The price of lost sleep

Warning: this blog was vengefully thought through at 8:05 am.


   Anyone who is married, ever has been married, or is in a long term relationship will admit that their significant other has at least one thing that could drive a saint bonkers. If they have yet to find it, they have not lived together long enough.
   My husband is a wonderful man. Many of you have met him. He gives me everything I ask for. He loves me, even when I don't think I deserve his love. He is affectionate and sweet and a great father, he is funny, and sometimes down right maddening, but I love him with all I am.
  With all that being said let's get down to business.. Ian is a deep sleeper. We are talking so deep that we have had full conversations, he has gotten out of bed and walked into another room, kicked me in the face.. I will explain momentarily... and even argued with me all while sleeping.
   When Ian and I first began living together I learned this lesson the hard way. One night, approximately 3 am, I was rudely awakened by a swift kick to the face. Imagine how angry I was, laying in bed all cozy, dreaming some totally off the wall dream that could never possibly occur in real life, and WHAM.. right in the jaw. Sitting up, confused and ready to start yelling I find Ian on all fours digging in our bed. Yup. . digging. Ok, I no longer feel the urge to yell, but my rate of confusion is much much higher.
   " Ian, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
   " I am looking for something"
   "What on earth are you looking for?"
   "It doesn't matter."
   "What do you mean it doesn't matter, what are you looking for."
   At this point he sits back on his heels, turns around to face me and while looking me straight in the face gives me an exasperated look and responds with " The ABA"
  " What in hell is the ABA and why are you looking for it in our bed?"
   "Go back to bed Stacey, It doesn't matter you're not a member"

   FOR REAL?!?!

   "Ian, I am getting really pissed. You just kicked me in the face, what is the ABA?"
   "The American Bowlers Association"
   " So help me God Ian, GO BACK TO BED"

  The following morning Ian has absolutely no recollection of these events. In similar events, he once used my ringing cell phone to search between the bed and the wall for "reverse." Climbed into bed with JT in the middle of the night for no reason, Ellie was still in a crib at this point so I was relieved that he bypassed her room, although he did open her door. He repeatedly fights me for the pillow that I sleep on, has gotten out of bed and started screaming at me occasionally leaving me in tears before climbing back in bed and resuming his snoring, and once even propped himself up and stared at me with the creepiest grin on his face I have ever seen, leaving me with the heebie jeebies.
   A man who can sleep through all this activity still thinks that a sissy alarm clock is somehow going to wake him up. Every morning beginning at 7:30 am there is a series of beep beep beep's and BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP's that are a miserably failed attempt at waking him up. He can sleep through them like a baby, leaving me screaming at him and ripping the pillow out from under his peacefully sleeping head just for him to press a stupid snooze button. Lucky for me, 9 minutes later we get to go through it again. Sometimes he even leaves a phone downstairs, so I get to lay in bed glaring at him while it goes off for half an hour.
  There is this alarm called Mr. Clocky. It has wheels, and after you press the snooze button it rolls itself off the table and hides itself somewhere in the room so the next time it goes off you have to get up and search for it. I considered spending the whatever money on it until I realized a few things.
   1. I would inevitably be the one getting up and searching for it every morning.. mission get Ian out of bed failed.
   2. the children would think it was a toy and it would end up going off in one of their closets. These children like their father can sleep though anything short of a bomb, unless of course you open their bedroom doors, in which case your hopes and dreams of getting anything done (like a few more minutes of sleep) are dashed quicker than you can turn around and run.
   3. Reha would demolish it.

   But look, it's actually kind of cute.

 

I will continue to devise an evil plan to wake Ian up without having to continue our exhausting morning routine of

   "Turn it off"

   "Turn what off? why are you so mad?"

   "Your alarm has been going off for 20 minutes!! How do you not hear that? the whole house is awake now!"
 Until then, I am taking suggestions. And this is payback for the many mornings of lost sleep.
  

Hello Hormones

   Pregnancy hormones have a way of getting the best of you. I mean here you are sitting in your living room minding your own business when all of a sudden your husband gets smacked in the face with a hormonal meltdown.
   Luckily for Ian we have been through this process before and he is well aware of how to handle it. He knows that ignoring it will do no good, and might even piss me off, and telling me I am ridiculous will in fact set me off further and will turn into a huge fight over nothing.
   Last night when my latest episode of estrogen decided to strike, I was sitting on the couch trying to figure out what I wanted to eat. During this pregnancy I have been experiencing something very new to me, in that nothing tastes good. At first I thought it was because I had been so sick and had developed a few aversions. After the sickness wore off ( at least to the point of being able to keep down something other than toast ) I learned that in fact the issue was my mouth and not my stomach. It seemed that everything I could think to eat sounded gross. I quickly resorted to baked potatoes and more toast, but these get old very soon when it's all you can eat for weeks on end. Finally I discovered that there is an actual medical term for it;  "dysguesia" which means an altered sense of taste. In severe cases all food leaves a bad taste in your mouth and even water has an after taste. Thank GOD I am not in fact the only person who has ever dealt with this. That only helps so far as to comfort me out of thinking I am crazy, and does nothing for solving the issue of what to sustain my own life with as well as that of the baby's.
   I have discovered one single flavor that does not repulse me besides the very bland toast and plain baked potatoes, and that is lemon. Not generally a fan, however the last few months the smell and taste is heavenly. Considering that last night in my internal food debate I decided to order in some seafood that I could drown in lemon... until the one place that offers seafood that delivers to my house (my sister took the car to work) had sent home their only on clock delivery person shortly before I called. Not wanting Pizza or pasta I tried to order Thai.. they closed early. I finally settled with Chinese, knowing I could at least keep it down, however it was not what I wanted, and fell so far short on my taste bud registry that I decided it was a waste of money after a few bites, but ate it anyways.
   In the wait for food my stomach had begun to hurt so badly from hunger that I curled up on the couch and began to cry. This is where Ian stepped in. He sat in front of me on the floor and rubbed my head as I unravelled.
    " I don't understand!  I wanted another baby so bad, and this one doesn't like me. It's so hard this time and I can't even eat anything. I just want to be able to eat."
    " Hunny, the baby does not hate you. You won't even remember this in a few months. Think about all you went through with Ellie and JT. You were so sick you couldn't get up the stairs. You had to go to the hospital because you were dehydrated, you couldn't even keep down water. And look, you don't even remember it being that bad. You wanted to do it again."
   " I just want to eat. It's never going to taste good again. I am going to be miserable forever."
   " Baby you will make it through this just like you did the last 2. "
   " It doesn't feel like I will"

   At this point Ellie is in my face asking me what happened. Ian explaining to her that my belly hurts, she begins to rub me and shush me. I on the other hand continue to cry hysterically and tell Ian all about how I am going to never want food again. How I am going to have to eat potatoes and toast for the rest of my life and how much I miss the taste of food. How I just want to taste something yummy again, like vegetables and fruit. The taste of seasonings and chicken. How I miss cooking and baking and how much it all repulses me right now. All in the meantime leaving a tear soaked couch cushion under my face. A spot so large that had I not known it was my own tears I would have questioned if someone had peed there. Also springing to my mind my father's constant jab to me as a child when we walked by a water fountain asking me if I needed to refill. ( ok, so I was a cry baby. )I got a drink after that, not sure if it was because I feel there may be some truth to it, or if I was in fact thirsty.
   To be honest with you I have not even been able to grocery shop in weeks save for the necessities because even shopping for the food is gross. How do you shop and meal plan when the food you are buying makes you want to hurl just putting it in the cart. The worst part is I have several friends who are at the same point in pregnancy as I am or slightly further and they are all enjoying wonderful dishes, and having a blast going to eat with friends and experiencing food cravings. I ... I sit here dreaming about the taste of coffee and silently convincing myself that the muffin I had earlier in fact tasted as good as I wanted it to. . . It didn't, and every time I burp I taste it still, but I will take victory in being able to hold down a 600 calorie muffin without the help of Zofran.

