In the mind of Ellie

   I would love to understand what is going on inside little minds. I mean honestly what do my children think about? What do babies dream? What on EARTH goes through my Dobermans head when she does some of the stupid things she does?
   This week one mind in particular is intriguing to me. . Ellie's.
   In the last few weeks she has had a vocabulary explosion. There are so many new words and phrases... For instance, on our way out the door 2 weekends ago for the Color Run in Richmond at 6 am, Ellie knocked over a 6ft folding table that was leaning against the wall in my hallway for later that night. Not sure how to respond at first she looked at me, then Ian and finally my mother in law. With all of us returning her empty stare patiently waiting to see what she would do, she gasps very loudly, drops her jaw, points and says.. "WOW, did you just see that?!"
   We could do nothing but laugh at her as she continued out the door looking back several times.
   A few of her other learned phrases or words consist of ; yogurt, diaper, I did, want, sandwich, yeah, don't want it, ew gross, Reha, dresses, wanna come, Kaiser (the neighbors German Shepard and the only thing I have found that she is scared of) outside, don't touch, mine, come here, bath, teeth, hold me, window down as well as a few others. Obviously not all of which are as clear as they will be one day, but for the most part audible and to more than just me.
   She was standing in my room this morning around 5 am after being awoken by who knows what. In the dim lighting of my bedroom she notices some trash on the floor, some sort of ripped paper or wrapper, and bends down makes a very clear tisking noise and puts her hand on her hips and says "bad Reha" and walks over to smack the dog. Clearly she is noticing a pattern of Reha's recent misbehavior, and understands that Reha gets disciplined the same way they do. Although for Reha time outs last a bit longer and are in a cage, she does get smacked when she deliberately does things she knows not to do. . for instance tearing my sister's bra to shreds, or pooping in the middle of the toy room immediately after coming inside. But what amazes me the most is the clear connection in her little mind that any mess is Reha's fault.
   Prime Example. This evening Ellie attempted to walk up the stairs while holding a McDonalds childrens cup of tea. When her efforts failed and she spilled her drink on 3 different stairs my sister started talking to her about it. She looked down and said "look, Reha did it."
   Either she really believes that Reha is capable of making messes even when out of sight, or she is getting really good at the age of 1 and a half at weiseling her way out of trouble. Either way I feel that there is a conversation ahead for this little one. . . and it involves taking responsibility for your actions. .
   She has also mastered the fine art of repeating words and phrases, while fun for me now, since I can make her say silly things, and get her to sweet talk her daddy for me, it also brings a bit of trouble with it, as my sister is not as awesome at curtailing certain words from audible levels as I am. This resulted in Ellie and JT both screaming "AH TITS" the other day. In all honesty I had to walk away, I could not allow them to see my obvious laughter and encourage that phrase.
   So as a family we are back to watching our language (we were slipping) and laughing at Ellie's mental conections. I am hoping that she grows out of her own mischief stage soon though. She learned that her brother does not like to be growled at, and that it really irritates Mommy when she empties the bins that I just filled. In the meantime excuse the extra mess and the squeeling children.
  

Ellie's missing peepis

   Ian and I have a pretty lax approach on parenting. Like most parents of toddlers we have yet to determine who gets to cover the inevitable talks of sex, puberty etc. Up until now we have just had an unspoken understanding that whoever the question was posed to would be the one to answer it. Even the tough ones. . and honestly I think toddlers sometimes have tougher questions than older children, simply because they do not have a full understanding of life and all it's workings. How do you explain to a 3 year old what "died" means? We have had the discussion before of how we would approach such situations, and we have decided that honesty is the best policy for us. Scientific terms and all, but we would explain what it is that we believe and why we want them to live the same way.
   Our son knows he has a "penis" aka in our house as a "peepis" and We have explained to Ellie that she has a "vagina" which she of course can not really say yet so she calls it a "gina" for short. . Even though the children frequently see each other nude, with potty training and baths and getting dressed etc., they have never questioned the fact that when naked, they look quite different. Until this morning.
   JT and Ellie both decided they needed to pee at the same time. JT in the hall bathroom and Ellie in mine. Afterwards, Ellie's diaper would not stay on, so I lay her in the floor and proceeded to put her diaper back on properly. JT ran in to tell me he went  pee pee "faster". I agreed with him, but technically Ellie had clearly won. Why who can pee the quickest is even a conversation in my house I have no idea, but it's more common than you would think.  Then he glanced down to see what I was doing.
   The look of pure concern on his face was enough to make me stifle a giggle, but when the words came out of his mouth I could not hold it back. .

   "Oh no! Mommy, Ellie's peepis is missing!!!  Where did it go? We need to find it!"

