the house just so you can go to the bathroom without interruption.
     10. Law and Order SVU marathons will still be happening. And you will find at least 1 episode each time that you have not seen yet. Not sure how it's possible but it is.
     11. You will eventually run into an ex, and one of you will be wearing something stupid.
     12. Everything you had to listen to in History, Civics and Government classes. . actually important. . Wish you would have paid attention now huh?
     13. As cool of a parent you think you will be, as soon as you hear some young teenagers (or younger unfortunately) use filthy language, and obscene gestures in public, or wear shorts with less fabric than a pair of Boy short underwear, you will immediately turn into "one of those" parents. It will shock you and you will have an out of body experience, kind of like your grandmother just inhabited your body.
     14. Food you used to like will no longer taste good, and food you used to hate will become favorites. .
     15. You will never forget the words to Disney movies songs. . and you may even be caught humming them at inappropriate moments.
     16. There is nothing in the world that will make you happier than the little moments with your child. The ones where they learn the words to their first song, or you catch them singing the ABC's while playing. The one's where they randomly walk up and hug your leg so hard you think you might fall over. These can never be replaced.
     17. You will unwillingly know the theme song to very very dumb shows. . I'm just a kid whose 4, each day I grow some more. . .
     18. Cooking. . . yeah. . . that's not really so fun all the time.
     19. When you are suddenly smelling nail polish and you have not painted your nails in months. . be concerned, be very concerned.
     20. Couch cushions are able to be repaired, laptop cords and chargers those cost a lot more. ( if you happen to be in the market for a laptop charger it's gonna cost you about $60 or more)
     21. Laughing off some of your in-laws efforts to help is much better for your marriage than getting worked up over it. Especially when your husbands grandmother sends you advice on constipation once a month. .
     22. Sometimes, even your children will get on your nerves.
     23. Even after your children sleep through the night, your definition of a full nights sleep is completely different than it once was.
     24. One day you will be standing in your kitchen and realize exactly what your father meant when he used to complain about your whining. It's incredibly annoying.
     25. Sometimes your husband should just give in and let you set the tent up in the living room. . He really will need to discover a sense of adventure, or at least pretend adventure.


  This is far from a comprehensive list, and feel free to add some of your own on the comments. . I would love to hear them! We will be doing more of these in the future.

Pregnant humor

   OK, call me crazy. I actually enjoy being pregnant. I know that with pregnancy comes nausea, and I get more than my fair share. I know that there are aches and pains, and after my hip separated too far and I could barely walk the last month of my pregnancy with Ellie, trust me I am fully aware of them. I know that there are headaches and food aversions (currently experiencing them for the first time) But after you put all the little annoyances aside you have to think about this.


   There is a human being living inside of you. A tiny little person, with fingers and toes and eyes and a heart. And you are the vessel in which it has been chosen to grow. Nothing more beautiful can happen in life.

   There are a million cool facts about being pregnant that absolutely amaze me. For instance: No 2 Fingerprints can be the same because they are formed on fingers and toes by the movements that each child makes while in the womb, starting, sometimes, as early as 6 weeks.  There is the fact that the first sense a fetus develops is the sense of touch, which is why we respond emotionally the strongest to it. The areas to develop first are the most sensitive as adults, this is followed quickly by the sense of smell, which accounts for some of the excitement that a baby makes when certain foods or scents are around. Before birth a baby can perceive light and dark, can hear voices and music, can dream.

   Then there are all the silly things that happen when you are pregnant. . like peeing yourself in public. . . guilty. Or, the interactions with strangers. I mean what other time in your life do complete strangers find it totally ok to walk up and touch you. . It's weird. I sometimes wonder how people would respond if I just randomly walked up and starting rubbing a mans stomach, or better. . . what if I just walked up and placed my hands on an old ladies face, looked her straight in the eye and said "Congrats for living to be ancient" I mean honestly. . who is ok with that??? I not only have no idea if you are one of those people who "forgets" to wash after using the bathroom, or if you have been sick recently, but also. . I am not sure what randomly touching a pregnant belly is supposed to do. . It's already growing. . no stoppin' it. . . why are you touching me? I LOVE the advice I get from people. like while I was pregnant with Ellie I would walk around somewhere and countless times get stopped to ask if my next baby was a boy or a girl. . After finding out that I was having a girl I would often here the following statement " Oh, wonderful. One of each. Now you can stop." I once responded to a group of 40 something women with "My goal is 12 boys. I am just going to keep going until I get them, this one doesn't even count" Admittedly I was a bit on the snarky side that day, and have not in fact admitted that to anyone until now. Not my best moment, but hey, hormones are fun like that.

  I found this on Pinterest about 6 months ago and thought it was hilariously inappropriate. . Sort of like some of the things people say to you while you are pregnant, and how personal they can get.

    I, being a sufferer of some pretty awful morning sickness have unfortunately been a source of amusement to my children so far this pregnancy. They have quite quickly picked up on the things that turn my stomach.  For instance, poop. Having a toddler who is only partially potty trained I encounter that on a fairly regular basis. I manage to pass it off to anyone who is around pretty well, but sometimes there is just no way of getting around it. Both JT and Ellie start mimicking my loud and embarrassing gagging noise. Sometimes for fun they do it in unison while I am driving down the road and laugh hysterically. Much to nobodies surprise Ian finds it just as funny. 
 