    Until food tastes good again, continue to post all your yummy treats so I can taste vicariously through you.

oh November!

   So, where have I been?? Very good question. I have been busying myself with so many different things this November that honestly even I had to think about that answer for a few. . And as with all good ponderings there is a FABULOUS story to tell you about what I have remembered about this crazy month.
   For starters, I have been partially couch ridden with some of the lovely woes that accompany pregnancy. If you have been pregnant, you need no further explanation, and if you have not, well... Google can be your best friend and your worst enemy. . it's really about luck of the draw. Also, I have been preparing my house for the holidays, like most of you.
   Thanksgiving this year, as most of you smart-phone-toting Americans would know, fell on November 22. This glorious day of way too many calories and yummy goodness happens to be another day of importance in my house. . my birthday. So what does this pregnant lady with 2 toddlers, 2 dogs, 1 cat, a sister and husband decide to do on such a day. . . Host 20 odd family members in her house. Ok, look. If you got through that last sentence you have already established that my sanity is not intact.. don't judge me.
   Most of November I spent either preparing or freaking out about not having prepared for this huge event. I did take a night of "me time" to attend opening weekend of Breaking Dawn with my friends Andrea and Sarah. What a night, a much needed night of laughing. To begin, walking to the car to meet Andrea (we are neighbors, it really is all green and such to ride share when we are going the same place) I nearly walk smack dab into a tree... in my front yard. Not as if I was unaware that tree was there... I complain about it all the time, and admittedly have walked into it before.We have nicknamed it the Octo-tree, since it reproduces all over our yard. Andrea of course being the awesome friend she is laughed hysterically at me. We drive across town to meet our friend Sarah whom we will be grabbing a bite to eat with in the 21+ lounge at the theatre. We did this for 2 reasons. . 1. they are not all impregnated and can drink yummy beverages before hand. 2. we got to skip the line of teenage girls and head instead to our reserved seats after the previews had already started.
   During dinner we joked a lot about life. . marriage, dating, my children (both of them are currently childless by choice, and adore JT and Ellie) and my crazy household, right up until it was time to get boxes. Sarah, unknowingly ordered an entire pizza. Andrea and I knew, we just chose not to tell her. . the pizza is really yummy and the movie was long. she might need a snack. Upon delivery of the boxes, Sarah slightly embarrasses herself in front of the waiter. . who happened to be cute, and overhear her remark about such fact as he was literally right behind her head taking something off the table. Seeing Sarah blush is fun. She turns into the same girl I knew in high school. . . just about 32 shades pinker. Fortunately this was not even the end of poor Sarah's uncomfortable encounters that night.
   About 10 minutes into the movie, a random drunk guy parks himself next to Sarah on what looks to be like a love seat with an armrest separating the 2 seats that is her reserved spot. We are unsure if he is supposed to be sitting there or not, but he leans in extremely close to her face and says " Baby, I will be back in a minute." More awkwardly.. he does not in fact proceed to go anywhere. He remains seated all up in her personal space for the next half an hour before finally scampering off somewhere. Andrea and I send Sarah the "what on EARTH" look, and drunk guy returns. He honestly felt that his alcohol stench and mere presence were not enough that he had to announce to her that he was back. . again in her personal space. Luckily about 2 minutes later he was curled up nearly in the fetal position facing away from her and knocked out cold for the rest of the movie.
  On our way out the door, we see drunk boy apologizing to what we figured was his actual girlfriend, not sure where she was during the movie, as she tries to sober him enough to get him down the flight of stairs. .
   After a fun night away from life, I returned to my crazy house. I am pretty sure my children are like hound dogs and have sniffed out my weakness this month and plotted against me. There have been attitudes and house wrecking flying left and right in my house. There was the Facebook pictures of the food dye incident. . Brand new box of food dye, and my children combined to paint a wall, tye-dye 2 dog cages and drip a clear path from the laundry room to the dining room wall. It's like follow the rainbow on my carpet. . Thank heavens we decided to get a steam cleaner with one of our housewarming presents. . Thanks Bob!!
   JT has decided to be an artist, with my house as his canvas. Never having drawn on anything but paper he decided in one week to pin his sister on the floor and draw all over her body; back, stomach, face, legs. . you name it. A day or so later he tackled 2 of my living room walls with a red marker, the next day he got my bedroom. This time with permanent fabric marker. after deciding that mommy and daddy needed a headboard, he decorated our comforter. SWEET. Next came the paint. Having most of my craft supplies in a corner desk and drawer unit in my bedroom, we generally keep the door locked for my sanity and their safety. For some reason we have been slacking in that department and I should have learned my lesson after the markers, but of course I didn't. After completing the dishes without interruption I set off to find my children and whatever they had discovered, thinking my door was locked and like usual I would be finding them standing on bins somewhere in their toy room. . that was until I saw my door wide open and heard giggling. . damn.
   A brand new large bottle of white acrylic paint is smeared on the side of my dresser, all over Ellie from head to toe, and she is eating a paint brush.Ellie still showing signs of food dye drips on her legs is becoming an awesome piece of work. JT immediately tries to hide between the dresser and wall, but cant fit, so just sticks his head in, in a moment of "if I can't see you, you can't see me: mentality. Luckily, and I better start knocking on wood and praying to Jesus. . they have not ruined anything.
    Ian decided the weekend before Thanksgiving to chop down 2 of the trees in the front yard, had I known that poor tree was going down I might have let it get me. the second of now missing trees was a beautiful smoke tree. Granted it was placed inconveniently, taking up any area of the yard that might be usable as it sat so low to the ground, and was planted smack dab in the center of the house blocking our view of the street, it was a beautiful tree. Sadly Ian did not share my feelings and was unaware that I would have a pregnant meltdown outside after it was laying on the ground.  His only response to his actions, and my unreasonable attachment to a tree was " we can plant more trees." He tries. . really he does.
   My mom was wonderful enough to come over 2 times in the week and half before Thanksgiving to help me clear my house of clutter and get some things in order. I being the "Oh I can handle this" followed by meltdown lady that I am, decided to completely swap 2 rooms of my house 2 days prior to Thanksgiving. Why you ask? Well it seemed logical at the time. My sister needed more space, but as there was just no place to put the things that were crowding her room, and the children never used their playroom because they don't like to be upstairs without me, I figured that it would make sense to swap them. This would not only force me to rid the toy room of some toys since the space is smaller, but would hopefully keep it clean more since I can check in on them and make sure they are not getting into trouble. It would also force the pile of goodwill items to actually go to goodwill and the attic pile to make it to its final destination. All while giving my sister an actual closet and room to stretch her legs, and eventually put a bed.
   Yeah I really did not anticipate it being that difficult. It seemed cut and dry. It wasn't. It was long and tiring and lots of up and down the stairs and I don't want to's. Finally though it was all coming together and Andrea came over to help out. She really is a fabulous friend. We went through some toys and got rid of an entire over-flowing bin of toys. We were even able to get the toy room in working order so that my nieces and nephews could play in there the next day. It's amazing. Now I just need to help my sister get settled in upstairs and we should be good to go.
   My house by the way looked pretty darn good for our get together. Ian finished cleaning the yard, there was very little "just shove that there and I will deal with it later", and I even had enough time to get a birthday breakfast and fire. Ian did a great job of making up for the last few years of crappy birthdays by making this one fabulous. He even made it fabulous through the remainder of the weekend. I received a few foot rubs, back rubs, hunny I can get it's, and he cleaned up the house for me. I got a Birthday Card this year, major improvement, and he agreed to family portraits without a fight. He even cleaned up the entire box of baking soda the children decided to grace the dog cage with. I have to admit, it crossed my mind that he is sucking up to get the sheep skin slippers he has been asking for every year.
   With November drawing to an end, and Christmas just around the corner I am sure there will be more craziness to follow. I did forget to mention a few things. My dear friend Katie had her baby. Cute as a button.  Since we share a birthday a few of our friends came together to celebrate with us and it was a lot of fun. My Dad paid for me to have my hair done as a birthday present, which Andrea babysat for, she discovered the joys of watching stupid cartoons with a 3 year old and has a new found distaste for Curious George. . She feels he is not in fact curious but just a jerk. Ellie and JT have learned some new phrases. . Ellie now says Bieber Fever, nom nom nom and follows up the name Channing Tatum with the sound. . mmm mmm. JT has discovered sarcasm. When I told him he had to sit in time out until Daddy came home ( he was just around the corner) he looked me straight in the eye, raised his voice an octave or two and said " WHAAAAT?!?!"
    He has also discovered logic and reasoning. Like his "I'll walk" comment after Daddy told him he could not run to me every time he did not like what he was told, he also made a clever conclusion when it came to getting in trouble. Ellie broke into 4 bottles of finger paint in the toy room. I blame Ian for not moving a bin out containing the paints and some nails and screws that I had asked him to get, he blames me for leaving it where the kids could get it in the first place.Touche. Either way it was a mess.  In the process of cleaning up JT comes into the room, inquisitive as always. After we explain that we are cleaning up the mess we ask if he had anything to do with it. Ian immediately assumed since he had a smear of purple on his arm, but I defend him by saying there is paint everywhere and it's not on his hands. He could have rubbed against something. He takes one look at his sister who is pouting in time out, and looks his daddy straight in the face with a smirk across his lips and shakes his head. . "NOPE"
    Ian informed him plausible deniablility will be out the door soon. . Ellie is getting really good at full sentences. Soon little guy she will be ratting you out. Enjoy it while you can.