 In addition to these words, and his look of obvious concern for his sisters lost penis, his arms are waving and he begins to look under the covers and the chair in my room for it. After securing Ellie's diaper, and getting over my need to laugh I had to sit him on the bed and explain that he is a boy. "Boys have a penis. You are a boy, like Daddy. And Daddy and you have a penis. Ellie is a girl like Mommy. Baby Ellie and Mommy have what is called a vagina. It looks different than your penis, so Ellie is not missing her penis, she never had one."
   Luckily for me that was enough. He asked no more questions, but showed a visible sense of relief that his sister was not indeed missing her penis.
   The conversation ended quickly with a hug and an "I Love You Mommy" and off he went to play. Now that I know the conversations are looming around the corner I will be slightly more prepared for the next one. Still praying that Ian will be the one fielding anything much harder than that, but hopefully if he doesn't I will have a bit more composure. I would hate for JT to not want to talk to me because I laugh at him, but honestly what else could be done at this moment?  I really need to work on my poker face.

my Football rant.

   With the onset of Football Season I have felt a growing sense of detest for television. I am normally a TV junkie, having to tear myself away from a series marathon like an Atkins Dieter from a fried chicken dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, a beer and doughnuts for desert. With that being said, and all of you knowing that Fall is my favorite season, (in addition to the beauty it also is the time of year for returning series) I have been avoiding evening and weekend television at all costs, making excuses to myself and secretly bribing myself with the idea of fast forwarding through the commercials and being able to watch the next episode immediately after rather than having to wait an ENTIRE week. 
   Football is taking over!!  It's miserable. I mean honestly boys..  how much longer can you drag this out?? There is preseason and drafts and training and post season and post game shows and SuperBowl and College level.. What happened to good ole' fashioned Sunday Football..  WHY MUST YOU TAKE OVER MY WHOLE WEEK?!?!
   Admittedly I watch trash TV. . . I do not watch reality TV as it bores me and I have no interest in the Kardashians, or Teen Moms, or whatever celebrity got married and thinks that their new marriage is so interesting that it warrants an audience. I do however watch The Secret Life, Pretty Little Liars, Drop Dead Diva, Hart of Dixie, Law and Order; SVU and a few others. And while they often have horrible acting, poor plot lines and set unrealistic expectations, they only last a maximum of 12 weeks, normally with a week in there off, and they are at most an hour a week (unless SVU has a marathon in which case I conveniently have a headache so bad that I can't get anything done that day short of laying on the couch. . . SHHH  it's a secret..
   I think that each year football season gets even worse. I mean guys ( and ladies, I am not ignorant to the fact that plenty of woman like football.. a few of you ladies are my family.. I mean no offense to you.. get it offense.. aha hahaha ) could you imagine if your wives spent hours a week unable to attend to their duties as mothers or housekeepers or errand running or the gym because she was sucked into watching HGTV, or some teen drama? And absolutely could not pause it or record it because like, then everyone else would already know what happened... like O.. M.. G..  don't you get it?!?! (please re-read that sentence with a 90's cheerleader voice.. it makes it so much better... and stop laughing at yourself if you didn't require the instructions to do so.)
   To Primetime TV producers, not everyone in America enjoys watching overpaid men run into each other repeatedly and throw stuff at each other. . please stop making me wait 3 weeks to find out what happens on my favorite shows. . for instance the FINAL episode of Desperate Housewives last year, which for those of you who are non DH fans..  the 2 part finale got separated for almost a month... a MONTH because of March Madness..  which is a WHOLE other ballgame of a post... ( I really honestly  DO laugh at my ridiculous puns in case you cared)
   And now that it is Saturday night, and I am posting this with Football in the background ( LSU v. Auburn just to prove it to those who do not believe me) I am off to convince my husband its date night, and that the announcers can't in fact hear him and offer to bake tomorrow in exchange for popping in a movie.

lost in translation

"Contemporary society generally views the family as a haven from the world, supplying absolute fulfilment. Zinn and Eitzen discuss the image of the "family as haven [...] a place of intimacy, love and trust where individuals may escape the competition of dehumanizing forces in modern society". During industrialization, "[t]he family as a repository of warmth and tenderness (embodied by the mother) stands in opposition to the competitive and aggressive world of commerce (embodied by the father). The family's task was to protect against the outside world."
                                                   -Wikipedia, listing for Family: sociological views

  What do you think about Family? What IS a family, what does it mean to you? Is it just your children and significant other? Does it include your siblings? Your "adopted" family? Your cousins? Aunt and Uncles? Grandparents? People who are very close to you?
   These days a family can be made up so many ways. There is the traditional family: a Mother, a Father, their children. The modern family: Mother, Father, Step-Mother, Step-Father, children, step-children. 2 mothers, 2 fathers. . . etc.  And then there is the extended family, the aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins and friends of the family and grandparents and so much more.. But honestly what do all of these people have in common?