 
   As with any mommy-to-be my favorite part is guessing what my baby will look like, will my baby be a boy or a girl, and what will they like. What will they dislike, what activities will they enjoy. What kind of stupid things can I make them wear and later blackmail them with. For instance pictures like these. .  

 

But honestly, I am totally excited to be pregnant again. While looking forward to having some more energy again, I know that the beautiful baby inside of me will grow up to be an awesome kid that brings me immense joy and plenty of laughs.

Reha and the Doggie Police

Friday started out like any other potentially great and fantastic day. Sadly, that was short lived. Like any other Friday I went to clean for the family I clean for. Picked up JT and my sister from my mom's, where they stayed the night last night, and grabbed something to eat. On my way back we stopped at 5 and Below. . I ended up with the vacuum sealed storage bags. (don't be mad Courtney, I tried to resist.) I finally gave in and bought them after trying to convince myself to go back through and again get rid of some of the kids baby clothes since I made a deal with Ian that I would only save 1 tote worth for each child.. well they are both full. However he made no restrictions on how I could get said clothes in the bin and I feel that secretly I am cheating the system. It's all very thrilling if you are like me. . . with slight hoarder tendencies that I am actively resisting.. . except when it comes to baby clothes.. they are so little and they smell so good, and they are adorable. Don't judge!
Upon my return to my house I noticed something wrong. My front door was sitting slightly open. Who knows what's coming? I bet most of you do. Here. . I will even let you have a minute to think it over just in case you haven't figured it out yet.. .

Dun-dun Dun-dun Dun-dun DUN Dun-dun Dun-dun DUN Dun-dun Dun-dun..
Time up.

So after stepping inside with both children, my sister, and my friend Sarah who met us at the house, I immediately smell dirty diaper and rotten food. AWESOME. . Freakin escape artist. I honestly feel dread, pure anger, and amusement all at once. I mean should I consider signing Reha up as a rescue Dog? or just donate her to the circus? She can honestly get out of anything. Including her plastic crate. FABULOUS!
If any of you are vets, or vet techs I am in the market for Doggie Xanax. . .seriously.
I look in her crate and have no idea how she managed this one. The door is still latched at the top, and I can't for the life of me figure out how this big OAF of a dog maneuvered out of a partially latched door. . but in the process she knocked Cookies crate over. Honestly amusing, because Cookie is not only antsy because she wants to go to the bathroom, but every time she moves it rocks her crate back and forth. LOL
After realizing Reha is not in the house I open the door and head for the neighbors. You know the nice lady 2 doors down who occasionally rescues Reha and throws her in the back yard.. . and then a sight at the end of the street stops me. .

ANIMAL CONTROL

with Reha climbing in. WELL S**T this is not going to go over well.
Reha apparently decided to chase an outdoor cat. . Right into a culvert pipe (the metal pipes that are under ditches etc.) where she conveniently got stuck. The owner of the cat decided to call animal control. We will not be making friends anytime soon. I will NOT be baking them Christmas cookies.

Screaming down the road like an idiot hoping they can hear me I let them know that the A-hole dog they are holding in fact belongs to me. Then I got 50 questioned about her health. She currently has a few spots of missing fur on her side from over scratching, as a result of fleas. We have treated the yard and the animals and the house and have resulted to calling in the experts because these darn things come back every time we think we have finally gotten rid of them with a new spray or method or steam cleaning or tearing the house apart with the vacuum. If you know me at all, you know that none of my animals are starved for anything. They are all well fed, well cared for and completely loved. And being accused of keeping an "unsterile environment" and "not properly feeding" my dogs is extremely offensive. I exercised great restraint by not letting the wonderful man standing in front of me where he could go with his notions.
After bringing her home and putting her inside I was granted not just one but 3 summons to appear in court later this month. The first, for failing to keep my dog on my property, the second, for being unable to produce either of my dogs rabies vaccination papers... I am pretty awful about paperwork... my "filing system" consists of a basket on the table. . . it has any bill or important document I may need in it. Yeah, I know, not a great system. . I am working on it, ok? The third of which was for failing to register either of my animals in Spotsylvania county. WHICH, by the way I think is OUTRAGEOUS!
Needless to say there have been a few discussions since our lovely Doggie Police visit and Reha is officially sporting her shock collar again. It is getting lots of use, and we have agreed to both be more diligent about her behavior.All of this happens on the last day of the week that consisted of returning to town at 3:45 am on Monday, a severe lack of sleep, a rough week in the world of my sister, Ellie repeating me when I was in pain and dropping the "F" bomb, and lots and lots of errand running, and another one of my Victoria Secret bras meeting the ultimate fate that is Reha's stomach. I am determined that next week will be better. I am sure of it. Mainly because I know that God would not subject me to 2 fun filled weeks like this in a row. To top off my lovely Friday I get a phone call from my dad saying that I received another summons on his door. This one thankfully I already was prepared for, but did not save me from a half heart attack and the compulsion to slam my head against the steering wheel repeatedly. . The smug lawyer from my VCU collections case ( the one where they failed to file my paperwork properly and are charging me for a semester of classes I never attended) which I won by the way!!! Is appealing my case. I have to be back in court in December for that one. I plan on being uber prepared and a lot less nervous this time around.

Either way, we could use some of those positive thoughts you guys love to send us! Love you guys. Thanks for being such awesome loyal readers. Stay tuned.. there is some big news coming your way very soon!