Terrible pre- 2's

     Hello Attitude.

   As many of you know I have always wanted 3 boys. My justification being that I wished to not deal with periods ( mine was a pain in the butt enough to deal with I don't need another one to worry about) or Barbie shoes, or hormones, or long hair, because Ian likes mine long and I do nothing with it except throw it in a ponytail and go, but I just don't think I can do the same for my daughters.  All logical reasons for preferring boys who destroy stuff and get dirty.
   God had another plan for me. I am not sure if Ellie is supposed to be a lesson in patience, or a lesson that you can't always get what you want. Either way, both are working.
   Ellie Lorraine Thomas, she is the most adorable, quirky, lovable little girl I have ever met, full of little bits of personality strong enough to be a full grown lady, all packed into chunky thighs and wacky hair. Granted I am biased. She to date is 1 year 9 months and 13 days old. She has the largest attitude I have ever seen on a toddler. JT was so easy. The worst of his attitude consists of a fake cry on his way to time out, picking on his sister and a "mean face".

                      Oh brother is Ell Raine DIFFERENT!

  She rolls her eyes, and even worse cuts them at me. For instance if she is told to "knock it off" when Daddy is not around she will cut her eyes at me and let out an exacerbated sigh. REALLY?  She was unhappy with me the other day for telling her she was not allowed to do something, and she gave me a full blown eye roll. These have been going on for about 3-4 months now. She loves loves loves to pick on JT. She thinks it's hilarious to take whatever cup her brother has- the moment he is not looking- and with the largest grin she can conjure, take a nice long drink, always exactly long enough for him to notice, and then tuck said cup under her arm and run. The goal is making it to the laundry room where she will laugh and return it without an issue. If she does not make it that far, her capture is always announced abruptly with a blood curdling scream. Her squeal is just enough to induce migraines.
   Nothing brings Ellie joy like hearing JT scream her name across the house in anger. Personally, I have to admit, it is amusing. He gets a little pink in the cheeks and balls up his fists. His whole little body tenses and he screams her name in his scruffy mad voice, followed by running in whatever direction she left with his stuff. Nose scrunched, lips curled back and angry as hell. It is at this moment that she starts to giggle uncontrollably, sometimes to the point of tripping herself and running into things.
   Now that JT is getting older he feels the need to lecture her. This lead to one of the funniest sights of my parenting thus far, as I imagined myself and my older brother when we were teenagers. JT stood in the living room with his finger pointing at Ellie, tearing her a new one about how she should not touch his things. It was his cup and his toy and she is not allowed to do that. "wanna go to time-out? Need a fankin'?" (spanking) Ellie responded by putting her hand on her hip, rolling her eyes at him, turning on her heel and sighing. She marched half way across the room before turning back around to cut her eyes at him once more, and sealed the attitude sandwich with a " Go way"
   Where does she even get this material? Holy crap is it hereditary? Oh no, she's not even 2 and I don't know how I am going to make it to teenagers. The best part is that she follows her attitude up with a big cheesy grin, a hug and when she gets in trouble she always responds with "yes ma'am." even to her Daddy.  


   Oh who are we kidding. Ian never yells at her. . She is Daddy's Little Princess. . .  Oh God, It IS hereditary.

Welcome to adulthood. pt 1

   There are a few things that I wish were at least mentioned before I became an adult. For instance how expensive milk is. I mean granted there would have been no way to warn me exactly how much milk 2 toddlers could consume, but its just one of those random things that throw you off guard in the store. . the American average for September 2012 is $3.47 a gallon, just FYI.
   I decided that milk prices are just one of those insignificant subjects that would have been nice to be prepared for, and I decided that there needed to be a list (feel free to add) of others.
     1. You will eventually get past the excitement of driving and rationalize not running errands so you don't have to drive 3 miles down the road.
     2. Laundry is never ending, and once you get married, you get to do twice as much.
     3. You will end up with more things in your house that you have no idea where they came from than you own as a teenager.
     4. Not only do you pay for the water to come to your house, but you pay for it to leave too. . hmm, seems a little fishy to me
     5. All the good cartoons stopped playing by the time you were 10. . All of today's have some sort of agenda. ( you can however find Dinosaurs on Netflix. just sayin' )
     6. Power Rangers will still be around, and it will get worse. (there are currently 18 seasons if anyone cares to know)
     7. Dust is made up of mostly dead skin cells. . . yeah. .
     8. Your house will not be decorated anywhere near what you think it will.
     9. After children you will at least once leave the house just so you can go to the bathroom without interruption.
     10. Law and Order SVU marathons will still be happening. And you will find at least 1 episode each time that you have not seen yet. Not sure how it's possible but it is.
     11. You will eventually run into an ex, and one of you will be wearing something stupid.
     12. Everything you had to listen to in History, Civics and Government classes. . actually important. . Wish you would have paid attention now huh?
     13. As cool of a parent you think you will be, as soon as you hear some young teenagers (or younger unfortunately) use filthy language, and obscene gestures in public, or wear shorts with less fabric than a pair of Boy short underwear, you will immediately turn into "one of those" parents. It will shock you and you will have an out of body experience, kind of like your grandmother just inhabited your body.
     14. Food you used to like will no longer taste good, and food you used to hate will become favorites. .
     15. You will never forget the words to Disney movies songs. . and you may even be caught humming them at inappropriate moments.
     16. There is nothing in the world that will make you happier than the little moments with your child. The ones where they learn the words to their first song, or you catch them singing the ABC's while playing. The one's where they randomly walk up and hug your leg so hard you think you might fall over. These can never be replaced.
     17. You will unwillingly know the theme song to very very dumb shows. . I'm just a kid whose 4, each day I grow some more. . .
     18. Cooking. . . yeah. . . that's not really so fun all the time.
     19. When you are suddenly smelling nail polish and you have not painted your nails in months. . be concerned, be very concerned.
     20. Couch cushions are able to be repaired, laptop cords and chargers those cost a lot more. ( if you happen to be in the market for a laptop charger it's gonna cost you about $60 or more)
     21. Laughing off some of your in-laws efforts to help is much better for your marriage than getting worked up over it. Especially when your husbands grandmother sends you advice on constipation once a month. .
     22. Sometimes, even your children will get on your nerves.
     23. Even after your children sleep through the night, your definition of a full nights sleep is completely different than it once was.
     24. One day you will be standing in your kitchen and realize exactly what your father meant when he used to complain about your whining. It's incredibly annoying.
     25. Sometimes your husband should just give in and let you set the tent up in the living room. . He really will need to discover a sense of adventure, or at least pretend adventure.


