Pregnancy hormones have a way of getting the best of you. I mean here you are sitting in your living room minding your own business when all of a sudden your husband gets smacked in the face with a hormonal meltdown.
Luckily for Ian we have been through this process before and he is well aware of how to handle it. He knows that ignoring it will do no good, and might even piss me off, and telling me I am ridiculous will in fact set me off further and will turn into a huge fight over nothing.
Last night when my latest episode of estrogen decided to strike, I was sitting on the couch trying to figure out what I wanted to eat. During this pregnancy I have been experiencing something very new to me, in that nothing tastes good. At first I thought it was because I had been so sick and had developed a few aversions. After the sickness wore off ( at least to the point of being able to keep down something other than toast ) I learned that in fact the issue was my mouth and not my stomach. It seemed that everything I could think to eat sounded gross. I quickly resorted to baked potatoes and more toast, but these get old very soon when it's all you can eat for weeks on end. Finally I discovered that there is an actual medical term for it; "dysguesia" which means an altered sense of taste. In severe cases all food leaves a bad taste in your mouth and even water has an after taste. Thank GOD I am not in fact the only person who has ever dealt with this. That only helps so far as to comfort me out of thinking I am crazy, and does nothing for solving the issue of what to sustain my own life with as well as that of the baby's.
I have discovered one single flavor that does not repulse me besides the very bland toast and plain baked potatoes, and that is lemon. Not generally a fan, however the last few months the smell and taste is heavenly. Considering that last night in my internal food debate I decided to order in some seafood that I could drown in lemon... until the one place that offers seafood that delivers to my house (my sister took the car to work) had sent home their only on clock delivery person shortly before I called. Not wanting Pizza or pasta I tried to order Thai.. they closed early. I finally settled with Chinese, knowing I could at least keep it down, however it was not what I wanted, and fell so far short on my taste bud registry that I decided it was a waste of money after a few bites, but ate it anyways.
In the wait for food my stomach had begun to hurt so badly from hunger that I curled up on the couch and began to cry. This is where Ian stepped in. He sat in front of me on the floor and rubbed my head as I unravelled.
" I don't understand! I wanted another baby so bad, and this one doesn't like me. It's so hard this time and I can't even eat anything. I just want to be able to eat."
" Hunny, the baby does not hate you. You won't even remember this in a few months. Think about all you went through with Ellie and JT. You were so sick you couldn't get up the stairs. You had to go to the hospital because you were dehydrated, you couldn't even keep down water. And look, you don't even remember it being that bad. You wanted to do it again."
" I just want to eat. It's never going to taste good again. I am going to be miserable forever."
" Baby you will make it through this just like you did the last 2. "
" It doesn't feel like I will"
At this point Ellie is in my face asking me what happened. Ian explaining to her that my belly hurts, she begins to rub me and shush me. I on the other hand continue to cry hysterically and tell Ian all about how I am going to never want food again. How I am going to have to eat potatoes and toast for the rest of my life and how much I miss the taste of food. How I just want to taste something yummy again, like vegetables and fruit. The taste of seasonings and chicken. How I miss cooking and baking and how much it all repulses me right now. All in the meantime leaving a tear soaked couch cushion under my face. A spot so large that had I not known it was my own tears I would have questioned if someone had peed there. Also springing to my mind my father's constant jab to me as a child when we walked by a water fountain asking me if I needed to refill. ( ok, so I was a cry baby. )I got a drink after that, not sure if it was because I feel there may be some truth to it, or if I was in fact thirsty.
To be honest with you I have not even been able to grocery shop in weeks save for the necessities because even shopping for the food is gross. How do you shop and meal plan when the food you are buying makes you want to hurl just putting it in the cart. The worst part is I have several friends who are at the same point in pregnancy as I am or slightly further and they are all enjoying wonderful dishes, and having a blast going to eat with friends and experiencing food cravings. I ... I sit here dreaming about the taste of coffee and silently convincing myself that the muffin I had earlier in fact tasted as good as I wanted it to. . . It didn't, and every time I burp I taste it still, but I will take victory in being able to hold down a 600 calorie muffin without the help of Zofran.
Until food tastes good again, continue to post all your yummy treats so I can taste vicariously through you.
No comments:
Post a Comment