         They are supposed to LOVE EACH OTHER. Protect each other, look out for one another and build each other up. Being around family is supposed to be an escape from the outside pressures, it is supposed to be like coming home, the feeling of unconditional love and support. Too often these days that is not the case. Instead of spending our time making our family members feel loved we spend our precious time together bickering about meaningless crap. Arguing over money and things that can not be undone, using up our energy to one up each other and blame each other and make each other feel unwanted. . . What is the point in this? Aren't we beaten up enough by life? Hasn't the world already done enough damage to our self esteems by the time we make it home at night or to a family gathering? Is the economy and harsh reality of bills and raising children and careers and trying to be perfect and being judged by the world for not being smart enough, or wealthy enough, or skinny enough, or pretty enough, or funny enough.. . not too much already, that we feel the need to further that by shaming and yelling and ignoring the people who are supposed to love us unconditionally and adding one more brick to their load?

   Not to be a smart ass but Webster's Dictionary (and honestly where else would you go for a definition) defines Unconditional as : "not conditional or limited" with some of its synonyms as :all-out, complete, definite, absolute.

   Does this sound like the way we are loving each other? When siblings don't talk, or tell the truth, when you need someone to turn to and instead of calling your mom you call your best friend? When you need someone to lean on and rather than admitting it to your family you hide things from them? When you fear what your parents will think? When you can't be in the same room as a member of your family that you grew up in the same household with? When you can't move past something dumb that happened YEARS ago and instead live your life as if someone never existed, whether that be someone from the same womb, the person who gave you life, or simply a relative by marriage? And for what? Pride? Out of habit?   Do any of these sound like unconditional love to you?

   Life is said to be over in the blink of an eye. Ask the oldest person you know what they would do differently if given the chance and I can almost promise you they would have been angry less and loved more. Why? Because that is what is meaningful in life. That is all you can leave behind when you are gone. Whether you believe in a higher power or not is irrelevant to the fact that it goes by way too fast, and when you are gone you can not relive the moments you let pass. You will never hear someone say "I wish I had been angrier at him" or "I wish I had yelled at him one last time" at a funeral. No parent who has lost a child is ever going to feel that their last argument with their child was justified when it's the last conversation they got to have. No child will ever feel that their years apart from their father or mother were ok when there is no way to ever say you are sorry, no way to say goodbye.

   It all starts and ends with Family. Without it we are nothing. Stop spending so much time holding a grudge and opening your mouth to allow negative words and tones out and instead open your arms to the sister going through an unwanted divorce, the brother who made a bad decision, the husband who lost his job, the mother who is overwhelmed, the grandmother who just lost her friend, the child who is feeling left out. A harsh word will never fix anything, but a hug and a smile can fix a lot. 
   Band together, create that safe haven that so often is missing, and refuse to allow the outside world in, and instead declare family time negative free, yelling free. It may amaze you to see the relief and communication and progress that can happen when someone feels relaxed rather than on edge. The world will not fall apart if for just a few hours a week everyone could feel free to be themselves, without judgement and fear.

   So here is to a prayer that my children will never feel judged by me. That they may never feel that they can't talk to me about anything at all, and that they never grow to big to cry on my shoulder and call me mommy.

Reha a.k.a Houdini

  (March 2012)As most of you know (and certainly anyone that follows my blogs or Facebook account) Ian and I acquired a puppy around the same time that we went to closing on our house. She is a natural (uncropped and undocked) Doberman. Typical markings, black top, brown belly and cheeks HUGE paws. Having a 6 yr old Rat Terrior and a 6 yr old Ash Tabby cat since they were 6 months and 8 months respectively I figured there would obviously be some adjustment to adding in a 9 week old puppy. I knew she was going to be a big girl, and throw in a couple toddlers and you have one crazy household.
   I can handle that right? I mean how much trouble can a puppy be.. She is just an adorable loveable puppy with puppy breathe and no housetraining. A few hours of name debating, meeting the pup and introducing her to the other animals and the kids and TA-DA we have a puppy. . . Welcome to our crazy house Reha.

  