  This is far from a comprehensive list, and feel free to add some of your own on the comments. . I would love to hear them! We will be doing more of these in the future.

Pregnant humor

   OK, call me crazy. I actually enjoy being pregnant. I know that with pregnancy comes nausea, and I get more than my fair share. I know that there are aches and pains, and after my hip separated too far and I could barely walk the last month of my pregnancy with Ellie, trust me I am fully aware of them. I know that there are headaches and food aversions (currently experiencing them for the first time) But after you put all the little annoyances aside you have to think about this.


   There is a human being living inside of you. A tiny little person, with fingers and toes and eyes and a heart. And you are the vessel in which it has been chosen to grow. Nothing more beautiful can happen in life.

   There are a million cool facts about being pregnant that absolutely amaze me. For instance: No 2 Fingerprints can be the same because they are formed on fingers and toes by the movements that each child makes while in the womb, starting, sometimes, as early as 6 weeks.  There is the fact that the first sense a fetus develops is the sense of touch, which is why we respond emotionally the strongest to it. The areas to develop first are the most sensitive as adults, this is followed quickly by the sense of smell, which accounts for some of the excitement that a baby makes when certain foods or scents are around. Before birth a baby can perceive light and dark, can hear voices and music, can dream.

   Then there are all the silly things that happen when you are pregnant. . like peeing yourself in public. . . guilty. Or, the interactions with strangers. I mean what other time in your life do complete strangers find it totally ok to walk up and touch you. . It's weird. I sometimes wonder how people would respond if I just randomly walked up and starting rubbing a mans stomach, or better. . . what if I just walked up and placed my hands on an old ladies face, looked her straight in the eye and said "Congrats for living to be ancient" I mean honestly. . who is ok with that??? I not only have no idea if you are one of those people who "forgets" to wash after using the bathroom, or if you have been sick recently, but also. . I am not sure what randomly touching a pregnant belly is supposed to do. . It's already growing. . no stoppin' it. . . why are you touching me? I LOVE the advice I get from people. like while I was pregnant with Ellie I would walk around somewhere and countless times get stopped to ask if my next baby was a boy or a girl. . After finding out that I was having a girl I would often here the following statement " Oh, wonderful. One of each. Now you can stop." I once responded to a group of 40 something women with "My goal is 12 boys. I am just going to keep going until I get them, this one doesn't even count" Admittedly I was a bit on the snarky side that day, and have not in fact admitted that to anyone until now. Not my best moment, but hey, hormones are fun like that.

  I found this on Pinterest about 6 months ago and thought it was hilariously inappropriate. . Sort of like some of the things people say to you while you are pregnant, and how personal they can get.

    I, being a sufferer of some pretty awful morning sickness have unfortunately been a source of amusement to my children so far this pregnancy. They have quite quickly picked up on the things that turn my stomach.  For instance, poop. Having a toddler who is only partially potty trained I encounter that on a fairly regular basis. I manage to pass it off to anyone who is around pretty well, but sometimes there is just no way of getting around it. Both JT and Ellie start mimicking my loud and embarrassing gagging noise. Sometimes for fun they do it in unison while I am driving down the road and laugh hysterically. Much to nobodies surprise Ian finds it just as funny. 
 
 
   As with any mommy-to-be my favorite part is guessing what my baby will look like, will my baby be a boy or a girl, and what will they like. What will they dislike, what activities will they enjoy. What kind of stupid things can I make them wear and later blackmail them with. For instance pictures like these. .  

 

But honestly, I am totally excited to be pregnant again. While looking forward to having some more energy again, I know that the beautiful baby inside of me will grow up to be an awesome kid that brings me immense joy and plenty of laughs.

Reha and the Doggie Police

Friday started out like any other potentially great and fantastic day. Sadly, that was short lived. Like any other Friday I went to clean for the family I clean for. Picked up JT and my sister from my mom's, where they stayed the night last night, and grabbed something to eat. On my way back we stopped at 5 and Below. . I ended up with the vacuum sealed storage bags. (don't be mad Courtney, I tried to resist.) I finally gave in and bought them after trying to convince myself to go back through and again get rid of some of the kids baby clothes since I made a deal with Ian that I would only save 1 tote worth for each child.. well they are both full. However he made no restrictions on how I could get said clothes in the bin and I feel that secretly I am cheating the system. It's all very thrilling if you are like me. . . with slight hoarder tendencies that I am actively resisting.. . except when it comes to baby clothes.. they are so little and they smell so good, and they are adorable. Don't judge!
Upon my return to my house I noticed something wrong. My front door was sitting slightly open. Who knows what's coming? I bet most of you do. Here. . I will even let you have a minute to think it over just in case you haven't figured it out yet.. .

Dun-dun Dun-dun Dun-dun DUN Dun-dun Dun-dun DUN Dun-dun Dun-dun..
Time up.

So after stepping inside with both children, my sister, and my friend Sarah who met us at the house, I immediately smell dirty diaper and rotten food. AWESOME. . Freakin escape artist. I honestly feel dread, pure anger, and amusement all at once. I mean should I consider signing Reha up as a rescue Dog? or just donate her to the circus? She can honestly get out of anything. Including her plastic crate. FABULOUS!
If any of you are vets, or vet techs I am in the market for Doggie Xanax. . .seriously.
I look in her crate and have no idea how she managed this one. The door is still latched at the top, and I can't for the life of me figure out how this big OAF of a dog maneuvered out of a partially latched door. . but in the process she knocked Cookies crate over. Honestly amusing, because Cookie is not only antsy because she wants to go to the bathroom, but every time she moves it rocks her crate back and forth. LOL
After realizing Reha is not in the house I open the door and head for the neighbors. You know the nice lady 2 doors down who occasionally rescues Reha and throws her in the back yard.. . and then a sight at the end of the street stops me. .

ANIMAL CONTROL

with Reha climbing in. WELL S**T this is not going to go over well.
Reha apparently decided to chase an outdoor cat. . Right into a culvert pipe (the metal pipes that are under ditches etc.) where she conveniently got stuck. The owner of the cat decided to call animal control. We will not be making friends anytime soon. I will NOT be baking them Christmas cookies.

Screaming down the road like an idiot hoping they can hear me I let them know that the A-hole dog they are holding in fact belongs to me. Then I got 50 questioned about her health. She currently has a few spots of missing fur on her side from over scratching, as a result of fleas. We have treated the yard and the animals and the house and have resulted to calling in the experts because these darn things come back every time we think we have finally gotten rid of them with a new spray or method or steam cleaning or tearing the house apart with the vacuum. If you know me at all, you know that none of my animals are starved for anything. They are all well fed, well cared for and completely loved. And being accused of keeping an "unsterile environment" and "not properly feeding" my dogs is extremely offensive. I exercised great restraint by not letting the wonderful man standing in front of me where he could go with his notions.
After bringing her home and putting her inside I was granted not just one but 3 summons to appear in court later this month. The first, for failing to keep my dog on my property, the second, for being unable to produce either of my dogs rabies vaccination papers... I am pretty awful about paperwork... my "filing system" consists of a basket on the table. . . it has any bill or important document I may need in it. Yeah, I know, not a great system. . I am working on it, ok? The third of which was for failing to register either of my animals in Spotsylvania county. WHICH, by the way I think is OUTRAGEOUS!
Needless to say there have been a few discussions since our lovely Doggie Police visit and Reha is officially sporting her shock collar again. It is getting lots of use, and we have agreed to both be more diligent about her behavior.All of this happens on the last day of the week that consisted of returning to town at 3:45 am on Monday, a severe lack of sleep, a rough week in the world of my sister, Ellie repeating me when I was in pain and dropping the "F" bomb, and lots and lots of errand running, and another one of my Victoria Secret bras meeting the ultimate fate that is Reha's stomach. I am determined that next week will be better. I am sure of it. Mainly because I know that God would not subject me to 2 fun filled weeks like this in a row. To top off my lovely Friday I get a phone call from my dad saying that I received another summons on his door. This one thankfully I already was prepared for, but did not save me from a half heart attack and the compulsion to slam my head against the steering wheel repeatedly. . The smug lawyer from my VCU collections case ( the one where they failed to file my paperwork properly and are charging me for a semester of classes I never attended) which I won by the way!!! Is appealing my case. I have to be back in court in December for that one. I plan on being uber prepared and a lot less nervous this time around.

Either way, we could use some of those positive thoughts you guys love to send us! Love you guys. Thanks for being such awesome loyal readers. Stay tuned.. there is some big news coming your way very soon!

In the mind of Ellie

   I would love to understand what is going on inside little minds. I mean honestly what do my children think about? What do babies dream? What on EARTH goes through my Dobermans head when she does some of the stupid things she does?
   This week one mind in particular is intriguing to me. . Ellie's.
   In the last few weeks she has had a vocabulary explosion. There are so many new words and phrases... For instance, on our way out the door 2 weekends ago for the Color Run in Richmond at 6 am, Ellie knocked over a 6ft folding table that was leaning against the wall in my hallway for later that night. Not sure how to respond at first she looked at me, then Ian and finally my mother in law. With all of us returning her empty stare patiently waiting to see what she would do, she gasps very loudly, drops her jaw, points and says.. "WOW, did you just see that?!"
   We could do nothing but laugh at her as she continued out the door looking back several times.
   A few of her other learned phrases or words consist of ; yogurt, diaper, I did, want, sandwich, yeah, don't want it, ew gross, Reha, dresses, wanna come, Kaiser (the neighbors German Shepard and the only thing I have found that she is scared of) outside, don't touch, mine, come here, bath, teeth, hold me, window down as well as a few others. Obviously not all of which are as clear as they will be one day, but for the most part audible and to more than just me.
   She was standing in my room this morning around 5 am after being awoken by who knows what. In the dim lighting of my bedroom she notices some trash on the floor, some sort of ripped paper or wrapper, and bends down makes a very clear tisking noise and puts her hand on her hips and says "bad Reha" and walks over to smack the dog. Clearly she is noticing a pattern of Reha's recent misbehavior, and understands that Reha gets disciplined the same way they do. Although for Reha time outs last a bit longer and are in a cage, she does get smacked when she deliberately does things she knows not to do. . for instance tearing my sister's bra to shreds, or pooping in the middle of the toy room immediately after coming inside. But what amazes me the most is the clear connection in her little mind that any mess is Reha's fault.
   Prime Example. This evening Ellie attempted to walk up the stairs while holding a McDonalds childrens cup of tea. When her efforts failed and she spilled her drink on 3 different stairs my sister started talking to her about it. She looked down and said "look, Reha did it."
   Either she really believes that Reha is capable of making messes even when out of sight, or she is getting really good at the age of 1 and a half at weiseling her way out of trouble. Either way I feel that there is a conversation ahead for this little one. . . and it involves taking responsibility for your actions. .
   She has also mastered the fine art of repeating words and phrases, while fun for me now, since I can make her say silly things, and get her to sweet talk her daddy for me, it also brings a bit of trouble with it, as my sister is not as awesome at curtailing certain words from audible levels as I am. This resulted in Ellie and JT both screaming "AH TITS" the other day. In all honesty I had to walk away, I could not allow them to see my obvious laughter and encourage that phrase.
   So as a family we are back to watching our language (we were slipping) and laughing at Ellie's mental conections. I am hoping that she grows out of her own mischief stage soon though. She learned that her brother does not like to be growled at, and that it really irritates Mommy when she empties the bins that I just filled. In the meantime excuse the extra mess and the squeeling children.
  

Ellie's missing peepis

   Ian and I have a pretty lax approach on parenting. Like most parents of toddlers we have yet to determine who gets to cover the inevitable talks of sex, puberty etc. Up until now we have just had an unspoken understanding that whoever the question was posed to would be the one to answer it. Even the tough ones. . and honestly I think toddlers sometimes have tougher questions than older children, simply because they do not have a full understanding of life and all it's workings. How do you explain to a 3 year old what "died" means? We have had the discussion before of how we would approach such situations, and we have decided that honesty is the best policy for us. Scientific terms and all, but we would explain what it is that we believe and why we want them to live the same way.
   Our son knows he has a "penis" aka in our house as a "peepis" and We have explained to Ellie that she has a "vagina" which she of course can not really say yet so she calls it a "gina" for short. . Even though the children frequently see each other nude, with potty training and baths and getting dressed etc., they have never questioned the fact that when naked, they look quite different. Until this morning.
   JT and Ellie both decided they needed to pee at the same time. JT in the hall bathroom and Ellie in mine. Afterwards, Ellie's diaper would not stay on, so I lay her in the floor and proceeded to put her diaper back on properly. JT ran in to tell me he went  pee pee "faster". I agreed with him, but technically Ellie had clearly won. Why who can pee the quickest is even a conversation in my house I have no idea, but it's more common than you would think.  Then he glanced down to see what I was doing.
   The look of pure concern on his face was enough to make me stifle a giggle, but when the words came out of his mouth I could not hold it back. .

   "Oh no! Mommy, Ellie's peepis is missing!!!  Where did it go? We need to find it!"