 (Fast Forward to September 2012) Reha is now a 50 lb (and still growing) baby. Oh, how the kids and Ian (ok secretly I do too) adore her. She is great with the kids, I have trained her to stay with me, so for the most part she is wherever I am. She is well housetrained... unless it's raining, and save a bit of jumping out of excitement for visitors, is well mannered. We have nipped the chewing things that don't belong to her, and the begging for the most part. This is a hard one when you have children at her mouth level with an over abundance of food always at her disposal. If told no, however she is pretty good at containing herself. She loves to play and gets a bit rambunctious and we have to calm her down. She is, like I said, a big girl and full of energy. She knows that the childrens stuffed elephants are all off limits and if we tell her to get down off the furniture she listens- not happily, but she does it. She will stay if told and sits on command,along with the other basic commands and occassionally dances in the living room with me.
   She also suffers from seperation anxiety. If you have ever experienced a child who is a perfect angel until their parents walk out of the room then you have a pretty good idea of what I am about to tell you. Since we have not crated Cookie when leaving since she was about 9 months old we figured we would start without and use it if absolutely neccessary. For the first few months we would notice her using the bathroom in the house sometimes when we left, the random chewed McDonalds toy. (If you have listened to any of my rantings about needing to learn to get rid of things and my fear of being a hoarder you should know that the random mising toy would not be missed among my children and her punishment was more about the principle than the toy)
  One day I came home to find that my new couch cushions had been partially eaten. The covers for them were in the wash and she sought comfort in my being gone by eating the corner off one of them. FAN.. TAS.. TIC... Are you kidding me?!?!? I immediately closed the door and allowed myself some time to recover. Proceeded to the dryer to remove the cushions and calmly stuffed all the shreds into the cushion cover to make sure that there was not a missing chunk out of the corner.Bumpy but manageable for the back corner. Over the following week I discovered more and more of these suprises, including 2 chewed laptop chargers and cell phone chargers, a chewed power cord to a meat smoker that someone left at my house for several months and a missing chink of carpet in front of my bedroom door. Ian and I decided that it was time for a crate.
  You would think that we were torturing this poor dog. She howled and cried, she barked and clawed at it. she jumped around in it trying to break free. Apparently the entire length of any of my outings these annoying and loud attempts at freedom continued. Eventually she discovered that jumping at the right place for long enough would get the locks to slowly move over and she would be able to roam freely around my house.
  Welcome to my bad mannered dog. The first time that I returned to a dog running freely in my house that I KNEW had been caged there was dirty diapers torn open all around my house, dog urine and feces tracked through the entire upstairs, half eaten pads and tampons on my bed and in the hallway.. some used some brand new... a broken bowl, a devoured plate of cookies and my curtains had a hole in them. This was the day before JT's birthday party. So add to the fact that I have 50 people expected at my house the next day and my husband had been at work all week only one night getting home before 10 pm, and now I have to not only clean up this disgusting mess, but steam clean my carpets, go to the grocery store, decorate, shop for a present and finish making 15 more capes for the kids.

  Can we say MELT DOWN?

   Over the next few weeks there were occassions like the one above every day. We would try something new and it would work for a day, 2 if we were lucky and then she had escaped. We went to the beach and the 2 friends I had coming to look after them were having the same luck. We figured out a way to block the door from her opening it and she figured out how to unhinge the top piece even faster. We weighed down the top piece and she figured out how to shake it off and climb out. we zip tied the door on and the top piece on and she popped a side open enough to climb through. And then I got call while out at an expo from the neighbor.
   Reha was being entertained at the house 2 doors down because they found her roaming the neighborhood. She had escaped a cage that had 16 heavy duty zip ties and a bar across the front, she had devoured all the bad meat from the trashcan that Ian forgot to take out, pooped in my hallway, peed all down the stairs, not even saving me just 1 step. chewed another cushion, eaten half a bag of powdered sugar, generously spreading the other half of the previously unopened bag in her cage. She had chewed through the power cord of my rice cooker and eaten the box holding my great grandmothers silverware that I inhereted. It took me a while to figure out how she had actually gotten ahold of it, and then I realized that the bar on the cage door was still there, adn since the cage opens out and was pushed against a wall with a shelf blocking it from opening more than 6 inches, she had broken through the top and climbed over the wire shelving we use as a pantry, knocking the silverware down in the process and breaking 3 of her nails.
   She then continued to jump at the front door long enough to knock the deadbolt loose and has mastered opening up the door by pulling the handle down and then using her nose to nudge it open. Once open she then uses a paw to push the handle forward to open the glass door and uses that paw to swing the door out, holding it open for herself as she hops right out the door. Intelligent and a PAIN IN MY REAR!
   When I stopped to pick the pain in the rear -about to be dead- dog up from the neighbors I was met with the following greating. . "You know your dog is in heat right?" 


   Well Hell. . . No... No I did not, but thanks for brightening my day.

   Figuring the cage was not worth the trouble when she could outsmart it anyways I decided to be brave. I scrubbed my house. finally finding a place for everything I have downstairs and getting anything she could possible find tempting out of harms way and let her be.
   She actually did fairly well with it, but she did manage to greet me in the driveway 2 days in a row.
 
 
 
 
   We have since gotten a plastic cage from the neighbor across the street who has the largest German Shepard I have ever seen in my life. Reha has thus far been unable to figure out an escape method, though she has diligently tried. I have researched anxiety in dogs and have attempted to work with her many different way to no avail. I am briefly finding solitude in (at least temporarily) outsmarting her, and gratitude to the most awesome neighbor anyone could ask for.