 In addition to these words, and his look of obvious concern for his sisters lost penis, his arms are waving and he begins to look under the covers and the chair in my room for it. After securing Ellie's diaper, and getting over my need to laugh I had to sit him on the bed and explain that he is a boy. "Boys have a penis. You are a boy, like Daddy. And Daddy and you have a penis. Ellie is a girl like Mommy. Baby Ellie and Mommy have what is called a vagina. It looks different than your penis, so Ellie is not missing her penis, she never had one."
   Luckily for me that was enough. He asked no more questions, but showed a visible sense of relief that his sister was not indeed missing her penis.
   The conversation ended quickly with a hug and an "I Love You Mommy" and off he went to play. Now that I know the conversations are looming around the corner I will be slightly more prepared for the next one. Still praying that Ian will be the one fielding anything much harder than that, but hopefully if he doesn't I will have a bit more composure. I would hate for JT to not want to talk to me because I laugh at him, but honestly what else could be done at this moment?  I really need to work on my poker face.

my Football rant.

   With the onset of Football Season I have felt a growing sense of detest for television. I am normally a TV junkie, having to tear myself away from a series marathon like an Atkins Dieter from a fried chicken dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, a beer and doughnuts for desert. With that being said, and all of you knowing that Fall is my favorite season, (in addition to the beauty it also is the time of year for returning series) I have been avoiding evening and weekend television at all costs, making excuses to myself and secretly bribing myself with the idea of fast forwarding through the commercials and being able to watch the next episode immediately after rather than having to wait an ENTIRE week. 
   Football is taking over!!  It's miserable. I mean honestly boys..  how much longer can you drag this out?? There is preseason and drafts and training and post season and post game shows and SuperBowl and College level.. What happened to good ole' fashioned Sunday Football..  WHY MUST YOU TAKE OVER MY WHOLE WEEK?!?!
   Admittedly I watch trash TV. . . I do not watch reality TV as it bores me and I have no interest in the Kardashians, or Teen Moms, or whatever celebrity got married and thinks that their new marriage is so interesting that it warrants an audience. I do however watch The Secret Life, Pretty Little Liars, Drop Dead Diva, Hart of Dixie, Law and Order; SVU and a few others. And while they often have horrible acting, poor plot lines and set unrealistic expectations, they only last a maximum of 12 weeks, normally with a week in there off, and they are at most an hour a week (unless SVU has a marathon in which case I conveniently have a headache so bad that I can't get anything done that day short of laying on the couch. . . SHHH  it's a secret..
   I think that each year football season gets even worse. I mean guys ( and ladies, I am not ignorant to the fact that plenty of woman like football.. a few of you ladies are my family.. I mean no offense to you.. get it offense.. aha hahaha ) could you imagine if your wives spent hours a week unable to attend to their duties as mothers or housekeepers or errand running or the gym because she was sucked into watching HGTV, or some teen drama? And absolutely could not pause it or record it because like, then everyone else would already know what happened... like O.. M.. G..  don't you get it?!?! (please re-read that sentence with a 90's cheerleader voice.. it makes it so much better... and stop laughing at yourself if you didn't require the instructions to do so.)
   To Primetime TV producers, not everyone in America enjoys watching overpaid men run into each other repeatedly and throw stuff at each other. . please stop making me wait 3 weeks to find out what happens on my favorite shows. . for instance the FINAL episode of Desperate Housewives last year, which for those of you who are non DH fans..  the 2 part finale got separated for almost a month... a MONTH because of March Madness..  which is a WHOLE other ballgame of a post... ( I really honestly  DO laugh at my ridiculous puns in case you cared)
   And now that it is Saturday night, and I am posting this with Football in the background ( LSU v. Auburn just to prove it to those who do not believe me) I am off to convince my husband its date night, and that the announcers can't in fact hear him and offer to bake tomorrow in exchange for popping in a movie.

lost in translation

"Contemporary society generally views the family as a haven from the world, supplying absolute fulfilment. Zinn and Eitzen discuss the image of the "family as haven [...] a place of intimacy, love and trust where individuals may escape the competition of dehumanizing forces in modern society". During industrialization, "[t]he family as a repository of warmth and tenderness (embodied by the mother) stands in opposition to the competitive and aggressive world of commerce (embodied by the father). The family's task was to protect against the outside world."
                                                   -Wikipedia, listing for Family: sociological views

  What do you think about Family? What IS a family, what does it mean to you? Is it just your children and significant other? Does it include your siblings? Your "adopted" family? Your cousins? Aunt and Uncles? Grandparents? People who are very close to you?
   These days a family can be made up so many ways. There is the traditional family: a Mother, a Father, their children. The modern family: Mother, Father, Step-Mother, Step-Father, children, step-children. 2 mothers, 2 fathers. . . etc.  And then there is the extended family, the aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins and friends of the family and grandparents and so much more.. But honestly what do all of these people have in common?

         They are supposed to LOVE EACH OTHER. Protect each other, look out for one another and build each other up. Being around family is supposed to be an escape from the outside pressures, it is supposed to be like coming home, the feeling of unconditional love and support. Too often these days that is not the case. Instead of spending our time making our family members feel loved we spend our precious time together bickering about meaningless crap. Arguing over money and things that can not be undone, using up our energy to one up each other and blame each other and make each other feel unwanted. . . What is the point in this? Aren't we beaten up enough by life? Hasn't the world already done enough damage to our self esteems by the time we make it home at night or to a family gathering? Is the economy and harsh reality of bills and raising children and careers and trying to be perfect and being judged by the world for not being smart enough, or wealthy enough, or skinny enough, or pretty enough, or funny enough.. . not too much already, that we feel the need to further that by shaming and yelling and ignoring the people who are supposed to love us unconditionally and adding one more brick to their load?

   Not to be a smart ass but Webster's Dictionary (and honestly where else would you go for a definition) defines Unconditional as : "not conditional or limited" with some of its synonyms as :all-out, complete, definite, absolute.

   Does this sound like the way we are loving each other? When siblings don't talk, or tell the truth, when you need someone to turn to and instead of calling your mom you call your best friend? When you need someone to lean on and rather than admitting it to your family you hide things from them? When you fear what your parents will think? When you can't be in the same room as a member of your family that you grew up in the same household with? When you can't move past something dumb that happened YEARS ago and instead live your life as if someone never existed, whether that be someone from the same womb, the person who gave you life, or simply a relative by marriage? And for what? Pride? Out of habit?   Do any of these sound like unconditional love to you?

   Life is said to be over in the blink of an eye. Ask the oldest person you know what they would do differently if given the chance and I can almost promise you they would have been angry less and loved more. Why? Because that is what is meaningful in life. That is all you can leave behind when you are gone. Whether you believe in a higher power or not is irrelevant to the fact that it goes by way too fast, and when you are gone you can not relive the moments you let pass. You will never hear someone say "I wish I had been angrier at him" or "I wish I had yelled at him one last time" at a funeral. No parent who has lost a child is ever going to feel that their last argument with their child was justified when it's the last conversation they got to have. No child will ever feel that their years apart from their father or mother were ok when there is no way to ever say you are sorry, no way to say goodbye.

   It all starts and ends with Family. Without it we are nothing. Stop spending so much time holding a grudge and opening your mouth to allow negative words and tones out and instead open your arms to the sister going through an unwanted divorce, the brother who made a bad decision, the husband who lost his job, the mother who is overwhelmed, the grandmother who just lost her friend, the child who is feeling left out. A harsh word will never fix anything, but a hug and a smile can fix a lot. 
   Band together, create that safe haven that so often is missing, and refuse to allow the outside world in, and instead declare family time negative free, yelling free. It may amaze you to see the relief and communication and progress that can happen when someone feels relaxed rather than on edge. The world will not fall apart if for just a few hours a week everyone could feel free to be themselves, without judgement and fear.

   So here is to a prayer that my children will never feel judged by me. That they may never feel that they can't talk to me about anything at all, and that they never grow to big to cry on my shoulder and call me mommy.

Reha a.k.a Houdini

  (March 2012)As most of you know (and certainly anyone that follows my blogs or Facebook account) Ian and I acquired a puppy around the same time that we went to closing on our house. She is a natural (uncropped and undocked) Doberman. Typical markings, black top, brown belly and cheeks HUGE paws. Having a 6 yr old Rat Terrior and a 6 yr old Ash Tabby cat since they were 6 months and 8 months respectively I figured there would obviously be some adjustment to adding in a 9 week old puppy. I knew she was going to be a big girl, and throw in a couple toddlers and you have one crazy household.
   I can handle that right? I mean how much trouble can a puppy be.. She is just an adorable loveable puppy with puppy breathe and no housetraining. A few hours of name debating, meeting the pup and introducing her to the other animals and the kids and TA-DA we have a puppy. . . Welcome to our crazy house Reha.

  


 (Fast Forward to September 2012) Reha is now a 50 lb (and still growing) baby. Oh, how the kids and Ian (ok secretly I do too) adore her. She is great with the kids, I have trained her to stay with me, so for the most part she is wherever I am. She is well housetrained... unless it's raining, and save a bit of jumping out of excitement for visitors, is well mannered. We have nipped the chewing things that don't belong to her, and the begging for the most part. This is a hard one when you have children at her mouth level with an over abundance of food always at her disposal. If told no, however she is pretty good at containing herself. She loves to play and gets a bit rambunctious and we have to calm her down. She is, like I said, a big girl and full of energy. She knows that the childrens stuffed elephants are all off limits and if we tell her to get down off the furniture she listens- not happily, but she does it. She will stay if told and sits on command,along with the other basic commands and occassionally dances in the living room with me.
   She also suffers from seperation anxiety. If you have ever experienced a child who is a perfect angel until their parents walk out of the room then you have a pretty good idea of what I am about to tell you. Since we have not crated Cookie when leaving since she was about 9 months old we figured we would start without and use it if absolutely neccessary. For the first few months we would notice her using the bathroom in the house sometimes when we left, the random chewed McDonalds toy. (If you have listened to any of my rantings about needing to learn to get rid of things and my fear of being a hoarder you should know that the random mising toy would not be missed among my children and her punishment was more about the principle than the toy)
  One day I came home to find that my new couch cushions had been partially eaten. The covers for them were in the wash and she sought comfort in my being gone by eating the corner off one of them. FAN.. TAS.. TIC... Are you kidding me?!?!? I immediately closed the door and allowed myself some time to recover. Proceeded to the dryer to remove the cushions and calmly stuffed all the shreds into the cushion cover to make sure that there was not a missing chunk out of the corner.Bumpy but manageable for the back corner. Over the following week I discovered more and more of these suprises, including 2 chewed laptop chargers and cell phone chargers, a chewed power cord to a meat smoker that someone left at my house for several months and a missing chink of carpet in front of my bedroom door. Ian and I decided that it was time for a crate.
  You would think that we were torturing this poor dog. She howled and cried, she barked and clawed at it. she jumped around in it trying to break free. Apparently the entire length of any of my outings these annoying and loud attempts at freedom continued. Eventually she discovered that jumping at the right place for long enough would get the locks to slowly move over and she would be able to roam freely around my house.
  Welcome to my bad mannered dog. The first time that I returned to a dog running freely in my house that I KNEW had been caged there was dirty diapers torn open all around my house, dog urine and feces tracked through the entire upstairs, half eaten pads and tampons on my bed and in the hallway.. some used some brand new... a broken bowl, a devoured plate of cookies and my curtains had a hole in them. This was the day before JT's birthday party. So add to the fact that I have 50 people expected at my house the next day and my husband had been at work all week only one night getting home before 10 pm, and now I have to not only clean up this disgusting mess, but steam clean my carpets, go to the grocery store, decorate, shop for a present and finish making 15 more capes for the kids.

  Can we say MELT DOWN?

   Over the next few weeks there were occassions like the one above every day. We would try something new and it would work for a day, 2 if we were lucky and then she had escaped. We went to the beach and the 2 friends I had coming to look after them were having the same luck. We figured out a way to block the door from her opening it and she figured out how to unhinge the top piece even faster. We weighed down the top piece and she figured out how to shake it off and climb out. we zip tied the door on and the top piece on and she popped a side open enough to climb through. And then I got call while out at an expo from the neighbor.
   Reha was being entertained at the house 2 doors down because they found her roaming the neighborhood. She had escaped a cage that had 16 heavy duty zip ties and a bar across the front, she had devoured all the bad meat from the trashcan that Ian forgot to take out, pooped in my hallway, peed all down the stairs, not even saving me just 1 step. chewed another cushion, eaten half a bag of powdered sugar, generously spreading the other half of the previously unopened bag in her cage. She had chewed through the power cord of my rice cooker and eaten the box holding my great grandmothers silverware that I inhereted. It took me a while to figure out how she had actually gotten ahold of it, and then I realized that the bar on the cage door was still there, adn since the cage opens out and was pushed against a wall with a shelf blocking it from opening more than 6 inches, she had broken through the top and climbed over the wire shelving we use as a pantry, knocking the silverware down in the process and breaking 3 of her nails.
   She then continued to jump at the front door long enough to knock the deadbolt loose and has mastered opening up the door by pulling the handle down and then using her nose to nudge it open. Once open she then uses a paw to push the handle forward to open the glass door and uses that paw to swing the door out, holding it open for herself as she hops right out the door. Intelligent and a PAIN IN MY REAR!
   When I stopped to pick the pain in the rear -about to be dead- dog up from the neighbors I was met with the following greating. . "You know your dog is in heat right?" 


   Well Hell. . . No... No I did not, but thanks for brightening my day.

   Figuring the cage was not worth the trouble when she could outsmart it anyways I decided to be brave. I scrubbed my house. finally finding a place for everything I have downstairs and getting anything she could possible find tempting out of harms way and let her be.
   She actually did fairly well with it, but she did manage to greet me in the driveway 2 days in a row.
 
 
 
 
   We have since gotten a plastic cage from the neighbor across the street who has the largest German Shepard I have ever seen in my life. Reha has thus far been unable to figure out an escape method, though she has diligently tried. I have researched anxiety in dogs and have attempted to work with her many different way to no avail. I am briefly finding solitude in (at least temporarily) outsmarting her, and gratitude to the most awesome neighbor anyone could ask for.

A little piece of me

   Having 2 toddlers, I sometimes sit back and watch them interact. The inner monologue that follows goes something like this. .
  " Holy Cow, did they learn that from me? Please don't say what I think you are going to say. Why on EARTH do you DO that?!?! I really hope they don't get their fathers genes for ..."
   After one of these moments the other day I really started thinking about where we learn things that come so natural to us. Honestly, why do I dislike certain bands? Where did I learn to love seafood? Why do certain things make us laugh? And then I started recalling all of the people in my life, who I thought were fairly insignificant, and the ones that I knew were big in my past, but did not realize had shaped so much of my present as well.
   For instance. . . My very first Best Friend's name was Cayse. We lived down the street from each other. She had a love for popping the tar bubbles at the end of the street. Random right? We used to sit and pop all the bubbles that came up wherever we could find them, and talk about barbies and what we were going to be when we grew up. We also spied on her sisters, so I sure hope they are not reading this. . Luckily the spying did not stick, but the love for absent mindedly popping things never did.  I still enjoy fiddling while I talk. I love the sound that things make when they pop, even if it is loud enough to startle me. It brings me joy. We moved away from each other when I was 6.
   My Barbies used to have a pickup truck that I would put a plastic baggie in the bed of and fill up with water (when my mother was not looking of course) and allow Barbie and Ken to swim while they were riding around town( my room), One day I saw an El Camino. . It was love at first sight. It would be perfect for a full size version of my car-pool. .. . I still want one. . My husband thinks I am weird, but somewhere along the line it turned from any El Camino to a rusted out one with a CD player, and a built in GPS... . Because nobody would expect it. And its amazing.
   Soft Rock reminds me of my dad and road trips, I can only eat cinnamon Graham Crackers and they have to be eaten sugar side down, with milk. I refuse to walk inside a fast food place and order from the counter. I have to have a throw pillow when I sit on the couch and I can't drive with my shoes on. I love fuzzy socks and I can't STAND the feeling of micro fiber pockets. I don't like dark chocolate, and Ian thinks I pronounce the word "curtains" wrong. I refuse to eat at a table alone, and I don't like tennis shoes. I can't stand sports, and I love fishing. the smell of Red Bull makes me want to yak, and the idea of Vodka after my trip to Germany turns my stomach. From that trip though I also learned to love Nutella and I think that is a fair trade!- I can tell you exactly where all of these preferences came from.
   Certain friendships have developed out of a short term "boyfriend" that at this point I do nothing but laugh at the idea of, but the girl who liked that guy, I couldn't stand- for all of 2 weeks and then we were best friends for the rest of high school... Now I have 2 pretty close friends. . and none of us talk to those silly boys anymore.
   One of my favorite things in the world is the smell of fall. The smell of decomposing leaves, and fire in the air. The chilly wind blowing past my face while the sun warms my skin. The beauty of the leaves changing and the smell of pumpkins. The taste of pumpkins. . Until I started thinking of where these aspects of our personalities come from, I had no idea where this even started. I am a November Baby, and while by the time my birthday rolls around it is way too chilly to be hanging around outside, and all the leaves have fallen already, everyone assumes this is the reason. It's not. I may be one of the weirdest people ever, but I loved loved loved the beginning of the school year. I also love riding with the windows down. and comfy clothes. After a summer of riding in a car with a boy whose car had no AC, fall was seriously a glorious season. It reminds me of nights sitting outside on a porch swing and talking with my highschool boyfriend and wearing his hoodies, warm rain, sitting up all night talking and a general time of happiness and carefree period of my life. That is where it started, but After moving to Roanoke for college the fall season in the valley was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
   Little things that are less meaningful in my life bring back smaller memories. . like the fact that school buses make me uncomfortable, for more than one reason. And silver mustangs make me laugh. The smell of nail polish reminds me of my favorite shirt from middle school and how it was ruined by some yellow nail polish. My fondness for the movie Mac and Me , as it reminds me of my friends little sister when she was first born. The memory of telling the same friends sisters that fruits and veggies were bad for them and ice cream should only be eaten before breakfast. . . I still sneak some before my morning coffee when the kids are not watching on occasion. The way I fold my towels, in thirds not halves, because I would get yelled at by Memaw, or every time I hear the term "French Kissing" it makes me laugh because the first time I was caught making out with a boy it was by one of my best friends little brothers. He went home and told his mom we were "Chinese kissing"  I remember Mrs. Reed's lecture and analogies like it was yesterday. . And the fact that even though I own the movie King Kong, I can't watch it, because it reminds me of a terrible breakup.
   I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, a firm advocate of never regretting anything, because everything that has ever happened to you has formed you into the person you are today. Even I did not realize how large some of those small instances were. . I also have an irrational fear of putting my shoes on before looking inside of them, and an insatiable love for cheesecake and soup when I am not feeling well.

Let me paint a picture for you. .

    It's 3 am. Everyone in my house is asleep, thankfully even the animals. I am half a bottle of wine in- Long story short, its been a tough week, Ian and I had a fight, so I did not feel like going to bed. - I have spent the week reading the 50 Shades trilogy and now that it is over I am feeling like I just went through a breakup. Seriously. I just spent 5 days on my couch turning pages like the last page was coated in chocolate and Moscato and I couldn't have it until I was finished.
    It dawned on me this week under some various degrees of unwelcome pressure... that I am an adult. Stop Laughing. I am aware that this happened a while ago. Aware that age, as well as the kids and animals and house and husband and bills and responsibilities made that happen a few years back, but somehow I think that I felt the walls closing in on me just this week. Perhaps it was the effort to keep my house clean for an entire week, while absorbed in a book and meal planning and couponing and the upcoming construction on the house. . . (We are getting a new roof and siding this week). . But all of a sudden I got hit with an unwelcome air of nostalgia. The longing for carefree nights of legal drinking and my then fiance picking me up at 2 am in a bar in the middle of the week simply because the only thing I had to take care of in the morning when I rolled out of bed was a dog. . one that I might add, was just as happy laying under the covers with me as she would have been anywhere else. A reminder that I once had a large handful of friends that I could call at anytime and just go- to the beach, shopping, to the bar, for a ride, to the movies, wherever- without the requirement of babysitter searching notice, or nights that end with "I really have to go, the baby will be up in a few hours"
   Now, for those of you who are yet to be parents.. stop judging. I have heard enough of the " it was your decision" or the " what kind of mom does that make you" and for those who are already parents. . I know- It was a moment of weakness. . I have never, nor will I ever regret my decisions to have babies at the age that I did. I love them more than the entire Earth and nothing will ever change that. Somedays though, a mommy vacation would be nice. A night to forget that I have to get up in a few hours and do the dishes, the laundry, change the diapers, potty train and feed real human beings that depend on me. One night out that does not consist of potty talk and parenting advice. A night for me.

   ---now that we have gotten all that out and I have pulled myself together off the floor from my mommy tantrum I have to say. . I spent a few hours FaceBook Stalking a lot of people.- Don't Judge.-. and I realized that its not just me. . we all did it. We all grew up, we had babies of our own and we found love. Some of us still talk, some don't. Some of us moved away while others dug their roots even deeper, but the fact of the matter is. . We are adults now. And with Ian's High School Reunion just around the corner it made me realize something exciting. . I have 2 years left to cram as much life and adventure in as I can. 2 years left to prove to those who I know are raising their eyebrows at me that I made the best decision I could have, because I could name a few that have actually described an accurate scenario of what I would have done had they told me in high school that I would be a stay at home mom; and 2 more years to prepare for a rush of memories and mixed emotions, and people that I don't neccesarily have the urge to meet. And at that time, I will stand with my head held high, knowing that I am not just 'Mommy" I am a loving wife, and I am still a great friend, and I have plenty of time to rediscover who I am and have fun. . .

On a side note..  they should really warn people about a possible quarter life crisis. Because I just spent a few hours of my life freaking out because I am turning 26 and watching movies that nobody in their right frame of mind picks out. It was totally unwarranted and will make me second guess sleeping on the couch again anytime soon. It has also led me to planning a night out. With a reliable sitter that I know can handle anything that comes up, and grown up clothes!